Look,
it’s Oscar night. If you have relatives over, that’s what’s on. If you have a partner that likes movie or entertainment gossip, that’s what’s on. I haven’t seen the majority of the films on the list, but this is the internet, so my uninformed opinions are just as valid as the next internet asshole’s. So let’s put out the Buddy Cole beacon,
just accept it, and join in the fray.
Here are the top categories of note, a link to yeah right‘s predictions, followed by my best guesses:
- Best Actress in a Supporting Role:
- Maria Bakalova (‘Borat Subsequent Moviefilm”)
- Glenn Close (“Hillbilly Elegy”)
- Olivia Colman (“The Father”)
- Amanda Seyfried (“Mank”)
- Yuh-jung Youn (“Minari”)
Glenn Close is the emotional favourite, Maria Bakalova is the “came from nowhere” favourite, and Amanda Seyfried is the Mean Girls Favourite. Having seen “Mank”, I have to go with Karen Smith for the win.
- Best Actor in a Supporting Role:
- Sacha Baron Cohen (“The Trial of the Chicago 7”)
- Daniel Kaluuya (“Judas and the Black Messiah”)
- Leslie Odom Jr. (“One Night in Miami”)
- Paul Raci (“Sound of Metal”)
- Lakeith Stanfield (“Judas and the Black Messiah”)
I saw “Chicago 7”, but Daniel Kaluuya was in both “Get Out” and “Black Panther”. So, in the absence of Delroy Lindo & “Da 5 Bloods”, it’s Kaluuya ekeing out the win in a tight five-way race.
- Best Actress in a Leading Role:
- Viola Davis (“Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom”)
- Andra Day (“The United States v. Billie Holiday”)
- Vanessa Kirby (“Pieces of a Woman”)
- Frances McDormand (“Nomadland”)
- Carey Mulligan (“Promising Young Woman”)
McDormand has two & Davis has one, so they’re out. I don’t know who Andra Day or Vanessa Kirby are. Carey Mulligan should win, but she’s married to a Mumford & that might count against her. Too close to call.
- Best Actor in a Leading Role:
- Riz Ahmed (“Sound of Metal”)
- Chadwick Boseman (“Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom”)
- Anthony Hopkins (“The Father”)
- Gary Oldman (“Mank”)
- Steven Yeun (“Minari”)
It’s gotta be Chadwick, right? He did all that good work before he died, he was the Black Panther, and this was his last role. Beyond that, it’s a fucking outstanding movie and why it’s not nominated for Best Picture is a hate crime.
- Best Director:
- Thomas Vinterberg (“Another Round”)
- David Fincher (“Mank”)
- Lee Isaac Chung (“Minari”)
- Chloé Zhao (“Nomadland”)
- Emerald Fennell (“Promising Young Woman”)
Everybody seems to love the Asian lady because she gives no fucks, so her victory speech will be worth it.
- Best Picture:
- “The Father”
- “Judas and the Black Messiah”
- “Mank”
- “Minari”
- “Nomadland”
- “Promising Young Woman”
- “Sound of Metal”
- “The Trial of the Chicago 7”
Of what I saw: I saw “Mank”; it was “fine”. “Chicago 7” was pure Aaron Sorkin, so no. Again I say, where the fuck are “Da 5 Bloods” and “Ma Rainey”?
I expect it’ll be “Nomadland” for the win, because people won’t fucking stop recommending it to me, despite the fact that I hated “Three Billboards” almost as much as I hated “Atonement”, and “Three Billboards” and “Nomadland” sound like the same goddamned thing. But Oscar loves righting a perceived wrong, so this will be McDormand’s first Best Picture since “Fargo”. Of the other movies I haven’t seen, based on what I hear “Minari” seems like it could sneak in, and “Judas and the Black Messiah” sounds like the long-shot-with-a-shot.
So get some popcorn & let’s dish about dresses & disses. Someone propose a drinking game!
Tonight’s sports:
- The Oscars – 8:00pm | ABC / CTV
- NHL:
- Columbus vs Tampa Bay – 7:00pm | NBCSN / Sportsnet
- NBA:
- Milwaukee vs Atlanta – 7:30pm | TSN4 / NBATV
- Sacramento vs Golden State – 10:00pm | Sportsnet1 / NBATV
- MLB:
- Padres vs. Dodgers – 7:00pm | ESPN / TSN
Beyond that, the Draft is on Thursday. Start honing your rage now.
“SPEAK DANISH” I scream at my refrigerator, just daring the delicious pastry to mouth off again.
Now 3-3, but only because I thought this was sound editing and figured the Academy would give that to the movie about a deaf guy.
Truly God looks out for drunks and idiots.
