While our comments section can get highly political at times, we here at DFO generally try not to do political posts. We’re here for football and other, lesser, sports, dick jokes, and soft-core porn. Politics, other than that it involves people getting fucked, does not fit that vibe. Today is, however, an exception, because Donald Trump, the 45th President of the United States, will, after 12:01 pm, be the Ex-President of the United States.
What can we say about Donald Trump as President? Well, very little if you wanted it to be read anywhere outside of dick joke and football blog. In a dick joke and football blog, however, we can say that he was truly an asshole, that he has done more damage to the institution that is the Presidency than was previously thought possible, that he was selfish, stupid, fat, a fucking piece of shit without a single redeeming value, a sexist, a racist, a person of incredibly poor taste in virtually all facets of life, a would-be tinpot dictator, a man so blinded by his own delusions and ignorance that 400,000 Americans are dead, (to date), because Donald could not bear to take the hard steps necessary to confront a pandemic, a serial liar, a xenophobe, a narcissist whose constant need for affirmation led to the appointments of truly terrible and/or incompetent people into positions of power and, in the end, he was what we always knew and he always feared he was, a loser.
There are, of course, up to 74 million voters who would disagree with this, and that’s fine, so long as they can manage to just not invade the Capitol because their special orange boy didn’t win. While this country has undoubtedly got some serious work ahead of it, I take some comfort in the fact that at least 81 million voters likely do agree with it. And there are no facts, alternative or otherwise, that make 74 more than 81.
I close with the thoughts of ‘Bloom County’s Milo Bloom, writing a biography of the infamous Senator Bedfellow: “Leaving a trail of slime wherever he went…” Donald J. Trump has left the building. Hopefully destined for prison, but that’s a post for another time, and probably place.
Let’s not make me do this again any time soon, America.
Yours in the comments.
What’s this weird feeling where I’m not completely disgusted and embarrassed by my country’s leadership?
We just went to the Indian restaurant and ordered a Kamala special. They told us that that wasn’t a thing, so instead we ordered some samosas. Now it’s nap time.
I’d lick her bellybutton in a heartbeat. Hell Yeah!
/shit…did I type that or just think it?
I gotta think of a lie, fast!
Meanwhile at Mar-a-Lago, Ivanka comforts her father:
I hafta go to the store, I’ll leave you gents with this
(sigh) “I wish I knew how to quit you.”
(unzip)
We have the Demmycratic Senate officially now. Can we finally start eating Christian babies FOAR Satan??
Christmas is now banned
Are we still getting taco stands on every corner?
I hope so. That’s what I voted for.
I thought yall did ranked choice for this, so wondering what the other options where?
It’s amazing how much the phrase “Minority Leader Mitch McConnell” pleases me.
“Heh heh heh” – minorities who do not consider Mitch to be much of a “leader”
I’d like it better if it were Dead Minority Leader Bitch McConnell.
She’s going to accidentally poison somebody, isn’t she?
/what, you aren’t watching Downton Abbey too?
Phew!
There are now five U.S. colleges that have produced a Super Bowl MVP [Correction — it’s winning QB] and a President.
(I would probably not have been able to name any of the other four, but then I barely remember where I went to college.)
Drunk enough that I am having a hard time thinking of what album to play next.
Instead we are watching Downton Abbey!
Kill…wealthy…dowager…
Turns out there was enough pineapple just for like 1/2 of a Blue Hawaii.
To be clear, I’m drinking 1/2 a Blue Hawaii.
This is me today
https://youtu.be/jhkIh4x4mmM
Fuck! That’s not what I meant to post!
The Ike and Tina part isn’t a tribute to Don and Melania? Oh, right, that doesn’t make sense; Tina actually had genuine talent and wasn’t just a glorified prostitute.
MeOW!
Gumby’s beating you with a coat hanger!?
Gimme your location and I’ll call 911!
He fears me. I meant to post a gif of Lucille Ball pouring champagne, but I am a Techtard First Class!
Many of the gif hosting sites do not make it easy.
Thanks Rikki, that’s the one!
