It’s good to be back! Many thanks to Hippo for filling in/helping out at the last second yesterday in order that jokery of dick could take place on this site.
Fall Out:
-How does one sprain both ankles? Cause that’s what the ever-injured Wentz did yesterday. Perhaps he’s just exploring new territory.
-I’d avoid visiting San Fran for the duration of the football season. Odds are good that you could be minding your own business, walking down the street and a scarlet and gold-painted van will pull up next to you, throw you in the back, jam some shoulder pads on you and tell you that you’re a running back for the next sixty minutes. It happened to Trenton Cannon!
-Speaking of offensive units that are seriously short-handed, the Browns are down Landry and waiting on OBJ. That means that they’ll have to rely on the trio of Higgins, Peoples-Jones and Schwartz. Good thing they’re committed to the run. You’ll likely hear a few hosannas in the huddle on third and long this coming week.
-There’s a single lonely voice in Chicago. If you listen closely you can hear it extoll the virtues of also-ran qb, Red Rocket. Ignore that 1st round quarterback behind the curtain
-Someone has kidnapped the real Zach Pascal and replaced him with a fantasy sleeper.
To The Game!
Lions/Packers:
-Oh gawd, this has the makings of a brutal tilt. But the good news is that if you need wr Adams to score you a ton of points you’re very well set up. He’s going to be defended by The Spelling Bee Twins, Amani Oruwariye (PFF’s 4th-worst cb last week) and Ifeatu Melifonwu (a rook making his very first start). Jeebuz, that’s no good.
-According to Football Outsiders the Lions were dead last in pass D last year. Green Bay is reciprocating with Kevin King at one turnstyle, er, corner spot although Jaire Alexander is a shutdown guy. The rest of the secondary and linebackers aren’t that talented so T.J. Hockenson should have himself a delightful evening. Maybe 40 points worth? No? C’mon Hockey, do this one solid and I can delay by one week my inevitable descent into the fantasy basement.
-Let us hope that Lions Coach Booyah! has a few tricks up his sleeve, otherwise time is going to slow to a crawl for him tonight.
Give me some of them sweet, sweet comments.
The Peyton and Eli show with special guests was a LOT of fun.
I wish Eli had tuned out so he could watch Doogie Kamealoha.
Meet the new bouss, same as the ould bouss
https://twitter.com/CBCAlerts/status/1440141055001645062
The elections will continue until we achieve a majority.
The really really racist guy that started his own party, the PPC, didn’t even win his own seat. He got crushed by the Conservative person. Hahahahahahahaha
Hi just got here
Need Aaron Jones to outscore Jamaal Williams to get the win in Hippo’s East Coast Elites League.
(checks box score)
Oh my.
(orders Cadillac from pimpcars.com)
McAfee is outstanding in this role.
Just drop Eli and have Pat and Peyton for now on.
Lions gonna Lion.
Gotta feel bad for the parlay bettor right about now.
Hope he sold that ticket.
Yeah, if he had the opportunity to sell it back for like 10 cents on the dollar and didn’t take it, that’s on him.
Pigs get fat, hogs get slaughtered.
I want two of us to do the next MNF game instead of Eli and Peyton, with Buddy Cole randomly coming in and just screaming things like the current banner.
That’s ratings gold, baby!
I would prefer Buddy Hackett, but not everyone is okay with a reanimated corpse hanging around on set.
Plus they don’t say much.
Fly out to LA and we’ll get like five of us on the broadcast LIVE from Balls’ sex dungeon (i.e. the laundry room).
Funny you should say that…
I’ve expanded to the den!
Come on AJ Dillion or MVS Vulturedown
Game going to end up being A Football Satellite of love. Eli kinda has a Joel voice.
Still my favorite episode, after all these years.
Probably because I’ve only seen like five episodes start to finish, and this was the first one, but still
Peyton: “Plaxico was hot in the red zone that day.”
Compared to that day in NY when his red zone was hot from the gunpowder.
That’s probably a ball game right there.
The Peyto-Eli thing would be vastly more entertaining if they were both drinking too much. Peyton getting hammered on Cabernet, Eli getting constipated on chocolate milk.
