You know what people say, “There’s no cake like home”. And I heartily agree. Thank bejeezuz neither my wife or I are into baking. That would transform my “I can turn this thing around in 2 months with proper diet and exercise” body into a “Son! C’mere, I need help getting out of my chair again!” frame. And so it goes… I don’t touch the dessert offerings at any gatherings because that sweet tooth has a mind of its own.
TO THE GAME!
Fins/Raiders:
-It’s That Simple: Miami just has to win out to get into the postseason. They get the Bills after this one.
-Last week Salvon Ahmed became the first Fins back to run for 100+ yards in 32 games.
-Marcus Mariota came off the bench for The Goth Tosser and played well. But that’s sorta his whole career though, right? He’s a smattering of excellent play interspersed generously with silly passes and dumb decisions. He’ll always be that, “If he just got it together..” guy.
-Tighten Up! The Fins gave up a league-worst 30.9 point per game last year and are the league’s best this time around with an 18.4 mark. (Funny, I do recall them having a half-decent unit last year. They must have gotten their doors blown off a few times during “The Culling For Tua”)
-As mentioned quite recently, Miami’s D is a different kettle of fish-they’re leading the league in takeaways and stopping teams on third downs (33%). They also have not allowed a TD in three straight tilts. Cb Xavien Howard has more intercepts (9) than nine other teams.
-Going With The Theme: The Raiders need to win out to get into the playoffs but need help along the way. Not helping? Their D has given up 2 passing TD’s in 5 straight games.
Do me a favour and type your heart out.
My pulled pork is now done and ready for tomorrow. It’s not as tangy and not so sweet. That can be remedied, probably with a good Carolina Mustard bbq sauce and a slice of good pickle. But that is for tomorrow.
Which day is for shipping?
I only ship ground. I’m sure it will keep if I pack in with some ice cubes.
So you’re saying it would fit?
Also, congratulations to BBW 90 Day Beyoncé in my Inferior DFO Fantasy League For Dopes. With only five (5) players in the books, he has already punched in over 150 (goddamn) points on Championship Weekend. Condolences to JerBear, you got smooshed.
Yeah, I’m fucked. I figure I was fucked after Kamara. After Gaskins, Agholor, and Waller, I’m definitely fucked.
The fucking Monty Python foot came down on you! I’m so sorry. You had such a great season!
IIIIIIITTTTTTT’S…
So did the Bills, four times. And Atlanta until halftime. :-/
Hey man, what in hell happened with Moose? I wasn’t around that night. Sorry I’m never around when you’re posting. I’m east coast and have young kiddos that wake up early as hell. Always look back at the open threads and feel like I’d like to hash out the news of the day with you. You’re a smart, cynical bastard. We could use more of you, if you know what I mean.
I don’t think anyone knows where Moose went. I also think he wasn’t very fond of me, but I’m probably paranoid. I doubt those two things were connected.
Good season though. Appreciate you having me. I wish I would have figure out that there was commenting underneath the matchups earlier on. Woulda made for fun shit talking. Also figuring out who’s who from here.
You were a waiver wire MASTER this year. I was never a heavyweight commenter on Deadspin like most of these cats, so my league is pretty low on the totem pole around here. Thanks for joining, and HELL YEAH we’re doing it again next season!
Count me in. As long as I’m able to attend the draft, I’m ok with putting some skin in the game too if anyone’s up for such a thing. I was never a Deadspin guy. I came straight from KSK. I commented a little over there, but the threads were usually pretty silent by the time I would get on (I’ve always worked nights), so I wasn’t super active on the boards either.
Thank you. First year playing with you all in the inferior league. Beginner’s luck, I suppose. I had a blast, and not just the kind that has wrecked my anus repeatedly at Ed’s All-Night Truck Wash on the interstate, but a genuine amount of fun. Thanks for letting me be part of the cool kids crowd.
