Welcome everyone, to the first morning game of the year. (Uh, what? -Left Coasters) I love quadrupleheaders. Pyjamas are de rigueur today as you settle in with your bowl of cereal or whatever else the help put together.
I myself will be having a Bloody Mary. For others going down this same road I suggest a wee bit of horseradish in there for an extra kick. It doesn’t do any favours on the ‘presentation’ side of things but then again, you’re presenting it to yourself. In lieu of celery I’ll be dropping some pepperoncini’s in there. That’ll wake you up.
To The Game!
Jets/Falcons:
-Okay, it isn’t the bestest of games but whatsay your team was in the playoff hunt and had to travel overseas for an important game and ended up losing? You’d feel as though that were not really fair for their chances wouldn’t you, given that this is an asterisk game? That’s why they shovel a garbage game at us. On the other hand, it’s extra football!
-Do I have the balls to insert Olamide Zaccheaus into my of my fantasy lineups? If the name doesn’t sound familiar then you haven’t read your Old Testament lately. He was a wise old king in the Book of Ezekiel that settled a dispute between two farmers by having both of them killed. That’s where the saying, “No farmers, no problem” came from. (I just looked down my pyjama bottoms and no, I don’t have the balls)
-Matt Ryan has taken to the dink and dunk game recently although he fixed that last week. I feel kinda sorry for him because when all the stars of the league grabbed all the best ad opportunities at the beginning of the year the only thing left for him was a Tide commercial. It’s dumb and bad.
-Expect more from Corey Davis-he has 75% of the Jets passing TD scores. (it’s 3 of 4, but still) The Falcons secondary hasn’t scared anyone for three years now and things haven’t changed.
Let us all know what you’re imbibing or masticating on while you wait on pins and needles for this mighty clash.
Mixon is active but he sprained his ankle last week. Proceed with caution.
Too late
The highlight of the game was the drinking tea TD celebration.
If this comment receives a downvote, you’ll know that it came from the England women’s national football side.
This game was over too fast.
I knew that my chaplain was correct when he said that Satan lives among us!
The hockey player from the Oilers/Islanders/Sabres/Penguins/Bruins?
TO THE HEROIC MUZAK WE GO
I’m not sure this guy who believes in magic underwear and golden plates…is that smart a feller
TAKE THE FG, we want on onsides kick
Oh good Xmas commercials already.
If one dollar equals 0.73 pounds shilling, shouldn’t this game be over a quarter ago?
“If 20 shillings gets you a pound, how many for just a…what do you call them over here? A wank-service?” – Bob Kraft
Harnessing the Crown Jewels?
[slaps forehead]
“A sceptre-polish, of course!”
GIVE US ELEVEN MOAR HOURS!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GTrk8U9gqC0
Ugh, really didn’t think I’d have to care about this early game but my ff opponent started Kyle Pitts. FACK YOU LONDON
I think the Jets going 90 yards in six plays during the fourth quarter to score a touchdown that puts them within striking distance of a win is one of the signs of the apocalypse. And not one of the first two or three signs, either, it’s a late-stage one. Get your affairs in order, folks.
I want Jesus to come back during a Trump rally. That would be beautiful.
It would be funny to see the exact same number of people there before and after.
They would, to a man, reject Jesus explicitly rather than make even the slightest critique of Herr Fuhrer.
Well, he was a brown man who told people to respect one another, so… yeah. They’d fucking hate him.
I like savioUrs who DON’T get crucified
SMH what a loser, talking about “love” and “peace” and got captured and killed. Probably doesn’t even know how to use an AR-15.
It’s interesting you never saw the BLOAT cosplay with guns. I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that he was scared shitless of them.
I’m for that, too, as long as he treats him like the last avaricious group of motherfuckers he worked over.
Oh but smitier
Which one of the four horseman is Fireman Ed?
Obviously
.webp
Surely not famine.
*horsemen. I’ve had a trifle too much sherry this morning.
West Coast games start at 10 am? I can get down with this.
Dak Cook is OUR. Mattison is now a lock in my cash lineups
Our? Please be out.
