I can almost see the finish line boys. There’s but three tilts to choose from but if you like the footed ball they’re all interesting in their own way. Just like your children. (if you have children, if you don’t, family members work as well)
To The Games!
Cards/Browns:
The Cards run D gives up an average of 4.9 yards per rush so far this year. What I’m trying to say is that Kareem Hunt is going to have himself one helluva day. And really that’s the best thing for the Browns-just having Mayfield hand the ball off because things get dicey when he tosses it. Just ask OBJ. Is Koach Kliff a dumb anti-vaxxer? Back in July he had no idea how many of his players had gotten the needle. Hmmm… Today he’ll be resting comfortably away from the game and in his mistaken beliefs.
Raiders/Broncos:
Both Carr’s and Bridgewater’s early success was due to them stretching the field. As anyone could have guessed, they’ve both started to revert back to old habits. Both were near 9 yards per pass attempt and both are coming back to about 6 lately. Fantasy points-wise the Denver D has allowed the 2nd-least fantasy points to qb’s. NO FLY ZONE part deux?
Cowboys/Pats:
The schedule makers are two years too late with this one. But I guess the Bradyless Pats have to play someone. The Dallas D is second in turnovers produced (12) but are also 25th in yards allowed per play. The sked doesn’t look that bad (yay, NFC least!) so they may be able to sustain their success but that oughta get fixed before the playoffs arrive.
Have at it.
Jerry and Kraft comparing whore stats
Two outstanding owners…one of whom frequents strip mall hand-job parlors, the other of whom is at least smart enough to have his high-priced escorts killed after their services are no longer required.
Oof, Mayfield
DED BAKER
who’s the back up?
CASE KEENUM!!!
Keenum on the case
Baker Mayday
These announcers are talking about the Cowboys establishing themselves in the second half as though Darth Hoodie doesn’t make half-time adjustments and Captain Bluebunny doesn’t take half-time naps.
He eats ice cream sammies in his truck. Not sure on tears, but I’m fairly sure.
Pats have done nothing and Dallas has shoot themselves in the foot at least 3 times for a score.
That Pats QB is toast in the 2nd half. Micah gonna fuck him up
Let’s hope. The officials seem determined to make this a game for NE. There’s no way you can’t review that 3rd down plunge by Dak. No way.
That said, Dallas has played like shit.
When i started drinking Dallas got better. Glass empty and all the goal line BS happened.
You know what you have to do.
Shall we pass a bail basket?
Wooo
“Nailed it!”
— WCS
Are you fucking kidding me.
And how does Dallas not challenge the play before that?
What the fuck?
This is since BS. that 3rd down play was in
I legitimately couldn’t care less for any contest between the Dallas Cowboys and the New England Patriots. If they somehow find themselves facing each other in a Super Bowl, not only would I not watch said Super Bowl, I would break my solemn vow never to watch another Super Bowl Halftime Show just to fully illustrate how legitimate my carelessness is for any contest between the Dallas Cowboys and the New England Patriots.
That’s clearly a Dallas TD.
BLEERGH clearly disagrees.
I mean, The Shadow Over Innsmouth did take place in Massachusetts…
I LOVE watching crackers take the bus to their car!! *am cracker* OOH…a drunken person! Madam…you’re 3 bottles in…perhaps shush.
I don’t know, from the half yard line I might try to jump over the line if I were a professional athlete, rather than running right into it, but what do I know?
I’ve never figured that out either. You getting paid yes‽ JUMP!
SUDDEN CHANGE FOR NGCPs!
Now, let’s witness Coach Blue Bunny do absolutely nothing with it!
3 line plunges and a FG.
I cant remember the last time Ive seen Dallas block a kick
I was actually with Romo on that: NE should have challenged that spot.
Sort of glad they didn’t.
To the NFL Executive that decided that Cincinnati’s market gets Dallas/New England instead of Arizona/Cleveland, you suck.
lol Qards
Hail Mary? TOUCHDOWN SEAHAWKS
When is it Patriot’s Day Celebrating Sex Trafficking?
This Scientology stuff seems harmless. I’ll go check it out.
Can’t be any harmful than being a Trump supporter.
They offered me a personality test, so I took it. It came back negative.
They gave me a reading once, however they should’ve worked on your tact. It is obviously a scam.
(The Scientologist Reading Formula)
“Hold on to these metal rods and think of something.” (meter randomly moves) “What did you think of?”
“_______(1)_______.”
“Think of something else.” (meter randomly moves) “What else did you think of?”
“_______(2)_______.”
“Think of something else.” (meter randomly moves) “What else did you think of?”
“_______(3)_______.”
“Let me tell you. _______(3)_______ isn’t the answer to your problems. _______(2)_______ isn’t the answer to your problems. _______(1)_______ isn’t the answer to your problems.”
By then I left so I didn’t see their closing argument.
Pretty sure their closing argument is “give us money”
I say NO, DON’T!, but everybody knows I’m a suppressive person.
Why isnt that Pat QB not being checked for a head owie?
The Narrative requires him to be out there.
Not required. He went to Alabama, after all.
How do you even do a control set for the responses? Like “he can’t even do basic math, he must be concussed” breaks down.
He’s from Alabama there’s nothing up there to damage?
Dallas can’t play much worse, and they’re only down 7. Now if we can keep from comitting stupid penHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Oh, man. Almost got that out there.
Have you met Captain BlueBunny‽
McCorkle just got McFlattened
That looked like it hurt.
Will need to head to McDonald’s to get a replacement McRib after that smack down.
