Your Next NFL Football Open Thread

Did anything get sorted out? Well, surely this round of tilts will settle everything.

TO THE GAMES!

Packers/Bears:

Chicago would have much preferred that Green Bay had nothing to play for but they want to solidify that #1 seed so this one should be intense, to the point where some players may end up in tents.

Raiders/Broncs:

Neither of these teams have anything to lose. Or win. Or tie. Blah.

Jags/Colts:

Say goodbye to Hollywood and Doug Marrone, he did his best but his best just wasn’t good enough and now Urban Meyer is on everyone’s lips. Eww. Apply some balm, would you? The Colts blew it vs the Steelers last week so they should be out for blood, drinking every last bit of the Jags milkshake out there on the field.

Chargers/Chiefs:

And now he’s back! For one last incredible performance, ladies and gentlemen… Chad Henne! His counterpart, who actually shows promise, needs 341 yards today against a bunch of not-starters to become the throwingest rookie qb there ever was. He’ll set the record for a.) passing yards by a noobie and b.) Clearasil endorsements.

Cards/Rams:

Rb Akers is a game-timer for the Jekyll and Hyde Rammmits. Me: “Hey you, you must think you’re a real hotshot-you ever even played in a pro football league before?” John Wolford: “Uh, yeah. I played for the Arizona Hotshots, as a matter of fact.” Me: “Uh huh. Well, okay then.”

Seahawks/Niners:

With everyone yakking about the Packers and Saints being the creme of the NFC, I’d be wary of Wilson going on a little tear, of which he’s completely capable of doing. Now will the Seattle D step up though?

Saints/Panthers:

Ty Montgomery is the gentleman that will replace the honorable fantasy league winner Kamara today. Tis about the only interesting storyline I could find for this one.

Titans/Texans:

Henry needs 223 to reach 2,000 for the year so he’s done like dinner. Except for the fact that the last two times he went for a stroll vs the Texans he ended up with 211 and 212. No matter the outcome he’ll be the first back-to-back rushing champ since LT in ’06-’07.

5 3 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
438 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Recovery Whiskey

6 incompletes in a row for Charmslinger.

King Hippo

he would go out tonight
but he doesn’t have a stitch to weeeeeeaaaarrrr

King Hippo

I look forward to the national feed being on Donks/Raiders for like the last hour.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I don’t.

litre_cola

Can the Humps piss 2 leads away in consecutive weeks?

Recovery Whiskey

Awfully sporting of Wilson to put the MVP debate to rest today

King Hippo

15-15 Scorigami is IN PLAY!!

Dunstan

Also possible is that a Rams field goal could win it, in which case we would have a Gay pushing the Bears through the back door.

Dunstan

I did that one just for you, balls.

King Hippo

/also, we have sent out the Buddy Cole Bat Signal…so many times!

Recovery Whiskey

Moose and Buddy, come back, all is forgiven

ballsofsteelandfury

Much appreciated

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

We already had one Scorigami today, would be fun to have two!

Don T

You say your team did not reach 11 wins?
comment image

King Hippo

Teddy Ballgame leaking a little oil.

ThePirateSloth

Teams with playoff games should allow fans to upload a photo of themselves to have cardboard cutouts made to fill the stands for the games. Run it like playoff ticket sales this week, partner with local shops (that are still in business) to make them.

LemonJello

“How much can we charge fans for this privilege?”
-NFL Owners

Don T

I would project Nixon behind the Ravens bench, fixated on Harbaugh.

ThePirateSloth

That would be fantabulous

Dunstan

I want the same arrangement at the draft, so that we can have cardboard cutouts of Jets fans with paper bags over their heads.

hippofant

Lol everybody on the field pointing at Kittle wide-open wondering why Beathard threw to someone else.

King Hippo

Robbie Gould’s non-union, Mexican equivalent!

King Hippo

I can no longer recall what a Tomsulas win would signify.

/pill bottle rattles invitingly

litre_cola

I would win a bet.

Doktor Zymm

Thanks to reddit I now know what a Pilonidal cyst is, and that it is a synonym for the Jets

Recovery Whiskey

That was a good gd catch

Petronel

TAKE THAT ODB

ECM!

Last edited 3 years ago by Petronel
Brocky

packers fans: bears fans need to stop bringing up the 85 bears. so pathetic they have one title in the last fifty years.

also packers fans: we’re gonna constantly bring up a coach who’s been dead for fifty years while we celebrate our two titles in 50 years

Doktor Zymm

Did the Packers ever have a decent music video?

Recovery Whiskey

Wait, did the Bears?

