Your “More Football? Say It Ain’t So!” Sunday NFL Action Open Thread

Your fantasy championship (well, most of it) comes down to this. As you sweat it out (except for The Revanchist) be sure to have booze and snackies at the ready. You did some admirable work at the dinner table yesterday but now’s not the time to give up. Bear down! Quitting is for later, when it would be more convenient to do so.

TO THE GAMES!

Falcons/Chiefs:

Oh Atlanta secondary, we hardly knew ya. Since week 8, all the Chiefs wins have been by just one score. Maybe that streak gets done hard by today. The only interesting matchup for the Falcons would seem to be Ridley vs the secondary. He’s leading the league in most air yards and endzone looks the past month and K.C. has given up the 2nd-fewest points to wr’s all season.

Browns/Jets:

I’m guessing the pressure is off now for the Jets and they can roll over per usual and allow opposing teams to rub their fuselages. Mayfield is the 2nd-highest rated passer since week 7. Thanks, Kevin Stefanski!

Colts/Steelers:

Over the last three weeks Ben’s third down numbers are thus-16-35/154 with 0 TD’s and 2 INT’s. That’s a passer rating of 34.7. If the Steelers lose today their matchup with the Browns in week 17 will decide the AFC North-a thought that was unpossible a month ago.

Bears/Jags:

In true Truth Biscuit fashion, he’s going to muddle the hell out of the Bears qb situation this offseason. How’s he going to do it? By continuing to put up good numbers vs shitty teams and that’s happening again today. Since he got his job handed back to him his ypa is 8.4 and his passer rating is 112.7. Those are the hefty numbers expected when one beats down the Vikings and Texans.

Giants/Ravens:

Is Lamar rounding into shape? Yes, he’s played some lousy D’s but ever since his bout with Covid he’s raised his completion percentage from 58 to 67 and his yards per passing attempt is a healthy 9.2.

Bengals/Texans:

It’s a battle for draft position! Except that the Ghost of Bad Decisions haunts this tilt. [Fred takes mask off ghost] “WHHAA? Mr. O’Brien!!!”*

*Miami owns the Texans pick

Jibber that jabber below.

 

 

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Don T

Ben stared down that receiver like a Coed walking into a stall

Don T

Yeah! C’mon Jet Skis.
/snd Steelers

Recovery Whiskey

Nagy is such an overthinking dumbass. First and goal on the 1; lose 4 on a shit end around, then call timeout.

You suck at your job.

King Hippo

Even Bollo should have been able to handle the sneak. Plus, hasn’t Monty been good lately?

Recovery Whiskey

Trubs, Monty, hell the towel boy could have scored on a sneak up the middle. But no. Lets pull a play from my BE YOURSELF menu

Don T

Last coupla weeks, we’ve seen Truth Biscuit blossom into a Game Assistant Manager.

King Hippo

#ThePauls y’all

Redshirt

What is with the Steelers all of a sudden? How do you go from 11-0 to Wild Card Gimbal Lock?

Doktor Zymm

Ennui?

Recovery Whiskey

I’d like to believe universe karma but I suspect its much more mundane like aging QB and injuries

Spur

THE BEN under siege

Spur

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Redshirt

Bengals Pregame Radio compared Joe Burrow’s post-injury state to Deshawn Watson. Should I be excited for that possibility or should I get an early start on my alcohol problem?

Doktor Zymm

He’ll still be on the Bengals once he heals, right?

Redshirt

Yes, pending his Asylum Hearing of course.

King Hippo

It’s not a problem if one doesn’t want to quit.

Recovery Whiskey

Something something ruined relationships or negative impact to job or workplace.

King Hippo

Both just allow MOAR drinky/substance time!!

Doktor Zymm

Hmm, I live alone and hate my job, so it sounds like I have a lot of scope to play with here!

Redshirt

More an “alcohol hobby” at the moment.

