Are you ready to watch a shit ton of FITBAW? Think of it as kegel exercises, warming up for RedZone Week 2.
You may not WANT to wake up for Wolves and Bees (NBCSN, 7:30), but if you think about it, tis a pretty interesting animal battle. Is a Wolf dog-ish enough to try to stupidly eat the Bee? The only dog my family ever owned (before I left home, and could no longer stop my Dad and sister’s mutual idiocy, selecting the stupidest, smelliest, and home-destroying beasts they could find) would do that. Natural consequences followed. I will watch detachedly, as is befitting of my Crazy Cat Person status.
Only four matches in the 10:00 window, which is better than it has been (damning with faint praise). Blue Mancs will murder-kill Saints on USA, so I will enjoy the Handsome Mikel Shitshow, taking on Team White Lives Matter (NBCSN). There may be a soccer point, but then again, there may not.
*smoke bomb occurs and Wakezilla emerges from the smoke*|
Welcome to our weekly(ish) edition of laughing at Manchester City. I’m your host, Wakezilla. Follow me every week(ish) as I point out all the cracks that Blood Oil City has as they crash and burn this season.
First up, Benjamin Mendy has been charged with four counts of rape. He will be joining Adam Johnson and Robinho on Man City’s sex offenders penal team. I don’t know how much he’ll get, but I will say, a few days before he was charged with rape, Mendy had leaked picks of him cranking his chain. Based on those pictures alone, the judge should add an extra 10 years just to be safe. In short, City went in the summer transfer window with hopes of signing Messi, Kane and Ronaldo and they ended up with Floppy disk Jack Grealish and a rape charge.Speaking of Jack Grealish, here’s a video of Leicester’s mascot diving behind Grealish.There are 19 teams that Jack could have signed with and he would still be beloved by English footy fans; and he wouldn’t get ridiculed or clowned. Drunk Jack had to pick the one team that would make everyone collectively hate him. Well done, Jack.As for this week’s main event, here’s an absolutely burned out–and absolutely not at all being forced to manage a team he doesn’t want– Pep Guardiola pleading with Man Shitty fans to attend a home lesser footy match:
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
Unsurprisingly, that plea didn’t sit well with the Man City fans. Earlier Friday, Pep held a press conference and was forced to apologize to all 6 Man Shitty fans.
Until next time, DFOers, Up the fookin’ Reds! Wakezila throws down another smoke bomb and disappears
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Also, you can stream Trashbirds and Moose Hornets (I hate myself enough to do this), or you can hate-watch Palace and the Shite (I don’t quite hate myself enough to subject my addled mind to that).
Spotlight Dance? Everton and Villa (NBC, 12:30). I predict this is when the wheels finally fall off the unfortunate Benitez bandwagon. The early fixture list has been remarkably accomodating, and that fat cunt will have the wagon in tatters before Kwanzaa. YOU MARK HIPPO’S WORDS!!
Men Untied get Fronk’s Hammer’s on Sunday Funday (9:00, NBCSN), along with two boring streaming options. That’s ok, Heroic RedZone Muzak awaits!
Nebraska (+22.5) at Oklahoma (Noon, Fox)
This is notable only FOAR Gus Johnson, who will call this fixture, then head to the desert to call Qards/Vikes with…Hippo FavoUrite Aqib “Two of the Good Ones” Talib! And Gus has already deadpanned that he will leave any gold chains at home, to avoid a snatching. Also, Jeebus Tapdancing Christ, I get that Steerfuckers North plays down to the competition, but if they are even moderately motivated, they will cover this spread a few minutes into Q2.
Cincinnati (-3.5) at Indiana (Noon, ESPN)
On the one hand, this is the Trappiest Trap Game EVAR Trapped (JV WKRP gets Notre Dame next). On the other, God very specifically and vehemently hates Brocky, and Her will be done.
Virginia Tech (+2.5) at West By God Virginia (Noon, FS1)
The Castrated Turkeys may be 15th in the polls, but Vegas ain’t having it. We can at least be a good WCS support group for a bit.
Purdue (+7) at Notre Dame (2:30, NBC)
Purdue will have this game in hand, and manage to cock it up at the end. Again, yew mark Hippo’s word salad.
Alabama (-14.5) at Florida (3:30, CBS)
Theoretically, a test. But that GAMBLOR line has been racing in Roll Damn Tide’s favoUr. And I ain’t buying what the folk of Gainesville have to sell. But still, good for scouting next year’s NFL Draft.
Southern Cal (-7.5) at Washington State (3:30, Fox)
Pour one out (and rub one out, given Song Girl pic) for poor, over his head Clay Helton. At least he is spared the trip to Pullman. Though the Wazzu fans know doubt would have liked to serenade him with You’re Getting Sacked in the Morning. OK, I would have enjoyed it. Que lastima. ML the Cougs.
New thread is up, ninjas.
Florida forgot how clocks work, apparently
timekeeping is maths, which – while not as gay as reading – is still pretty doggone gay
How is it the Year of Our LAWD 2021, and we still have slapdickery with stadium clocks?
Today…is nae Hippo’s day. Must to order shame pizza, so I can wallow fully.
ONE JERB, Bama. That is TWO FIRST DOWNS.
Look I hate agreeing with Danielson. But this Young kid is 100% like NC State years of Russell Wilson.
Florida Man, Florida Man
Florida Man Hates Libraries, Ma’am
They Have a Fight
Illiteracy Wins
Florida Man
HAIL JV BLEERGH