Your “And Then There Were None” Sunday Afternoon NFL Football Open Thread

I’m talking about Saints running backs and Agatha Christie of course. If you’re looking for “If this happens, then that happens” playoff permutations you’ve come to the wrong small football-watching site. You’ll hear enough of that over the course of any game you watch and they’ll most likely get it right, unlike me. I’m only good for snark and semi-tepid taeks.

Before we head into the football, a shoutout to the soccer monkeys on the site that slowly get things going on Sunday mornings. If commenting early, try to use “cheeky”, “c-word”, (just can’t get used to that one, likely never will) “guv’na”, “crikey” and “penno” in your typings. It makes them feel at home.

TO THE GAMES!

Fins/Bills:

As odd as it may seem, these two team’s trajectories make this the “must-see” AFC East tilt going forward. Will the Bills rest some players, given that they’re nestled into the #2 or #3 spot? I looked around but could find no confirmation.

Ravens/Bengals:

Rashawn Slater or Ja’Marr Chase’s new team is going to get the ever-loving puss whomped out of them today by a Baltimore team that is “on form” at just the right time.

Steelers/Browns:

Cleveland is in the classic “win or go home” spot but has closed their facilities three of the last four days. Dudes that won’t be playing due to Covid include 2 starters at lb, one at safety and another at corner. That might not be as big a deal because the underwhelming Mason Rudolph is under center. This game, much like Ben’s penis, is going to be weird, ugly and off-color.

Vikes/Lions:

Dalvin is out due to his dad’s unexpected passing so Abdullah and Boone get the honor of closing out a forgettable season. I’m guessing there will be points scored here because these D’s have been waving the white flag all year long.

Jets/Pats:

I read somewhere that Belichick’s coaching record without Brady compares quite favorably to Rex Ryan’s. Ha! Don’t feel too bad for the Jetskis-they still have the 2nd pick in the draft, the Seahawks 1st and 3rd, the Giants 3rd and 5th, a ton of cap space and a soon-to-be ex-coach wandering the sideline making strange expressions.

Cowboys/Giants:

She’s another one of them ‘must wins’ for the Giants, a team whose D has 2 sacks and all of 6 qb hits the last three weeks. Guh!, I say Guh! This is why the return of Kyler Fackrell and his 3 sacks is viewed as good news. Jeebuz Christmas! I’ll be hella scared of Dallas next year if they draft nothing but defenders but they won’t, so I won’t.

Falcons/Bucs:

The “Is this *blank*’s last year in *blank*?” articles are already coming out and I saw one that inserted “Matt Ryan” and “Atlanta”. The thing is, he didn’t play that badly, he’s still 35, (getting there, yes) his contract makes him near untradeable right now and the new GM/Coach will want stability at the position while likely reaching for Wilson in the first or hoping that Jones, Ridder or Trask falls to them in the 2nd or 3rd. So no, this isn’t Ryan’s last year in Atlanta, dummies, it’s his second-last year in Atlanta.

One of my better TED Talks, thank you for saving the tomatoes in your pockets for the next speaker.

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Petronel

McCarthy: “The fuck?”

Unsurprised

He just realized he’s been the Dallas HC this whole season.

Horatio Cornblower

“These wings didn’t come with extra dipping wings to dip my other wings into!”

Redshirt

Unless Runner Blue shoved that ball up his ass, he doesn’t have possession!

Sharkbait

DAL/NYG: The Aristocrats!

clint greasewood

Burn the NFC East to the ground

Unsurprised

Use Snyder as the match

Horatio Cornblower

I don’t want to be that close to the fire when it starts.

Recovery Whiskey

nah they’re here for all the rest of our’s amusement

Doktor Zymm

REF FIGHT! (I wish)

Doktor Zymm

Oh FFS

rockingdog

THIS GAME IS

ROCKING!!!!!

Redshirt

This is what we get for putting our faith in the New York Football Giants.

Petronel

The first time I’ve ever rooted for Dallas to get the ball back! (for shits and giggles, to clarify)

litre_cola

Seems so!

Sharkbait

Mrs. Sharkbait now has to calm baby shark down from shrieking so much

Redshirt

The second-to-last seal has broken!

Unsurprised

Yay!

King Hippo

The Noo Yawk FITBAW Gigantes VIVA!!!

rockingdog

GIANTS in the playoffs?
comment image

ArmedandHammered

Dalton in end of season form.

King Hippo

The Red Rocket has fully emerged.

Sharkbait

6-10! 6-10! 6-10!

King Hippo

Great Moments in Misleading Stat Lines – see Tua T., Week 17

King Hippo

DAL/NYG is the performance art we hoped for.

litre_cola

comment image

King Hippo

PERFECT!!!!

litre_cola

Barkley deep. Paging RockingDog.

rockingdog

BARK BARK BARK

yea BARKELYYY

thats ROCKINGGGGGGG

JustStopDude

Whooo!

Brocky
Redshirt

(rumblings of unrest in the labor force due to rumors of January or February production)

Last edited 3 years ago by Redshirt
Doktor Zymm

comment image?v-cache=1560860127

rockingdog

Yay browns

thats ROCKING!!!!

Redshirt

Browns vs Steelers in the Wild Card. Aw, shit. I gotta root FOR Pittsburgh?!

Senor Weaselo

Hey, maybe 2021’ll be better and actually have the meteor!

litre_cola

The house of JustStopDude has much rejoicing.

Unsurprised

Finally

WCS

comment image

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Browns win their way into the playoffs?

♫ Got a feeling ’21 is gonna be a good year…♫

Doktor Zymm

C’mon GiANTScomment image

Redshirt

Unsurprisingly, Andy Dalton bleeds red.

