Your fantasy championship (well, most of it) comes down to this. As you sweat it out (except for The Revanchist) be sure to have booze and snackies at the ready. You did some admirable work at the dinner table yesterday but now’s not the time to give up. Bear down! Quitting is for later, when it would be more convenient to do so.
TO THE GAMES!
Falcons/Chiefs:
Oh Atlanta secondary, we hardly knew ya. Since week 8, all the Chiefs wins have been by just one score. Maybe that streak gets done hard by today. The only interesting matchup for the Falcons would seem to be Ridley vs the secondary. He’s leading the league in most air yards and endzone looks the past month and K.C. has given up the 2nd-fewest points to wr’s all season.
Browns/Jets:
I’m guessing the pressure is off now for the Jets and they can roll over per usual and allow opposing teams to rub their fuselages. Mayfield is the 2nd-highest rated passer since week 7. Thanks, Kevin Stefanski!
Colts/Steelers:
Over the last three weeks Ben’s third down numbers are thus-16-35/154 with 0 TD’s and 2 INT’s. That’s a passer rating of 34.7. If the Steelers lose today their matchup with the Browns in week 17 will decide the AFC North-a thought that was unpossible a month ago.
Bears/Jags:
In true Truth Biscuit fashion, he’s going to muddle the hell out of the Bears qb situation this offseason. How’s he going to do it? By continuing to put up good numbers vs shitty teams and that’s happening again today. Since he got his job handed back to him his ypa is 8.4 and his passer rating is 112.7. Those are the hefty numbers expected when one beats down the Vikings and Texans.
Giants/Ravens:
Is Lamar rounding into shape? Yes, he’s played some lousy D’s but ever since his bout with Covid he’s raised his completion percentage from 58 to 67 and his yards per passing attempt is a healthy 9.2.
Bengals/Texans:
It’s a battle for draft position! Except that the Ghost of Bad Decisions haunts this tilt. [Fred takes mask off ghost] “WHHAA? Mr. O’Brien!!!”*
*Miami owns the Texans pick
Jibber that jabber below.
Bengals almost lost in the dumbest way possible
Okay, lets see if the Bengals bungal this thing.
Damn. Greg Jennings is a good looking dude.
The land has been Cleaved
Brandon Allen finishing his big win by concussing himself
#ThePauls!
Even the Bengals announcers roasting the Falcons
Okay, this is the longest I’ve seen a player down for a hand/arm injury. Is Watson missing a finger?
AH! Maybe. He got it caught on a facemask during a throw.
The replay of that looked really unpleasant
Not the hit, the torque of the throw.
Plus the fingermash
“Younghoe Koo, take a look at your life, I’m a lot like you.”
-Cody Parkey
That was one easy interception.
Was kind of a fumbleception. Real performance art
– B. Walsh
Looks like Shan’khor has looked with favor upon the Chiefs’ sacrifice to her.
It’s Andy Reid’s third favorite kind of shank, after lamb and beef.
Just had a 10 minute argument with the wife over cookie naming conventions. Hows your pandemic football going
You live more dangerously than I, my friend.
“Saying ‘macadamia nut’ is redundant!”
“No, you’re redundant!”
panini sandwich
I’ll have to try the cookies in order to arbitrate the terminology dispute
Huh. Its still seems odd for Philip Rivers to deposit his balls into the protections of a defense.
Condoms be damned
Chiefs win! Chiefs win! Chiefs win!!
Shan’klor will not be denied. (No one denies this.)
If I was a Chiefs fan I’d be a bit worried about whether they can sustain these tightrope walk wins through the playoffs.
If I was a Chiefs fan I’d also be a much happier person.
Even Brady didn’t win the every year.
Boy a blocked XP returned for two really suck now.
Didn’t a team take a knee this season once because they didn’t need the point after a last second TD but a 2-point runback could have hurt them?
I think so. If you are up by one, its really the smart move.
Death, taxes, and Laserface floaterceptions.
I’m ready to be angry all night. Let’s do this Bengals
I was wondering if Rivers still had a couple of INTs left in him. Not surprised!!!
INTs, sperm… Rivers always keeps flowing
4th QRT Phil Rivers INT. Perfect legacy throw.
Time for a Matty Ice pick.
“Nice ball handling by Brandon Allen.”
Is radio not phrasing anymore?
Who’s playing like poo now?
Clots DBs. Have given the PIT O 4 1st downs in the 2nd half.
Hey, I knew you guys were going to come back. I just enjoying the schadenfreude while I could!
Never underestimate the potential for fucking up by the Texans.
“I told you not to misunderestimate me!” — George W. Bush
Woohoo JuJu!
Huh, the Falcons blew a lead? I’m shocked. That it took this long.