Okay if there is enough pineapple juice I’m gonna do one more Blue Hawaii.
Fulham!
Well fuck
But enough about Baby Jessica’s teenage years…
Oh this is my roller coaster Horatio. Every damn game in the Premier League….
I’ve honestly started rooting harder for Fulham than for Arsenal, and this is entirely your fault.
So I don’t think Trump is going to release his healthcare plan
I don’t think his Infrastructure Week is gonna happen either.
Not sure Mexico is going to pay for the wall.
It will always be Infrastructure Week somewhere.
The real Infrastructure Week was the friends we made along the way.
Crap, I thought it was the infrastructure we made along the way!
Yeah, sadly none of that got done.
His tax returns are going to be released. In a New York courtroom.
Nature, red in tooth and claw.
Reminds me of that quote about children: “Children are like Hobbes’s view of life: nasty, brutish, and short.”
It’s so good (x4).
BAH GAWD THAT’S GRETA THUNBERG’S MUSIC!
This is the kind of shade that will stop global warming.
Last guy who got it that hard from a foreign teenager was Jeffrey Epstein.
Holy shit!
The Dr. Mrs. got tired of The Hold Steady so we went with Deltron 3030.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dSH8lAYn4XE
Phillip Rivers has announced his retirement.
Tiffany Rivers has announced she is entering the Federal Witness Protection Program
Rivers showing solidarity with Trump on his retirement day seems apropos.
Appropriate song for the end of the Trump presidency.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Q9WQoOBrq_g
I admit I’m still partly bracing myself for news that there was one last pardon or executive order that hasn’t been reported yet.
Well, as a lawyer, you should be stoked at the prospect of seeing the Supreme Court debating whether or not crayon scribbles on an unused adult diaper constitute a “get outta jail free” card and what scope of legal issues does it cover 😀
Honestly, anything that keeps this Supreme Court busy and away from further eroding the Bill of Rights is probably a good thing.
I am pretty sure I heard you cursing the heavens (or heathens, it was a bit loud) that made that so
Speaking of crayon scribbles, here’s dumps note to President Biden
Here
The sad thing is… after 4 years, this feels at least feasible – both as a request and as actual eksequshun
Supposedly Judge Box-O-Wine’s husband got the last one.
I really like that nickname.
Can’t take credit for it, but no idea where I first saw it.
She’s such a trash person.
This fucking dummy drove 45 minutes to protest outside the NY state capitol and found himself alone.
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EsMI90wXYAI4eb_?format=jpg&name=small
Man it sure would be fun to yell “Loooooo-ser!” at him from a passing car.
The other underrated development of today is that Roger Goodell returns to his spot as the #1 National Disgrace.
Dunno, I think Rob Manfred’s making a good push to surpass him
Is Gary “One Of My Parents Was Clearly A Rat” Bettman American or Canadien?
Oh, you can blame the USA for that. But Bettman is more of an International Disgrace.
Otoh, if it wasn’t for him, we wouldn’t have had a Canadian buddy cop movie about a hockey killer 😀 (seriously,tho Bon Cop, Bad Cop is surprisingly fun)
His DFO nickname should be “Scabbers”.
I’d say ‘Ben’, but Ben was a competent leader.
“Separation Sunday” feels like an appropriate soundtrack to my continued drinking this morning.
The stock market is up overall today, but malarkey futures are way down.
Yeah, you really wanna short the fuck outta malarkey right now.
“Shorting is for amateurs. You wanna open up some put spreads, that’s where the REAL money is.” – Hue Jackson
I’m waiting for Jalen Ramsay to weigh in before I decide.
Guys, I’m starting to think Trump isn’t going to get a second term after all. I can’t believe that @MAGAPatriotQPope misled us!
The Donald reddit is an absolute mess today.
You really hate to see it.
I kind of want to, but I think I’ll just rely on people posting the best parts.
A mess “today” ? … Just today ?
You heard him right. It’s normally quite the erudite collection of chaps that would put Xavier, Winchester, and Hendrick to shame.
I’m only seeing it today thanks to excerpts of Twitter. I don’t go on Reddit for the same reason I don’t swim at the sewage treatment plant.
