Your fantasy championship (well, most of it) comes down to this. As you sweat it out (except for The Revanchist) be sure to have booze and snackies at the ready. You did some admirable work at the dinner table yesterday but now’s not the time to give up. Bear down! Quitting is for later, when it would be more convenient to do so.
TO THE GAMES!
Falcons/Chiefs:
Oh Atlanta secondary, we hardly knew ya. Since week 8, all the Chiefs wins have been by just one score. Maybe that streak gets done hard by today. The only interesting matchup for the Falcons would seem to be Ridley vs the secondary. He’s leading the league in most air yards and endzone looks the past month and K.C. has given up the 2nd-fewest points to wr’s all season.
Browns/Jets:
I’m guessing the pressure is off now for the Jets and they can roll over per usual and allow opposing teams to rub their fuselages. Mayfield is the 2nd-highest rated passer since week 7. Thanks, Kevin Stefanski!
Colts/Steelers:
Over the last three weeks Ben’s third down numbers are thus-16-35/154 with 0 TD’s and 2 INT’s. That’s a passer rating of 34.7. If the Steelers lose today their matchup with the Browns in week 17 will decide the AFC North-a thought that was unpossible a month ago.
Bears/Jags:
In true Truth Biscuit fashion, he’s going to muddle the hell out of the Bears qb situation this offseason. How’s he going to do it? By continuing to put up good numbers vs shitty teams and that’s happening again today. Since he got his job handed back to him his ypa is 8.4 and his passer rating is 112.7. Those are the hefty numbers expected when one beats down the Vikings and Texans.
Giants/Ravens:
Is Lamar rounding into shape? Yes, he’s played some lousy D’s but ever since his bout with Covid he’s raised his completion percentage from 58 to 67 and his yards per passing attempt is a healthy 9.2.
Bengals/Texans:
It’s a battle for draft position! Except that the Ghost of Bad Decisions haunts this tilt. [Fred takes mask off ghost] “WHHAA? Mr. O’Brien!!!”*
*Miami owns the Texans pick
Jibber that jabber below.
Ben stared down that receiver like a Coed walking into a stall
Yeah! C’mon Jet Skis.
/snd Steelers
Nagy is such an overthinking dumbass. First and goal on the 1; lose 4 on a shit end around, then call timeout.
You suck at your job.
Even Bollo should have been able to handle the sneak. Plus, hasn’t Monty been good lately?
Trubs, Monty, hell the towel boy could have scored on a sneak up the middle. But no. Lets pull a play from my BE YOURSELF menu
Last coupla weeks, we’ve seen Truth Biscuit blossom into a Game Assistant Manager.
#ThePauls y’all
What is with the Steelers all of a sudden? How do you go from 11-0 to Wild Card Gimbal Lock?
Ennui?
I’d like to believe universe karma but I suspect its much more mundane like aging QB and injuries
THE BEN under siege
[girl pops out of birthday cake, is immediately molested]
Bengals Pregame Radio compared Joe Burrow’s post-injury state to Deshawn Watson. Should I be excited for that possibility or should I get an early start on my alcohol problem?
He’ll still be on the Bengals once he heals, right?
Yes, pending his Asylum Hearing of course.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. You don’t have one already?
It’s not a problem if one doesn’t want to quit.
Something something ruined relationships or negative impact to job or workplace.
Both just allow MOAR drinky/substance time!!
Hmm, I live alone and hate my job, so it sounds like I have a lot of scope to play with here!
[lousy, mean joke redacted]
Apologies
More an “alcohol hobby” at the moment.
DobbyDown.
/all the rook rb’s I drafted got they shit together after I was out of contention
Anyone want to bring all the ingredients for mojitos over to my place, and also make the mojitos and bring them to me so I don’t have to get out of my chair?
I would if we weren’t in a pandemic
The bars here are all doing to-go alcohol including mixed drinks. Doordash, grubhub and Uber Eats deliver.
It looks possible. I just do bar runs for pickup since a 6 block jog to get alcohol is great cardio during pandemic
I realize not everyone wants to have a fully-stocked bar, but how is takeout/deliver cocktails even remotely cost-effective? And for anything remotely complex, don’t you end up having to do half the work yourself in terms of shaking it over ice and straining, then adding the garnish from its little plastic container, etc.?
