Your “More Football? Say It Ain’t So!” Sunday NFL Action Open Thread

Your fantasy championship (well, most of it) comes down to this. As you sweat it out (except for The Revanchist) be sure to have booze and snackies at the ready. You did some admirable work at the dinner table yesterday but now’s not the time to give up. Bear down! Quitting is for later, when it would be more convenient to do so.

TO THE GAMES!

Falcons/Chiefs:

Oh Atlanta secondary, we hardly knew ya. Since week 8, all the Chiefs wins have been by just one score. Maybe that streak gets done hard by today. The only interesting matchup for the Falcons would seem to be Ridley vs the secondary. He’s leading the league in most air yards and endzone looks the past month and K.C. has given up the 2nd-fewest points to wr’s all season.

Browns/Jets:

I’m guessing the pressure is off now for the Jets and they can roll over per usual and allow opposing teams to rub their fuselages. Mayfield is the 2nd-highest rated passer since week 7. Thanks, Kevin Stefanski!

Colts/Steelers:

Over the last three weeks Ben’s third down numbers are thus-16-35/154 with 0 TD’s and 2 INT’s. That’s a passer rating of 34.7. If the Steelers lose today their matchup with the Browns in week 17 will decide the AFC North-a thought that was unpossible a month ago.

Bears/Jags:

In true Truth Biscuit fashion, he’s going to muddle the hell out of the Bears qb situation this offseason. How’s he going to do it? By continuing to put up good numbers vs shitty teams and that’s happening again today. Since he got his job handed back to him his ypa is 8.4 and his passer rating is 112.7. Those are the hefty numbers expected when one beats down the Vikings and Texans.

Giants/Ravens:

Is Lamar rounding into shape? Yes, he’s played some lousy D’s but ever since his bout with Covid he’s raised his completion percentage from 58 to 67 and his yards per passing attempt is a healthy 9.2.

Bengals/Texans:

It’s a battle for draft position! Except that the Ghost of Bad Decisions haunts this tilt. [Fred takes mask off ghost] “WHHAA? Mr. O’Brien!!!”*

*Miami owns the Texans pick

Jibber that jabber below.

 

 

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Mother Puncher

Bengals almost lost in the dumbest way possible

Redshirt

Okay, lets see if the Bengals bungal this thing.

Mother Puncher

Damn. Greg Jennings is a good looking dude.

Doktor Zymm

The land has been Cleaved

Mother Puncher

Brandon Allen finishing his big win by concussing himself

Mr. Ayo

#ThePauls!

Mother Puncher

Even the Bengals announcers roasting the Falcons

Redshirt

Okay, this is the longest I’ve seen a player down for a hand/arm injury. Is Watson missing a finger?

Redshirt

AH! Maybe. He got it caught on a facemask during a throw.

Doktor Zymm

The replay of that looked really unpleasant

Redshirt

Not the hit, the torque of the throw.

Doktor Zymm

Plus the fingermash

Redshirt

That was one easy interception.

Mother Puncher

Was kind of a fumbleception. Real performance art

Mr. Ayo

Nailed It!

– B. Walsh

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Looks like Shan’khor has looked with favor upon the Chiefs’ sacrifice to her.

Dunstan

It’s Andy Reid’s third favorite kind of shank, after lamb and beef.

Recovery Whiskey

Just had a 10 minute argument with the wife over cookie naming conventions. Hows your pandemic football going

TheRevanchist

You live more dangerously than I, my friend.

herodotus450

“Saying ‘macadamia nut’ is redundant!”
“No, you’re redundant!”

Viva La Tabula Raza

panini sandwich

Doktor Zymm

I’ll have to try the cookies in order to arbitrate the terminology dispute

Redshirt

Huh. Its still seems odd for Philip Rivers to deposit his balls into the protections of a defense.

TheRevanchist

Condoms be damned

TheRevanchist

Chiefs win! Chiefs win! Chiefs win!!

Dunstan

Shan’klor will not be denied. (No one denies this.)

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If I was a Chiefs fan I’d be a bit worried about whether they can sustain these tightrope walk wins through the playoffs.

If I was a Chiefs fan I’d also be a much happier person.

TheRevanchist

Even Brady didn’t win the every year.

Redshirt

Boy a blocked XP returned for two really suck now.

Dunstan

Didn’t a team take a knee this season once because they didn’t need the point after a last second TD but a 2-point runback could have hurt them?

Redshirt

I think so. If you are up by one, its really the smart move.

The Maestro

Death, taxes, and Laserface floaterceptions.

Mother Puncher

I’m ready to be angry all night. Let’s do this Bengals

Viva La Tabula Raza

I was wondering if Rivers still had a couple of INTs left in him. Not surprised!!!

Dunstan

INTs, sperm… Rivers always keeps flowing

Don T

4th QRT Phil Rivers INT. Perfect legacy throw.

ArmedandHammered

Time for a Matty Ice pick.

Redshirt

“Nice ball handling by Brandon Allen.”

Is radio not phrasing anymore?

Viva La Tabula Raza

Who’s playing like poo now?

Don T

Clots DBs. Have given the PIT O 4 1st downs in the 2nd half.

