Monday Morning Mock Draft (On A Wednesday) (#ContentMonster)

One of the biggest things I miss from our old site was the mock drafts that used to run every Friday. Those were fantastic time wasters, and a good one was a virtual guarantee that you were going to be far from productive at work, as your day instead degenerated into arguments with strangers over who would be the best Saturday cartoon character to have sex with, (and now we all know how that would go), or some other equally inane topic, all of which were still more important than that TPS report deadline your boss was yelling about. Good times.

Well, it’s been long enough. After a discussion in the back channels yours truly is bringing it back, with some slight rule changes. The old site had 4-5 main contributors, one of whom may not have been real. So they’d do 2-3 rounds themselves, then kick it to the kommentariat to draft whatever was left over. You can do that when you’ve only taken 10-15 of whatever topic was up for drafting. We, however, are a much more connected group when it comes to the writin’ and draftin’ of things, so if we did that we’d easily take out 30-50 before we threw the bedraggled leftovers to our beloved readership. That’s no fun. So these drafts will just leap right into it.

Also, for content and alliteration reasons, we’ve moved the draft to Monday mornings, so get ready to kill your productivity right from the start.

First come, first served, subject to my randomly assigning the first pick to someone else, generally because they came up with the idea. Or because they bribed me. For now, please wait 10 picks or 30 minutes before making another one.

This week’s topic is a piece of pop culture, (movies, TV, books, music, podcasts, (I guess), animated porn), that you missed out on to date but would like to remedy. My first pick should be obvious from the featured image: Midnight Run. I’ve somehow never seen it, despite it being favoUrably mentioned all over the internet. I’ve noticed it appearing in my Netflix recommendations lately, so I intend to remedy this just as soon as I finish Season 4 on ‘Justified’, which is awesome.

Now it’s your turns…

5 4 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
132 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Senor Weaselo

I have not played a Legend of Zelda game. I got Twilight Princess for Christmas but it was during audition season, and then Brawl came out.

Last edited 2 years ago by Senor Weaselo
Game Time Decision

Avatar
Dark Knight

Own both on DVD but have yet to open the package on either.

rockingdog

lol
comment image

SonOfSpam

NEW SEASON OF ARCHER STARTS TONIGHT

BrettFavresColonoscopy

comment image

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Pirates of the Caribbean

SonOfSpam

The first one is really fun; after that it’s mostly garbage.

The Michael Bolton video is better than everything.

Anthony In TX

Seconded on the first one. It was such a big surprise and Johnny Depp was terrific.

Unfortunately, the line between “Johnny Depp” and “Captain Jack Sparrow” was blurred into oblivion, and the movies just got worse from there.

Doktor Zymm

My friends and I always used to tell this horrible joke…”Did you hear about that new pirate movie coming out? It’s rated ARRRRRR” and then Pirates of the Caribbean came out and it was rated R.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Did you hear the one about the pirate with the steering wheel coming out of his pants?

Doktor Zymm

“Yar, it’s driving me nuts”

Doktor Zymm

Did you hear what the pirate yelled when he spotted a brothel while coming in to port?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Thar she blows!

Doktor Zymm

This one actually has multiple answers, you can also go with “Land Ho!”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

4. Doctor Who

Dunstan

Well, there’s only ~40 seasons to get caught up on, so get on it!

(Seriously, though, the revived series has several convenient jumping-on points.)

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m kinda sad that I no longer have a facebook account and cannot recommend this obituary to my friends.

tv0xhwlk7kj71.jpg
Dunstan

Looks like the bad week for MAGA-affiliated lawyers continues. Lin Wood, Sidney Powell, and others just got spanked by the federal judge in Michigan.

King v Whitmer Decision 08-25-21 | PDF | Lawsuit | Complaint (scribd.com)

Anthony In TX

That is AWESOME.
I remember Powell on the news just lying through her teeth, proclaiming that she can’t keep up with all the evidence pouring in, that it was “like a firehose” with how much she’s seeing.
2020/21 really has been a great showing of how low people are willing to debase themselves for money.
Enjoy your next career, Sid, ’cause you ain’t gonna be practicing law much longer.

