We’re on the verge of the greatest international sports summer ever! We have:
- Copa América
- Euro 2020
- Concacaf Gold Cup
- Tokyo Olympic Games
And it all starts on June 11, 2021 with the European Soccer (Football) championships aka Euro 2020!
Yes, it is 2021 but they decided to keep the name, ok?
From now until the tourney starts, we’ll be giving you previews for every country in Euro 2020, DFO-style, of course. We will also provide previews of all the Copa América countries as the Copa América starts on June 13, 2021 right after Euro 2020 starts.
Euro 2020 will be broadcast in English on ESPN in the United States and on TSN in Canada. Univisión has the Spanish language rights in the US and TVA has the French language rights in Canada. Here is a handy calendar for you to use to schedule your vacation days:
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Today’s team is:
Portugal!
Portugal is the Western most sovereign state in Europe and is located on the Iberian Peninsula.
The regions of Portugal include:
Lisbon – the capitol
Centro
Algarve
Norte
Alentejo
Madiera
The Azores.
As many of you know Portland is also my frontrunner for place to retire. I’ve spent months of research and so far nothing has deterred or frightened my decision.
Portugal hosts an extensive expat community with the majority being British, Australian and American. English is spoken and/or understood by close to half of the country. The climate is warm and sunny and there are lots of comparisons to the climate of Southern California, which, well yeah is my fucking home.
The people are warm and welcoming, there are numerous beaches with temperate climate and the cost of living is about 60% of what I pay to live in L.A.
I’ll wait a minute while you add up the negatives…
Times up!
In my research the 2 biggest negatives are lack of career opportunities and job security.
Guess what, fuckos! I’ll be retired!
The Algarve is a very popular expat destination with it’s brilliant beaches and abundant sunshine and some of the best surf in Europe. Although many retirees say there’s really nothing to do during the winter and during the summer it’s filled with drunken teens and 20 year-olds. Having lived on the Jersey Shore I can rule it out.
Lisbon is interesting with it being a major city with all that that entails including cultural event access, live music, sports, and the metropolitan vibe. Again, I’m going to be retired and won’t need the intensity that big city living means.
Right now I’m leaning towards Porto: home of Porto FC. Dominators of the UEFA Champions League.
Porto is also the birthplace of Port wine and is named a World Heritage Site by UNESCO. It’s one of Europe’s oldest cities.
In all honesty I’m probably looking at a smaller village nearby with rail access to Porto. Hopefully somewhere with a view because I really want to see sunsets on the Atlantic while looking west. It’s also one of the more temperate climates in Portugal since drifting too far south gets you hotter summers and drifting too far north gets you winter.
Fuck winter. I’ll be retired.
It does have a rainy season but if I’m doing the majority of my local travel by rail that really shouldn’t matter. Porto is large enough to have a vibrant cultural scene, with arts, music and the aforementioned Porto FC.
Did I mention it’s the birthplace of Port wine?
Portugal is rated as having one of the highest qualities of life of any country. It’s SOCIALIZED MEDICINE! is considered some of the world’s best and it has been ranked as extremely safe and secure. Plus it features the Mediterranean diet.
Here’s a fun stat: the average retiree in the United States requires up to $300,000 in savings JUST FOR HEALTH CARE because the American health care system sucks ASS and will take every goddamn bit of money you have ever earned if you get sick during retirement!
I worked too goddamn hard for my retirement. Fuck that shit.
Hope being surrounded by a Roman Catholic culture doesn’t get my agnostic ass in trouble.
Team Schedule
Portugal is in Group “F” with Hungary, Germany, and France – holy fuck. Here is the Group Stage schedule. All times local start time.
15 June 2021 18:00
Hungary v. Portugal Puskás Aréna, Budapest
19 June 2021 18:00
Portugal Match v. Germany Allianz Arena, Munich
23 June 2021 21:00
Portugal v. France Puskás Aréna, Budapest
Hungary in Budapesshht? Germany in Munich? The fuck with this shit?
Team Preview / Top Players
Some dude named Cristiano Ronaldo who is set to be the first player in history to play in five European Championship finals.
Bernardo Silva will be taking on a more relevant role and in addition you have players such as João Félix, Bruno Fernandes and Rúben Neves mixing it up as well. Thanks Guardian.com
They also you know WON THIS FUCKING TOURNAMENT THE LAST TIME IT WAS PLAYED!
Every game in the first round promises to be a proper CORKER!
/not sure if they say the term “corker” in Portugal. Probably not.