Pfft, I still can’t believe he had a first term XD
– Melania Trump, glaring at her abortionist
They were all buying CB radios to keep in touch because at noon Eastern, we were gonna have a national blackout while martial law was instituted.
…CB radio? That’s just silly – if you want to keep touch at range in crappy EM conditions, you really need 40/20meter band radio, for everything else, a MURS/UHF station is fine (those 20 quid Baofeng UV5’s are GREAT for worksites or for keeping in contact in the wild)…
YES, I was a member of a radio club … DO NOT PROVOKE MY CEBIE-JEBIE WRATH 😀
My own “blue Hawaii” consisted of 1 part light rum, 1 part coconut rum, 1/2 part blue curacao, as much pineapple juice as was in the bottom of the tupperware.
Probably could use more pineapple juice. But it’s still delicious.
Apparently doing a “military review” which I think is this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gt7U0XycEJE
dammit
Okay, we’re out of prosecco. Time to move on to the hard stuff. I’ve got blue curacao, Malibu rum, and pineapple. This should be easy.
“This should be easy…”
Is that a Blue Hawaii? Because those are delicious and easy.
I’m still doing a Dry January and I want you all to know that I hate you.
Abstinence, like chastity, is its own punishment.
That’s really a weird way to spell absinthe, but .. fuck it, why not
Cheers lads!
A friend of mine once insisted I try absinthe, did the whole ritual with the sugar cube and whatever, and I have to say, that is some of the worst stuff I’ve ever put in my mouth.
And I went to an all boys Catholic high school!
Absinthe’s like beer, it *really* matters where and who made it and can run the gamut of utter shite to “so good, you don’t remember how/why you ended up sleeping sitting in a kitchen sink”
Gonna try for a Dry February instead. 28 < 31
Sensible.
I’m just going to go with February 29-31.
Only for this year, mind you. Some years it’ll be just February 30-31.
As it turns out, yes. I rung it in with a little Dick Dale. But Amazon Music ain’t got no Man or Astro-Man so I am listening to Harry Hood instead.
“I rung it in with a little dick, Dale.”
-Roy Rogers, explaining to his wife how his experimental New Year’s Eve went
Trump stuff that was unprecedented:
-talking shit about US intelligence
-licking Putin’s shoes at that presser
-Afghan bounties on US troops? Pft
-overt racism over and over
-wiping ass with many Int’l. treaties
-looking straight into an eclipse
You forgot “encouraging a mob to storm the Capitol to overturn an election”
You misspelled “inciting a mob to storm the Capitol with the hopes of having his own vice-president assassinated”.
Fucking autocorrect, amirite?
-wife fucking half the Secret Service
I’m pretty sure that’s quite precedented *cough* Jackie O revenge secksss *cough*
Lenox crystal? American made or not, Waterford or gtfo. Biden’s Irish-American, you dolts.
Glad we don’t have to see this anymore
NSFKDL
( not safe for keeping down lunch)
Meh, after surviving BOB’s buttchin, we can endure anything!
What happened to Ivanka?
Jar-Jar sold her to MBS for assylum in Riyadh
Jesus fuck, man, I didn’t need to see that now, let alone anymore.
Biden should come out and spend the next three days insisting he had the largest inaugural crowd ever.
“So what is going on right now?”
‘We’re told President Biden is being briefed, over Bloody Marys…”
Barack is reminding him. “Look, Joe…you worked with me, and now you have Kamala, but it doesn’t mean you get to say ‘What up my n—-‘ ever.”
Nice to hear that Judge Wine-Box’s shrill braying on behalf of Trump the last four years paid off in the form of a pardon for her husband.
Someone made a Robinette reference earlier.
Hunter Renfrow is going to insist that the next elf character in G&G be named Gamaliel.
Harding has one of my favoUrite quotes from a President: “My enemies I can handle. It’s my friends; my goddamn friends!” when talking about all the corrupt activities his friends were engaged in.
I’m the same way but instead of corruption it’s “pants”.
Dr. Mrs. Deadly, Esq. (Ret): Is that a Teapot Dome in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?