Redshirt

Hey, I knew you guys were going to come back. I just enjoying the schadenfreude while I could!

Viva La Tabula Raza

Never underestimate the potential for fucking up by the Texans.

Dunstan

“I told you not to misunderestimate me!” — George W. Bush

Don T

Woohoo JuJu!

Dunstan

Huh, the Falcons blew a lead? I’m shocked. That it took this long.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Down 3, 2 minutes left – it’s not a terrible position to be in, honestly. They won’t win, but it was a nice try.

Don T

The Chad Pennington playbook doing wonders for PIT.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It would be criminal for the Jets to have a player named Mims and his nickname not be Mimsy.
comment image

Redshirt

I don’t know what new move the Bengals Defense learned, but they obviously chose to forget TACKLE.

Doktor Zymm

It’s messed up that I have to stop and think a minute to match the player to the abusive behavior due to the large selection

herodotus450

Could also be in flow chart form:
“Were there guns involved?” Yes
“A couchful?” Greg Hardy.
“Just one?” Ryan Tannehill’s wife.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Needs flashcards.comment image

Doktor Zymm

You could actually break it down into a series of questions.
Check all that apply
1) Who was the violence directed against?
-wife/girlfriend
-child
-other family member
-random member of the public
2) What instruments were used?
-fists/feet
-firearms
-blunt objects
-blades
-other (specify)
3) Did the victim
-lose consciousness?
-require urgent medical attention?
-suffer long term health effects?
4) Enhancements to the awfulness.
-pregnant victim
-underage victim
-sexual assault
-theft or other non-violent misdemeanors/felonies against victim

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It wouldn’t be a Jets-Browns game without DOINK making an appearance.

Redshirt

Texans TE just took a third of the Bengals defense on a piggyback ride.

Don T

Ay Steelers. C mooooooon

herodotus450

The strip club where all the Cleveland WRs got Covid? Owned by Trevor Lawrence’s agent’s neighbor’s brother’s cousin, I heard.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Sounds Deep State-y to me.

Recovery Whiskey

I’ll ask my uncle in rural Oregon, if he’s not too busy guarding his double-wide from Antifa.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I heard the FBI used 5G to question that guy about whether he’d ever met the Nashville bomber!

Redshirt

That’s how they caught it. Is Internet Porn forbidden by the Collective Bargaining Agreement?

Don T

No need to source that. It’s obvious!

Doktor Zymm

Speaking of strippers, is Haskins still starting for Team today? And if he is, can we physically laugh hard enough?

herodotus450

I think Liberty had a guy named Haskins on their team last night, maybe Wash can get him.

Recovery Whiskey

Shit Bears save some of that for next week

Redshirt

BTSC Steelers on Twitter: “https://t.co/pMkROfnIvD” / Twitter

I love it when the Steelers start to suck. Its like the fans forget all about the championships and storied history and can’t deal with the reality of not winning.

Last edited 3 years ago by Redshirt
Recovery Whiskey

So in a few more years they can start sounding like New England fans’ perpetual victimhood

Redshirt

No, next week if they lose to Cleveland in the AFC North Bowl.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Should be happening in New England soon, if it already hasn’t.

Mother Puncher

I chuckle every time the Texans fall for the PA screen

Redshirt

Just your generic 50-yard Bengals penalty.

King Hippo

Got to love the Chefs’ good fortune, eh? 😀

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

What happened?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

CHUBBDOWN!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I wish I could actually watch this Jets-Browns game. It looks interesting. What’s a good streaming site these days?

Mother Puncher

Last night someone posted sportsbay.org and it worked well. Just a reminder that illegal streaming is now a felony so be cool and you didn’t hear it from me

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Thanks!

Viva La Tabula Raza

I thought the prez had to sign that bill for it to go into effect.

BugEyedBoo

nflbite.com is a streaming site aggregator. jefans is a good one.

Recovery Whiskey

Am I the only one watching with over the air antenna like God and Pete Rozelle intended?

Doktor Zymm

I would, but it took a while to find the right adaptor for coax – hdmi and by then I had folded and paid for sling, so I lost motivation for actually hooking it up

Redshirt

With the Jets showing up the past two weeks, Trevor Lawrence is now searching WebMD for the cure to cyanide poisoning.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

According to ESPN, right now the Jets have an 89.4% chance of winning.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

91.4% now. If I could get 10:1 odds on the Browns I’d take that in a heartbeat.

TheRevanchist

Dionte!

Redshirt

The one good thing about Fox’s obsession with animated pictures of the players is you can see which ones are stars (helmetless hero pose), which ones are backups covering for a starter (quick generic player with helmet), and which ones are third stringers that no one thought would touch the field let alone actually score (no picture).

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I have to give props to the Raiders for teaching the Jets to believe in themselves.

King Hippo

Next week, on a Very Special That’s My Raiders…

Mother Puncher

Feels nice that the Bengals finally found their quarterback and can finally move on from the Joe Burrow years

Last edited 3 years ago by Mother Puncher
rockingdog

go Bears!

Allen Robinson is ROCKING!!!!

Mother Puncher

I’m still shook by someone pointing out last week that Burger King made a commercial out of the old “ding fries are done” meme