Doktor Zymm

Anyone want to bring all the ingredients for mojitos over to my place, and also make the mojitos and bring them to me so I don’t have to get out of my chair?

Mother Puncher

I would if we weren’t in a pandemic

Recovery Whiskey

The bars here are all doing to-go alcohol including mixed drinks. Doordash, grubhub and Uber Eats deliver.

It looks possible. I just do bar runs for pickup since a 6 block jog to get alcohol is great cardio during pandemic

Dunstan

I realize not everyone wants to have a fully-stocked bar, but how is takeout/deliver cocktails even remotely cost-effective? And for anything remotely complex, don’t you end up having to do half the work yourself in terms of shaking it over ice and straining, then adding the garnish from its little plastic container, etc.?

Recovery Whiskey

Depending on the cocktail ours get premixed. Sealed in either little jars they bought or else bubble tea plastic lid sealer. Which is worth it just for the comedy alone

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King Hippo

Bears and Gigantes control playoff fates. The almost-assuredly 11-5 Ratbirds do not.

Redshirt

How in hell has the Bengals gotten 18 4th Down Conversions, yet are only 3-10-1?

Doktor Zymm

They consistently couldn’t go 10 yds in 3 downs?

Mother Puncher

They do dumb shit like throwing a hail mary on 4th and 2

Redshirt

..and throw to the same guy that was covered like shrinkwrap on 3rd and 2.

BugEyedBoo

Down by four touchdowns and they had to start going for it?

Redshirt

…or a combination of one incomplete pass, two sacks and a punt.

Redshirt

I got cutoff by some guy and got honked and cussed at for him nearly crashing into me. Christmas season is officially over!

Last edited 3 years ago by Redshirt
King Hippo

ALL the PIT playmakers are at WR. They can’t run for shit, and The Ben is The Ded.

Spur

Instead of brains – THE BEN eats ass.

Doktor Zymm

The gray penis should have been an early clew

Spur

is Queen’s Gambit any good?

BugEyedBoo

Yes. A little cliche, but it’s really good.

Dunstan

Yes.

Doktor Zymm

All I know about Queen’s Gambit is that their idea of a woman hitting rock bottom looks a lot like a fun night
https://twitter.com/thatconnieshin/status/1332773985340317701

Dunstan

Actually, though, one of the the things I liked about it is that (mild spoilers) it did not take the path I thought it would of doing a full-on addiction/recovery storyline. Beth certainly has her issues and needs to make some changes, but there’s no true “rock bottom” followed by finding Jesus in a 12-step program.

Horatio Cornblower

Yes

King Hippo

Since we are on Mad Men, I don’t think there was any more WTF a moment than when Pete went all apeshit shaming white society when MLK got his Memphis speed holes.

/it took like 3 weeks, but then made sense is historic context

Last edited 3 years ago by King Hippo
Horatio Cornblower

“I do need a false start!”
Giants O-line coach

Recovery Whiskey

German Ifedi has entered the chat

Viva La Tabula Raza

Well, I guess that the company that owns the local CBS affiliate reached some kind of financial agreement with DirecTV, because I’m getting the Colts-Steelers game,

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Wish I was getting that. It’s only one game on CBS today and it’s the Lawnclippers.

King Hippo

Who was the last squadron to start 11-0 and not win their division? Because that might be happening.

Doktor Zymm

Neato!

King Hippo

Sort of a Season-length Scorinami? But requires #ThePauls not to Paul it up like usual.

Doktor Zymm

If there’s any season where they might be able to cheat their eternal fate for a game, this might be it

Mother Puncher

They’re playing the Jets without wide receivers, so maybe

King Hippo

They’d also have to beat PIT next week, at home with real stakes. One might expect some Paul-ing then

Horatio Cornblower

Couldn’t happen to a nicer QB.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The Raiders managed to go 6-0 in their division and not win it.