Dunstan

a historic and profound abuse of the judicial process.”

Anthony In TX

It’s clear the judge really wanted to say, “YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES” but that wouldn’t have been very professional.

Viva La Tabula Raza

The coarsening of the vernacular of politicians over the last 5 years by Trump and his ilk, normalizing foul language with Fucking This and Shithole That recorded and preserved for posterity, will probably start bleeding through to the judiciary eventually. Should be interesting.

Anthony In TX

It has been really sad to see people who previously understood the concept of decorum in the public sphere allow themselves to be debased to Trump’s lowest-common-denominator approach.
He embodies the absolute worst of America, and so many previously mature adults have dived head-first into the shit-pile of populism.

ArmedandHammered

Farscape – I just never found the time to watch it.

Dunstan

I’ve watched a couple of episodes over the last few months. It’s .. ok? I mean, it’s got that very 90s sci-fi feel to it; its main distinctive feature in my view is that it’s not human-focused like Star Trek. But it hasn’t really grabbed me so far, which is why I’ve just watched it once in a while rather than binging a lot.

Anthony In TX

I watched the first couple of seasons. It’s a really cool concept with pretty good execution. There’s better sci-fi out there, but their integration with Jim Henson puppets was really cool and innovative.

Dunstan

Clearly a future draft topic waiting to happen is “pop culture thing that everyone raves about that you have not and will never consume.”

Downfield Matriculator

#2. Saving Private Ryan. Never managed to tee this one up.

Viva La Tabula Raza

My buddy bought me that when I bought my first DVD player over 20 years ago; so, my first DVD. Still haven’t taken it out of the box.

Last edited 2 years ago by Viva La Tabula Raza
Anthony In TX

Probably the best part of the movie is right at the beginning when they storm the beach at Normandy. We hear about the heroics, but that scene really hammers home just how hellish and brutal that offensive must have been.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Yeah, I heard that the first 20 minutes were pretty graphically violent. I hate blood and gore and even portrayals of them on film, and that’s probably why I have never viewed that film.

Anthony In TX

That’s fair.
The movie definitely doesn’t pull any punches when it comes to the blood-and-guts of fighting a war.

Anthony In TX

John Wick.
I love action movies and have heard nothing but lavish praise for all of them, but have never gotten around to seeing any of them.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

First was good. I haven’t watched any of the sequels.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Second was good too. I bought Parabellum on DVD and have watched it once, but I was so drunk I don’t remember it at all. Guess I need to try again.

ballsofsteelandfury

They’re all great. I’ve watched them multiple times.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

LOTR.

I had never seen ANY of them until a plane ride in 2019. Watched one, good but just way too much of a time investment to catch up expeditiously.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I really yearned for a Jackson-quality adaptation of those books when I read them back in the 1970s. I watched the trilogy as they came out and enjoyed them very much, but watching them 30 years after I read them didn’t give me the same thrill I would have gotten as a nerdy teenager.
I never bothered with The Hobbit movie “prequels.”

Anthony In TX

You didn’t miss anything with the Hobbit movies. They were self-indulgent and a pretty naked cash grab.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Yeah, that’s what it looked like to me. Three movies out of one 322 page novel. That is milking it dry.

SonOfSpam

This may shock you, but cases around Sturgis are up like 450% in the last couple weeks.
comment image

SonOfSpam

Sorry, got my numbers mixed up…actually a 1500% increase.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

comment image

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Last edited 2 years ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

comment image

Last edited 2 years ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Gumbygirl

Maybe if you mix it with the herbal remedy from Madagascar it will counteract the Covid?

SonOfSpam

Uh oh, just came back from a month-long trip to Tanzania.

blaxabbath

Well, I mean, it is a hoax….

Dunstan

Get Rod and Todd warmed up….

TheRevanchist

Best obituary page we could ask for.

Don T

Bar association should revoke Pierce’s media-trialin’ license.

