Fuck you, wake up already. That vomit ain’t safe to have during slumber.
We can has Derby! Fronk’s Hammers (sounds DIRTY!) travel to Fortress Goodison to face Hippo’s Toffees (12:30, NBCSN). A win would bring Everton to within ONE lousy point of assdicks Liverpool and we must not let Dour (Formerly) Ginger Cunt Moyes spoil that. I hear tell that Antonio is back, which should add some intrigue for both Fronk and Mrs. Fronk.
Villa (nobody likes those Midlands cunts) are away to Wakey’s Red Devils (3:00, NBCSN) in the late fixture. Villa are drawing too many of Everton’s “surprise contender” headlines, so extra thunderfuck ’em. Could be a watchable match, though.
Plenty MOAR tomorrow, plus some lukewarm JV exhibitions!
Millions of Pussies! Pussies FOAR Me Bowl – Georgia (-9) v. “Not THAT” Cincinnati @ Megatron’s Butthole (Noon, ESPN)
Do you remember that song being so dirty? Probably depends on how old you were and first considered moving to the country to eat some of the same. Anyway, Vegas don’t believe in JV Team WKRP against UGA’s 2nd string. I am sure that feeds the ire of Cincy’s “van down by the river” head coach.
Scurvy Bowl – Auburn (+4) v. Northwestern @ Stade du Mousey Third Reich (1:00, ABC)
Uh…too bad Hippo is on GAMBLOR hiatus, because I’d moneyline the fuck out of War Damn Eagle here. Betting against the non-tOSU B1G is always a fine idea, especially when you are GETTING the points.
Perhaps there will be a separate Raging Semis post, depending on the level of headache in the rest of Most Glorious Clubhouse.
With the Rose Bowl being played in Texas, there’s even more reason this year to pray for the meteor to win this one.
Makes sense to have it there, because Dallas is exactly halfway between South Bend and Tuscaloosa.
Via Barstow.
Hopefully the fallout lands on those two shitholes.
Perhaps there will be a separate Raging Semis post, depending on the level of headache in the rest of Most Glorious Clubhouse.
I’m too lazy to hunt down and post the Ted Knight Judge Smayles Caddyshack “Well, we’re waiting” gif.
Can both teams lose this early CFP game?
Sorry, Everton made me too mad. Nothing would piss me off like Clemson v ND re-redux, so wager accordingly.
Okay, i just didn’t want to spend a bunch of time going back and forth between this post and the homepage looking for a new post…
I picked the wrong year to go on a diet.
football talking guys actively encouraging NCAA violations for this Georgia kicker smh
So much for #Beargate
Half bear, half cat, full loss.
Bulldogs have 90 seconds to score.
https://www.cnn.com/2021/01/01/politics/senate-votes-to-override-trump-veto-ndaa/index.html
In other news, the Orange Dingleberry is about to throw another temper tantrum.
Good! Maybe this one will lead to the stroke we’ve all been hoping for.
“Amen, sister!”
-Billy Squier
Yeah, right. Trump’s going to live to be 134 years old.
UC had multiple chances to put GA away. They only have themselves to blame.
Pake Funt by Cincy!
Unfortunately their offense retook the field.
I know it is against their policy but I would eat ass for some Chick-Fil-A right now.
“SodaStream, the Xmas gift that keeps on giving for up to three weeks into January!”
Mrs. Cola loves hers. Makes for X and sodas very quick like.
I got one. I was buying way too many plastic bottles of seltzer. I squirt a little crystal light stuff in it, good shit. Did you know there are little squeezy bottles of Tang concentrate? Gumby and I are just like astronauts!
Okay, a Cincinnati team has a lead in the final quarter/inning/period. This is usually where the ground vanishes beneath their feet.
I put a beer in the freezer and it was in there too long and when I cracked it open it foamed up and I had to drink most of it in like, three minutes. What I’m trying to say is that 2021 is probably going to be just as bad as the previous year.
I can see my wine headache, then Momma Cola just dropped Decilitre back off. Pray for Litre.
UC Governors: “The votes are split right down the middle between Bears and Cats. We truly are at loggerheads as to what we should call our sports teams.”
Small Child: “Why not both?”
UC Governors: “You son of a bitch…”
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Binturong
I thought it was a tribute to Jay Cutler.
Hammers needed that bad.
Just kept waiting for VAR to take that one away.
Fuck this motherfucking year already
Bring back 2020!
Richarlison has stunk the joint out.
His body language sucks. Him and Haller both constantly walking around with that fuckin puss on their faces.
I mean, I barely follow lesser footy, and even I can’t stand Richarlison. He just looks like a dick.
Tosun = playing for a point
I found that substitution to be odd.