King Hippo

also quite impressive

Spur

1940 Battle of Britain. Göring was a front runner.

Horatio Cornblower

Jurgen Klopp is going to have to invade Poland to take out his frustrations.

Dunstan

“We surrender” — France

Spur

Started rewatching Mad Men this week to kill time. Pete and Peggy hooking up doesn’t make much sense.

King Hippo

classic hate fuck

Redshirt

That’s my go-to move!

Dunstan

“The War of the Roses” isn’t a very good film, but it does have one joke I still remember. Kathleen Turner’s character asks “have you ever made angry love?” and Danny DeVito’s character replies “is there any other way?”

Doktor Zymm

Is hooking up with people supposed to make sense now? Seems like an impossible standard

Dunstan

I gave up on that show after two episodes. It gets so many raves that I probably should give it another try someday. But there’s so much quality tv available now — I only started watching the Mandalorian last night.

Horatio Cornblower

There’s some great acting in it, in an individual sense, but the show itself was repetitive as all hell. Every year the ad company gets in trouble and then Don bails it out. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Spur

Don balls out with every other woman each episode.

Horatio Cornblower

Instead of ending it the way they did, (no spoilers foe Viva), they should ave ended it with Don being Patient Zero for AIDS.

Horatio Cornblower

It’s funny because The Walking Dead was really good for about four episodes and then fell apart, and Game of Thrones was really good until the last four episodes, and then fell apart.

Dunstan

I held in with TWD for a long time, but its relentless nihilism wore even my cynical ass down.

Horatio Cornblower

I kept an eye on it through the :dead kid comes out of the barn and goes down in a hail of bullets” episode, at which point I was laughing so hard it was endangering my health.

herodotus450

At least 25% of the praise comes from 60s circlejerk nostalgia, if’n you ask me.

Dunstan

Yeah, my feeling after two episodes was “I don’t really give a shit about this Don Draper guy.” And my impression from even people who rave about it is that it’s mostly about (1) nostalgia; and (2) “can Don Draper change? Uh, no. No he cannot.”

Which shouldn’t necessarily deter me given that I liked Downton Abbey, which is basically (1) “nostalgia” for Edwardian aristocracy; and (2) “can the Grantham family change? Well, yes, but as little as possible and grumbling all the way.”

It probably just comes down to me being a bit of an Anglophile who read too many Agatha Christie novels growing up, while American 50s/60s nostalgia kind of leaves me cold.

Horatio Cornblower

It makes sense if you think of how it moves the plot forward like 3 seasons later.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I’ve just started binge-watching this show, never saw it when it was actually on. I just finished watching the penultimate show of the first season, where Dick Whitman becomes Don Draper in Korea. The production values are phenomenal, and the set design is terrific. I can still remember when everybody fucking smoked cigarettes.
The casting for Punchable Face Pete was brilliant. What a shit.

Horatio Cornblower

Here’s my two cents: Don’t binge watch it. Take a few weeks off between seasons, otherwise you may find the later, rinse, repeat cycle I mentioned above starts to take too much away from the other stuff you mentioned, which is indeed very good.

Also when the show runner’s kid shows up in the role as the weird neighbor kid, just try to pretend his storylines never happened.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I’ll take that advice! I reckon to rotate with some other stuff that I have on the watchlist that I have been procrastinating on getting to (Better Call Saul, Fargo Season 3, revisiting the old Foyle’s War episodes, and I’ve never seen The Americans).
That neighbor kid is creepy as fuck.

Horatio Cornblower

BCS is so much better. Last season was some of the best TV I’ve seen.

Viva La Tabula Raza

They don’t have Season 5 of BCS at the library, might have to request they buy it or drop the 15 bucks on Prime.

King Hippo

The Americans is easily my #1 all-time show. It’s perfect.