He is out indeed.
Yeah my bad…OUT. Stupid autocorrect
Founding Fathers with a full workload against DET – that’s gold.
Feel sorry for the cameraman whose job it is to scour the crowd for good-looking girls.
Hey, London has plenty of attractive women! You can fly there from Spain, Brazil, France, Japan…
They probably sprinkle the crowd with girls hired from the gentlemen’s clubs, of which Houston has plenty, at least when I was last there.
Still do. And not a whole lot of restrictions there. The entire city is a champagne room!
Or, uh, so I’ve been told.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jRUFzo33-o
Re: Zymm’s marathon comment below. Short story time!
Several years ago I worked for a company that offered volunteer opportunities. One of them was to work a water station for the Houston Marathon. Sounded fun, so I signed up.
We had to get there SUPER early (like, London NFL game on the west coast early) for setup. For big marathons, there are basically 2 stations: one for the elite runners that have their specific individual bottles with whatever Gatorade/electrolyte mix they use, and one for all the other thousands of runners.
There’s an exact time the elite station has to be broken down, to make room for everyone else. The Houston Marathon is no Boston or New York, but it’s still HUGE (as in 30,000 runners HUGE).
Anyway, we watched all the Kenyans and Ethiopians and whatnot whiz by, then watched the clock for 7:17am or whatever time we had to break down the elite station. As soon as that time hit, we got to work quickly.
Right as we were finishing up, one lone guy came over the bridge toward our station, and realized upon approach that we had already taken down his special grape Gatorade bottle or whatever. He was *furious*. Started shouting and cussing at us, calling is motherfuckers and assholes, etc.
When he passed me by, I just said one thing to him, very loudly:
“Run faster.”
Greetings, North American colleagues! I hope that you are enjoying your long weekends (assuming you get one) — there are no long weekends on the Dark Continent, as there is still far too much work to be done keeping the less civilized at bay. It is fitting that both of these squadrons have decided to take the field at Tottenham Hotspur stadium. Despite the fact that these are American football sides, I’m sure that Spurs supporters attending the match don’t notice a difference in terms of quality!
Good day to you sir. Will you be bringing back spices from the dark continent on this journey?
We are preparing a conquest to the spice-rich isle of Zanzibar as we speak, my good man. I will send you a telegram when we have achieved our goal.
Well, it’s technically still a game. C’mon drama!
Big stop. Need 6 here.
Given the monkeyfuck y’all have endured of late, I can see how Saleh’s bunch would be satisfying to watch. Still bad? Sure. But they are giving it all they’ve got, which is what supporters really want to see.
Give ’em a couple of years. If they can draft smart and keep Wilson upright, they’ll be okay.
God, how I love Jenny Diane Lewis. In a way that’s TOTES not creepy!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rINs_GRLAVs
That’s a TERRIFIC song.
You say “TOTES not creepy” that that Youtube preview picture say “SKOSH sortof creepy”.
ah am a complicated Hippo sometimes
Nice escapin’ from Matty Ice. Too bad there was holding.
GUH, needed them PittsPOINTZ
UGH, Gio is inactive. Now I’d rather not play Horny Fourny…but my only alternative would be Cooper. If he’s a late scratch, I’d have to take a zero.
What y’all recommend?
Amari?
Indeed. And Dak! is my quartered back.
Amari played through the hammy last week and got plenty of rest this week, but goddamn, there’s so many mouths to feed in Dallas, anyone but Zeke seems like a weekly crapshoot. I feel like vs Miami, Fournette is in a smash spot. He’s healthy, played well last week, and should get a TON of second half work in what should be a blowout. Why are you down on the Walleyed One?
Because what makes him safe is the volume he’s assured when he gets the receiving work. Which he won’t get if Gio’s active (I bet). Plus, Arians just LIVES to fuck with fantasy players.
Yup. Gio: ACTIVE
Why don’t you just run the ball, HARD? Like you done before. That was BEAUTIFUL.
I’m reading that in Mickey’s voice. That’s beautiful.