Welp, they’re (espn, among others) calling it ‘Bye-mageddon’ which is silly, cute, contrived or a blend of all three, depending upon where you’re coming from. I myself am facing off (eh?) against Spam in the Freezer Vodka league with the oh-so-rare Backup to the backup super stack of D’Ernest Johnson and Demetric Felton this fine evening. And I’ll be playing the Cleveland D as well because one must embrace the abyss when it calls your name. Goodness, looking over the fill-in options in that league is like looking out over a wind-swept desert of pulled hammies, broken hopes, small college has-been’s and coach’s looks of disappointment.
-Speaking of coaches and disappointment, Joe Judge, when asked about the team stated, “Fish stinks from the head down”. Now, on the surface you might think he was taking responsibility for his own job performance but I think it was a brilliant and subtle jab at owner John Mara.
-Oh hey, I just noticed that the Texans have their top three rb’s (Ingram, Johnson and Lindsay) all on expiring one year deals. At the moment they have the second overall pick in the 2022 draft but couldn’t possibly be stupid enough (cough Giants, cough) to draft an rb there, right?
-Deshaun trade talk has reared it’s head again and he’s going to the Fins again. I figger his agent/lazy sportsscribblers are trying to churn the waters.
To The Game!
Broncos/Browns:
-Colt McCoy is back under center. Uh, I mean Case Keenum gets the start tonight. I tend to get my floppy-armed perennial backups confused. With a bit of injury luck we could also see some Drew Lock as well because Teddy B. is not exactly completely fit. As it is, Cleveland has a bottom 5 passing game and the lifting of wr Landry from IR won’t make much of a difference.
-One unit that is making a difference out there is the Broncos special teams. They’ve given up a 102 yard kickoff Td, a 42 yard punt return and a blocked punt. They’ve also been flagged with the 3rd most penalties and have given up the 2nd most yards.
-It seems like some time ago that the Denver Icari were flying a bit too close to that 3-0 sun. As is their custom, they’ve crashed to the .500 earth.
-Let’s pray together that this doesn’t become a defensive slog that Hippo can fall asleep to by the end of the first half. I need them fantasy points.
Go tell your mother.
If the play clock goes to zero, the goddamned ball should explode.
O-line would become a buncha JPPs
And it should be filled with glitter
So the dune remake has been pretty good so far
https://youtu.be/nMRL-VMQ2E0
Found a funny;
thinking about an ancient philosopher making a hinge or sumn, getting the question “who are you” and they immediately start crying and throwing up
I’m not saying that Vic Fangio is a great coach or anything, but it would be hard for any coach to win with the stiffs he’s had at quarterback.
You’d think Elway might have valuable insight…
Guess he just doesn’t have any horse-sense.
Is this game one of those abortions that’ll get me $10K in Texas?
I changed my Echo to the alternate male voice, so now I don’t feel like I’m perpetuating the patriarchy when I tell it to shut the fuck up with its idiot suggestions. Also, if you look at the transcript in the Alexa app, it bleeps cursewords, lol, what a prude.
Going to go to bed and read, which is a shame as the game has actually been entertaining me.
You must be exhausted. Take care of yourself.
At least this game is moving fast
Hey ya rich bastids! Donate ten bucks to WFMU.org. They do the lord’s work maintaining the coolest radio station in the world commercial free, even though X. Ray Burns is dead. Teenage Wasteland with Bill Kelly is still the best radio show in America.
Teddy B’s lack of pocket awareness reminds me of a 1st, 2nd and 3rd year Danny Dimes.
We have wormsign the likes of which even God has never seen.
Is that the guy who played Sejanus in the miniseries I, Claudius on the right?
Pie Holes Update: Not dead!
Not tonight
-Shanka’Lor
Needs to rest after the last two weekends.
I hope nawt. Kicking errors are fun
That was a deflection worthy of air hockey!
No Dune preview in Canada. Just a Timmys ad.
And a Kia ad.
And a Royal Bank ad.
And a RuPaul’s Drag Race Canada ad.
To be fair, RuPaul is the closest thing to Dune during that break.
Just missing the C-Tire ad
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=HB_2ofNrvvY
When she was describing the pain, I thought it sounded more like she was describing an STD symptoms.
The Brownie the elf outline hat the Browns coach is wearing looks like a North Korean attempt at a Notre Dame hat.
[floats in North China Sea]
-North Korean ND hat aimed at Los Angeles
Little known #KeenumFact – he has really bad tinnitus from all the Christian rock concerts he attended in his brash youth.