Viva La Tabula Raza

So I have heard. I get the nostalgia vibe mentioned elsewhere here about Mad Mem, though I was a child during that era, but The Americans time frame was when I was in my youthful prime, so looking forward to some cool memory prods. I do remember seeing a car in one of the ads and thought, “Hey, I had one of those 76 Cutlasses my damn self!”

Dunstan

The Americans is great. They do a great job with the 80s styling, but I feel like that’s mostly background — it’s a good story that really has to be set in the 80s, as opposed to a “let’s do a show about the 80s!’ approach. (Which is kind of what Stranger Things does, but that’s why ST is “good fun” but not great for me.)

Spur

Team Nevermore is going to kick ass today. I also took the Fathumps with the over – 44

Horatio Cornblower

Look at West Brom, thinking they’re people.

It’s cute, really.

Spur

Weight Loss Update

Zero loss this week. I didn’t gain anything which is very good. Knew it would be tough to maintain diet and exercise this full week. But next week looks ideal with NYE cancelled.

Best thing i ate the week. Homemade tamales or oven cooked bacon. oven cooked bacon is perfect.

Dunstan

“oven cooked bacon” — don’t mind if I do!

Doktor Zymm

Getting out of bed in the morning is overrated, but my projector is in a totally different room than my bed. Lame.

King Hippo

I consider this the Last True RedZone Feast Day, because too many don’t try in Week 17.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Ha ha ha, damned straight! Wait, we’re in week 25 now, right?” – Raiders defenders

Spur

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Horatio Cornblower

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Last edited 3 years ago by Horatio Cornblower
Spur

Morning Folks

ArmedandHammered

Only if the people are used as part of the slag, shit, they would probably find it a step up from living in West Virginia.

Doktor Zymm

So we should really be stepping up mining in the Appalachians? Sure, why not?

Horatio Cornblower

It’s the same thing we’ve done for generations, and it hasn’t worked yet, so we’re clearly due for a breakthrough.

Viva La Tabula Raza

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Horatio Cornblower

Now that’s a great show.

clint greasewood

And Liverpool starts early

litre_cola

Fine by us at the bottom of the table!

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah, I don’t see West Brom picking up any points here.

King Hippo

knock me over with a feather!

Horatio Cornblower

Trying to picture the reaction in the US media if an announcer were to refer to someone as ‘The Egyptian’ the way the announcers refer to Mo Salah.

King Hippo

They also call young players “boy” even into early 20s. OF ALL RACES.

clint greasewood

Greek Freak doesn’t bother the “woke” NBA crowd.

Horatio Cornblower

That’s because no one can pronounce Ante..Antek…An..his last name.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“It’s ‘antitank-mmmbop-o’.” – Announcer Beth Mowins

Last edited 3 years ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Brocky

okay, gonna ask for crazy fantasy championship advice:

I’m got Watson and Josh Allen as QBs, and I’m crazily thinking of a third option, my fortunes likely ride on this decision:

1. Josh Allen:

Pros: highest scoring fantasy QB this season, all around stud. Also, my opponet is playing stefon diggs, so if he does well allen does

Cons: this feels like a trap game Monday night. Belichik is the petty sort who’s more than capable of knocking those buffalo upstarts down a peg.

2. Deshaun watson:

Pros: High scoring, consistently avoids interceptions
.
Cons: he’s missing his best target in will fuller, and Cincinnati inexplicably looked like a great defense last week.

3.Third option: …….. Mitch Trubisky

Pros: …. its the fucking Jaguars and he’s been firing on all cylinders

cons…… its mitch trubisky and this kinda feela like an underwhelming trap game for Chicago

am crazy or overthinking this? my first gut instinct was watson but now i don’t know

King Hippo

Watson (indoors, ‘home,’ and Bengals pass D) and it’s not particularly close. There could always be weather Monday night, too.

Horatio Cornblower

I think you’re overthinking it. Watson is your best choice, followed by Brokeback Allen. And I might even like Allen more than Hippo does, on the theory that the Pats aren’t very good this year and the Bills would have to absolutely love a chance to shove a blowout up Belichik’s ass. But Watson is probably your best bet, and Trubisky is simply not to be trusted.

