Monday Morning Mock Draft: Chapter the 18th, Give or Take

One of the biggest things I miss from our old site was the mock drafts that used to run every Friday. Those were fantastic time wasters, and a good one was a virtual guarantee that you were going to be far from productive at work, as your day instead degenerated into arguments with strangers over who would be the best Saturday cartoon character to have sex with, (and now we all know how that would go), or some other equally inane topic, all of which were still more important than that TPS report deadline your boss was yelling about. Good times.

Well, it’s been long enough. After a discussion in the back channels yours truly is bringing it back, with some slight rule changes. The old site had 4-5 main contributors, one of whom may not have been real. So they’d do 2-3 rounds themselves, then kick it to the kommentariat to draft whatever was left over. You can do that when you’ve only taken 10-15 of whatever topic was up for drafting. We, however, are a much more connected group when it comes to the writin’ and draftin’ of things, so if we did that we’d easily take out 30-50 before we threw the bedraggled leftovers to our beloved readership. That’s no fun. So these drafts, which I expect to last as long as I remember to do them, (2-3 weeks), will just leap right into it.

Also, for content and alliteration reasons, we’ve moved the draft to Monday mornings, so get ready to kill your productivity right from the start.

First come, first served, subject to my randomly assigning the first pick to someone else, generally because they came up with the idea. Or because they bribed me. For now, please wait 10 picks or 30 minutes before making another one. That will be revised up or down depending on how much participation we get, which I hope will be a lot.

Before launching into this week, I have to give a big thank you to The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem, who so ably filled in for me while I was on vacation and generally minimizing my electronic time. Also I was too lazy to get one in ahead of time. The Rev jumped right in, and while I noticed he made fun of himself for not being a suitable replacement for yours truly, I just want to say, don’t sell yourself short, Rev; you’re a tremendous slouch.

And that one-liner, from ‘Caddyshack’, of course, brings is to this week’s topic: Memorable Lines. The rules are simple, until I disagree with your pick and arbitrarily change them. You can select from any medium, film, TV, literature of any kind, so long as the line you choose is NO MORE THAN ONE SENTENCE. You can, of course, include the set-up line, or lines, to get to the one-liner. Context, like bacon, makes everything better. Doesn’t have to be comedy; if you like a one-liner from a dramatic movie, a romance, or -sigh- a goddamn porno, well, you go right ahead and draft it.

I’ve been toying with this one for most of the day now, and my first pick is probably the best pick possible for this draft:

With that gauntlet thrown down, the rest of you are on the clock

5 5 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
221 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Uuuuuuwhat are you doing here?

https://youtu.be/dCer2e0t8r8

BeefReeferLives

“I like to think the last thing that went through his head, other than that bullet, was how the hell Andy Dufrense got the best of him.”

Beerguyrob

This movie is chock full of them,
comment image

Beerguyrob

I looked – where was “Bull Durham” picked?

ballsofsteelandfury

It’s not that. It’s making another pick in a reply instead of a new comment.

Beerguyrob

Aah, now I understand.

BeefReeferLives

Double d’oh!

Viva La Tabula Raza

“You said rape twice!”

ballsofsteelandfury

Fifth pick:
comment image

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I stand corrected that no one else will use history of the world but stand by my choice of “hey motherfucker”

BeefReeferLives

“What we have here is a failure to communicate.”

WCS

comment image

King Hippo

comment image

Last edited 3 years ago by King Hippo
BrettFavresColonoscopy

106 miles to Chicago, we have a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it’s dark, and we’re wearing sunglasses–hit it

https://youtu.be/gvKs2VLmVnY

LemonJello

5th pick:

comment image

ballsofsteelandfury

My fourth pick:
comment image

BeefReeferLives

“Can I borrow your underpants for 10 minutes?”
comment image

Beerguyrob

Don’t know what you’re talking about…
comment image

TheRevanchist

“LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!”

BeefReeferLives

“Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.”

WCS

comment image

Dunstan

Someone else hit The Wire already, but I think that “Is you taking notes on a criminal conspiracy?” is still available.

Game Time Decision

SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIT

Dunstan

That almost breaks the one sentence rule!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

5. Dramas. “O Captain, My Captain”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j64SctPKmqk

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m really late to this and there’s no way someone else is picking from History of the World so my next one is:
comment image

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Fuck you, giphy

Beerguyrob

It’s because it ends in .webp

BrettFavresColonoscopy

You end in webp

Beerguyrob

No – I end on Thursday.

