Saturday JV-palooza Open Thread (Part One)

Sadly, we are on international break, so there is no Lesser Footy to discuss.  No Lesser Footy of any consequence, anyway.  Good thing the teevee folks managed to fanagle a strong Week One slate.  Among the fixtures Hippo suggests watching:

Paedo State (+5.5) at Wisconsin (Noon, Fox)

Walking penis James Franklin is feeling a bit of heat in “I didn’t see nuthin’” Valley, and it couldn’t happen to a nicer guy.  Quite titillating to see them as an underdog, though I’d bet against that line.  For sure.  But it would be (ass) blood money.

Stanford (+3.5) at Kansas State (Noon, FS1)

I dub this the Very Fucked-up Body Clock Bowl.  Lookit all the RESPEK paid to the Unded Bill Snyders!  Or is it just the Trees bandwagon emptying like a nightclub at 2:15?

Fresno State (+20.5) at Oregon (2:00, Pac12)

Is this too many points?  WAY too many points.  Third straight game kicking off at 11:00a local time, too.

Alabama (-19.5) v. Miami-FL @ Megatron’s Butthole (3:30, ABC)

This line is racing in favoUr of the Tide, and it seems the betting public is not buying the annual “No Really, This is the Year Da U is Back!!!1111” boomlet.  Maybe they will start a fight, at least.

Indiana (+4) at Iowa (3:30, BTN)

I suspect we will watch MOAR of this than Roll Damn Tide doing its usual.  Indiana is a trendy sleeper team, though playing away to Team Cornpone is a tough task.  Especially to start the season.

Louisiana-Lafayette (+9) at Texas (4:30, Fox)

Steerfuckers South are the Miami-FL of the Southwest.  They’ll beat the coolest character from True Blood (FUCK YOU, no name change is recognized here), and the hype machine will go into overdrive.  Because the sportsball media NEVAR learns.