King Hippo

I did forget that the P*ts just lost their shutdown corner to knee owie, that does bump up Brokeback.

litre_cola

Buffalo will want to beat them by 50.

Horatio Cornblower

That’s what I’m thinking, but I’m not sure I’d want to bet my FF tile against Darth Hoodie, especially with Watson going against Cincy.

Game Time Decision

Making turkey soup today. i almost like the soup moar than the big dinner.

King Hippo

Not much beats a good soup, my ex-wife made PERFECT chicken noodle* (except I had to sift out the excess onion b/c migraine issues). Cure for what ails ya.

*only divorce regret

Dunstan

I actually grieve for all the turkey carcasses after Thankgsiving and Xmas that DON’T get used for soup. Such a waste.

There’s an article from the Boston Globe years ago that tends to go viral every year now about how Michael Dukakis would round up turkey carcasses from all his friends and neighbors that didn’t use them, stick them in a deep freezer, and have a year’s supply of turkey soup material. He really should have made that part of his presidential platform.

Horatio Cornblower

Excellent Scooby Doo shout-out to end this one.
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ArmedandHammered

Velma was always my favorite. Daphne always looked like a real bitch to me.

Spur

Just because you cant handle a redhead no need for name calling.

Dunstan

I was always a Daphne man. As a kid I assumed that Velma was kind of chunky under that baggy sweater, and to be fair all these “sexy Velma” drawings and animation are recent.

Horatio Cornblower

Same.

Dunstan

Jinkies!

Fronkenshteen

Shit draw is shit. THIS is what West Ham are. Their fast start was an illusion.

litre_cola

I will take it.

/slowly backs out of the clubhouse…

King Hippo

“He’s gone down in hope.”

/yes, this applies to 99% of my cunnilingus effoUrts

Horatio Cornblower

I’m sure Hope appreciates the effort.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The Raiders have allowed 447 points so far. That’s second only to the Lions.

Fronkenshteen

Benrahma. In. NOW.

King Hippo

TOLD YA, GOOD FRONK!!

Fronkenshteen

YEEEEE-HAAAAAA!!!!!!

King Hippo

Jeebus, maybe first time I ever seen a short corner routine WORK

King Hippo

Saved by the VAR?

Fronkenshteen

I think it hit the hip.

King Hippo

tragically, hip

Fronkenshteen

Fuck me. Haller standing still again.

King Hippo

Discussion item – who does everyone want to fall out of the AFC playoffs?

I am thinking #ThePauls for me, mostly because funny and I hate Baker Mayfield’s commercials. Believe the tourney would benefit from LOLfins and Indy (due to coaching acumen) and the Ratbirds (due to Lamar!).

I would want the Yinzers out, had they started their hilarious losing streak one week sooner.

Fronkenshteen

Would love a playoff fixture pitting Tractorcito against Chubby Khunt. In the snow.

blaxabbath

I’d like to see #ThePauls get in and lose their wild card game and then return to irrelevance. What’s more Cleveland than getting your only playoff game in a season where you can’t attend football games?

litre_cola

Father was a Dolphins fan so fuck them.

King Hippo

I hated my Dad’s team too (‘Dacteds) but that was about the team, nae the Dad (mine was really quite good, am a lucky Hippo – my faults all rest solely with me alone)

Horatio Cornblower

The Patriots.
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Fronkenshteen

Why is Noble in the fucking 11? Put Benrahma and Lanzini in. What the shit? Fuck Neal Maupay.

King Hippo

Mark Noble is a cunt.

/dunno exactly why, but Evertonians absolutely despise him

Fronkenshteen

Is this the Moyes curse? Lanzini and Benrhama are CLEARLY the two best creative forces on the team and they’re both riding the bench. After the Chelsea beat, I’d have thought Hammers would’ve come out pissed off and hungry today.

