Welcome back, ball washers! Ball watchers! Sorry.
PSA Alert! There is another London game this Sunday morning. As always, it is Man- and Womandatory! And Gumbygirl, it makes no matter if it disturbs your Cyrillic rhythms! You must please the gods! There. Done.
Newsy Notes:
-Speaking of the overseas game, one of the advantages of sailing over there is that you get a bye the following week. (notice the Jets and Falcons are off) Well, unless you’re Miami and the league/schedulemakers don’t give a rat’s ass about you. The Jags will be resting but the Fins are playing. So, if you want to use Atlanta in Survivor at some point, your chance comes next week.
-Derek Carr suggested that every team should have it’s internal correspondence looked at. She’ll never happen but it would be nice to scrub the league of some of the neanderthal jarheads that no doubt make work environments hell. I’d set the O/U at about 32, one per team, and hammer the over. You’d likely hit that number with just the strength coaches and training staffs alone.
-Woozy Danny Dimes has not yet been ruled out for this Sunday. Some of those kids bounce right back from having their grey matter tossed around in the cabeza.
-Hey, the Senators open the season tonight and as was predicted by myself an a member of the office staff at work, holdout Brady Tkachuk was signed mere hours before the puckdrop.
To The Game!
Bucs/Eagles:
-Tampa’s #1 passing O is gonna be tangling with Philly’s #3 passing D. On paper, an interesting battle but we know what’s going to happen. You see, the goatiest of all the goats that has ever goated is on a pace right now for 51 TD’s and he’ll make things go his way.
-I myself will be playing rook wr Devonta in the hopes that garbage points will be acquired which I’m sure they shall.
-I’m also a wee bit curious about how Hurts attacks this Bucs D that no one can run on. That D has given up a whopping 13 yards to all qb’s so far. Impressive huh? Well, no. Matt Ryan, Goff, Maccaroon Jones and Brissett are included in that non-star-studded lineup.
-That said, I would take the under on Miles Sanders’ 33.5 yards rushed betting prop.
Do what thou whilst, in the comments.
So Senorita Weaselo is currently playing a proposal. (No, obviously not ours.)
They asked for this as a request. We still don’t know why.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c2Wv60_X17A
She should play this instead:
https://youtu.be/Omkj-lr4myE
Hiring out for a proposal? The wedding-industrial-complex has gone too far, Eisenhower warned us about this, people!
It’s like those prom-posals, where teenage boys get their parents to spend God knows how much just to ask a girl to a dance both of them will forget in 5 years.
Hand-offs now count as throws, right?
Ad exec #1: “OK, we already have Nick Saban and Deion Sanders, and we’re pimping an insurance company that fired Gilbert Gotfried. How can we make ourselves more repugnant?”
Ad exec #2: “Paula Deen and the Unabomber?”
Ad exec #1: [draws twin finger guns]
“AFLAC!!!!”
not leaving that stadium with the ball or his teeth
/BDSM enthusiasts everywhere engorge
Not quite fournett down
Terrible eyebrows.
Skinny waist shows she’s a picky eater.
Clearly doesn’t own any pants.
Has no idea how to wear a robe.
2/10, would not bang.
Sent out some work documents, made an Iggles defense joke in the cover e-mail. THROUGH TEH LOOKING GLASS PPL
Brady has thrown an INT? That fucking hackshit fuckball. Unbelievable.
Troy would have you believe that was only because he has a thumb owie
He sucks. He’ll never amount to anything. Bucs need to cut his ass now before he can do any more damage.
Sup, dickslaps?
Hola, bro-la
.
Tyler Bertuzzi, one of the four NHL players still unvaccinated, has scored four goals tonight, and presumably only has four teeth left. Check mate, scientists.
Boo Ice Giants lose. But yay football!
Evening Folks.
What I miss?
Well, the governor of Missouri claimed that…you know what? Never mind. It’s too stupid to even explain. You’d lose 5 IQ points just reading about it.
Grandpa Simpson was right about Mizzourah.
All of my infosec friends and I are now dumber for having read his announcement.
The Party Of Personal Responsibility continues their long-standing traditon of not taking personal responsibility.
Did he forget that Kansas City was in Missouri and also Kansas?
MRSA has this quartered back u probably hadn’t heard of he keeps his light so under a bushel
Who’s the backups Qb for Philly? Because whoever it is needs to play the entire second half.
Elite Flacco
Put him in. Hurts fucking stinks.
No flag? Quel Surprise!
One thing that’s bugged me since moving out to the country:
There’s apparently no scrappers out here. I got an old treadmill climber that I can get rid of.
Do people not still do craigslist? Post that sommet is free (I did this with old treadmill years ago, it was snapped up within an hour)
There’s a weird subset of Facebook that is made up of “buy nothing” groups. Search buy nothing and your city, you’ll find oodles of people looking for free junk.
“You have to hire a professional for metal replating. That’s because replating involves hazardous electrical processes and dangerous chemicals unsuitable for a DIY project.”
This makes me want to try it at home
Just watch some YT vids and keep the windows open. You’ll be fine.
Yeah just empty out a couple car batteries into the bathtub, drop a toaster in there, and you’re good to go.
“No I don’t!” -Frank “Grimey” Grimes
HORNY FOURNY WOO
Bucs are laughing at philly’s defense.
meh, at least Anthony Brown is outscoring the MRSA D/ST (for now)
This game got real boring real fast
I’d bore her.
In the ennui sense, or do you mean drill with your auger?
Both is also an option. But her choice.
those boots just can’t possibly provide sufficient arch support
They might, plantar fasciitis is the much more significant risk
I’m not sure what I’d do, but I’m pretty sure it’d last about thirty seconds. Good lord.