BeefReeferLives

“Forget it Jake, it’s Chinatown.”

Warthog

Great late round pick up.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

“Is he available to run for President?”
–Most of today’s GOP

BeefReeferLives

Indeed. Bit of a shame, that.

Didn’t see a “Do Not Post Any Quotes From Movies Directed by Child Rapists” directive above, so I went ahead…

BeefReeferLives

“Forget it Horatio, it’s Hollywood.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

We sure do! That’s why you don’t see much of Ben Garrisson’s work posted here: it’s awful. And that has nothing to do with him being an awful person, too.
comment image

BeefReeferLives

Ugh. Reminds me of two more great quotes from the Blues Brothers.

“The Jew is using the Black as muscle against You”
and
“I hate Illinois Nazis”

BeefReeferLives

I guess that sh*tcans the quote from “Annie Hall” that I had all lined up, dammit.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Guess I need to feel bad about posting the quote from a Kevin Spacey/Bryan Singer film now.

BeefReeferLives

comment image

yeah right

Second pick Dirty Harry Division:

“When a naked man is chasing a woman through a dark alley with a butcher knife and a hard on, I figure he isn’t out collecting for the Red Cross.”

Warthog

From another movie filled with great one liners.

comment image

Beerguyrob

Keaton or Bale –
comment image

scotchnaut
WCS
LemonJello

4th pick:

comment image

WCS

That’s high quality value.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I probably would have gone with “Lady, I’m afraid I’m gonna have to ask you to leave the store” or “It’s a trick; get an axe.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

But still a very fine pick, to be clear.

BeefReeferLives

“Ah beer. The cause of and the solution to all of life’s problems.”

BeefReeferLives

D’oh!

Warthog

Doesn’t that work the other way around? At least once under way.

Also edited for punctuation.

Last edited 3 years ago by Warthog
ArmedandHammered

I thought the sailor would be in the colon, at least while underway.

Warthog

comment image

King Hippo

Maybe the best single movie line ever.

Dunstan

I considered taking that one, but I liked the one I took better.

yeah right

First pick from the Dirty Harry Division:

“Nobody but NOBODY puts ketchup on a hotdog.”

BeefReeferLives

“Now that’s a real shame when folks be throwin’ away a perfectly good white boy like that.”

BeefReeferLives

Not particularly profound, but definitely memorable…

“It was nothing like that, Penis Breath!!!”

comment image

Last edited 3 years ago by BeefReeferLives
TheRevanchist

For my pick, I have to go with Jackie Gleason from Smokey and The Bandit.

“There’s no way, no way, you can come from my loins.”

King Hippo

But I would rather be alone than pretend I feel alright. – Win Butler

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rwdUVjyxWrM

Gumbygirl

Last one/ best one
https://youtu.be/qpGx4foRdPw

Redshirt

Kirk: “Spock, where the hell is the power you promised?”
Spock: “One damn minute, Admiral.”

Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=aVsFbTmxQ7o

WCS

comment image

Anytime I go outside in the summer.

Don T

Yes!

Dunstan

I’ll also go Hitchhikers:

“If there’s anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now.”

BeefReeferLives

Pity this is a 2 sentence quote: “In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move”

SonOfSpam

comment image

BeefReeferLives

From Hitchhikers Guide. Seems apt for this day and age…
“Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.”

Gumbygirl

+42.

WCS

comment image

Last edited 3 years ago by WCS
Gumbygirl

Gumby #2

1627321026146_342562691519998.gif
Gumbygirl

.

1627321084615_342619246944404.gif
King Hippo

I’m kinda like a prettier Jesus.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wvsP_lzh2-8

Gumbygirl

This movie has a million of them

how-much-for-the-little-girl.jpg
BeefReeferLives

Indeed. My personal favorite is: “Oh, we got both kinds; We got Country AND Western!”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

4. Sports movie. “You’re gonna eat lightning and you’re gonna crap thunder!”

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=o0CXUv-xxtY

Game Time Decision

For the greater good.

The greater good

Redshirt

“[You are the] worst human being known to man.”

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.nbcnews.com/news/amp/ncna1274968

Gumbygirl

Oh hell yes!

scotchnaut

“I’m crushing your head!”

-KITH

Gumbygirl

Here’s Gumby’s first one

1627319782206_341336533169737.jpg