Holy shit. I’m hitting pretty righteous on my predictions right now.
Harrison Ford is absolutely high af right now.
That’s since serious jitter action.
Amanda Seyfried deserves an award for those special effects
Smrt move by the NHL to make sure all their games ended early today before the oscars showed up, lotta overlap in audience there.
“Cut it oot, tryin to hear Production Design winner, eh?”
Umm… DAMN, Halle Berry!
Always and forever.
Except for when Balls is watching Bond movies and masturbating angrily
Um, exactly how else would one masturbate?
With tears in my eyes.
Oh no wait, that’s how I pitch to Mickey Mantle.
How I pitch to Mickey Mantle: “Hey Mick, how bout 20 bucks for a beer?”
Sleepily?
Sweetly, letting the narcissism do all the work.
Still the best acceptance speech ever…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NxLa73N6Rls
After watching that clip, (after I posted it, of course), I apologize for posting a clip that clearly never won anything for editing.
Rob Manfred: We need to make games faster.
Also Rob Manfred: Sure, ESPN, feel free to run a commercial mid-inning between batters!
“SPEAK ENGLISH” I scream at my 1992 Magnavox, forgetting that this woman is fluent in at least one, and probably two, more languages than I am.
/this is a very good speech
She was perfectly charming! (And I got the pick right so I wanna make babies with her)
I am now 2-2 in predictions. My wife is creeped out and going to bed.
This kind of knowledge can be yours if you read the back pages of the NY Times while sitting on the toilet regretting how much beer you drank the night before.
I’m sure Nolan will be happy to have avoided the shutout after insisting on a theatrical release in a pandemic for a movie no one could make any sense of.
Just correctly predicted ‘Tenet’ as the winner. I haven’t seen it, but everything that I heard about it was that no one could understand it, but it got a lot of publicity, so the only thing it was going to win would be for visual effects or some other technical achievement.
I guarantee Balls has seen an adult feature where an Academy award has been used for sex acts.
Yup
The only movie I’ve seen this year that’s at all involved in the Oscars is Nomadland, so I’m just going to insist that it win every award it’s involved, and cry foul if it doesn’t.
“Damned straight” – Jim Tomsula
“I love the idea of No Mad Land”
-creators of Cracked magazine
I think the old lady from Minari is gonna win Supporting Actress because isn’t Minari that fancy soy sauce and who doesn’t like soy sauce?
Picking winners is easy if you have the right algorithm.
While I may have been thinking about Tamari, I stand by the pick.
Soy sauce never fails.
At first I thought the announcers in the Spanish broadcast of the Dodgers-Padres game were Padres homers. Turns out they just really like home runs.
Better than Matt Vasgersian and A-Rod. Jesus, they are insufferable.
Vasgersian’s just happy because we’re finally recognizing the Armenian Genocide. Let him have the weekend.
A-Rod should be drawn and quartered.
Those Armenians sure know how to piss off the Turks.
For 40 years this country was prosperous following our well known foreign policy “…that’s nobody’s business, but the Turks” and then this Biden had to come in and cock it up!
“Imperrato Hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooomer Simpson…”
Ugh, why would I watch my octopus teacher when I can watch Fisherman’s Wife 2, the Retentacling?
(Insert Moose gif here)
(A tear escapes my eye)
If anyone’s wondering, I only watched the Best Picture nominees and Another Round this year. Fucking rona.
Fucking slacker
I’ve met a lot of people trying to get into and actually in the movie business. One year, I was invited to an Oscar watching party. I politely declined as I am heterosexual and not many girls were invited. I did ask then, however, “Why do you guys care?”
The response: “It’s our industry! You have to watch it to see what’s the latest trend!”
To which I replied, “I’m not sure pharmaceutical sales reps are anxiously watching the Pharmaceutical SalesSlut Of The Year Awards”
I was never invited back.
That’s like watching the super bowl to figure out who the best teams in the nfl are.
That’s just crazy.
Tell me more about this pharmacy award…
Riz might be about to give an award to his own movie.
They put the award right there in the movie title.
Note to self: Get to work on screenplay called “The Best Picture With The Best Cinematography” at once.
/revision/latest?cb=20120122041729
Hey Balls, that means Blue Cruise wins the regular season? Oh they will never win the whole thing if I have learned anything about SexiMexi futbol.
Yes, they’re the regular season champs!
And yes, they won’t.
Bong is presenting an award, most likely to Zhao.
Let’s see if he squeezes in a COVID insult.
He did not make a COVID joke.
He did, however, announce the winner as the director of Nomadrand and I guess that’ll have to do.