Down 3, 2 minutes left – it’s not a terrible position to be in, honestly. They won’t win, but it was a nice try.
The Chad Pennington playbook doing wonders for PIT.
It would be criminal for the Jets to have a player named Mims and his nickname not be Mimsy.
I don’t know what new move the Bengals Defense learned, but they obviously chose to forget TACKLE.
Tyreek with a block in the back-refs giving him more ideas about how to deal with loved ones. smgdh…
It’s messed up that I have to stop and think a minute to match the player to the abusive behavior due to the large selection
[Zymm flips thru the card catalog]
“Ah! Got it. He’s the shithead that choked his pregnant girlie when he/she was in college!”
Could also be in flow chart form:
“Were there guns involved?” Yes
“A couchful?” Greg Hardy.
“Just one?” Ryan Tannehill’s wife.
Needs flashcards.
You could actually break it down into a series of questions.
Check all that apply
1) Who was the violence directed against?
-wife/girlfriend
-child
-other family member
-random member of the public
2) What instruments were used?
-fists/feet
-firearms
-blunt objects
-blades
-other (specify)
3) Did the victim
-lose consciousness?
-require urgent medical attention?
-suffer long term health effects?
4) Enhancements to the awfulness.
-pregnant victim
-underage victim
-sexual assault
-theft or other non-violent misdemeanors/felonies against victim
It wouldn’t be a Jets-Browns game without DOINK making an appearance.
2012: Doink The Clown 3rd WWE Theme Song “Doinkin Around” – YouTube
Texans TE just took a third of the Bengals defense on a piggyback ride.
Ay Steelers. C mooooooon
The strip club where all the Cleveland WRs got Covid? Owned by Trevor Lawrence’s agent’s neighbor’s brother’s cousin, I heard.
Sounds Deep State-y to me.
I’ll ask my uncle in rural Oregon, if he’s not too busy guarding his double-wide from Antifa.
I heard the FBI used 5G to question that guy about whether he’d ever met the Nashville bomber!
That’s how they caught it. Is Internet Porn forbidden by the Collective Bargaining Agreement?
No need to source that. It’s obvious!
Speaking of strippers, is Haskins still starting for Team today? And if he is, can we physically laugh hard enough?
I think Liberty had a guy named Haskins on their team last night, maybe Wash can get him.
Shit Bears save some of that for next week
Brian Hill is way under-rated. He follows his blocks and pushes back against defenders. And he has good hands.
BTSC Steelers on Twitter: “https://t.co/pMkROfnIvD” / Twitter
I love it when the Steelers start to suck. Its like the fans forget all about the championships and storied history and can’t deal with the reality of not winning.
So in a few more years they can start sounding like New England fans’ perpetual victimhood
No, next week if they lose to Cleveland in the AFC North Bowl.
Should be happening in New England soon, if it already hasn’t.
I chuckle every time the Texans fall for the PA screen
Just your generic 50-yard Bengals penalty.
Got to love the Chefs’ good fortune, eh? 😀
What happened?
CHUBBDOWN!
I wish I could actually watch this Jets-Browns game. It looks interesting. What’s a good streaming site these days?
Last night someone posted sportsbay.org and it worked well. Just a reminder that illegal streaming is now a felony so be cool and you didn’t hear it from me
Thanks!
I thought the prez had to sign that bill for it to go into effect.
nflbite.com is a streaming site aggregator. jefans is a good one.
Am I the only one watching with over the air antenna like God and Pete Rozelle intended?
I would, but it took a while to find the right adaptor for coax – hdmi and by then I had folded and paid for sling, so I lost motivation for actually hooking it up
With the Jets showing up the past two weeks, Trevor Lawrence is now searching WebMD for the cure to cyanide poisoning.
According to ESPN, right now the Jets have an 89.4% chance of winning.
91.4% now. If I could get 10:1 odds on the Browns I’d take that in a heartbeat.
“The Jets were always going to win. Trust me on this.”
–Osama
Dionte!
The one good thing about Fox’s obsession with animated pictures of the players is you can see which ones are stars (helmetless hero pose), which ones are backups covering for a starter (quick generic player with helmet), and which ones are third stringers that no one thought would touch the field let alone actually score (no picture).
I have to give props to the Raiders for teaching the Jets to believe in themselves.
Next week, on a Very Special That’s My Raiders…
“I decree that the Jets shall embarrass Cleveland today. I have spoken.”
-The Browning of Nagle, a lesser god that desperately needs a bit of a bump
Feels nice that the Bengals finally found their quarterback and can finally move on from the Joe Burrow years
go Bears!
Allen Robinson is ROCKING!!!!
I’m still shook by someone pointing out last week that Burger King made a commercial out of the old “ding fries are done” meme