Your Sunday Evening [DFO] Oscar Spectacular!

Look,

it’s Oscar night. If you have relatives over, that’s what’s on. If you have a partner that likes movie or entertainment gossip, that’s what’s on. I haven’t seen the majority of the films on the list, but this is the internet, so my uninformed opinions are just as valid as the next internet asshole’s. So let’s put out the Buddy Cole beacon,

just accept it, and join in the fray.

Here are the top categories of note, a link to yeah right‘s predictions, followed by my best guesses:

  • Best Actress in a Supporting Role:
    • Maria Bakalova (‘Borat Subsequent Moviefilm”)
    • Glenn Close (“Hillbilly Elegy”)
    • Olivia Colman (“The Father”)
    • Amanda Seyfried (“Mank”)
    • Yuh-jung Youn (“Minari”)

Glenn Close is the emotional favourite, Maria Bakalova is the “came from nowhere” favourite, and Amanda Seyfried is the Mean Girls Favourite. Having seen “Mank”, I have to go with Karen Smith for the win.

  • Best Actor in a Supporting Role:
    • Sacha Baron Cohen (“The Trial of the Chicago 7”)
    • Daniel Kaluuya (“Judas and the Black Messiah”)
    • Leslie Odom Jr. (“One Night in Miami”)
    • Paul Raci (“Sound of Metal”)
    • Lakeith Stanfield (“Judas and the Black Messiah”)

I saw “Chicago 7”, but Daniel Kaluuya was in both “Get Out” and “Black Panther”. So, in the absence of Delroy Lindo & “Da 5 Bloods”, it’s Kaluuya ekeing out the win in a tight five-way race.

  • Best Actress in a Leading Role:
    • Viola Davis (“Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom”)
    • Andra Day (“The United States v. Billie Holiday”)
    • Vanessa Kirby (“Pieces of a Woman”)
    • Frances McDormand (“Nomadland”)
    • Carey Mulligan (“Promising Young Woman”)

McDormand has two & Davis has one, so they’re out. I don’t know who Andra Day or Vanessa Kirby are. Carey Mulligan should win, but she’s married to a Mumford & that might count against her. Too close to call.

  • Best Actor in a Leading Role:
    • Riz Ahmed (“Sound of Metal”)
    • Chadwick Boseman (“Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom”)
    • Anthony Hopkins (“The Father”)
    • Gary Oldman (“Mank”)
    • Steven Yeun (“Minari”)

It’s gotta be Chadwick, right? He did all that good work before he died, he was the Black Panther, and this was his last role. Beyond that, it’s a fucking outstanding movie and why it’s not nominated for Best Picture is a hate crime.

  • Best Director:
    • Thomas Vinterberg (“Another Round”)
    • David Fincher (“Mank”)
    • Lee Isaac Chung (“Minari”)
    • Chloé Zhao (“Nomadland”)
    • Emerald Fennell (“Promising Young Woman”)

Everybody seems to love the Asian lady because she gives no fucks, so her victory speech will be worth it.

  • Best Picture:
    • “The Father”
    • “Judas and the Black Messiah”
    • “Mank”
    • “Minari”
    • “Nomadland”
    • “Promising Young Woman”
    • “Sound of Metal”
    • “The Trial of the Chicago 7”

Of what I saw: I saw “Mank”; it was “fine”. “Chicago 7” was pure Aaron Sorkin, so no. Again I say, where the fuck are “Da 5 Bloods” and “Ma Rainey”?

I expect it’ll be “Nomadland” for the win, because people won’t fucking stop recommending it to me, despite the fact that I hated “Three Billboards” almost as much as I hated “Atonement”, and “Three Billboards” and “Nomadland” sound like the same goddamned thing. But Oscar loves righting a perceived wrong, so this will be McDormand’s first Best Picture since “Fargo”. Of the other movies I haven’t seen, based on what I hear “Minari” seems like it could sneak in, and “Judas and the Black Messiah” sounds like the long-shot-with-a-shot.

So get some popcorn & let’s dish about dresses & disses. Someone propose a drinking game!


Tonight’s sports:

  • The Oscars – 8:00pm | ABC / CTV
  • NHL:
    • Columbus vs Tampa Bay – 7:00pm | NBCSN / Sportsnet
  • NBA:
    • Milwaukee vs Atlanta – 7:30pm | TSN4 / NBATV
    • Sacramento vs Golden State – 10:00pm | Sportsnet1 / NBATV
  • MLB:
    • Padres vs. Dodgers – 7:00pm | ESPN / TSN

Beyond that, the Draft is on Thursday. Start honing your rage now.