Gumbygirl

That was pass interference on the two pointer, but whatevs.

ThePirateSloth

Just turned on foosball, and 2 things:
– I love watching the Cowboys lose in self defeating fashion
– WHOOHOO I don’t have to listen to Joe Buck and Troy Aikman for my Seahawks game! Best. Day. Ever.

Redshirt

(feed opens to Mason Rudolph screaming right in a face of a BLEERGH minion)

Okay, what I miss?

Brocky

browns trying so hard to browns

Doktor Zymm

It could be kind of fun to match teams to the Zodiac. The Bears would be Libra, since their natural state is 8-8, and whatever team Jameis Winston is on would be Cancer because crab legs

WCS

This is frigging hilarious.

ArmedandHammered

Which team is Virgo as so many have yet to win a SB?

Doktor Zymm

I was kinda thinking the Seahawks, since they never seem to get fucked by bad calls

WCS

As a Virgo myself, I’ll have to go with the Lions or Hashtag Pauls.

Brocky

i legitimately never understood how ursa major wasn’t part of the zodiac considering how prominent a constellation it is

Doktor Zymm

If I had to guess, it probably doesn’t move in the right way relative to the viewpoint of ancient Babylonian astrologers. I don’t think there’s a lunar cycle where it’s especially prominent

BugEyedBoo

The constellations of the zodiac are all on the ecliptic – the path that the Sun follows through all the constellations. Ursa Major is not. Nor is everyone’s favorite, Orion.

Brocky

thanks bugeyeboo

also, nice to meet you!

litre_cola

Stillers still covering!

Brocky

if I didn’t know better I’d say Redzone is playing seth Rollins theme

Redshirt

…and Brandon Allen is now pitching a Blutarsky.

Zero Point Zero – YouTube

Sharkbait

Kittle Over 4.5 catches
Ty Montgomery to score
Allen Robinson over 5.5 catches

PRAISE GAMBLOR

litre_cola

I have the Kittle bet, as well as Taysom Hill to score.

Sharkbait

It can be both!

Don T

What kind of degenerates are in Fantasy leagues that include Week 17?
My resoects..

Brocky

i did that before committing to a playoff format,

and my original league was points based, so week 17 was fair game

litre_cola

That would still suck if you had Mahomes this year for instance and were back by a bit overall.

Brocky

in that case find a new quarterback. 2011 was the last year they did that.

no one picked up matt flynn

Doktor Zymm

Detroit still getting screwed by “Wut be a catch?!”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It sounds like the refs are in full-on FUCK DETROIT mode.

litre_cola

Mason Rudolph should rush it in and spike his helmet.

litre_cola

Browns going to Browns?

King Hippo

#ThePauls and sadly, nae

Brocky

yep. totally

Redshirt

Baltimore is doing too much. They could’ve gotten the same thing from Cincy women with just dinner and a movie.

Don T

Love Tua’s tribute to his mentor, reenacting Fitzmagic’s Week 17 for the Jets five years ago.

Cecil Rhodes

51 yard bomb by Buffalo Bills QB Gnarls Barkley. Where you at, rockingdog?

rockingdog

BARK BARK BARK

Don T

Wait: is there a rumor that Belichick’s retiring? Josh McDaniels getting a slobberin’ by RZ narrators.

Cecil Rhodes

If they lose to the Jets today, he should retire.

Brocky

i mean there’s that one video where faye reagan was walking funny afterwards, so it wouldn’t be the most absurd thing

rockingdog

RED ZONE CHANNEL

is ROCKING today

so much fun soooo many games

Dunstan

It’s ok, the Dolphins can still make the playoffs if IND loses to… JAX?

I have clearly erred in not having started drinking yet.

King Hippo

judges Dunstan in WASP

herodotus450

Didn’t the last non-winning record playoff team actually win their first playoff game? Why is everyone so lacking in faith?

Spur

Seattle beat New Orleans

litre_cola

That was the Beast quake game IIRC

Recovery Whiskey

Can confirm

Doktor Zymm
Brocky

are you all forgetting panthers beating the cardinals in 2014?

i mean i wouldn’t blame ya. but yeah that happened

ArmedandHammered

How can it be roughing the passer if he does not throw the ball?

Unsurprised

Twitter does not like Engram today.

King Hippo

FOAR once, Twitter is rite

Gumbygirl

Gumby and I are heading to Ontario to see giant Hot Wheels this afternoon, so today won’t be a total waste.

ArmedandHammered

is the track orange and flexible?

LemonJello

Can you both explain this strange feeling Eli is having in his tummy?

ArmedandHammered

out of date juice box?

WCS

comment image

Gumbygirl

It’s a drive through thing with full sized Hot Wheel cars and monster trucks. Gumby is still a kid at heart! Next month it’s audioanimatronic dinosaurs at the Rose Bowl, woohoo!

Spur
Sharkbait

Love this short

bk109

… may I suggest something a bit moar bettar – CFB Trenton (aka home to the Canuckistanian Air Museum) 😉

Gumbygirl

Ontario California. But he loves a good military museum too!

bk109

Ah, in that case (and in no particular order):
Air Force Flight Test Museum (Palmdale) – limited tours for non-military (if memory serves, was great tho)Chico
Castle AFB Museum (I think it should be open even during the ‘rona, because it’s all outdoors)
March Field (mostly outdoors, should be fine)
Travis AFB (ditto!)
San Diego Air&Space (mostly indoors, “dunno”)
The Hornet in Alameda and the Midway in San Diego are always fun. Ditto the Iowa in San Pedro(from what I’ve heard, next time I’m Stateside I’m going to check it myself)

And if you don’t mind a road trip – Pima in Tucson!