Its definitely awkward with them both being remote. It would be better if they were in the same room
Eli lit on spoiled Capri suns
Fermented fruit! Fuck! I dropped the ball on that one.
Maybe get their Mississippi meth smoking cousin Jefferson Davis Manning.
The competitive poUrtioUn of this footballing match was fun while it lasted.
Eli was hoping he compared it to a Happy Meal
L is for lacking competence
I is for incompetent
O is for off-competent
U is for uncompetent
N is for noncompetent
S is for sans-competent
Play calling like that is not gonna get Our Man In Vegas his $750K.
Oh boy, this is great.
https://twitter.com/AndrewFiggy/status/1428056052348694531?s=20
Lefty Murrikan political website hasn’t updated its Canadia post in a good while. The REEL CANADIANS must have won?
I posted this picture an hour ago and balls didn’t like it….. is he okay guys?
All is right with the world now.
You know what this football game needs? More Hockey.
Kick save, and a beauty!
Agreed.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TJtiepwpKFw
Remember Eric Wynalda? He’s vaccinated, apparently. But his brother and mother aren’t.
My nightly, interminable hot flashes have started. If menfolk actually had FOAR REELZ menopause, I’m pretty sure we’d all be in the nuthouse.
My wife has those and I am informed that they suck, and that I suck for not having them, and that in fact everything sucks because she has them.
You are lucky she is not listening to the voices in her head. Believe it.
Of course Favre supports underage drinking.
If that’s the only underage thing Favre supports I’ll frankly be stunned.
Wasn’t he a father before age 20, and a grandfather before age 40?
Mississippi. It’s the law.
Brett showing why he never did television post NFL career.
Litre, do you have much of the Christian Heritage Party out your way?
ah, have we exported our “Overwhelmingly Majoritarian Religious Affiliation is the REAL Victim Class” up North?
Oh my friend! Let me tell you about the Pawlowski bros! Very ant-mask, very anti-vaxx, arrested multiple times and the lil bro is running in my riding!
https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/calgary/pawlowski-brothers-sentencing-covid-alberta-1.6174210
Jesus Christ.
They live about 10 blocks away from me. They have 4 jesus mobiles. Stickers all over them. They are absolutely ridiculous.
How’s their security? Just asking out of idle curiosity.
He said recently that someone loosened the lug nuts in his car.
I believe that they own a painting company as along with be saved signs they advertise a painting company. That being said the pastor one seems to have proud boy thug types around him for his illegal sermons this past year.
They are known in this city of a million people as being elite level crazy.
“Leave me out of their shit” -J. Christ
I love how much Boomer loves saying the RRRRRAIDERS
WHO GOT MY BACK!!!???!!!
Uh, if I hunt down and murder the person who created those ads, who has my back?
Ray Lewis. Obviously.
Wearing a white suit. After Labor Day. Where is Serial Mom when you need her?
Look, even I don’t own a white suit. And I am from The South!
Like that motivational poster I saw in prison:
“You only live once!”
This week’s guest Muppet.
I’m not sure if anyone has said this, but the Lions uniforms are terrible.
The Upper Midwest Klan chapter disagrees.
Well they made such a drastic change a few years ago
wouldn’t want to move too fast now.
Eli has the personality of beige.
Identity doesn’t really develop until after adolescence
I dunno, I was a socially awkward weirdo even as a toddler.
Vanilla ice cream has more charm than Eli
Don’t know if I necessarily need to see Peyton and Eli during the entire broadcast.
Jesus Fuck my teevee has a purple hatted racist talking. He is fully brainwashed and I want to scream. I am getting angry listening to this guy who clearly wants people to have their god damned right to die and infect others.
Imagine being the South Asian reporter who has been assigned to this racist fuckery. This guy got the short straw.
Are you on CBC?
CBC Newsworld.
Maybe it’s just the opium talking, but the No-Fuck Lions don’t look half-bad!
I need to roll a doob, but my cat is sleeping.
He moved, bless him!
He didn’t want you to have to say anything to indicate that you have your own needs, and make his master relationship awkward.
Pack’s lousy run D is helping.
Davante was open, multiple Commentists scream into void
In a “Musical Chairs” moment, the Bloc has had its seat taken away and is back to zero.