Depending on the cocktail ours get premixed. Sealed in either little jars they bought or else bubble tea plastic lid sealer. Which is worth it just for the comedy alone
Bears and Gigantes control playoff fates. The almost-assuredly 11-5 Ratbirds do not.
How in hell has the Bengals gotten 18 4th Down Conversions, yet are only 3-10-1?
They consistently couldn’t go 10 yds in 3 downs?
They do dumb shit like throwing a hail mary on 4th and 2
..and throw to the same guy that was covered like shrinkwrap on 3rd and 2.
Down by four touchdowns and they had to start going for it?
You know in your heart of hearts that they followed that up with a missed field goal.
…or a combination of one incomplete pass, two sacks and a punt.
I got cutoff by some guy and got honked and cussed at for him nearly crashing into me. Christmas season is officially over!
ALL the PIT playmakers are at WR. They can’t run for shit, and The Ben is The Ded.
“Ded Dickhead Walking”
Instead of brains – THE BEN eats ass.
“Okay, no one wants to see that.”
-Pornhub viewers
The gray penis should have been an early clew
is Queen’s Gambit any good?
Yes. A little cliche, but it’s really good.
Yes.
All I know about Queen’s Gambit is that their idea of a woman hitting rock bottom looks a lot like a fun night
https://twitter.com/thatconnieshin/status/1332773985340317701
Actually, though, one of the the things I liked about it is that (mild spoilers) it did not take the path I thought it would of doing a full-on addiction/recovery storyline. Beth certainly has her issues and needs to make some changes, but there’s no true “rock bottom” followed by finding Jesus in a 12-step program.
Yes
Since we are on Mad Men, I don’t think there was any more WTF a moment than when Pete went all apeshit shaming white society when MLK got his Memphis speed holes.
/it took like 3 weeks, but then made sense is historic context
Taylordown
If you need a false start, you need Cam Fleming on your o-line.
“I do need a false start!”
Giants O-line coach
German Ifedi has entered the chat
Well, I guess that the company that owns the local CBS affiliate reached some kind of financial agreement with DirecTV, because I’m getting the Colts-Steelers game,
Wish I was getting that. It’s only one game on CBS today and it’s the Lawnclippers.
Who was the last squadron to start 11-0 and not win their division? Because that might be happening.
Neato!
Sort of a Season-length Scorinami? But requires #ThePauls not to Paul it up like usual.
If there’s any season where they might be able to cheat their eternal fate for a game, this might be it
They’re playing the Jets without wide receivers, so maybe
They’d also have to beat PIT next week, at home with real stakes. One might expect some Paul-ing then
Couldn’t happen to a nicer QB.
The Raiders managed to go 6-0 in their division and not win it.
also quite impressive
1940 Battle of Britain. Göring was a front runner.
Jurgen Klopp is going to have to invade Poland to take out his frustrations.
“We surrender” — France
Started rewatching Mad Men this week to kill time. Pete and Peggy hooking up doesn’t make much sense.
classic hate fuck
That’s my go-to move!
“The War of the Roses” isn’t a very good film, but it does have one joke I still remember. Kathleen Turner’s character asks “have you ever made angry love?” and Danny DeVito’s character replies “is there any other way?”
Is hooking up with people supposed to make sense now? Seems like an impossible standard
I gave up on that show after two episodes. It gets so many raves that I probably should give it another try someday. But there’s so much quality tv available now — I only started watching the Mandalorian last night.
There’s some great acting in it, in an individual sense, but the show itself was repetitive as all hell. Every year the ad company gets in trouble and then Don bails it out. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Don balls out with every other woman each episode.
Instead of ending it the way they did, (no spoilers foe Viva), they should ave ended it with Don being Patient Zero for AIDS.
Not Watch: TWD, GoT, Mad Men, The Wire, The Sopranos, Breaking Bad, etc.
Must Watch: Any obscure Scando mystery series/movie I can get my pasty digits on.
It’s funny because The Walking Dead was really good for about four episodes and then fell apart, and Game of Thrones was really good until the last four episodes, and then fell apart.
I held in with TWD for a long time, but its relentless nihilism wore even my cynical ass down.
I kept an eye on it through the :dead kid comes out of the barn and goes down in a hail of bullets” episode, at which point I was laughing so hard it was endangering my health.
At least 25% of the praise comes from 60s circlejerk nostalgia, if’n you ask me.