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Horatio Cornblower

“SPEAK DANISH” I scream at my refrigerator, just daring the delicious pastry to mouth off again.

Horatio Cornblower

Now 3-3, but only because I thought this was sound editing and figured the Academy would give that to the movie about a deaf guy.

Truly God looks out for drunks and idiots.

yeah right

Holy shit. I’m hitting pretty righteous on my predictions right now.

Horatio Cornblower

Harrison Ford is absolutely high af right now.

yeah right

That’s since serious jitter action.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Amanda Seyfried deserves an award for those special effects

herodotus450

Smrt move by the NHL to make sure all their games ended early today before the oscars showed up, lotta overlap in audience there.

SonOfSpam

“Cut it oot, tryin to hear Production Design winner, eh?”

litre_cola

Always and forever.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Except for when Balls is watching Bond movies and masturbating angrily

SonOfSpam

Um, exactly how else would one masturbate?

Horatio Cornblower

With tears in my eyes.

Oh no wait, that’s how I pitch to Mickey Mantle.

SonOfSpam

How I pitch to Mickey Mantle: “Hey Mick, how bout 20 bucks for a beer?”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Sleepily?

Don T

Sweetly, letting the narcissism do all the work.

Horatio Cornblower

Still the best acceptance speech ever…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NxLa73N6Rls

Horatio Cornblower

After watching that clip, (after I posted it, of course), I apologize for posting a clip that clearly never won anything for editing.

Mr. Ayo

Rob Manfred: We need to make games faster.

Also Rob Manfred: Sure, ESPN, feel free to run a commercial mid-inning between batters!

Horatio Cornblower

“SPEAK ENGLISH” I scream at my 1992 Magnavox, forgetting that this woman is fluent in at least one, and probably two, more languages than I am.

/this is a very good speech

SonOfSpam

She was perfectly charming! (And I got the pick right so I wanna make babies with her)

Horatio Cornblower

I am now 2-2 in predictions. My wife is creeped out and going to bed.

This kind of knowledge can be yours if you read the back pages of the NY Times while sitting on the toilet regretting how much beer you drank the night before.

makeitsnowondem

I’m sure Nolan will be happy to have avoided the shutout after insisting on a theatrical release in a pandemic for a movie no one could make any sense of.

Horatio Cornblower

Just correctly predicted ‘Tenet’ as the winner. I haven’t seen it, but everything that I heard about it was that no one could understand it, but it got a lot of publicity, so the only thing it was going to win would be for visual effects or some other technical achievement.

litre_cola

I guarantee Balls has seen an adult feature where an Academy award has been used for sex acts.

ballsofsteelandfury

Yup

Horatio Cornblower

The only movie I’ve seen this year that’s at all involved in the Oscars is Nomadland, so I’m just going to insist that it win every award it’s involved, and cry foul if it doesn’t.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Damned straight” – Jim Tomsula

SonOfSpam

“I love the idea of No Mad Land”

-creators of Cracked magazine

SonOfSpam

I think the old lady from Minari is gonna win Supporting Actress because isn’t Minari that fancy soy sauce and who doesn’t like soy sauce?

Picking winners is easy if you have the right algorithm.

SonOfSpam

While I may have been thinking about Tamari, I stand by the pick.

SonOfSpam

Soy sauce never fails.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

At first I thought the announcers in the Spanish broadcast of the Dodgers-Padres game were Padres homers. Turns out they just really like home runs.

Horatio Cornblower

Better than Matt Vasgersian and A-Rod. Jesus, they are insufferable.

SonOfSpam

Vasgersian’s just happy because we’re finally recognizing the Armenian Genocide. Let him have the weekend.

A-Rod should be drawn and quartered.

Brick Meathook

Those Armenians sure know how to piss off the Turks.

herodotus450

For 40 years this country was prosperous following our well known foreign policy “…that’s nobody’s business, but the Turks” and then this Biden had to come in and cock it up!

herodotus450

“Imperrato Hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooomer Simpson…”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ugh, why would I watch my octopus teacher when I can watch Fisherman’s Wife 2, the Retentacling?

makeitsnowondem

If anyone’s wondering, I only watched the Best Picture nominees and Another Round this year. Fucking rona.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Fucking slacker

ballsofsteelandfury

I’ve met a lot of people trying to get into and actually in the movie business. One year, I was invited to an Oscar watching party. I politely declined as I am heterosexual and not many girls were invited. I did ask then, however, “Why do you guys care?”