Stryper 4 evah!
DC Talk was too edgy.
I want to hear someone with a Liverpudlian accent say a sentence that includes the words “tinnitus” and “paella”
“You gotta check out this solo!”
-Every acquaintance who listens to Christian rock
Wait a second, this solo has three instruments playing!
“Well yeah, ya see, that’s the mystery of it all.”
Specifically this solo.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QRmnbo18IR0
I’m here for the Dune.
Just wanted to get that out there.
I was hoping to see it this weekend, still might try.
The Shanks must flow
Need donks to lose by 1 or win. All else is going fine. Resisted the urge to start Teddy B., even though the wind is supposed to subside by halftime thank you very much Gordon lightfoot. So come on you rag-legged afterthought, lose in a heartbreaker. Also keep throwing underneath routes to Jarvis. I love the pain. Like poking my tongue into a sore tooth. Thursday night wears on a man…
oh, I’m drunk
Surtain can play. Remarkably intelligent positioning there, hold his ground to have a shot at the pick – but MOAR importantly…no DPI.
Looking at the score, I think tonight Bernard Gilkey will win thee more Shempiens.
We did just complete the summer transfer window (2121-22 season). I am eager to see the lads pull together (PHRASING)
https://www.cleveland.com/open/2021/10/wrighting-a-wrong-ohio-fixes-error-in-new-state-license-plate-after-wrong-way-wright-flyer-turbulence.html?outputType=amp
Makes sense. Ohio has been flying backwards towards to future since the year was founded. Either one.
24 of America’s astronauts are/were from Ohio. What is it about Ohio that makes people from there want to flee the Earth?
Bengals and #ThePauls on teevee every Sunday?
That was purty
You know, not sure Court Sutton belongs in Denver. Because he’s actually good at FITBAW.
Case Keenum: Not Actively Harmful!
Yet.
well he first has to create something to harm, wait for rest of Commander Keenums voyage
-Yelp review, first date
Demetric Felton is probably the NFL Canuck-born player that celebrates/treasures his heritage the most. I admire the (based on 10) lengths he goes to make people aware of it.
I guess I can’t complain about Cleveland scheduling a cupcake. I mean my team just play Detroit after all to tune up for Baltimore.
Fullproof (or is it foolproof? nobody knows) gambloring plan: bet every kind of under/short position possible for players coming off of media “awards” the season before. The sprots media are idiots who couldn’t vote themselves out of a paper bag.
Progress! We forced a third down!!
That would have been an amazing pick, if he was able to catch it.
How much better is one leg Teddy to a healthy Drew Lock?
YES
Doesn’t Lock have 3 legs?
When he bounces from the League after his rookie deal, he can go the Dirk Diggler route.
Evening all on this most sucktastic day of this most sucktastic year.
wha happen? Hard times with the young’un again?
18 year old niece shot and killed last night, My brother, his family, and my mom had dinner with her and her boyfriend. She went home with her boyfriend and a few hours later she is dead of an accidental shooting, and for some reason the SBI is investigating instead of the police.
And that is all we know.
Jesus Christ, I’m sorry.
Jesus fuck, man. Y’all been living under a bad moon. So sorry.
With everything going on in our cul-de-sac, I think the assholes who moved in behind us are luck/good fortune vampires.
That’s awful. Hopefully we can at least be a welcome distraction
You most certainly are, this site is part of my keeping myself sane plan.
Fuck.
My God. I am so sorry.
Holy shit!
I’m so sorry. Hope you find strength and clarity.
Good god. Sorry to hear that amigo.
Oh my god. I’m so sorry.
Fuckin’ A, man. No words. So sorry.
I get it. I just went to the grocery store. I want to kill people.
Huh. I thought this was going to be a low scoring game, what with the entire Browns starting offense being out, but I guess I misunderestimated the Broncos D
You and me both, sister!
/appears the team may have quit on Don Fangio
D’Importance of Rostering D’Ernest
JESUS TAPDANCING FUCK
I really dig Teddy Ballgame’s tobaggan hat
https://www.cbssports.com/nfl/news/browns-baker-mayfield-dealing-with-fractured-shoulder-bone-in-addition-to-torn-labrum-per-report/
The Factory refuses to suspend operations
Holy shit, I may think Baker kind of sucks (and despise his annoying ad campaign with his wife), but that’s pretty impressive to try to play through that.
I hated him since he planted an OU flag at midfield at OSU.