Best result when you Google Image Search “Hot [Country] food”
[obviously the correct answer is bacalao since the average citizen eats their bodyweight in salt cod annually but I’m going with this lovely bastard]
That, my friends is a Francesinha, or “Little Frenchy.” One of the signature foods of Porto, it’s 2 slices of bread contain [takes deep breath] 2 steaks, 2 sausages, 4 slices of ham, 10 slices of edam cheese all covered by a secret spicy sauce and served hot.
I’ll wait a minute if you need to change your shorts.
Now you’ve also discovered the real reason why I’m looking so closely at Porto as a destination.
yeah right, Have you ever been to this country?
I have not. Yet. I’m planning on going sometime next summer on a “recon” mission. I’m hoping to spend enough time that I can travel to Porto and surrounding areas which will hopefully help me focus on a possible retirement location.
Why you should root for this country
- You are a fan of Ronaldo and want this team to repeat as champs
- You like Port wine and salt cod.
- You are really rooting for me in my retirement
Why you should NOT root for this country
- You don’t like dried and reconstituted fish products.
- You had a really bad drinking experience drinking a shitty American bottle of port wine.
- That whole “world discovery, world conquest, kill the locals and take their gold then give them diseases, force them to convert religions and kill their women and children thing.” Point taken but if you’re also an American? You’re not allowed to be this self righteous on these matters
Predição!
Woof!
Again, Germany in Germany, Hungary in Hungary and France being France.
That’s one tough barrel of fish.
Could lose in group play or could win the whole goddamn thing.
How’s that for going out on a limb?
Vejo você na praia!
Don’t be surprised if Portugal win the ‘chip. They have a freakishly scary golden generation emerging that may actually surpass France.
Also, they have Bruno, the Portuguese Magnifico!
https://youtu.be/1fIrZMWbHA8
The French and Krauts will have theiay with them. They will get in the next round in one of them new fangled 3rd place spots.
The French, oui, but I think the Portugese beat the Krauts. If your team has to rely on Timo I have the accuracy of a storm trooper Werner, I don’t think you win too many games
Ooo. I want me a little frenchy. (I’m sure that has many different meanings, most of them unspeakably filthy. I don’t care. I want that sammich)
Ok, here you go:
I’m in a Buffalo Wild Wings in Sterling VA. I’ve never been in a Buffalo Wild Wings before (I saw one once). I’m killing time waiting to do a shoot on the Dulles Access Road. Being in this place is like being in the saddest episode of “The Twilight Zone” ever.
Well, here’s a lil something to amuse while you wait… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WA3y2HxJzps
This is so goddamned Northern Virginia. I only lived there (Springfield) like 18 months, it was still enough to make me want to become a suicide bomber.
My ex-wife seriously has blacked out pretty much the entire time we lived there, she hated it so much.
Sounds like you passed “The Test” though…
oh, absolutely. “The Test” also applies to never returning to the shit-ass town where I went to high school.
In 1980 or so, Gumby was on a train going between Portugal and Spain. When they got to the border, Spanish fascista military thugs got on, started waving machine guns around, screaming and hollering, and dragged some poor guy off. He said no one on the train said a word, or even looked surprised. Things are much better now!
Perhaps a little of Francisco Franco’s leftover legacy…
ETA! Man, I haven’t thought about those guys in years.
Made a plane change in Lisbon on my way to 2 weeks at Lajes Field on Terceira in the Azores. It was awesome.
I very much enjoyed reading “Portugal, The Preview”.
Yeah, my boss went to Portugal, and what he told me was heavenly (great food, nice people, reasonable prices, serene AND UNCROWDED beaches, not much nightlife). Like coastal Oregon, but warmer and less discovered.
In short? Hippo TOTES jelly
I am really looking forward to you going on your scouting trip. I hope the country is what you’re looking for in retirement.
Thank you. Obviously the idea of expatriation started a little over 4 years ago. Then gained momentum since March of last year. But it really started to become an obsession with the more and more research I did into the American Health care system. One of my favorite writers, Luke O’neil writes a newsletter called “Welcome to Hell World” and it was must reading during the lockdown. He started getting testimonials about the insane amounts of money hospitals were charging for COVID treatment and the more research I did the more I decided I’m going somewhere else because this healthcare system is a fucking WARCRIME.
I research everything like an insane person. Hence Portugal.
I am very interested in trying petiscos, and would love to see the Azores during summer.
I read just this morning that they are opening up the Azores for visitors from North America real soon. First time since the beginning of…
I would love to make a visit myself.
Not just the Azores, all of the EU to allow vaccinated tourists without quarantine requirements:
EU agrees to ease travel restrictions on non-EU tourists (cnbc.com)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4DcR3MsI0us
Oh Sunderland. Thou hast Sunderlanded.