Doktor Zymm

Kinda depends on your definition of decent, but the Super Bowl Shuffle was certainly popular

Recovery Whiskey

Popular is good! — Spice Girls

Brocky

I’ll be the first to admit i don’t know a single bears fan who actually likes the song. it was just fucking awesome for a team to call their shot at that point in the season

Brocky

they released a song called “the bears still suck” after the bears won the superbowl.

its the most passive aggressive thing you’ve ever seen. your rival has the most dominant season ever? just pretend it didn’t ever happen

also it explicitly mentions Jim mcmahon by name which is fucking hilarious because he later was a backup on the green bay 96 squad

Doktor Zymm
Brocky

yep. before new England tried to co-opt it, green bay were the kings of “we do things the right way” hypocrisy

Brocky

bears will get a penalty on third down. $20 on it

Brocky

…….. should have taken the bet

Brocky

why am i talking to myself

Horatio Cornblower

Who are you?

LemonJello

Valdez-Scantling just made AARon’s “family” list with that drop.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

He’s like a brother to him now.

Recovery Whiskey

Hawks game looks like preseason

litre_cola

70 yard field goal attempt!

Recovery Whiskey

Rodgers a perfect 158.3 at the half. Great job Bears defense. Or was it the refs allowing non stop holding for GB as usual

Brocky

both.

that fucking fumble was bullshit in my opinion, feels like most times that would not get called a fumble at all.

we also lost are best linebacker in the first quarter, and then that somehow translated to a different linebacker covering a slot receiver.

I know it sounds nonsensical but why the fuck do the breaks always seem to go their way. its like getting straight A’s because your parents promised to buy you a car and then your dad welches out because you got an A minus in comp. lit

Recovery Whiskey

Because The Shield loves GB. Like it once loved Dallas and still loves Tommy Brady.

The Bears not only have to get good but they have to slay the 25 years in the making Green Bay Legend.

Or just keep fellating 1985 forever.

Good luck.

Brocky

I mean i can admit rodgers is really fucking good

but jesus christ we have awful luck with injuries

Beerguyrob

Brian Flores losing his way out of the playoffs from a 10-4 record is the ending Matt Patricia could have only hoped for.

litre_cola

Wife “Did you grate your knuckle on something?”
I take a look at it. “Hot sauce, sorry you married me.”

Doktor Zymm

I managed to get gojuchang on the inside of my bra once. It looked like blood stains when I tried to clean it off and I felt super badass for some reason

King Hippo

So. Many. Questions.

Doktor Zymm

It’s not really that exciting. Just overly runny gojuchang and stirring bibimbap with chopsticks

ThePirateSloth

“Pete Carroll finds any way to win a game…”

hi-res-152732551_crop_north.jpg
litre_cola

Was there, the end of that game was BANANAS in the stands.

ThePirateSloth

So was I. It was ridiculous.

Recovery Whiskey

That game was a meme but locally it was proof what happens when the rigged Aaron Rodgers refs are gone and replaced with incompetent idiots… we actually had a chance to win.

And worth remembering that Seattle getting a break on national TV was enough for The Shield to end the strike the next day.

ballsofsteelandfury

Ha ha ha! Pick Six inside 2 minutes for the Rams!

Dunstan

Boomer taking shots at the CFL. How dare you, sir!

litre_cola

Strevvy wasn’t even the starter in Winnipeg. He was like a Taysom Hill who loves booze!

Recovery Whiskey

Typical Boomer — AOC

ballsofsteelandfury

Can someone besides Dunstan say Back Door Bears?

Dunstan

Not according to this cease and desist letter

King Hippo

RRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! defense 9
Qards offense 7
RRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! offense 3

ballsofsteelandfury

SAFETY DANCE AGAIN!

litre_cola

So many Men Without Hats you would think this was the Royal Canadian Legion!

Beerguyrob

This is an excellent statement.

Brocky

what i was super freaking out about earlier was the idea that Montgomery, by far the bears best offensive player, was injured five minutes into the first game

ArmedandHammered

Ahh, thanks for letting me know, was just wondering what set you off since Murray went to the locker room about the same time

Recovery Whiskey

Who is kicking for the Santa Clara Niners of Arizona today? I read Robbie Solid Gould got the covids

Petronel

Apparently, Tristan Vizcaino, who we signed off the practice squad two days ago.

Recovery Whiskey

Already better than Blair Walsh

LemonJello

Bears D reliance on the 12th man to cover someone doesn’t seem to be panning out.

Recovery Whiskey

Only works for Texas A & M. Or Seattle if we pay the licensing fee

King Hippo

NEW ROOTING INTEREST! I want RRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! to get another safety, and the match to end in a 7-7 draw

Doktor Zymm

I’m on board with this

hippofant

RUINED

Dunstan

Well, two Arizona safeties would be a 12-11 scorigami

Also, a 15-15 tie is doable (and also scorigami)

Brocky

comment image

ballsofsteelandfury

If it makes the Bears fans feel better, it looks like the Rams really want to win this game.