Just woke up from a vodka drunk to a top drawer holding a full handle of Stoli and two bottles of Bloody Mary mix. So stupid. Also, Jerry Garcia Band programmed into the youtube machine, but earbuds popped out of my ears. So I know I was in a good, but nostalgic, mood when I fell asleep. Got to see JGB many times during my year of military service in Monterey, CA. Warfield Theater. Red velvet stage curtain. You could see Jerry tap out time with his sneaker before the curtain would shoot the length of the stage like a shower curtain and there they’d be, playing “How Sweet It Is”. Also found out, subsequently, that those Warfield shows were the preferred venue for Bay Area gay Deadheads. Which, while disturbing (why on earth wouldn’t they feel at home at run-of-the-mill Dead shows?) made me feel good. Grateful Dead was the most inclusive band in American forever. Deaf folks in The Phil Zone holding their balloons. The AA affiliated Wharf Rats at the yellow balloon table. The volleyball games behind the soundboard between hastily constructed teams from the states suggested by the roadie on the microphone before the lights went down. Dead shows were the fucking best.
You still see the Wharf Rats around. I used to see them at Dark Star Orchestra shows. I’m not a fan of 12 step, but I appreciate them being there for each other.
Me too. Gotta be a tough environment in which to maintain your sobriety.
It would have to be a serious trigger I’d think.
I saw the Dead & Company at the Hollywood Bowl I guess two summers ago. It was a ton of fun.
I FOUND IT!
The piece of information I needed to enable me to take joy in this Raiders loss:
Jon Gruden (head coach)
2018 contributions: None
Notable previous contributions: $250 to Mitt Romney, Republican presidential candidate (May 30, 2012); $350 to Mitt Romney, Republican presidential candidate (Oct. 22, 2012); $2,500 to George Allen, Republican senatorial candidate (April 23, 2012)
If he gave that much money to George “Macaca” Allen, there is not the slightest amount of doubt as to who Jon voted for in 2020. Fucking loser.
This helps too, though it’s entirely unsurprising:
Raiders offensive lineman Richie Incognito made a series of at least 14 donations between $1,050 and $1,400 to President Trump-related PACs between May and June. In April, he gave $2,800 to Arizona Republican Sen. Martha McSally’s re-election campaign.
I’m surprised he didn’t fund that fucking Q lunatic who won a seat in Georgia. Oh, that’s also a real thing to a lot of my coworkers as well. Fuck I hate my job.
The only thing surprising about that is that Richie has money to spend on anything other than booze, PEDs, and various civil suit settlements.
Richie Incognito still having a career and not being broke and homeless like the Duke Brothers in that Coming to America cameo makes me fucking furious. Fuck the NFL.
I had the game on while reading through a backlog of newspapers, (good news, Biden won! Sort of), and holy shit was that ending insane.
The takeaway will be the QB issues in Miami, since Fitz is head-and-shoulders above Tua right now, but it should be the borderline criminal incompetence of the NFL officials.
Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. There’s still a lot of pretend recounting to do before we have to start killing fascists.
Got the soundtrack
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zSDPDYn6CZU
I’ve never been a gun nut by any stretch, but I grew up with guns and have always had a couple (literally a couple). This is the first time that I’ve actively bought guns. Most of yall don’t know but I’ve worked in law enforcement since I was a kid despite being a leftist. I don’t like talking about it so I don’t tend to mention it. I’ve always known I was out of place, but it took really looking around me this last year or so and realizing that a lot of my coworkers aren’t even trying to hide their involvement in nationalist shit. 3 percenter stickers, oathkeepers, patriot prayer, all that bullshit openly advertised on yeti mugs and molle bags, and this is considered a pretty progressive department. When the proud boys made there first appearance in my little town (with off-record cooperation from LEO’s), I bought my first two assault weapons.
I was actually rather shaken when I read about this fellow:
https://mobile.twitter.com/socialistdogmom/status/1342483479079100417
Hadn’t seen that particular one, but it’s par for the course. Like that shithead in Arkansas. https://www.npr.org/2020/11/09/933052625/police-chief-resigns-in-arkansas-after-death-to-all-marxist-democrats-posts
At least cops, Pinkertons, which is an agency that is still around as a subsidiary of Wackenhut, which is a subsidiary of G4S, the largest security company in the world (And it turns out they don’t teach Pinkerton employees corporate history, so the last few years have been illuminating to a handful of them who give a shit about being called child-murderers on Twitter), and National Guardsmen don’t just machine-gun entire encampments of poor people anymore.
PROGRESS!
Fuck the pinkertons. They were strike breaking mercenaries and killers. I’ve got an ancestor (Sid Hatfield) who was a sheriff that fought alongside the miners in the coal wars in Matewan/Blair Mountain. Pinkertons assasinated him, unarmed with his wife and friend, on the courthouse steps. Actually I think it was Baldwin-Felts, but same difference.