The response: “It’s our industry! You have to watch it to see what’s the latest trend!”

To which I replied, “I’m not sure pharmaceutical sales reps are anxiously watching the Pharmaceutical SalesSlut Of The Year Awards”

I was never invited back.

herodotus450

That’s like watching the super bowl to figure out who the best teams in the nfl are.

ballsofsteelandfury

That’s just crazy.

Horatio Cornblower

Tell me more about this pharmacy award…

makeitsnowondem

Riz might be about to give an award to his own movie.

SonOfSpam

They put the award right there in the movie title.

Note to self: Get to work on screenplay called “The Best Picture With The Best Cinematography” at once.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

comment image/revision/latest?cb=20120122041729

litre_cola

Hey Balls, that means Blue Cruise wins the regular season? Oh they will never win the whole thing if I have learned anything about SexiMexi futbol.

ballsofsteelandfury

Yes, they’re the regular season champs!

ballsofsteelandfury

And yes, they won’t.

SonOfSpam

Bong is presenting an award, most likely to Zhao.

Let’s see if he squeezes in a COVID insult.

SonOfSpam

He did not make a COVID joke.

He did, however, announce the winner as the director of Nomadrand and I guess that’ll have to do.

SonOfSpam

Please know that my attempts to make a “holy shit Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom won for Makeup and Hair and Costume Design, what a great-looking black bottom that must’ve been” joke went nowhere and we should all be grateful.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

The last black bottom to win an award was Jamie Foxx I believe.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Brick Meathook

🎵 Talkin ‘bout mud flaps
My baby’s got ‘em 🎵

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I still remember when Tatis Sr hit two grand slams off Chan Ho Park in the same inning. I once ate two Denny’s Grand Slams in one sitting and took a shit in the bushes at a park.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So basically the content mines but for drama?

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I won an Oscar once. Mind you, having a slave auction at Bearcon 1997 might have been in poor taste but what can I say, I like them Caliente!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Tucker Carlson must be livid right now. That makes me a little happy.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Why would he be livid? Did he catch a glimpse of a black person smiling for some reason?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Actual conversation:

Lady BFC: I can’t believe I still haven’t been to Union Station
BFC: I have!
Lady BFC: One time, for your….drinking tour.
BFC: It was a pub crawl, it sounds classier.
Lady BFC: Does it, though?

SonOfSpam

Can confirm it was less than classy.

LET’S DO IT AGAIN.

litre_cola

I would fly down for that.

Brick Meathook

It was pretty classy when you guys all slow danced with each other at that one bar. I’m sorry I didn’t join in.

SonOfSpam

The Blue Oyster just has that mood.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

“Tour de Vomit on Tourists’ Feet”

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I saw none of these movies and watched ‘Bad Lieutenant’ for the 50th time.

Is Ricky Gervais hosting again?

Viva La Tabula Raza

Fucking Strawberry!!!
—Harvey Keitel

(NSFW)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkVsKCWH2Aw

BrettFavresColonoscopy

So I haven’t seen very many of these films but i have been reading The Assassination of Fred Hampton and damn, my hometown should be fucking apologizing daily.

makeitsnowondem

I appreciate Kaluuya addressing the allegations that his parents had sex.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Usually when a black bottom lasts longer than an hour, it ends up in Jeffrey Dahmer’s police file!

King Hippo

oh fuck, is that good. SO GLAD Ale-Robbo put the signal out.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

How does Laura Dern still look the same as she did in October Sky? I remember watching that in school.

SonOfSpam

I like that Kaluuya kid. Good for him.

Always jarring to hear him speak Garbage-Brit though.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

How is this guy still fucking talking?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Shit, got to the dead daughter part, I’m an asshole

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

BFC in remedial science class (artist’s conception):
comment image

makeitsnowondem

He made a movie about drinking at work, he can do what he wants.

