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Your Post-Christmas Day NFL Football Open Thread Dessert

scotchnaut

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, ,

You know what people say, “There’s no cake like home”. And I heartily agree. Thank bejeezuz neither my wife or I are into baking. That would transform my “I can turn this thing around in 2 months with proper diet and exercise” body into a “Son! C’mere, I need help getting out of my chair again!” frame. And so it goes… I don’t touch the dessert offerings at any gatherings because that sweet tooth has a mind of its own.

TO THE GAME!

Fins/Raiders:

-It’s That Simple: Miami just has to win out to get into the postseason. They get the Bills after this one.

-Last week Salvon Ahmed became the first Fins back to run for 100+ yards in 32 games.

-Marcus Mariota came off the bench for The Goth Tosser and played well. But that’s sorta his whole career though, right? He’s a smattering of excellent play interspersed generously with silly passes and dumb decisions. He’ll always be that, “If he just got it together..” guy.

-Tighten Up! The Fins gave up a league-worst 30.9 point per game last year and are the league’s best this time around with an 18.4 mark. (Funny, I do recall them having a half-decent unit last year. They must have gotten their doors blown off a few times during “The Culling For Tua”)

-As mentioned quite recently, Miami’s D is a different kettle of fish-they’re leading the league in takeaways and stopping teams on third downs (33%). They also have not allowed a TD in three straight tilts. Cb Xavien Howard has more intercepts (9) than nine other teams.

-Going With The Theme: The Raiders need to win out to get into the playoffs but need help along the way. Not helping? Their D has given up 2 passing TD’s in 5 straight games.

Do me a favour and type your heart out.

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Doktor Zymm

So…is this actually the Dolphs being smart about developing a young QB, or is it just randomness that happened to swing that way?

1
Don T

Fitz is on! Chance of Arm Punt: 60%

0
Brocky

comment image

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clint greasewood

Coming out the bullpen for relief duty here comes Fitzpatrick

0
Brocky

so obviously I’m not an expert on anything but if anyone needs to hear it….

DO NOT BUY HBOMax for the sole purpose of watching wonder woman 1984, its not worth it

0
Don T

It’s terrible. Saving grace: Gal Gadot is in almost every scene.

1
Brocky

I’m having a hard time describing its flaws, but, its like unforgivably bad.

like hardcore dc fans are the only ones that are gonna really enjoy it.

and no that’s not a porn joke

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clint greasewood

The floaty physics, the horrible pacing of the movie, Pedro Pascal did good but the character is trash for a villain, set in 1984 but no 80s music, kinda abandoned the whole 80s thing after the first 40 minutes of the film.

3
Horatio Cornblower

As a friend of mine said today, if Gal Gadot were reading the ingredients off of a soup can I’d buy a ticket.

1
Petronel

Huh. Guess the traditional Miami QB holiday gift is no longer in vogue.

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1
JimU

He still endorses them!
comment image?v=1584646857

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Mother Puncher

He looks like the evil robot Tim Allen from the second Santa Clause movie

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Mother Puncher

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Last edited 5 years ago by Mother Puncher
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clint greasewood

Endorsement

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1
Doktor Zymm

OJ has fit issues with Isotoners

1
Gumbygirl

My Aunt is a nun, and was the principal of the girl’s high school that Marino’s wife went to. Our school district went on strike, so our parents sent my cousin and me to another Aunt’s house so we could go to school at Sacred Heart. We spent the week we were there getting wasted with the neighbors kids, and ditching Marino’s wife Claire, the nice girl the nun Aunt had us hanging out with. We thought she was a huge narc, so we spent the school days hanging with the bad girls in the smoking area.

Last edited 5 years ago by Gumbygirl
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Doktor Zymm

That sounds super fun!

2
Brocky

repressed catholic school alcoholism is best alcoholism!

2
Doktor Zymm

Fitzmagic is a lumberjack and he’s okay

0
Recovery Whiskey

Chucky looking displeased

0
Doktor Zymm

13 all
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W2apXO0RXYo

0
The Maestro

Kurt Warner’s career pivot to “Buy Here, Pay Here” used car dealership owner appears to be a complete success.