Yeah, my feeling after two episodes was “I don’t really give a shit about this Don Draper guy.” And my impression from even people who rave about it is that it’s mostly about (1) nostalgia; and (2) “can Don Draper change? Uh, no. No he cannot.”
Which shouldn’t necessarily deter me given that I liked Downton Abbey, which is basically (1) “nostalgia” for Edwardian aristocracy; and (2) “can the Grantham family change? Well, yes, but as little as possible and grumbling all the way.”
It probably just comes down to me being a bit of an Anglophile who read too many Agatha Christie novels growing up, while American 50s/60s nostalgia kind of leaves me cold.
It makes sense if you think of how it moves the plot forward like 3 seasons later.
I’ve just started binge-watching this show, never saw it when it was actually on. I just finished watching the penultimate show of the first season, where Dick Whitman becomes Don Draper in Korea. The production values are phenomenal, and the set design is terrific. I can still remember when everybody fucking smoked cigarettes.
The casting for Punchable Face Pete was brilliant. What a shit.
Here’s my two cents: Don’t binge watch it. Take a few weeks off between seasons, otherwise you may find the later, rinse, repeat cycle I mentioned above starts to take too much away from the other stuff you mentioned, which is indeed very good.
Also when the show runner’s kid shows up in the role as the weird neighbor kid, just try to pretend his storylines never happened.
I’ll take that advice! I reckon to rotate with some other stuff that I have on the watchlist that I have been procrastinating on getting to (Better Call Saul, Fargo Season 3, revisiting the old Foyle’s War episodes, and I’ve never seen The Americans).
That neighbor kid is creepy as fuck.
BCS is so much better. Last season was some of the best TV I’ve seen.
They don’t have Season 5 of BCS at the library, might have to request they buy it or drop the 15 bucks on Prime.
The Americans is easily my #1 all-time show. It’s perfect.
So I have heard. I get the nostalgia vibe mentioned elsewhere here about Mad Mem, though I was a child during that era, but The Americans time frame was when I was in my youthful prime, so looking forward to some cool memory prods. I do remember seeing a car in one of the ads and thought, “Hey, I had one of those 76 Cutlasses my damn self!”
The Americans is great. They do a great job with the 80s styling, but I feel like that’s mostly background — it’s a good story that really has to be set in the 80s, as opposed to a “let’s do a show about the 80s!’ approach. (Which is kind of what Stranger Things does, but that’s why ST is “good fun” but not great for me.)
Team Nevermore is going to kick ass today. I also took the Fathumps with the over – 44
As a Giant fan I concur wholeheartedly.
Look at West Brom, thinking they’re people.
It’s cute, really.
Weight Loss Update
Zero loss this week. I didn’t gain anything which is very good. Knew it would be tough to maintain diet and exercise this full week. But next week looks ideal with NYE cancelled.
Best thing i ate the week. Homemade tamales or oven cooked bacon. oven cooked bacon is perfect.
“oven cooked bacon” — don’t mind if I do!
Getting out of bed in the morning is overrated, but my projector is in a totally different room than my bed. Lame.
I consider this the Last True RedZone Feast Day, because too many don’t try in Week 17.
“Ha ha ha, damned straight! Wait, we’re in week 25 now, right?” – Raiders defenders
Morning Folks
/found a funny
“My plan would involve hollowing out West Virginia and using the slag to fill in Lake Ontario, completing a diagonal chain of now saltwater lakes across Turtle Island and connecting the Arctic and Atlantic Seas. This would benefit no one and cause untold damage. I will take no questions.”
Only if the people are used as part of the slag, shit, they would probably find it a step up from living in West Virginia.
So we should really be stepping up mining in the Appalachians? Sure, why not?
It’s the same thing we’ve done for generations, and it hasn’t worked yet, so we’re clearly due for a breakthrough.
Now that’s a great show.
And Liverpool starts early
Fine by us at the bottom of the table!
Yeah, I don’t see West Brom picking up any points here.
knock me over with a feather!
Trying to picture the reaction in the US media if an announcer were to refer to someone as ‘The Egyptian’ the way the announcers refer to Mo Salah.
They also call young players “boy” even into early 20s. OF ALL RACES.
Greek Freak doesn’t bother the “woke” NBA crowd.
That’s because no one can pronounce Ante..Antek…An..his last name.