King Hippo

ah, I recall the first time I pilled up at the office. Such a downy innocent, then.

ballsofsteelandfury

YES!! THAT WAS A YUUGE WIN!

litre_cola

Did nawt see that coming?

ballsofsteelandfury

Honestly, no. I thought the best we could do was a tie.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

“Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom” I believe was the sequel to “Harvey Fierstein’s Waifish Top”

makeitsnowondem

Gentlemen.

ballsofsteelandfury

Holy shit! He’s alive!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I don’t believe it.

Pop quiz, Hot shot:

How do we feel about Greece?

SonOfSpam

(Rizzo’s a whore)

makeitsnowondem

No feelings about Greece today, it’s Sunday.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ok, checks out. Now pass me a beer, alot

litre_cola

Squints, is the snowman back?

makeitsnowondem

I’m afraid so.

SonOfSpam

Wearing a tuxedo jacket and no pants, yes?

makeitsnowondem

Leggings

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

What are you doing here, you’re supposed to be watching 3 O’Clock High!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Anyone got a questionable Livestream?

litre_cola

If you are looking for mexi futbol yes….

/he is not.

ballsofsteelandfury

He can actually watch it on UHF! Channel 34!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Irony is the best option was a seven day free trial of fubotv, so now I have a week of Mexican soccer, too.

ballsofsteelandfury

Toluca needs one more goal. I don’t like how this is going…

ballsofsteelandfury

THERE IT IS!!!

litre_cola

Is it odd that they are their own sponsor on the front of their kit?

ballsofsteelandfury

Um.. let’s gloss over that…

litre_cola

Just wait til Fulham has wrasslin on the front of theirs. It’s coming.

ballsofsteelandfury

Can’t be worse than Puebla and Facebook…

litre_cola

THAT THING IS BEAUTIFUL AND I WILL HAVE ZYMM SIGN IT ONE DAY IN WYOMING

litre_cola

I also do not understand the 3 digit numbers too, but it is a nice quirk.

ballsofsteelandfury

I like the guy wearing 222.

SonOfSpam

Chicharito has a hat trick for the LA Galaxy, the best team in the best league in the world.

Brick Meathook

Steak sandwich at Jack’s house:

comment image

SonOfSpam

Jack’s tables look to be stolen from a Denny’s.

You should have Moons Over My Hammy for the second course.

ballsofsteelandfury

Jack took that plastic glass as a souvenir after he banged the waitress in the cooler.

True story.

Last edited 3 years ago by ballsofsteelandfury
Brick Meathook

There’s not a Dennys within 20 miles of me. They’re all ugly condos now. First Ship’s disappeared, then Norm’s disappeared, then Dennys disappeared. All ugly condos now.

I hang out with Jack a lot and every restaurant he eats at he not only doesn’t pay the check, he takes the place settings and silverware home with him. No one stops him.

SonOfSpam

It would be an honor to have my flatware stolen by Jack Nicholson.

Brick Meathook

I used to go to Spago a lot with Jack and one time I guess they got fed up and served us on paper plates. Jack called Wolfgang Puck over and BAM he whacked Wolfie in the head with a 2-iron. I still have no idea where he got the golf club, but it just appeared. When Puck regained consciousness and they stopped the bleeding with napkins, he first apologized to Jack and then he thanked him for whacking his head, and then he had 100 complete place settings sent to Jack’s house. That’s Jack.

SonOfSpam

I love old Hollywood stories. Such flair and class compared to today. Oliver Reed was so great with off-the-cuff bon mots like “Fuck off you cunt.” Magic.

Game Time Decision

Replaced the flapper in the crapper today. I know you’re all jealous

ballsofsteelandfury

That’s a euphemism, right?

SonOfSpam

Yes, “flapper” being a more polite way of saying “butt plug” and it’s about time.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Did you throw the old one out? That was a tough decision for me but eventually I pulled the trigger.

Game Time Decision

Yes. A replacement is $5. I’ll risk it

Gumbygirl

Bravo! I replaced the wax ring once. Took hours, and I was as proud as if I had won an Oscar!

facebook_1619391827180_6792221618311314791_320861476654006.jpg
ballsofsteelandfury

That little guy looks so happy he must have just escaped Richard Gere!

Gumbygirl

He just had a milkshake at Sonic. Here’s another happy little fella

wildlife-photography-andrea-zampatti-1.jpg
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m looking forward to next year’s Jeff Toobin biopic, currently being filmed under the working title <i>Yank</i>.