Okay, Superman
This what did what now
Hurtz so good!
Sometimes love don’t feel like it shud smh
Do we have anyone in Alberta? If so, yell at Litre tat his squadrons NEED 2 DUE BETTER
There is no less watchable ALCS than boston vs houston.
It’s the American League Cheating Series!
Why is Arians strapped like a fucking suicide bomber?
because he’s just a Talib…
Is it my TV or dose Bruce Arians look purple.
Ah fuck off Arians.
We were just talking about that. He looks like an alien who didn’t quite get the human skin color thing.
What the hell? I was responding to Clint Greasewood.
Nick Siriani has 100%, unironically queried Do you even lift, bro?
oh hey, a pickerception that won’t stand
Because Brady.
We’ll know in about an hour apparently.
I have consulted my legal team (the cat) and “womandatory” is not a word, ipso facto, I am not required by any statutes, treaties, or other binding agreements to get up at 6:30 to watch the Lolphins in London. IPSO FACTO motherfuckers. Boom!
Can you ask your cat how many bathrobes is too many bathrobes?
He says more than three. You are permitted one fuzzy long robe for when it’s freezing out, one shorter lightweight one for warmer months, and one terrycloth robe, any length, for apres bath.
Beyond (i) everyday; (ii) winter; (iii) formal; (iv) lucky; and (v) backup – you’r just being ostentatious smgdh
Lucky, lol!
Hmm, it appears I have too many bathrobes and probably shouldn’t get another one….although it WOULD be for Chicago so I don’t have to shuttle bathrobes back and forth between states
That seems reasonable, just don’t try to take advantage. Henry the cat is a benevolent dictator, but he has limits.
She’s right. Cats are born with law degrees. The defense is airtight.
There is no higher authority than the cat’s Fuck you, what I say goes.
Cryptocurrency. JFC.
https://twitter.com/theophite/status/1030225104234373121?lang=en
“Crypto is not tied to any currency or bank, so *you* own it!”
“Cool! How do I get it?”
“There are two ways: have a bigger computer than you could ever afford or pay real money for it.”
“Wait… but you said it’s not tied to any currency. How do you assess value? Why would I pay real money for it?”
“Crypto is not tied to any currency or bank, so *you* own it!”
“…okay, but how do you assess value?”
“You’ll be a millionaire overnight!”
“Okay, but…”
“Millionaire!”
“Got it.”
Can we imbed Vimeos? Edit: Yes, just like YouTube
https://vimeo.com/428248534
Also, does Ballsofsteel’s love of fancy underwear extend to playing what appears to be some sort of Ronaldo Underwear Model Simulator?
I’m in!
Perhaps this rum cocktail will make the Eagles’ D look better. Perhaps I should also squint.
You’re going to need a few more cocktails.
I could take my contacts out too
Working on it!
Going to need a bigger boat drink
GOD, even muted, they assault me senses with the G.O.A.T. FUCKER
Gisele is on the screen, too?
One of the top auto-suggestions on google for “Famke Jannsen” is “plastic surgery face.” I will assume that it’s true and conduct no further research and award her no points and may god have mercy on her soul.
Was Horny Fourny always a battering ram type? Or has he re-invented hisself? I do too many drugs for remembering.
Can’t believe I find myself longing for the excitement of a Manning cast.
The Scouts audio feed on Amazon Prime. A little less homicide inducing.
thanks was prowling around twitch to see if anyone had another audio but most just randomly talked over main
I looked up at exactly the right time! Nice catch!
So, uh, about that vaunted Eagles pass D…
I said he was the goatiest!
This is true. It’s fucking absurd that he’s still this good at, like, 75 years old.
Plan for tonight:
Vesper martini
Watch Spectre, so I’m ready for the new Bond film, while making ravioli
I is sophisticamacated.
I need to buy more Lillet.
Originally a Vesper is supposed to have Lillet Kina, but I’m making do with Blanc.
I keep some Lillet Rose around, too, because it’s used in a cocktail I borrowed from a neighborhood bar.
My advice for the new Bond, pee first. That bastard is loooong.
Damn watchable though.
Heathers was way ahead of the NFL
[sips mineral water, nods]
MOAR LIEK ah barely tolerated amirite
Guh, at least let Horny Fourny have the FITBAW points
Goddamnit Philly, don’t make me watch el beisbol*!
*is emptiest of empty threats**
**Football Manager, though…
Whooooooaaaaaa Horny Fourny!!
I have a lingering feeling that the Iggles might could win this one. Coud just be gas, though.
Cheesesteak gas!
The future of environmentally-friendly fuel is here!
But in Philly.
Hello, beautiful mute button. I can’t keep my hands off-a yewww
Evergreen comment.
Scotchy, I’m sorry. I need points from Devonta Smith as well. My apologies for our failure.
Also, jeezus, do MORE fucking coke before air, Glazer.
He’s starting to take the top off Bradshaw’s supply
Look, we’re going to get thru this together. Keep your head held high. Think positive. He’s scoring a long one after the game is out of reach.
Sens up 3-0 on the Leafs. Stanley Cup, Baby!
Canadia should just have its own playoffs. Make your pantaloons get THEY OWN TROPHY
Dimebag don’t strike me as a thinker. So he’d likely handle Trent Green-dom pretty graceful like.
He’s just got a different dumb look than Eli had. I’m trying to get used to it.
But he went to Duke! That’s a good school! Are you suggesting that the NCAA would focus more on sports than academics???
Dont tell Andy Reid, but I just found out there’s a place called Parma, Ohio.
I always pictured him as a soft cheese man. Huh.
He’s an all-cheese type of guy.
Ball washers? Mine haven’t been washed since the Nixon administration.
You’re gross and I like you.