Finally some good work by Dallas. Mac just got leveled.
Peoples jonze
The seals are cuter
Go Patriots I guess?
Aren’t we due for a bolide impact in Foxborough at some point this year? Today would be a great day for it!
Absolutely NEVAH!
am making a drink.
Keep drinking, it’s working.
Sure Arizona traded an aging running back for a superstar wide receiver in an ever more quarterback, passing game, and offense-friendly league, but in 3-5 years they are really going to be feeling a moderate salary cap crunch! Check and mate.
Mike Bidwill is this team’s ceiling.
They simply cannot win a SB. For ref, see Suns/R. Sarver.
Much like the tiger cats, the owner is the issue.
THANKS BILL O’BRIEN
I’M NOT MAD, YOU’RE MAD
I’m on field for dolts. I eagerly hope for pain!
“Today’s Halftime: We shoot a puppy!”
But geez that sucked.
Enjoying watching the Tyron Smith Holding Show, (which he is doing, again), while watching the Patriots hit Dak late and elbow him in the head and not get called.
How does one sign up to be the official wizard of New Zealand?
https://twitter.com/ajplus/status/1449058235961405441
I think there’s some kind of book you have to write your name in.
Oh, okay!
Klaatu barada… um… nnmmfffmmm
That’s weird. I was just sitting here wishing I had a magic wand ( not that one, pervs!)
“I’ve got you magic want right here…” – Eli Manning, pointing to his pocket, where he’s got a genuine Gryffindor “Godfrey” model
Beats me!
– Jacinda Arden
“Playing with the occult is fine but we will not stand for your 3000 year old practices to share a 1950’s mentality of broads!”
Even when they do something good (get an interception) it’s a net negative (it was fourth down and they cost themselves fifteen yards of field position).
That’s My Raiders!
am gone for what seems like 5 mins and the Dallas game is tied and the Raiders are going on a Lone Wolf and Cub revenge tour
It’s not tied anymore. Dallas D seems to have thought the bye week was today.
Points for LW&C!
Yesterday me didn’t leave enough box wine for today me, but that is okay because two months ago me left a bottle of cheap white in the fridge
high five!
Like Billy Pilgrim, you have become unstuck in time.
Kadarius rhymes with ‘you can’t be serious’.
I need a DFO Kommentariat AITA ruling:
Last week, I drove up for the Seahawks game. A friend of a friend (we’ll call him Jake) was invited to my seats without asking me first, which ok whatever, not a big deal, he’s been in my seats before. When we got in the car to head up, I was informed we also have to pick up Jake, who lives in Tacoma, who is also going to stay in our hotel rooms. Once we get to pick up Jake, he finds out my 4th seat might be open and immediately announces he is calling a friend to join us… not addressing me but my friend who invited him. I shut that shit down, not going to happen. We leave, I stop to get gas. When I get back into the car after filling up, I find that Jake has grabbed my phone and proceeded to change the music to something he wants to listen to.
At the bar before the game, Jake only once offers to buy me beer. During the game, only once offers to buy me beer, brings back 2 beers for the 3 of us, and both beers are IPAs – which he tried to buy me at the bar and I said was my most hated beer. No other beer offers for the rest of the game.
The next day, I have to drive his ass back home. Never offers to pay me for the hotel room, never offers to pay me for the game ticket. Asks when he can use my seats again.
I subsequently tell my friend that Jake is no longer welcome in my seats and will not ever be sitting his stupid ass in them ever again. So now I’m being called the asshole.
*sigh*
Jake is the rectum here. Blatant disregard of free ticket etiquette
Fuck Jake. And his SO just to be sure.
Look you ride with Cutler you know what youre getting
Yeah, let your buddy know how ya feel, and fuck Jake with a barbed-wire wrapped paper towel tube.
I let them know with very colorful language. A strongly worded speech, one might say. A passionate defense of my position, others might say.
This is why I hate people.
I hope you made him sleep in the hotel room bathtub, but probably no such luck
He should bring him again next time, and let him wake up in that tub, packed in ice wearing a bloody bandage where a kidney once lived.
Oh, I had to change the second room because he refused to share a king size bed with another man, his own friend. He was going to bring an air mattress and sleeping bag.
Wow, what a douche
No, everyone here is right. Jake sucks. He’s being a terrible guest, really presumptuous, and a total mooch. Fuck Jake.
He’s the asshole.
This is why I don’t have friends. I have cousins.
I’d give Jake and the friend who invited him the axe.
Didn’t even read. Fuck jake.
What’s even worse is that Jake gave your special State Farm discount to everyone.
Seriously, though, them calling you the asshole is a blessing in disguise. “Great, so you think I’m an asshole. Guess that means you won’t want to come to any more games with me, right? I mean, who wants to spend time with an asshole? Unless you’re just using me for free tickets….”
Damn, you were a lot cooler about it than I would have been.
I sorta feel bad for kickers, but I will still sacrifice some pizza and wine to Shan’klor each week cause it is waaaay more awesome with copious misses
What’s that, Mister Winkles?
Did they leave too much time for Captain Dingleberry???
Granted, they defend a bit better than Detroit. But I am fading Dingleberry so probably
Ayo Nailed It!
Fuck yes Scorigami.
Hey it is Christian Kirk! Did you know that kirk is a Scottish word for church? I assume his middle name is ‘Methodist ‘
Saint Corona of Minneapolis
#ThePauls exit their bi-curious phase, going all KHunt, all the time.
How the fuck you doing boys?
The rams just gave Daniel jones an extra 10 garbage time points. If I lose this fucking game