SonOfSpam

Are they not transferable upon death? Assumed that’s how Rudy got his.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I think it varies from state to state. I know, I’ll ask my cousin! She practices elderly and estate law in Massachusetts! She’s bound to know!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The only downside I see here is that the little shit is out on bail, and gets to spend more time free awaiting trial if his lawyer dies while he shops for a new one.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Maybe they can make that kid a ward of the state.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

3. The Wheel of Time. I’m operating under the theory that in this draft picking something means either a) I instantaneously enter a state where it’s as I had consumed that thing or b) I am guaranteed to have enough time to be able to consume that thing. So a) I’m done reading it instantaneously or b) I’ve guaranteed that I will live to be at least 106 years old.

Dunstan

Yeah, I’d say if you haven’t started yet, there are better uses of your time. I think it was something that was pretty good for its time — I plowed through the first four books or so pretty quickly when I discovered them — but the fantasy genre has a lot better options now, and the bloat of the middle volumes of the series is inexcusable.

Dunstan

Posting in the thread from the night before is like walking around in the clothes you passed out in last night. I mean, I’m not above doing it, but it is a little declasse.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

trying something crazy here…

442291 (15).jpg
Don T

Stephen Jay Gould. I got a book by him collecting dust 2+ years.
Can’t wait to bail on page 43 to check fantasy football / cellphone crap.

SonOfSpam

Never saw this classic.
comment image

Downfield Matriculator

Holy crap I actually considered posting that earlier but went with more traditional fare. I have seen Deepthroat but that was a long time ago in a skeezy theater drunk on Southern Comfort. I have not seen a porn movie in a theater nor drunk Southern Comfort since!

SonOfSpam

Yeah sitting in front of Paul Reubens can be really off-putting.

TheRevanchist

I haven’t read all of the books in Skyrim. Maybe someday. They are going to release a 10 year anniversary edition, which I will probably buy, because I’m a sucker for this game. That might be a good time.

Dunstan

Deadwood.

I watched the first episode, didn’t quite get around to watching more, and then it seemed to disappear from HBO on Demand. I’m not sure if I have access to it now.

Game Time Decision

watch season one and two. Skip the third IMO

Downfield Matriculator

Sopranos — but I have seen nearly every other mafia show/series so it is on the list

TheRevanchist

They all suck compared to The Sopranos.

Downfield Matriculator

Got it — will get into into the rotation soon!

TheRevanchist

When you get to season 3, episode 11, you must bring it up as a topic of discussion here. Best episode of the entire series.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

The Wire.

Downfield Matriculator

This was worth it and it holds up even if the technology is a bit dated. This is one of the ones I caught up on when we teed up HBO again after a many year lapse. Omar comin’ indeed,

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I should have drafted this one on the Dr. Mrs. behalf.

Fronkenshteen

Is Blair Witch Project taken? Been hearing a lot about that one.
Oh well, I guess I’ll go with Prince. Live performances of his pop up in my YouTube feed all the time, and after I watch them, I’m always embarrassed to be surprised at how fucking amazing he is.
https://youtu.be/LNrAFb3I2js

Last edited 2 years ago by Fronkenshteen
TheRevanchist

Saw him in Bakersfield, a smaller venue and I had floor seats. He was magical.

Viva La Tabula Raza

If you are impatient, FF to 3:25. Just incredible solo. And where did the guitar go?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6SFNW5F8K9Y

ballsofsteelandfury

Those are a lot of fun!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

2. Silicon Valley. I love all things Mike Judge, and I’ve seen (and loved) the first season, but I’m way behind, and have lots of catching up to do.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Middle out was brilliant

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah, the concept of hot-swapping dicks out on the upstroke is comedy at its finest.

jjfozz

“I got three words for you. ‘Shut the fuck up.'”

One of the top road movies of all time. This was before DeNiro became whatever in the hell he’s become.