He definitely hit the “over” on the ever popular “How long will it take the Browns to physically or emotionally cripple this 1st round draft pick” prop bet
This shit has got to be a joke.
https://twitter.com/UNISWAG/status/1451339611884736516?s=20
I was about to say Oregon is a joke, but I almost forgot my guys lost to them. Almost.
I like it because:
-It’s different (15%)
-very un-masculine (85%)
Normally, I’m all the way on board with the crazy uniforms Oregon trots out there. There’s a place for the Alabamas and USCs of the world (i.e., classic, unexciting), but there are some teams that should have wild shit.
I don’t like these at all.
Can’t wait for the Duck Confit and a l’orange for Thanksgiving.
What in the Monald Fuck is this bullshit?
/Yes, Oregon is Monald Muck
Word is Watson to the Dolphins, Tua to WFT, and a fuck-ton of picks to the Texans. Somehow I think Denver is supposed to be involved?
Anyone who trades for Watson right now would be dumb as shit. He’s immensely talented but we have no idea what’s going to come from his Uncle Touchy court case.
It’s not like it’s conduct detrimental to the league.
–Bob Kraft
Friend of mine thinks it’s because the Eagles have Miami’s 1st round pick, so the Dolphins are motivated to win a few more games this season because sucking for draft order is already off the table. I can totally believe that the Dolphins organization doesn’t understand the Sunk Cost fallacy, so I’m thinking his theory is correct.
I kind of like the idea of Tua playing on the FedEx “turf” because I might be a sociopathic asshole.
I had to look up my “Case Keenum’s Vikings year was magical” conjecture.
Yep
I think that budtender gave me ritalin instead.
Case Keenum played for Denver!?
Case Keenum played for a Rams!?
Case Keenum played for Washington!?
You spelled ‘held a clipboard’ wrong.
I will puts on me nerd hat, and note That’s barely over 7.0 YPA!
Even in Denver and Washington he wasn’t that bad. He was just averagely average.
In DC he was one of the many interchangeable QBs they’ve had play while their starting QBs are recovering from horrific injuries. It’s a tradition going all the way back to at least Jason Campbell
.
I’m actually feeling okayish in Freezer Vodka league this week, it’s only my QB, RB1, and WR1 who are out!
Some Canadaians are ok, I guess, but I would happily send them all to a fiery, disemboweling death if it meant the Tkatckuks clan was among them.
You just don’t like Brady’s “Big Puck” energy.
I don’t like Matthew, Keith, Jan, Bobby, Greg, Alice, or Brady
But you DO like Peter. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
I’m on a Sens site commenting on the game and one older guy like me is explaining the “Jump the Shark” phrase origin to another equally older guy. Wow.
/nods in Winkler
I refuse to believe there is actually an Ottawa Senators weblog.
Is this Cousin Sal A-hole some Bill Simmons spin off?
Good news is that I have already billed MOAR than 40 hours this week, and have nothing pressing for tomorrow.
oh yeah, that’s a #BonusPillMoment
Ah shit; I just realized Dak is on a bye and I’m starting Bridgewater tonight. And Courtland Smith. A) That’s not really great and B) and more importantly, now I’m going to have to watch this fucking game.
Could be worse, my Dak! bye week options are (The Legend of) White Mac or Strawberry Fields.
Those are options available to me on our waiver wire. Danny Dimes is the #1 option.
I’m sticking with Bridgewater, limited as he is.
I mean, you have the stack with Sutton. They should both do well, or both shit the pitch. It’s same move I’d have made.
I opted not to start Teddy because I assume Keenum throws 3 pick sixes and the broncos can just run it.
ESPN is showing the SMU-Tulane game, (the AAC is so fucked), and they just put up famous alumni from both schools. It was, obviously, a very short piece, but Eric Dickerson made the cut and Craig James didn’t.
Shouldn’t have killed those hookers, Craig.
I would prefer to watch the pre-game show for DONKS WOO!!! – but apparently, we’ve entered the broadcast’s mandatory suck off MRSA Dreamboat segment.
Also, I am seriously considering punting in Vodka League this week. I just am not willing to cut IR/bye week guys to pick up chum.
But it would wound my WASP pride deeply to lose to Balls-y!
If we are so shite we can’t beat Case Keenum behind a scab-calibre OL…
.
I would absolutely hang that in my house, if not the Louvre itself.
I mean, if it ain’t there, what’s the Louvre good for? A bathroom for Parisian hobos??