1
The Maestro

All set to purchase a 2009 Nissan Altima with 285k miles on it for just $4000 down and 17% APR for only 84 months!!

This is because I have a credit score of 7.

Also, they can’t seem to find the exact title for it, but a photocopy of something similar but smudgy is probably fine.

4
SonOfSpam

“credit score of 7” made me chuckle

4
Don T

I don’t know my credit score, but recently Equifax took me off its No-Fly List.

1
herodotus450

Still on Vogue’s Not Fly List though

2
Don T

Warner’s shirt and tie combo is great. The red jacket—Dios mío. Only breakdancers can pull off that look.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Agreed. Put a black suit jacket over that and he looks classy AF.

1
Recovery Whiskey

Picking a movie for later. Is The Irishman good?

0
ballsofsteelandfury

I’m gonna watch Dude Where’s My Car. Yes, I have it on DVD.

1
The Maestro

I liked it, but the movie’s more a statement of Scorsese’ successful career as a director rather than being specifically successful in this one instance.

0
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

I’m Prob watching an Xmas movie with the kids.

0
Dunstan

I found it to be well made but not terribly interesting. A lot of reploughing old ground.

2
SonOfSpam

Like watching late-career Nina Hartley.

5
Recovery Whiskey

So in Scorsese terms, less sex education and more family violence, possible cutting off fingers.

Sounds great I’m in

0
Don T

I found it tedious. Except the Pacino parts, which were pretty funny.

1
The Maestro

Pacino fucking rules.

1
Horatio Cornblower

The scene where an obviously 75+ DeNiro beats the hell out of a guy is simply hilarious.

The rest of it is just a good mob movie, no more, no less, and probably too long.

Pesci did a nice job with his role.

0
Mother Puncher

Squirt Warner

0
ballsofsteelandfury

What did you call me?

– Brenda

2
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Squirttings gross
– Ben Carson

1
yeah right

Oh shit, we’re going acoustic guitar.

Love you all. See you soon.

Last edited 5 years ago by yeah right
1
SonOfSpam

oooh lookit Jack Fuckin Johnson over here

2
Recovery Whiskey

Kurt Cobain Man Who Sold The World acoustic guitar, or Pete Seeger playing Ledbelly for white audiences acoustic guitar

1
herodotus450

Didn’t Kurt also play some Ledbelly later in that set?

0
Dunstan

That is quite the jacket that Kurt Warner is wearing.

0
Recovery Whiskey

Kurt Warner has his Vegas Lounge jacket game on point

2
Gumbygirl

His scary wife dresses him funny.

1
Don T

I liked the tie. It’s geisha print.

1
The Maestro

Also, since I’ve been busy with holidaying stuff, not sure if we’ve done a roundup of this yet…

What was the best present you received this year, and why?

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Fun times with my lady friend.

1
Doktor Zymm

Homemade tamales, because yum

3
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Not having to go anywhere or see anyone was great

Got some fancy new winter boots as I destroyed the last pair

1
Gumbygirl

Gumby got me this chunk of Brazil wood that you put water on, and eventually it sprouts leaves. It has a tiny little carved Groot that sits on top. It’s the cutest fucking thing ever, kind of like a Chia pet, but better.

3
SonOfSpam

Mom got me a book: “1000 Places to See Before You Die” which means she wants me to travel or to die.

2
litre_cola

Japanese Nakiri knife. I gave it to myself as I deserved a nice thing.

3
Gumbygirl

I’m trying to figure out the easiest thing to make for dinner that I won’t be ashamed of. Any ideas?

0
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Pbj

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Doktor Zymm

Scrambled eggs

4
The Maestro

Kraft Mac and Cheese. If you’re ashamed of it, it says more about you than about the humble, hard-working noodles.

3
Gumbygirl

I would totally do that, but I don’t have any. I’m kind of leaning toward naan bread pizzas with Italian chicken sausage, mushrooms, and black olives.

2
The Maestro

Ooooh. This is good as shit. I did Greek pita pizzas earlier this week. Little pizzas are always a winner.

3
Gumbygirl

I just have to cook the sausages, the rest is pretty much assembly.

0
ballsofsteelandfury

Ramen noodles

1
The Maestro

Zoom calls are finally done, and I can finally give getting intoxicated the attention it deserves.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Wait, today is Saturday, right? Those Zoom calls weren’t for work, were they?

