I’m talking about Saints running backs and Agatha Christie of course. If you’re looking for “If this happens, then that happens” playoff permutations you’ve come to the wrong small football-watching site. You’ll hear enough of that over the course of any game you watch and they’ll most likely get it right, unlike me. I’m only good for snark and semi-tepid taeks.
Before we head into the football, a shoutout to the soccer monkeys on the site that slowly get things going on Sunday mornings. If commenting early, try to use “cheeky”, “c-word”, (just can’t get used to that one, likely never will) “guv’na”, “crikey” and “penno” in your typings. It makes them feel at home.
TO THE GAMES!
Fins/Bills:
As odd as it may seem, these two team’s trajectories make this the “must-see” AFC East tilt going forward. Will the Bills rest some players, given that they’re nestled into the #2 or #3 spot? I looked around but could find no confirmation.
Ravens/Bengals:
Rashawn Slater or Ja’Marr Chase’s new team is going to get the ever-loving puss whomped out of them today by a Baltimore team that is “on form” at just the right time.
Steelers/Browns:
Cleveland is in the classic “win or go home” spot but has closed their facilities three of the last four days. Dudes that won’t be playing due to Covid include 2 starters at lb, one at safety and another at corner. That might not be as big a deal because the underwhelming Mason Rudolph is under center. This game, much like Ben’s penis, is going to be weird, ugly and off-color.
Vikes/Lions:
Dalvin is out due to his dad’s unexpected passing so Abdullah and Boone get the honor of closing out a forgettable season. I’m guessing there will be points scored here because these D’s have been waving the white flag all year long.
Jets/Pats:
I read somewhere that Belichick’s coaching record without Brady compares quite favorably to Rex Ryan’s. Ha! Don’t feel too bad for the Jetskis-they still have the 2nd pick in the draft, the Seahawks 1st and 3rd, the Giants 3rd and 5th, a ton of cap space and a soon-to-be ex-coach wandering the sideline making strange expressions.
Cowboys/Giants:
She’s another one of them ‘must wins’ for the Giants, a team whose D has 2 sacks and all of 6 qb hits the last three weeks. Guh!, I say Guh! This is why the return of Kyler Fackrell and his 3 sacks is viewed as good news. Jeebuz Christmas! I’ll be hella scared of Dallas next year if they draft nothing but defenders but they won’t, so I won’t.
Falcons/Bucs:
The “Is this *blank*’s last year in *blank*?” articles are already coming out and I saw one that inserted “Matt Ryan” and “Atlanta”. The thing is, he didn’t play that badly, he’s still 35, (getting there, yes) his contract makes him near untradeable right now and the new GM/Coach will want stability at the position while likely reaching for Wilson in the first or hoping that Jones, Ridder or Trask falls to them in the 2nd or 3rd. So no, this isn’t Ryan’s last year in Atlanta, dummies, it’s his second-last year in Atlanta.
One of my better TED Talks, thank you for saving the tomatoes in your pockets for the next speaker.
McCarthy: “The fuck?”
He just realized he’s been the Dallas HC this whole season.
“These wings didn’t come with extra dipping wings to dip my other wings into!”
Unless Runner Blue shoved that ball up his ass, he doesn’t have possession!
DAL/NYG: The Aristocrats!
Burn the NFC East to the ground
Use Snyder as the match
I don’t want to be that close to the fire when it starts.
nah they’re here for all the rest of our’s amusement
REF FIGHT! (I wish)
Oh FFS
THIS GAME IS
ROCKING!!!!!
This is what we get for putting our faith in the New York Football Giants.
The first time I’ve ever rooted for Dallas to get the ball back! (for shits and giggles, to clarify)
Seems so!
Mrs. Sharkbait now has to calm baby shark down from shrieking so much
The second-to-last seal has broken!
Yay!
The Noo Yawk FITBAW Gigantes VIVA!!!
GIANTS in the playoffs?
Dalton in end of season form.
The Red Rocket has fully emerged.
6-10! 6-10! 6-10!
Great Moments in Misleading Stat Lines – see Tua T., Week 17
I’M FUCKING DYING. JEEZUZ!
DAL/NYG is the performance art we hoped for.
PERFECT!!!!
Barkley deep. Paging RockingDog.
BARK BARK BARK
yea BARKELYYY
thats ROCKINGGGGGGG
Whooo!
*pours one out*
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tRBDMMVctu8
(rumblings of unrest in the labor force due to rumors of January or February production)
?v-cache=1560860127
Yay browns
thats ROCKING!!!!
Browns vs Steelers in the Wild Card. Aw, shit. I gotta root FOR Pittsburgh?!
Hey, maybe 2021’ll be better and actually have the meteor!
The house of JustStopDude has much rejoicing.
Finally
Browns win their way into the playoffs?
♫ Got a feeling ’21 is gonna be a good year…♫
C’mon GiANTS
Unsurprisingly, Andy Dalton bleeds red.
That was pass interference on the two pointer, but whatevs.