RTD: (Hanging head): It’s a Teapot Dome.
Dr. Mrs. etc. etc.: AGAIN!?
I knew Law & Order has been running for a long time, but I didn’t realize it was so old that Biden would be named after the original ADA.
And wasn’t Gamaliel a Tolkein character?
Biblical/Historical, unfortunately. The bigger question is.. was Biden the inspiration for the protagonist of Frederick Pohl’s Gateway 😉
I know there’s a Galadriel in there somewhere.
Correct and not only was she good, she was Aussie good
I’d like Twitter to reactivate Trump’s account for like an hour.
But they can’t tell him it’s just for an hour. Make him think that it’s genuinely been restored. And then after an hour – maybe even mid-tweet – just shut it the fuck back down again.
Perfect.
Or even better – make it appear that it’s active, but have it spam a 2FA request before every attempt to tweet, that ALWAYS fails? He’ll shit out his kidneys in frustration within the hour
This song was played at the end of the movie “Bully” as the cops start to move on the idiot immature criminals. Why do I feel compelled to play it right now? Huh. Not sure. Guess that will have to remain a mystery for the historians to unravel.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=czFuhFyPQrE
Oh, right, important additional detail: the movie was set in Florida.
For some reason, this song is my fucking jam right now. Like full-on frisson and everything, once it gets to the poetry part in the middle.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=u5gNfT1ECqY
Meanwhile, on Fox: “HILARY’S EMAILS!!!”
It’s not a montage of Herr Charlemango walking to/from Marine One and Air Force One, with Bonnie Tyler’s “I Need A Hero” on loop?
I forget who, but someone on Twitter suggested a montage of his Fox & Friends appearances, to the “Thank You For Being a Friend” theme from Golden Girls.
I thought they moved onto “WHERE ARE THOSE FLIGHT LOGS” ?
“I thought it was too high”
That scene kills me.
They’re showing old Goldwater speeches
“And we now see the ritual in which the former Vice-President is rolled down the front steps of the Capitol to a waiting hearse. A brutal tradition, to be sure, but one necessary to ensure a bountiful harvest of political donations during the next electoral cycle.”
I think we need Dunstan to fact check that, because I thought the VP was supposed to be put in a barrel and catapulted towards JFK’s eternal flame. If he survives, he becomes eligible to run in the next cycle, if not – well, good riddance to a bad placeholder
Oh is that how Al Gore ended up on the moon? Just a simple overshoot?
No, it was just Bill getting his revenge for having to endure all those Tipper Gore sermons 😀
I feel like “tipper gore” is some kind of oblique reference to “up to your nuts in guts”.
It’s actually what scotchy calls his favorite knife.
Well, normally the outgoing VP is supposed to arm wrestle the Speaker of the House, but Mother won’t let Pence be alone with Pelosi.
If you ever have the chance to drink a blood orange mimosa, I highly recommend the experience. It is so choice.
HOW MUCH BLOOD OF THE HERETIC SHOULD ONE USE?!
Good drink, good reference.
I’ve already fucked up something at work today because distractions, may as well add drinking.
That should steady your hands for the next surgery, doctor.
Cocktails are the slippery slope to hawaiian shirts and sandals, damn it… WE CAN NOT RISK THIS!
Ladies and gentlemen of the Southern District of New York, start your indictments!
So many Worker’s Comp claims for carpal tunnel are incoming
We’re watching the feed for “Young Americans” and I have to say I have much more interest in what Keke Palmer has to say than George Stephopopadapolus or Chuck Fucking Todd has to say.
Is she one of the Basketball Wives?
How Chuck Todd keeps his job is one of the great mysteries in life.
Michael Strahan is a commenter on ABC
George Snuffleupagus.
All right piccolo, bring it on home!
Is Joe’s Trans Am having the firebird decal on the hood replaced with the Presidential Seal? The horn plays “Hail to the Chief’?
Poon Force One
Friend making fun of everyone adding a damn deceptive cadence to the end of their song: “Bernie Sanders will make perfect authentic cadences tuition free.”