Dunstan

So what you’re saying is, the Bears can still come in the back door?

Recovery Whiskey

KJ Wright still got it

Recovery Whiskey

The Ricketts deserve every bit of hatred that y’all can give them. They were allowed to buy up and privatize most of a city block in return for a handful of years worth of pretending to give a shit about competing.

And yet they were the reason for Theo and for 2016.

Compare this with 25 years worth of Seattle ownership by a kindly Japanese oligarch that resulted in a handful of playoff teams followed by 20 years of suckage

Doktor Zymm

I am pretty happy that as part of the Wrigley renovations they ended up having to modernize a whole lot of obsolete plumbing and sewer that was basically from when the area was first incorporated into the City of Chicago

Doktor Zymm

I’m sure you can still find a place to do that, although it’s been a bad decade for trough urinals. They also no longer make the world’s longest urinal for the NYC City Marathon.

I’m referring to the ancient water mains and sewerage they found under Waveland though, that was one of the main sources of delay in the early construction.

Petronel

Holy shit, that actually worked!

Doktor Zymm

And it didn’t even help my property values!

ballsofsteelandfury

SAFETY DANCE!

Dunstan

SAFETY!

Dolph Ucker

2 things:
1) When I was on my High School C-team, Coach Robinson told us that holding happens on every play. Sometimes more blatant than others, but it’s American AF.
b) These edibles are more stronger than what I thot.
Finally) Is there a DFO NFL playoff pool for fun or profit?

Dunstan

1) That’s also what John Madden used to say in the commentary on Madden ’98 (ish)

Dolph Ucker

Madden was doing edibles in ’98? That explains a lot.

Dunstan

“If it was edible, I was eating it!” — J. Madden

“And that’s why you’re my hero.” — A. Reid

ballsofsteelandfury

We should do one…

King Hippo

I distinctly remember, as an elementary school child, how excited I was that one of Sunday’s games went to the half at 7-5.

Please make me re-live that, Qards/RRRRRRRRAM IT!!

King Hippo

Status of DonT’s el Tractorcito boner??

Don T

Up in Arizona. Flagstaff, actually

litre_cola

Muy grande?

Don T

comment image

King Hippo

DFO really needs to find, and interview, that man.

Unsurprised

All these photos of bears makes me wonder what Buddy is up to.

Unsurprised

Besides “seven inches”

Horatio Cornblower

I think that would be “down on”, knowing Buddy.

King Hippo

Obligatory – oh, honey!

King Hippo

Mr. Bowlen was a better Donks WOO!!! owner than all of the above, even after he no longer knew who or where he was.

Brocky

his ass is down. if you can recover fumbles and onside kicks with your ass down then it sure as hell should count as down

Petronel

Good thing they wiped that PlayStation logo off the field – Russ might have blown up like a matter/antimatter explosion.

Recovery Whiskey

Hawks O line returning to form

Doktor Zymm

Kinda difficult as there aren’t that many cities with enough pro sports franchises to make them comparable. Worth at least mentioning Baltimore though

Horatio Cornblower

I was less-than-fondly recalling a series of increasingly incompetent Hartford Whalers owners, but Hartford is lacking in baseball, football, basketball, soccer, lacrosse, cornhole, darts, lawn darts, horse racing, boxing, MMA, competitive ballroom dancing, track and/or field, and for that matter much of anything, so it just didn’t seem an apt comparison.

Recovery Whiskey

Does anyone believe that the Bears role as Rodgers Bitch is in any danger today?

Dunstan

So, we’re just not doing phrasing any more?

clint greasewood

Wolford stealing the job

King Hippo

It’s like Lucille Bluth when she got a substitute child.

Bogdanski

Anyong!

Recovery Whiskey

This is a fanbase with a mini dynasty Black Hawks and the first WS in 108 years Cubs.

And of course the 6 rings Bulls franchise

This year might be shit but here is Seattle’s response.

Mariners; only remaining MLB team with no WS appearances.

NBA franchise: vacant since 2008.

NFL: OK you might have an argument there.

NHL: at long last an expansion team; versus 3 Stanley Cups in the last 11 years.

Anyway… carry on.

Dolph Ucker

M V S!!!

Horatio Cornblower

That really is a hard city to beat for ownership. Steinbrenner was an ass, but he won two WS in the 70’s. The Mets ownership is short bus special, (or was before the sale), but still managed to win in ’86 and get back a couple of more times. The Maras are pretty good, and they’ve produced Rooney and Kate, the Johnsons are not good and I don’t know anything about their daughters.

James Dolan with the Knicks and Rangers, however, makes up for a lot all by himself.