Please know that my attempts to make a “holy shit Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom won for Makeup and Hair and Costume Design, what a great-looking black bottom that must’ve been” joke went nowhere and we should all be grateful.
The last black bottom to win an award was Jamie Foxx I believe.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FfhphrmKdsg
🎵 Talkin ‘bout mud flaps
My baby’s got ‘em 🎵
I still remember when Tatis Sr hit two grand slams off Chan Ho Park in the same inning. I once ate two Denny’s Grand Slams in one sitting and took a shit in the bushes at a park.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TK1bi4emEkk
So basically the content mines but for drama?
I won an Oscar once. Mind you, having a slave auction at Bearcon 1997 might have been in poor taste but what can I say, I like them Caliente!
Tucker Carlson must be livid right now. That makes me a little happy.
Why would he be livid? Did he catch a glimpse of a black person smiling for some reason?
Actual conversation:
Lady BFC: I can’t believe I still haven’t been to Union Station
BFC: I have!
Lady BFC: One time, for your….drinking tour.
BFC: It was a pub crawl, it sounds classier.
Lady BFC: Does it, though?
Can confirm it was less than classy.
LET’S DO IT AGAIN.
I would fly down for that.
It was pretty classy when you guys all slow danced with each other at that one bar. I’m sorry I didn’t join in.
The Blue Oyster just has that mood.
“Tour de Vomit on Tourists’ Feet”
I saw none of these movies and watched ‘Bad Lieutenant’ for the 50th time.
Is Ricky Gervais hosting again?
Fucking Strawberry!!!
—Harvey Keitel
(NSFW)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkVsKCWH2Aw
So I haven’t seen very many of these films but i have been reading The Assassination of Fred Hampton and damn, my hometown should be fucking apologizing daily.
I appreciate Kaluuya addressing the allegations that his parents had sex.
Usually when a black bottom lasts longer than an hour, it ends up in Jeffrey Dahmer’s police file!
oh fuck, is that good. SO GLAD Ale-Robbo put the signal out.
I know my role.
How does Laura Dern still look the same as she did in October Sky? I remember watching that in school.
I like that Kaluuya kid. Good for him.
Always jarring to hear him speak Garbage-Brit though.
How is this guy still fucking talking?
Shit, got to the dead daughter part, I’m an asshole
BFC in remedial science class (artist’s conception):
He made a movie about drinking at work, he can do what he wants.
ah, I recall the first time I pilled up at the office. Such a downy innocent, then.
YES!! THAT WAS A YUUGE WIN!
Did nawt see that coming?
Honestly, no. I thought the best we could do was a tie.
“Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom” I believe was the sequel to “Harvey Fierstein’s Waifish Top”
Gentlemen.
Holy shit! He’s alive!
I don’t believe it.
Pop quiz, Hot shot:
How do we feel about Greece?
(Rizzo’s a whore)
No feelings about Greece today, it’s Sunday.
Ok, checks out. Now pass me a beer, alot
Squints, is the snowman back?
I’m afraid so.
Wearing a tuxedo jacket and no pants, yes?
Leggings
What are you doing here, you’re supposed to be watching 3 O’Clock High!
Anyone got a questionable Livestream?
If you are looking for mexi futbol yes….
/he is not.
He can actually watch it on UHF! Channel 34!
Irony is the best option was a seven day free trial of fubotv, so now I have a week of Mexican soccer, too.
Toluca needs one more goal. I don’t like how this is going…
THERE IT IS!!!
Is it odd that they are their own sponsor on the front of their kit?
Um.. let’s gloss over that…
Just wait til Fulham has wrasslin on the front of theirs. It’s coming.
Can’t be worse than Puebla and Facebook…
THAT THING IS BEAUTIFUL AND I WILL HAVE ZYMM SIGN IT ONE DAY IN WYOMING
I also do not understand the 3 digit numbers too, but it is a nice quirk.
I like the guy wearing 222.
Chicharito has a hat trick for the LA Galaxy, the best team in the best league in the world.
Steak sandwich at Jack’s house:
Jack’s tables look to be stolen from a Denny’s.
You should have Moons Over My Hammy for the second course.
Jack took that plastic glass as a souvenir after he banged the waitress in the cooler.
True story.
There’s not a Dennys within 20 miles of me. They’re all ugly condos now. First Ship’s disappeared, then Norm’s disappeared, then Dennys disappeared. All ugly condos now.
I hang out with Jack a lot and every restaurant he eats at he not only doesn’t pay the check, he takes the place settings and silverware home with him. No one stops him.
It would be an honor to have my flatware stolen by Jack Nicholson.