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m waiting for the King Of The Hill reboot “Hank”

Mr. Ayo

I’m waiting for the Blair Walsh reboot: “Shank”

Gumbygirl

The Miley Cyrus Story: Skank

Brick Meathook

The Lindsay Lohan biopic “Stank”

ArmedandHammered

The Behind the Story: X-Men – Dark Phoenix film, “Tank”

ballsofsteelandfury

The DFO Sexy Friday Story: Spank

ArmedandHammered

I though that was the name of the Robert Kraft biopic.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No, you’re thinking of Wank.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I thought Wank was when you did it without outside assistance.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[damnit, that should have been the original joke]

Game Time Decision

Can we all just get a little dank

ArmedandHammered

The story of Bill Cosby – “Tranq”

Don T

😆

SonOfSpam

Flashing forward to Lil Wayne’s death certificate: “Drank”

Viva La Tabula Raza

New social media website that didn’t really work out so well: Frank.

litre_cola

Litre after his vasectomy “Blank”

BeefReeferLives

My yearly”If xxx doesn’t win for yyy the academy is a TRAVESTY and a SHAM” pronouncement is Daniel Kaluuya for best supporting actor. This is because I thought Daniel was pretty damned good, and “Judas and the Black Messiah” is the only movie in the category that I have seen thus far…

BeefReeferLives

Well OK then. Jolly good.

Brick Meathook

I actually work in the Hollywood movie industry. I shovel up the elephant shit in jungle extravaganzas, the horse shit in westerns, and the cow shit in Amish rom-coms. My company is called Shoveling Associates LLC. I’ve only seen two of these movies. Mank was much less impressive than it could have been, and Borat was pretty good. The actress in Borat was also pretty good, and the Rudy Giuliani scene is jaw dropping for many reasons.

I’ll be at Jack Nicholson’s house tonight, and if I know Jack he’ll probably dig up Bob Evans and have him sitting in a chair somewhere. I’ll probably be doing a lot of blow tonight so I don’t know how much of the Oscars I’ll actually see.

ballsofsteelandfury

The only question I have is whether the blow will be done off a starlet’s tits or a call girl’s ass.

Brick Meathook

I like to change it up every hour or so.

Viva La Tabula Raza

That’s called the John Entwistle Dilemma.

ballsofsteelandfury

Seriously shutterstock??
comment image

SonOfSpam

My understanding is Jack no longer knows who or where he is, but then that’s been true much of his adult life.

herodotus450

I haven’t paid attention to the Oscars since Fatty Arbuckle was ROBBED back in nineteen-diggity-two.

BeefReeferLives

+1 onion tied to your belt

Viva La Tabula Raza

Fatty had a real squeaky voice and never would have made the transition to talkies.

litre_cola

Ballsy, shouldn’t you be watching Toluca shortly?

ballsofsteelandfury

That’s EXACTLY what I’m watching!

litre_cola

The ref looks like he used to be in the Knights of Templar.

ballsofsteelandfury

This is such a MUST WIN but I’m afraid the best I can hope for is a tie.

ballsofsteelandfury

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLL!!!

ballsofsteelandfury

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLL!!!!
AGAIN!

litre_cola

Love it!!!! I too am watching.

Last edited 3 years ago by litre_cola
ballsofsteelandfury

They’re playing a bit too defensively for my taste right now though…

litre_cola

Is this one of the kits you purchased on DH?

ballsofsteelandfury

Exactly! I got a purple version too. Same design.

litre_cola

From dh or uusoccer?

ballsofsteelandfury

DH. I’ve no idea about uusoccer…

litre_cola

It my newest find. Has a Russian .ru but comes from Shenzen. Only place I have found Puebla kits.

This game is very “bitchy” right now. The Knight of Templar needs to get control.

ballsofsteelandfury

The Knight of Templar seems a quart low. He’ll have to refill that head at halftime.

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m proud to say I’ve seen none of these films.

I could give two shits who wins. I’m just here for the wardrobe malfunctions.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I’ve heard of a couple of these, and I did see the Borat movie, but that’s it. I’ll be watching something else tonight.
I do remember watching the Oscars and seeing the streaker run bareass behind David Niven and Elizabeth Taylor.

litre_cola

I have not seen a film in the theatre since the last Bourne movie.

Viva La Tabula Raza

John Wick 2 for me.

Game Time Decision

Think frozen 2 for me. Yikes

ballsofsteelandfury

Knives Out for me…