0
The Maestro

No, no… family Zoom calls. Hosting my parents and Lady Maestro’s all at once.

0
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Hes famous adjacent now, has to deal with the fans and media

2
ballsofsteelandfury

You’re right!

1
Recovery Whiskey

Tricky!

0
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Fake punt worked. Wow

1
Doktor Zymm

Watching on a delay isn’t awful, I get a heads up when something nifty is about to happen

1
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

I’ll try not to spoil things

0
Recovery Whiskey

Just realized the Cure Bowl isn’t related to Carr’s favorite rock band.

1
litre_cola

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FY-zoTZjSVM

1
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

I assume its an antivax gathering to super spread COVID

0
SonOfSpam

Pretty soon it will be 10:15 Saturday Night.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

The only question is who posts it first.

0
Doktor Zymm

If the Raiders make the playoffs, do you think Carr might mix it up and use silver eyeliner?

1
hippofant

I was going to make mushroom pasta tonight for dinner, but my mushrooms went bad, and I’m inordinately upset now.

0
herodotus450

comment image

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Don T

I thought “moldy” was peak mushroom

1
herodotus450

I’m no Alfred Einstein, but if you think either of these teams deserved a shot in the CFB Playoffs then I can only assume your lobotomy was successful.

2
ballsofsteelandfury

I’m assuming you’re speaking about the Dolphins and Raiders.

2
herodotus450

With Miami and Vegas it’s probably more of a syphilis-induced brain void.

1
litre_cola

Beat me to it.

0
Petronel

Holy shit. Jon Huber, who was Brodie Lee in AEW and Luke Harper in WWE, died.

https://twitter.com/AEW/status/1343006487988342786

He hadn’t been on the show for a while; according to his wife, he was dealing with a non-COVID-related lung issue at the Mayo Clinic.

0
ballsofsteelandfury

Didn’t he just win the championship?

0
Petronel

He won the TNT belt off of Cody a while back, but lost it back to him shortly before his absence began.

1
Doktor Zymm

Is this more commercials than usual, or am I just too sober?

0
litre_cola

Too sober.

1
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

If only there was a way to fix that

2
ballsofsteelandfury

I feel we should be posting Cure songs appropriate to the bowl game.

Example: There are 17 seconds left in the first half:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NRI5fDAtw5s

Last edited 5 years ago by ballsofsteelandfury
0
herodotus450

Hey this is crazy, but here’s a touchdown pass, McCall me maybe.
/preparing to interview to be Berman’s replacement

1
Doktor Zymm

It just occurred to me that the opposite of a tight end is a loose end, or possibly a loose middle

1
ballsofsteelandfury

This just occurred to you?

– Sasha Grey

2
Recovery Whiskey

Not Wide Receiver? — Camille Kostek

1
Doktor Zymm

Whatever sense of I time I had is totally gone this year. I have no idea what day it is, but I’m pretty sure I don’t have work tomorrow so it’s all good

1
SonOfSpam

Cure Bowl winning offensive line gets a six-way with Mrs Falwell.

3
King Hippo

aka “Wednesday Night Prayers”

0
litre_cola

Tickets for the event will be available in the student centre.

2
SonOfSpam

Good luck getting any kind of view with Jerry jerkin it front-and-center.

2
King Hippo

Like the “Splash Zone” at a Gallagher show

2
herodotus450

I never say the name “Hugh Freeze” out loud because I’m pretty sure it’s a Bart Simpson-esque name pun but I haven’t figured out how yet.

1
Recovery Whiskey

A Hugh Freeze probably involved the Playboy mansion.

0
Recovery Whiskey

Its an all UW Huskies backfield. The 6 other people in Seattle watching this will no doubt be proud

2
clint greasewood

I thought they were talking about UCONN at first then I realized this wasn’t women’s basketball.

1
Recovery Whiskey

Easy mistake to make

0
Horatio Cornblower

You two have made a powerful enemy just now.

0
King Hippo

wait, shouldn’t you be out tossing fish?

0
Recovery Whiskey

Seattle’s closed. Crab boat captain out front should have told you.