King Hippo

You give Moyes a chance to tighten his sphincter…and he will do it. Maybe he just thought he could buy some rest and beat this lot with depth players.

Fronkenshteen

We’re gonna lose to fucking Brighton. Fuck everything.

King Hippo

This kind of match is historically where Moyesey (that Dour Ginger Cunt) could deliver a proper “blood and thunder” halftime talk, and get a response.

Chasing two is a tall order with your attack, but I bet this ends 1-1.

Fronkenshteen

Bicycle kicks aside, Haller is a lazy shit. We need Antonio back.

King Hippo

yep, he brings the sexy and the creativity/workrate combo

litre_cola

You are going to lose to Brighton. Fuck everything indeed.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Oh I can smile about it now but at the time it was terrible…”

I have been reminding myself that last night’s loss really was just a drop in the bucket of horrific Raiders losses, and not even all that meaningful in terms of the NFL – there have been much more heartbreaking (and improbable) losses for other teams during the playoffs. Not many that were genuinely stupider, though.

Last edited 3 years ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
blaxabbath

THIS GUYS RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY, I CALL HIM SHAHID KHAN BECAUSE HE’S FINE WITH LOSING AND HAS A FUNNY NAME!

King Hippo

Man, as much as I am pre-programmed to hate the Raiders…I would feel some sympathy if not for Chucky Gruden and Lispy McGee, both of whom can get right fucked.

I was passed out, but I read this am…and that was a bad beat to beat all bad beats.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I was doing a good job of tuning out the game (wasn’t watching; wasn’t following online) until my brother texted me about the missed extra point and I got sucked in. I actually had little doubt that they would find a way to blow it.

Reading about Gruden’s political donation to George Allen has definitely helped me feel better.

What’s your beef with Mayock, though?

King Hippo

He always just struck me as a guy…who really believes his bullthit. Plus, he’s a yuuuuuggggge ND homer.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You’re not a real Notre Dame homer unless you use your pickup truck to push over a scissor lift with a workman on it.

King Hippo

its a shame the kid didn’t live to apologize to Coach Kelly for the distraction ,, ppl forget that

King Hippo

Tomorrow is gonna be a Very Sad Thing, we played full strength (wisely, as we needed every bit of ability/effort to get all 3 pts off Knifey) yesterday and were already knackered.

Either we play the U23s, or we play the walking ded. 5-nil seems a safe bet.

King Hippo

From Footy Manager…I know the cupboard is pretty bare. A humpin’ is in store.

Fronkenshteen

Let’s go Hammers! Feed these trashbirds Alka-Seltzers!

litre_cola

I would really like this

King Hippo

u r both disappoint

blaxabbath

I went to Taqueria Juanitos on Grant by the slaughterhouse yesterday. Their cabeza game is on point. I suggest you head over there.

blaxabbath

I’m up early and made coffee. Mrs is still in bed. No kid this week. Not sure how today is going to work.

King Hippo

You have ONE JERB, but does it well. Even though a Small Bears fan.

/just be careful or you’ll go blind smh

King Hippo

Miami really could be building a monster. Hit on that Buttchinski first, and they’s cooking with gas.

Just catching up on what I missed whilst passed out. Holy cats. Also sounds like BloodSugarFitzMagic’s bladder joins Lamar!’s colon in the canon of legendary comeback performances.

blaxabbath

Ragret sitting Jeff Wilson Jr (SF) but Miles Gaskin went for a health 31.40 yesterday.

King Hippo

In my Terlet Bowl matchup, I started Ahmed over Gaskin. Considered using flex and starting both to spread the risk, but decided too much “upside” with Cooks against Cincy. Goddamn, am I ever stupid.

blaxabbath

Not stupid.

High.

King Hippo

I only considered the Gaskin move while high. Makes me trust my gut better, perhaps.

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