That shit is especially concerning for me because I’m fairly open about being a socialist, as is my girlfriend (who’s also Jewish, so a bonus target for those shitbags). It’s infuriating knowing how many people are convinced socialism is truly dangerous and evil, are ready to kill over it, but can’t be bothered to read a single fucking book on the subject. Well, a real book, not pundit regurgitation on paper intended for the NYT bestseller list.
“Off-record.” So we can eliminate PPB from the guessing game.
That was actually the town I live in, not the department I work for. I will say to their credit, they fired the cop immediately when it came out. I was surprised by how quickly they acted.
Anyone have any pointers for recovering from a violent anal fisting? Because that’s what’s happening to me in the DFO FFB championship right now. Holy christ am I getting smoked.
A soft cushy pillow?
There’s a Vacation movie marathon on AMC…
What was that stuff in Tom and Jerry cartoons that would make their mouths swallow itself? I might need some of that to heal.
Alum, used in pickling.
Plus it is an astringent, so if you have any bleeding, it will help there as well.
There it is. I’ll shake some of that around back there and see if it stops the carnage.
A subtle pinot grigio and maybe some goat cheese.
Listen to Morrissey.
Ricocklous.
You still have a 6% chance of beating me. Never give up.
Oh shit, that’s you? I was trying to sort out who it was but failed. This is a serious assbeating.
We can all use a serious asseating.
Liberty wins by by 3 by blocking a FG in overtime
Hippo will be happy his ML bet won once he wakes up from his pill coma.
BLOCKED KICK IN OT!
I need to be able to start feeling GOOD about the Raiders doing these kinds of things. Because it would be pretty special to have such a reliable well of joy.
Okay, I need to switch televisor provisors. Damn thing doesn’t let me rewind or anything, but randomly decided to show a couple minutes from the beginning of the game rather than the last few (apparently very exciting) minutes
Well, that did not disappoint.
SCORIGAMI!
This game was on cocaine.
gruden is about to devour his mask in anger
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3J04FRsesBQ
“Oblate spheroid” is a much better term than -barf- “hand egg”
Damn. That was badass. Fitznagick
This game is full plaid.
Either they’re reusing drunk driving commercials from last year, or they’re assuming that people who aren’t responsible enough to socially distance or wear a mask will somehow be responsible enough to breathe all over a cabbie
How fitting.
This isn’t the same without being able to see Gruden pissed off to hell and back.
You can tell how he feels by the color of his neck. He went screaming past puce straight into ultramaroon!
THAT’S RIKKI’S RAIDERS!
Holy shit!
of course…
LOLfins!
Hail Mary DPI incoming?
Mary won’t be a virgin after that!
Come on 99 yard fumble return for a touchdown.
Whatever league this is, I might be winning this game.
https://giphy.com/gifs/the-simpsons-stop-hes-already-dead-JCAZQKoMefkoX6TyTb
As Hippo would say, plantaincakes in this Bowl Game
thank god i didnt pick up tagovaliola, he had high projections this weekend because everyone assumes the raiders are still playing like 2005
WW84 was not great, but it wasn’t as bad as Superman, the Ben Affleck Batman, Green Lantern, or Justice League.
If you have HBOMax, you still have Constantine and the series Titans.
Watching anything other than episode 2 of True Detective on repeat should put you on a list
season 1 sopranos?
You can watch that lots of places, don’t need HBO
The Flight Attendant is great! I really enjoyed it.
which superman? because man of steel is by far the best of those films you mentioned.
WW84 has its moments, but having gone a full year without going to theaters, it was a huge letdown
And it’s not even Pi day…
Fucking Bleergh. What a terrible call.
Cure Bowl is looking good too.
Sudden change for Liberty!
26-25 would be Scorigami. I’m just sayin’.
Ahem.
I don’t know what haps are, but I suspect both of these teams are lacking in haps. One might say they are hapless
isnt that the Montreal hockey team?
Fitzmagic!
Whoa, it’s a game!
Carr probably has been saving up an interception for a while.
That’s his Raiders!
Alright DJ Taj and I just totally played this on guitar.
You can touch my long white flowing robe if you want.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j73OsXo19vI
That looked like a pretty obvious PI? 2 arms outstretched…
Oh, Dolphins.
Oh, Dolphins!
More like Loo-berty, amirite?