Sexy Friday, Christmas Day! edition

My original idea for this post was to have a special treat for you today. Instead of using the pictures you had submitted in the previous week, I was planning on providing an extra special Christmas present by giving you a themed set of pictures.

However, Mr. Spur changed all of that for me over the weekend. You’ll see how later.

My family is a Christmas Eve family as opposed to a Christmas Day family. To those of you that may not get the difference, Christmas Eve families have the big dinner and unwrap the presents on Christmas Eve. Christmas Day families start the day on Christmas Day by opening presents and then have the big dinner later.

Each of them are equally fun and it really just depends on whether you are into delayed gratification. We are not.

This year, there will be no trip to the church for Midnight Mass. Honestly, I’m pretty grateful for that. For one, it bothers me that all the people that never go to church all of a sudden become very religious for Christmas and Easter. It’s like if your favourite dive bar became famous and all the hipsters started showing up and ruining the place. Yeah, the bar gets more money, but it feels… wrong.

Secondly, too many damn people go to church sick. I have no doubt the same thing would happen this year. That’s why I’m thankful we’re not going anywhere near that hot mess of cooties this year.

I wish the best to all of you and your families this holiday season. Please stay safe and healthy.

For those of you prudes that don’t like cheesecake or beefcake, click HERE to skip to the music videos.

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Without further ado, here are the Top Twenty Five Pics of The Week:

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YOU’RE-A-PRUDE

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And now, for the music!

As I mentioned before, I’ve decided that I must take up the mantle that tWBS ran with and help to make this world a better place. I will do this in the one way he couldn’t: By introducing you to good music!

Today’s selections are songs that I absolutely loved but that everyone made fun of. You can call them guilty pleasures if you want, but I usually am not one to give a shit what other people think. I like them and that’s all that matters!

Let the arguments rage in the comments!

Song Number One:

Canción Número Dos:

Chanson Numéro Trois:

Canzone numero quattro:

Canção número cinco

Seigarren zenbakia:

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That’s all for this week, folks! Be good to each other and try to stay the fuck away from stupid people. That’s not COVID-19 advice, that’s just general good sense. See you next week!

BUT WAIT, THAT’S NOT ALL!

I want to talk about balls. Balls you put in your mouth. Balls that are delicious. Of course, I am talking about these babies:

This is probably the first dessert I ever tried to make and, to this day, it is my favourite to make. There are a million recipes out there but this is one of those that you can just make on the fly according to your whims.

I therefore present to you the official DFO Balls Recipe:

Ingredients:

• Alcohol
• Nuts
• Vanilla wafer cookies
• Powdered sugar
• Corn Syrup

Tools:

• Food Processor or Blender
• Flat plate
• Your hands

Procedure:

As you have noticed, I did not specify the types or quantities of alcohol or nuts. I similarly did not specify the quantity of powdered sugar. The reason is that you can customize this to your own liking. HOWEVAH, there are some general guidelines:

• You WILL use a full box of vanilla wafer cookies. Preferably the OG Nilla Wafers.
• You should use at least a cup of powdered sugar for the mix and a bunch more powdered sugar for the coating part. Use more powdered sugar if you want Type II diabetes.
• You should use at least a cup of nuts and can even go up to 2 cups if you like your balls extra nutty.
• You can choose any kind of nut you like but don’t be an asshole and choose cashews or pistachios. Those have their time and place and it isn’t in these balls.
• You can choose any kind of alcohol and you can even do a blend of alcohols. I find that the dark alcohols work best with a combination of rum, whiskey, and orange liqueur being my personal favourite. This is also a good place for spiced rums or flavoured whiskeys like Crown Maple.
• Obviously, add alcohol to taste, but a good guideline is to start at a 1/4 cup and work your way up to 1/2 cup if you’re serving these to drunken pervosaurs in the DFO clubhouse.
• You WILL use corn syrup and, if you want to do it the old school way, you will use Karo corn syrup. You can substitute butter or honey, but you have to look at yourself in the mirror in the morning and feel your shame. You do you.
• You can start with 1/4 cup of Karo and adjust based on how sticky the balls get. You don’t want your balls too sticky but they can’t fall apart either. It takes a soft touch.

Steps:

• Empty the box of cookies in the food processor and disintegrate them into a fine powder. Put in a large metal bowl.
• Throw your nuts (the ones you bought at the store) into the food processor and chop them fine into very small pieces. Add them to the large metal bowl.
• Add powdered sugar to the metal bowl.
• Add alcohol into the mixture and use your hands to mix everything together.
• Dust your hands with powdered sugar. Trust me on this.
• On a flat plate, spread a bunch of powdered sugar so it covers the entire surface.
• Add the corn syrup and work everything together with your hands until the mixture sticks together and comes apart from the edge of the bowl without leaving any residue behind. Add more corn syrup if the mixture is not holding together. Add more powdered sugar if the mixture is too sticky.
• Grab a chunk of the mixture and roll it in your hands to form a ball. The size of the ball is up to you, your experience putting balls in your mouth, and your willingness to experiment. Then, fondle the ball until it gets warm and is nice and round. Take the ball over to the plate with powdered sugar and roll it around with your hands until it is coated with the sugar. Place in a separate plate or in a container.
• Repeat until you convert the entire bowl of mixture into sugar-coated balls.
• Put in the fridge to chill for a bit before serving. If you can wait, they taste better the next day.
• Put balls in mouth.
• Enjoy!