Just turned on foosball, and 2 things:
– I love watching the Cowboys lose in self defeating fashion
– WHOOHOO I don’t have to listen to Joe Buck and Troy Aikman for my Seahawks game! Best. Day. Ever.
(feed opens to Mason Rudolph screaming right in a face of a BLEERGH minion)
Okay, what I miss?
browns trying so hard to browns
It could be kind of fun to match teams to the Zodiac. The Bears would be Libra, since their natural state is 8-8, and whatever team Jameis Winston is on would be Cancer because crab legs
This is frigging hilarious.
Which team is Virgo as so many have yet to win a SB?
I was kinda thinking the Seahawks, since they never seem to get fucked by bad calls
As a Virgo myself, I’ll have to go with the Lions or Hashtag Pauls.
i legitimately never understood how ursa major wasn’t part of the zodiac considering how prominent a constellation it is
If I had to guess, it probably doesn’t move in the right way relative to the viewpoint of ancient Babylonian astrologers. I don’t think there’s a lunar cycle where it’s especially prominent
The constellations of the zodiac are all on the ecliptic – the path that the Sun follows through all the constellations. Ursa Major is not. Nor is everyone’s favorite, Orion.
thanks bugeyeboo
also, nice to meet you!
Stillers still covering!
If the Giants get into the playoffs their MVP is Cowboys coach McCarthy because he was too stupid to challenge that TD catch.
if I didn’t know better I’d say Redzone is playing seth Rollins theme
…and Brandon Allen is now pitching a Blutarsky.
Zero Point Zero – YouTube
Kittle Over 4.5 catches
Ty Montgomery to score
Allen Robinson over 5.5 catches
PRAISE GAMBLOR
I have the Kittle bet, as well as Taysom Hill to score.
It can be both!
What kind of degenerates are in Fantasy leagues that include Week 17?
My resoects..
i did that before committing to a playoff format,
and my original league was points based, so week 17 was fair game
That would still suck if you had Mahomes this year for instance and were back by a bit overall.
in that case find a new quarterback. 2011 was the last year they did that.
no one picked up matt flynn
Detroit still getting screwed by “Wut be a catch?!”
It sounds like the refs are in full-on FUCK DETROIT mode.
Mason Rudolph should rush it in and spike his helmet.
Browns going to Browns?
#ThePauls and sadly, nae
yep. totally
Ravens and Bills fans both hearing the lamentations of the women.
Baltimore is doing too much. They could’ve gotten the same thing from Cincy women with just dinner and a movie.
Love Tua’s tribute to his mentor, reenacting Fitzmagic’s Week 17 for the Jets five years ago.
51 yard bomb by Buffalo Bills QB Gnarls Barkley. Where you at, rockingdog?
BARK BARK BARK
Wait: is there a rumor that Belichick’s retiring? Josh McDaniels getting a slobberin’ by RZ narrators.
If they lose to the Jets today, he should retire.
/Dalton has finger ouchie
Me: “Whoa. Redheads can feel pain? You learn something new every day.”
i mean there’s that one video where faye reagan was walking funny afterwards, so it wouldn’t be the most absurd thing
RED ZONE CHANNEL
is ROCKING today
so much fun soooo many games
It’s ok, the Dolphins can still make the playoffs if IND loses to… JAX?
I have clearly erred in not having started drinking yet.
judges Dunstan in WASP
Didn’t the last non-winning record playoff team actually win their first playoff game? Why is everyone so lacking in faith?
Seattle beat New Orleans
That was the Beast quake game IIRC
Can confirm
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RivnFLmlmCI
are you all forgetting panthers beating the cardinals in 2014?
i mean i wouldn’t blame ya. but yeah that happened
How can it be roughing the passer if he does not throw the ball?
Twitter does not like Engram today.
FOAR once, Twitter is rite
Gumby and I are heading to Ontario to see giant Hot Wheels this afternoon, so today won’t be a total waste.
is the track orange and flexible?
Can you both explain this strange feeling Eli is having in his tummy?
out of date juice box?
It’s a drive through thing with full sized Hot Wheel cars and monster trucks. Gumby is still a kid at heart! Next month it’s audioanimatronic dinosaurs at the Rose Bowl, woohoo!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2BrSUedWoPY&ab
Love this short
… may I suggest something a bit moar bettar – CFB Trenton (aka home to the Canuckistanian Air Museum) 😉
Ontario California. But he loves a good military museum too!
Ah, in that case (and in no particular order):
Air Force Flight Test Museum (Palmdale) – limited tours for non-military (if memory serves, was great tho)Chico
Castle AFB Museum (I think it should be open even during the ‘rona, because it’s all outdoors)
March Field (mostly outdoors, should be fine)
Travis AFB (ditto!)
San Diego Air&Space (mostly indoors, “dunno”)
The Hornet in Alameda and the Midway in San Diego are always fun. Ditto the Iowa in San Pedro(from what I’ve heard, next time I’m Stateside I’m going to check it myself)
And if you don’t mind a road trip – Pima in Tucson!