2
King Hippo

But Coach Carroll told me that wuz a ZIONIST LIE

0
Horatio Cornblower

Looks like one of Falwell’s Christ followers is gonna get tossed for throwing a Chanticleer’s head into the ground.

Remarkably, the announcers cannot seem to figure out why they’re reviewing the play. This guy is an absolute idiot.

1
herodotus450

As far as I can tell, Targeting calls have been determined entirely by coin flip for the last 5 years.

0
King Hippo

Josh Jacobs with a hole

Fuck sake, I would HOPE SO!

2
King Hippo

SUDDEN FALWELL CHANGE

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Have the Raiders gone down by two touchdowns yet?

0
herodotus450

Reviews in non-Playoff bowl games should be banned.

0
litre_cola

Or the Pac 12.

1
King Hippo

similar impact on the title race, every year

0
Mother Puncher

Just a reminder that the new stimulus bill makes illegal streaming a felony so if anybody finds any illegal streams of this game post them here so we can avoid them

2
litre_cola

You would definitely want to avoid sportsbay
.org because that would be a felony.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Holy shit! Melissa Stark is alive! And still smoking hot! Where the hell has she been?

2
King Hippo

cryogenic chamber?

1
herodotus450

smh she never replied to my drawings of “Melissa Joan Stark,” a mash-up of her and another Melissa.

1
Mr. Ayo

I definitely received replies to my drawings of “Melissa Moan Stark”.

They were not kind.

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My understanding is that she hid underneath a couple of corpses at the Red Wedding, and then hid out in the Vale of Arryn for most of the rest of the story.

2
Dunstan

She looks different, though, like maybe some work done?

0
ballsofsteelandfury

Maybe, but she still looks amazing.

1
King Hippo

You know Carr has to be distracted, not being able to watch the Emo Bowl

1
herodotus450

In an alternate timeline where Liberty is a dominant college football program, Dabo Swinney makes headlines for saying “Give me Liberty or give me death” to lobby for his team to face Liberty in a bowl game. The universe accedes by giving Dabo a haert attack*; all timelines celebrate this outcome.
*: Some of my best friends are heart attacks so I can make this joke.

5
herodotus450

On an unrelated note: if Coastal Caroligna loses this game I will be approaching dangerous levels of smug rightousness towards everyone who thought they should get a shot at the playoffs.

0
Mr. Ayo

Everyone knew Liberty should have gotten a bid.

1
King Hippo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S9AWIhOwlmo

1
King Hippo

I have moneyline bet on Fightin’ Falwells, because 2020

0
Sharkbait

Found a CD of Sim City 2000 while I was packing up the other day. Am I about to city build in a 25 year old game? Hell yes

7
ballsofsteelandfury

CALL IT DFO-VILLE!

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

> Their D has given up 2 passing TD’s in 5 straight games.

Only two?

0
King Hippo

Good thing y’all close with Most Resistable Force in EVAR

0
blaxabbath

Made it back from Tucson and have successfully left the dogs and kid with the grandparents. Need to fly back to get him Saturday so I can drive the entire gang home on Sunday but I’m blocking that obligation out for the next week.

2
ballsofsteelandfury

Now I want cake.

4
Horatio Cornblower

That cake is the sexiest thing I have ever seen on the internet

6
Sharkbait

Cakehub.com

4
Horatio Cornblower

Subscribe to my OnlyCakes account…

5
ballsofsteelandfury

Considering “cakes” is slang for asses, I’m pretty sure that URL has been taken…

0
ballsofsteelandfury

I just looked it up on Incognito Mode. Apparently, it’s available!

1
Horatio Cornblower

I’m legitimately shocked.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

And I’m legitimately debating whether I should buy it.

4
Sharkbait

Do it!

3
ballsofsteelandfury

YES!

2
Horatio Cornblower

Look, DFO has to expand sometime…

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That will remain true until the “tribute to the women of softcore” Sexy Friday post finally goes live.

2
BrettFavresColonoscopy

So you’re saying I shouldn’t make cheesecake tonight?

0
blaxabbath

When I lose this FF championship— and I am going to lose — it will not be because i do not have the points on my roster; it will be because I do not know how to intelligently set a line up.

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