Davies is a nasty fucker.
100% Scouse, that lad
fookin’ dire, this
Stupid liberals are infiltrating my NHL-Jack Eichel of the Sabres is not playing because of that goddamn Universal Basic Income (UBI). smgdh…
“No, no, I said Universal Basil Income..”
-Benito M. moments before being shot
Awesome. Now bring on Lanzini for Fornals and we got a shot here.
UC QB is doing a clinic on panicking, running backwards 30 yards, throw a prayer and taking the credit.
I kinda like the guy because his approach to playing reminds me of my management style.
> panicking, running backwards 30 yards
“Okay, now what?” – Jameis Winston
Appropriate since going backwards is what crabs do.
TD overturned?
On this week’s “Stereotypes sure do save time” segment, Northwestern’s star player likes rap, jazz, and haircuts!
The way #55 is getting penalties, Georgia may ask to decline the Targeting ejection.
ESPN currently has UGA with 66.6% chance to win
Lookin’ for soul to steal…
Far lesser chance that I’ll watch much more of the game.
Let’s hope United and Villa are less obviously hung over.
When this Peach Bowl game is found guilty of high crimes and misdemeanors, I want the announcers executed last so they have to watch everyone else go first.
“Way too much barking about ‘family’ and ‘religion’ for my liking-not rocking, not rocking at all.”
-anon.
My dog is hardcore dreaming right now. Eyes half-open and lots of r.e.m. Even barking in her sleep a little bit.
hardcore dreaming
I’ll bet she’s at a doglerette party and a hunky husky just came in wearing a policedog’s uniform.
Dreaming is a full contact sport for dogs.
Did I enjoy that first half?
No, Other Hippo, I sure did not!
I got a lot of reading done, in between occasional glances at the teevee box to see nothing going on.
Hammers fighting for 50/50 balls in a way they haven’t in the last few matches. Just hope toffees aren’t rope-a-doping us.
depends whether Him-ez has a full 45 minutes in him. If so, the plan might always have been to flip switch at HT
Am wondering same about Antonio.
right, second half could be TOTES different, form and substance
Coors Light just had an ad about a girl taking off her bra at the end of the day. But of course they used an actress with smaller tits than mine. Really muddles the message.
By message, you mean boner? Never let anybody get in the way of your boner
My internet speed just tested as 180.2 Mbps. That’s really fast, right?
Obvious caption for the fine Athens ladies above is They Live Together.
You spelled shower wrong
Best of luck this derby day, sir hippo. I’ve a strong hunch yr toffees shall absolutely SLAUGHTER these hammers o’ mine.
Moyes-y does have y’all well organized at the back. It must be said.
Okay, let’s see who BLEERGH hates.
Was barely paying attention, but it sounded like this Cinci QB was born to a 14 year old mother, and he is now expecting a child with his own girlfriend? The system works!
Where’s he from, WV or MS??
Kentucky, apparently!
#ThirdGuess
If young men could opt-in to a government-funded fully reversible vasectomy, what percentage do you think would go for it? I certainly would have, but I bet the percentage would be disappointingly low. Like 20% or something.
VD would skyrocket, though. As those 80% swear they’s been fixed
I’m not so sure it would affect VD rates. There would definitely be plenty of stealther-equivalents, though.
Mandatory?
No, of course not.
That catch was tainted
Everton, aren’t we??
SHANKLOR with a rare punt appearance. Four yard punt.
Okay, UC. Time to put up or shut up.
Something named “Tank Bigsby” is out for Auburn. Unclear if he was stolen by Bk109 or if his 3 picture deal with United Artists got picked up.
WOO!!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=unL9bimsBLM&feature=push-fr&attr_tag=SGFhAMittTWrJQkm%3A6
[emerges from bathroom, having put the last remant of 2020 exactly where it belongs]
It’s a good thing the Finns have socialized medicine because they’ll need surgery to remove the foot that’s up their asses!
/the Canadian Jr hockey team is humiliating them 1-0
3-0
/outshooting them 27-7
Someone named “IRS Treas” deposited 600 dollars into my bank account this morning.
Also my phone tried to substitute “morning” with “moistening.”
It’s already a better year.
You committed IRS Treason for only $600? I’d have named a higher price.
Wasn’t me
It was the Senate.
> Welcome To First Hangover Of 2021!
Oh man I hear that. Along with every other tiniest mouse pissing on a cotton ball bits of noise that all sound as loud as if someone was running a pavement scarifier inside my head.
Huh? Oh right, need to update to the new Hippo Cipher Code Book for the new year.
(gears clanking, Enigma machine refongiruing noises)
Heh, that cooky ol’ Hippo.