“It’s ‘antitank-mmmbop-o’.” – Announcer Beth Mowins
okay, gonna ask for crazy fantasy championship advice:
I’m got Watson and Josh Allen as QBs, and I’m crazily thinking of a third option, my fortunes likely ride on this decision:
1. Josh Allen:
Pros: highest scoring fantasy QB this season, all around stud. Also, my opponet is playing stefon diggs, so if he does well allen does
Cons: this feels like a trap game Monday night. Belichik is the petty sort who’s more than capable of knocking those buffalo upstarts down a peg.
2. Deshaun watson:
Pros: High scoring, consistently avoids interceptions
.
Cons: he’s missing his best target in will fuller, and Cincinnati inexplicably looked like a great defense last week.
3.Third option: …….. Mitch Trubisky
Pros: …. its the fucking Jaguars and he’s been firing on all cylinders
cons…… its mitch trubisky and this kinda feela like an underwhelming trap game for Chicago
am crazy or overthinking this? my first gut instinct was watson but now i don’t know
Watson (indoors, ‘home,’ and Bengals pass D) and it’s not particularly close. There could always be weather Monday night, too.
I think you’re overthinking it. Watson is your best choice, followed by Brokeback Allen. And I might even like Allen more than Hippo does, on the theory that the Pats aren’t very good this year and the Bills would have to absolutely love a chance to shove a blowout up Belichik’s ass. But Watson is probably your best bet, and Trubisky is simply not to be trusted.
I did forget that the P*ts just lost their shutdown corner to knee owie, that does bump up Brokeback.
Buffalo will want to beat them by 50.
That’s what I’m thinking, but I’m not sure I’d want to bet my FF tile against Darth Hoodie, especially with Watson going against Cincy.
Always the possibility of Mitch reverting back to Mitch and if you played him and lost you’d not want to live with yourself. I’d go with Watson as well-he’s been doing it all year long, doesn’t matter what he has or who he’s up against.
Making turkey soup today. i almost like the soup moar than the big dinner.
Not much beats a good soup, my ex-wife made PERFECT chicken noodle* (except I had to sift out the excess onion b/c migraine issues). Cure for what ails ya.
*only divorce regret
I actually grieve for all the turkey carcasses after Thankgsiving and Xmas that DON’T get used for soup. Such a waste.
There’s an article from the Boston Globe years ago that tends to go viral every year now about how Michael Dukakis would round up turkey carcasses from all his friends and neighbors that didn’t use them, stick them in a deep freezer, and have a year’s supply of turkey soup material. He really should have made that part of his presidential platform.
Excellent Scooby Doo shout-out to end this one.
Velma was always my favorite. Daphne always looked like a real bitch to me.
Just because you cant handle a redhead no need for name calling.
I was always a Daphne man. As a kid I assumed that Velma was kind of chunky under that baggy sweater, and to be fair all these “sexy Velma” drawings and animation are recent.
Same.
Jinkies!
Shit draw is shit. THIS is what West Ham are. Their fast start was an illusion.
I will take it.
/slowly backs out of the clubhouse…
“He’s gone down in hope.”
/yes, this applies to 99% of my cunnilingus effoUrts
I’m sure Hope appreciates the effort.
Point Differential Curiousness-
Team is 2 games under .500 and has a +7 point advantage
The Browns are 10-4 are at a -6 point disadvantage
The Raiders have allowed 447 points so far. That’s second only to the Lions.
Benrahma. In. NOW.
TOLD YA, GOOD FRONK!!
YEEEEE-HAAAAAA!!!!!!
Jeebus, maybe first time I ever seen a short corner routine WORK
Saved by the VAR?
I think it hit the hip.
tragically, hip
Fuck me. Haller standing still again.
Discussion item – who does everyone want to fall out of the AFC playoffs?
I am thinking #ThePauls for me, mostly because funny and I hate Baker Mayfield’s commercials. Believe the tourney would benefit from LOLfins and Indy (due to coaching acumen) and the Ratbirds (due to Lamar!).
I would want the Yinzers out, had they started their hilarious losing streak one week sooner.
Would love a playoff fixture pitting Tractorcito against Chubby Khunt. In the snow.
Agreed on the Steelers-I remember you saying that they didn’t pass your ‘smell’ test when they were still undefeated. Nice call. I’d like to see Cleveland in because something silly will inevitably happen to them. (Baker meltdown?) Want the Fins in because Flores is building a powerhouse and the AFC East has been the Pats and garbage for far too long.