Game Time Decision

The Wolverine Trilogy, kept meaning to, just never seems to make it to the top of my list.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I missed a lot of what went on culturally in the early 80s due to being stuck on a big gray ship in the Indian Ocean and North Arabian Sea. I wish I could have been around for the release of Talking Heads Stop Making Sense movie.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F4IZBJrNXrY

jjfozz

I saw this in a legendary theater, fucked up on California Coolers, and went down and danced with everyone in front of the screen. I can’t dance for shit, and I’m self conscious about it – I even rock “white man’s overbite” as cited by Billy Crystal – so you know I was shithoused.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Was it the Pantages? If so, you might be in the film!

Dunstan

Is Ted Lasso too recent a show to list? I hear good things, but I don’t even use Apple TV.

Sharkbait

There are…other ways to find episodes.

Sharkbait

I’ve read that the first half of the season is more of a setup for the second half. I’ve enjoyed all of season 2 so far.

Anthony In TX

The first season (and the first couple of episodes of the 2nd season–I need to catch up) is every bit as good as everyone says it is. I was skeptical but kept hearing it was great and they are absolutely right. It’s funny, sweet, heart-warming, heart-breaking, and just one of the best shows on TV right now.
You can still sign up for a free 7-day trial for Apple’s streaming service and can definitely knock the show out in that span of time. While you’re at it, it’s worth checking out Mythic Quest as well. It’s no Ted Lasso, but it’s still a really good time.

Sharkbait

I still haven’t seen Breaking Bad

Dunstan

Many Breaking Bad fans don’t make the best case for the show. Like a lot of shows featuring a male anti-hero, it has a lot of “bad fans” who think the idea behind it is “ordinary dude turns into a totally awesome badass.” Which is not necessarily appealing to a lot of people who would actually enjoy what is really a depiction of a frustrated dude letting his toxic masculinity consume himself and his family.

The fact that a lot of fans believe Walt’s bullshit self-rationalizations is, in a way, a testament to how good a depiction it is.

(Don’t get me wrong — there are times where I think everyone cheers for Walt a little bit. He sometimes is the lesser scumbag.)

jjfozz

Only thing that ruined the show, in my opinion, was his wife. Shrill as a fire alarm and one dimensional – point of fact, she starred as a girlfriend of Jerry Seinfeld’s in an episode. And she was hot and sexy.

Sharkbait

Those people are the worst. Didn’t they do that to the kid from Phantom Menace and essentially drove him out of any kind of cinema career if he wanted one?

Game Time Decision

Old Neighbour knew the guy that created Jar-Jar. Said it was all he worked on for a few years and then to be hated like that was crushing.

SonOfSpam

Never saw the show, but apparently it kicked ass.
comment image

Viva La Tabula Raza

Rapaport as Hillbilly redneck with NYC accent. Casting failure.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I do remember the Haitian dude suddenly disappearing, but can’t remember off the top of my head what the reason was, and I’d rather spend time typing this than doing a quick google huntdown.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Horatio, why are you pretending I don’t exist?”
comment image

jjfozz

My Lord and My God.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Jackie Nevada!

ballsofsteelandfury

THIS!!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

We ran into Joelle Carter while she was buying coffee and told her we loved the show. She was very gracious.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Or shoot you with a rifle while she served you a nice home-cooked fried chicken dinner?

Downfield Matriculator

In my top 5 all time — now re-watching with a kid who was too young when it came out and it holds up

Don T

I’m loving it. I’m halfway thru Season 3

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

1. Citizen Kane

SonOfSpam

Spoiler: “Rosebud” was what he called his scrotum.

jjfozz

I thought it was what he called his balloon knot.

jjfozz

I remember watching that movie, I bought the full blown DVD, and when it was over I was like, “That’s it? What the fuck?”

Then again, I enjoy movies like 6 Headed Shark, which is a fucking cinematic masterpiece.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

That movie sucked

Viva La Tabula Raza

I saw it in a film class in HS, and having the teacher point out tricks that Welles used throughout the film really enhanced my enjoyment of that movie. Had I just watched on some late show I probably would have tapped out in 10 minutes.

blaxabbath

I heard this ruled.
comment image.webp