Whelp, Morbid Curiosity, you win this round. I can’t ignore this game simply because the usual slobknockering of the established stars of the league will be noticeably absent. We’re entering unexplored waters here folks.
Newsy Notes:
-Truthfully, I wish that this tilt was Bucs/Pats so that we could finally be fucking Done With It! Give the sports media a Big Narrative that a 5 year-old could understand and of course it’ll be done to death.
-Welcome Back Josh Gordon! This is a story about persistence and drugs, more drugs and a damning indictment of the existing Chiefs wr’s. Well, Mecole Hardman and Demarcus Robinson, either one of you could have been the 4th(?) fiddle on a potent offense and you weren’t up to the task. Gotta think they’ll be flushed at the end of the year.
-The Giants Golladay has brought his injury bug-ness to his new team as both Shepard and Slayton are expected to miss time. LamerKenny is banged up a bit as well. I look forward to OC Garrett not having a clue as to how to use Kadarius Toney. I’m thinking maybe a slow-developing end-around? Perhaps a flea-flicker that ends up being an armpunt? The possibilities are endless.
To The Game!
Jags/Bengalis:
-Did you hear the False Narrative about this being a revenge game for Burrow, in that he had to transfer from OSU because Meyer didn’t go with him as the starting qb? Fack off, media.
-It says quite a bit about both teams that the home squadoo is one of the favorites in Survivor. “Not something I’d ever considered or expected”, a certain Redshirt was overheard saying to no one in particulate.
-What to make of the Jags trading ninth overall pick CJ Henderson for blocking tight end Dan Arnold? Sure, the former has struggled and perhaps needed to start over somewhere else but the biggest beneficiary of this swap has got to be Ja’Marr Chase.
Do your thingy.
!!!!!!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EL1wN_ihL_E
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qUliAN4NYHU
Barry is one of the best shows on TV and a prime reason I’m considering signing up for HBO.
I had it with my cable subscription, but cut the cord earlier this year and lost HBO.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RVMAwGXe3BY
Giants still up 2 games on the filthy other team.
Look at this little bastard. He’s going to get suspended from kindergarten, more than once! Probably for smoking and drinking.
Joe Burrow can’t meet Ken Anderson due to COVID Reasons, but he can meet the NFL Network Postgame Crew.
I love NFL Hypocrisy.
Is there a way to see the eliminator standings? All I can see is a group summary.
Nope. Only that 19 are still alive and 13 are dead.
I don’t think there are standings. You’re either in, because you had the courage of your convictions* to stand with the Bengals, a truly bold and inspired pick, the sort of pick that leads to you hoisting a gently used fleshlight at the end of the year, (until your wife tells you to put that disgusting goddamn thing down), or you’re out.
*forgot it was Thursday and that you meant to take the Saints over the Giants, then got really lucky.
It wasn’t that stupid. Jaguars are winless playing on the road on Thursday. Bengals are mostly healthy, coming off a good win and playing in front of fans.
Plus its get the Cincinnati pick out of the way, so you don’t have to risk it in December.
Yeah, the only reason I had them in at all was thinking that if there was ever a team I could rely on the Bengals to beat it would be the Jags.
And I still meant to change it.
Personally I would’ve gone with this song, but I’ll take the Walkoff FG.
1994 Week 16 Eagles at Cincinnati Pt 2 clip2 – YouTube
Proof that Urban Meyer isn’t trying: He didn’t even bother icing the rookie kicker who missed his only attempt tonight.
If he takes the 3 at the end of the first half we have OT.
He’s was in a no-win scenario there:
If you go for 7 and you miss, you get ridiculed.
If you go for 3, you tell the offense you can’t trust them to get one yard.
And yet he still ended up in the worst situation. Losing to the Bungles in prime-time.
Local paper put it perfectly: the Bengals were playing themselves from a year ago.
Jaguars had enough talent to get the lead and get the Bengals shellshocked, but didn’t know how to put them away.
THE FLESHLIGHT WILL BE MINE!!!
I mean, uh, oh, cool. My team won. That’s good I guess.
Live look at Horatio in the survivor pool:
Love how you had that ready to go.
I’ve got a potential fleshlight riding on this eventual FG, so for any gamblers out there, I’d invest heavily on “miss”
You can’t call holding when the O-lineman completely misses his block.
That’s my Bengals!
At least they aren’t the Browns!
I have Burrow on my fantasy team as my starter. And, yes, I drafted him on purpose as my starter.
https://twitter.com/AndieHagemann/status/1443698445043200006
Holy shit, y’all. UVA-Miami just had a batshit ending.
Why is this Perine-um character getting carries, I need more Mixon points.
Mixon has a leg owie
Mixon appears to be ded
Nailed It!
— B. Walsh
Hips don’t lie, but pork loins will apparently steal your shit.
https://twitter.com/washingtonpost/status/1443578196947914764
It wasn’t 30 to 50 feral hogs, though.
In Barcelona? Her hips may not lie, but I think Shakira’s telling whoppers.
She seems nice
I can’t imagine what sports is going to talk about when Tom Brady retires and leaves the game.
LeBron probably has a couple more years left in him
Brady’s return to New England is the best thing to happen to the Red Sox since David Ortiz discovered chemistry: they’ve lost 5 of 6 and Boston sports radio is nearly silent on them while sucking this game off like they were a runaway in need of a sandwich.
And they lost a series to the Orioles. That’s the Yankees’ job!
NFL is really fucking this Brady reunion chicken.
They’ll have the same touching tribute next time Kraft comes down to South Florida.
Unless Bengals can overcome their kryptonite that is Rookie Quarterbacks, we’ll have another week of sportscasters trying to figure out how to pronounce Uzomah.
Robinson got me 19.6 so far. “Knock Off White Claws”, I’m coming for you!*
*this is the sort of bravado that makes you look silly in retrospect. You’re welcome
I love that half the league went with White Claw jokes.
RIP my team name inspiration
Jenay Rice apologizes that I didn’t go with a White Claw joke.
Miami just pulled within 2 of Virginia with 9 minutes to go if any of y’all are interested in the JV game tonight
I switched over to the Yankees game, (you’ll all be ecstatic to know they won), and I flipped back to see that my chances at a gently used fleshlight have improved. Guess I’ll turn off the game and shower and see if continuing to ignore the Bengals is the right way to live life.