I’d like to see #ThePauls get in and lose their wild card game and then return to irrelevance. What’s more Cleveland than getting your only playoff game in a season where you can’t attend football games?
Father was a Dolphins fan so fuck them.
I hated my Dad’s team too (‘Dacteds) but that was about the team, nae the Dad (mine was really quite good, am a lucky Hippo – my faults all rest solely with me alone)
The Patriots.
Why is Noble in the fucking 11? Put Benrahma and Lanzini in. What the shit? Fuck Neal Maupay.
Mark Noble is a cunt.
/dunno exactly why, but Evertonians absolutely despise him
Is this the Moyes curse? Lanzini and Benrhama are CLEARLY the two best creative forces on the team and they’re both riding the bench. After the Chelsea beat, I’d have thought Hammers would’ve come out pissed off and hungry today.
You give Moyes a chance to tighten his sphincter…and he will do it. Maybe he just thought he could buy some rest and beat this lot with depth players.
We’re gonna lose to fucking Brighton. Fuck everything.
This kind of match is historically where Moyesey (that Dour Ginger Cunt) could deliver a proper “blood and thunder” halftime talk, and get a response.
Chasing two is a tall order with your attack, but I bet this ends 1-1.
Bicycle kicks aside, Haller is a lazy shit. We need Antonio back.
yep, he brings the sexy and the creativity/workrate combo
You are going to lose to Brighton. Fuck everything indeed.
“Oh I can smile about it now but at the time it was terrible…”
I have been reminding myself that last night’s loss really was just a drop in the bucket of horrific Raiders losses, and not even all that meaningful in terms of the NFL – there have been much more heartbreaking (and improbable) losses for other teams during the playoffs. Not many that were genuinely stupider, though.
THIS GUYS RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY, I CALL HIM SHAHID KHAN BECAUSE HE’S FINE WITH LOSING AND HAS A FUNNY NAME!
Man, as much as I am pre-programmed to hate the Raiders…I would feel some sympathy if not for Chucky Gruden and Lispy McGee, both of whom can get right fucked.
I was passed out, but I read this am…and that was a bad beat to beat all bad beats.
I was doing a good job of tuning out the game (wasn’t watching; wasn’t following online) until my brother texted me about the missed extra point and I got sucked in. I actually had little doubt that they would find a way to blow it.
Reading about Gruden’s political donation to George Allen has definitely helped me feel better.
What’s your beef with Mayock, though?
He always just struck me as a guy…who really believes his bullthit. Plus, he’s a yuuuuuggggge ND homer.
You’re not a real Notre Dame homer unless you use your pickup truck to push over a scissor lift with a workman on it.
its a shame the kid didn’t live to apologize to Coach Kelly for the distraction ,, ppl forget that
Aw Crap! There’s a me/Hippo Derby tomorrow but I’s gotta work.
Tomorrow is gonna be a Very Sad Thing, we played full strength (wisely, as we needed every bit of ability/effort to get all 3 pts off Knifey) yesterday and were already knackered.
Either we play the U23s, or we play the walking ded. 5-nil seems a safe bet.
Oof! Doesn’t sound good. Do you follow the younger squad? Are they good?
From Footy Manager…I know the cupboard is pretty bare. A humpin’ is in store.
Let’s go Hammers! Feed these trashbirds Alka-Seltzers!
I would really like this
u r both disappoint
I went to Taqueria Juanitos on Grant by the slaughterhouse yesterday. Their cabeza game is on point. I suggest you head over there.
I’m up early and made coffee. Mrs is still in bed. No kid this week. Not sure how today is going to work.
You have ONE JERB, but does it well. Even though a Small Bears fan.
/just be careful or you’ll go blind smh
Miami really could be building a monster. Hit on that Buttchinski first, and they’s cooking with gas.
Just catching up on what I missed whilst passed out. Holy cats. Also sounds like BloodSugarFitzMagic’s bladder joins Lamar!’s colon in the canon of legendary comeback performances.
Ragret sitting Jeff Wilson Jr (SF) but Miles Gaskin went for a health 31.40 yesterday.
In my Terlet Bowl matchup, I started Ahmed over Gaskin. Considered using flex and starting both to spread the risk, but decided too much “upside” with Cooks against Cincy. Goddamn, am I ever stupid.
Not stupid.
High.
I only considered the Gaskin move while high. Makes me trust my gut better, perhaps.