I used to go to Spago a lot with Jack and one time I guess they got fed up and served us on paper plates. Jack called Wolfgang Puck over and BAM he whacked Wolfie in the head with a 2-iron. I still have no idea where he got the golf club, but it just appeared. When Puck regained consciousness and they stopped the bleeding with napkins, he first apologized to Jack and then he thanked him for whacking his head, and then he had 100 complete place settings sent to Jack’s house. That’s Jack.
I love old Hollywood stories. Such flair and class compared to today. Oliver Reed was so great with off-the-cuff bon mots like “Fuck off you cunt.” Magic.
Replaced the flapper in the crapper today. I know you’re all jealous
That’s a euphemism, right?
Yes, “flapper” being a more polite way of saying “butt plug” and it’s about time.
Did you throw the old one out? That was a tough decision for me but eventually I pulled the trigger.
Yes. A replacement is $5. I’ll risk it
Bravo! I replaced the wax ring once. Took hours, and I was as proud as if I had won an Oscar!
That little guy looks so happy he must have just escaped Richard Gere!
He just had a milkshake at Sonic. Here’s another happy little fella
I’m looking forward to next year’s Jeff Toobin biopic, currently being filmed under the working title <i>Yank</i>.
I’m holding out for the Armie Hammer career outlook biopic, “Sank”.
I’m waiting for the King Of The Hill reboot “Hank”
I’m waiting for the Blair Walsh reboot: “Shank”
The Miley Cyrus Story: Skank
The Lindsay Lohan biopic “Stank”
The Behind the Story: X-Men – Dark Phoenix film, “Tank”
The DFO Sexy Friday Story: Spank
I though that was the name of the Robert Kraft biopic.
No, you’re thinking of Wank.
I thought Wank was when you did it without outside assistance.
[damnit, that should have been the original joke]
Can we all just get a little dank
The story of Bill Cosby – “Tranq”
😆
Flashing forward to Lil Wayne’s death certificate: “Drank”
New social media website that didn’t really work out so well: Frank.
Litre after his vasectomy “Blank”
My yearly”If xxx doesn’t win for yyy the academy is a TRAVESTY and a SHAM” pronouncement is Daniel Kaluuya for best supporting actor. This is because I thought Daniel was pretty damned good, and “Judas and the Black Messiah” is the only movie in the category that I have seen thus far…
Well OK then. Jolly good.
I actually work in the Hollywood movie industry. I shovel up the elephant shit in jungle extravaganzas, the horse shit in westerns, and the cow shit in Amish rom-coms. My company is called Shoveling Associates LLC. I’ve only seen two of these movies. Mank was much less impressive than it could have been, and Borat was pretty good. The actress in Borat was also pretty good, and the Rudy Giuliani scene is jaw dropping for many reasons.
I’ll be at Jack Nicholson’s house tonight, and if I know Jack he’ll probably dig up Bob Evans and have him sitting in a chair somewhere. I’ll probably be doing a lot of blow tonight so I don’t know how much of the Oscars I’ll actually see.
The only question I have is whether the blow will be done off a starlet’s tits or a call girl’s ass.
I like to change it up every hour or so.
That’s called the John Entwistle Dilemma.
Seriously shutterstock??
My understanding is Jack no longer knows who or where he is, but then that’s been true much of his adult life.
I haven’t paid attention to the Oscars since Fatty Arbuckle was ROBBED back in nineteen-diggity-two.
+1 onion tied to your belt
Fatty had a real squeaky voice and never would have made the transition to talkies.
Ballsy, shouldn’t you be watching Toluca shortly?
That’s EXACTLY what I’m watching!
The ref looks like he used to be in the Knights of Templar.
This is such a MUST WIN but I’m afraid the best I can hope for is a tie.
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLL!!!
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLL!!!!
AGAIN!
Love it!!!! I too am watching.
They’re playing a bit too defensively for my taste right now though…
Is this one of the kits you purchased on DH?
Exactly! I got a purple version too. Same design.
From dh or uusoccer?
DH. I’ve no idea about uusoccer…
It my newest find. Has a Russian .ru but comes from Shenzen. Only place I have found Puebla kits.
This game is very “bitchy” right now. The Knight of Templar needs to get control.
The Knight of Templar seems a quart low. He’ll have to refill that head at halftime.
I’m proud to say I’ve seen none of these films.
I could give two shits who wins. I’m just here for the wardrobe malfunctions.
I’ve heard of a couple of these, and I did see the Borat movie, but that’s it. I’ll be watching something else tonight.
I do remember watching the Oscars and seeing the streaker run bareass behind David Niven and Elizabeth Taylor.
I have not seen a film in the theatre since the last Bourne movie.
John Wick 2 for me.
Think frozen 2 for me. Yikes
Knives Out for me…