Your Very Next Sunday NFL Football Open Thread

To The Games!

Eagles/Raiders:

Can Carr get to 340 yards and at least 2 TDs? That’s been the benchmark for him in Raiders wins. Seems unsustainable for a player of his ability. As advertised, Hurts has no problem running (4 TDs last two games) but that passing thingy continues to elude him-he has but one thrown 6 pointer to his name.

Lions/Rams:

From Detroit’s perspective this game has, “Damn, the ex is doing way better with the new partner!” energy. Perhaps that will prevent this tilt from being the gawd awful blowout that everyone in the universe expects it to be.

Texans/Cards:

That 18.5 spread says it all. One thing that the Ertz trade told me? The Cards are all in this year. They obviously thought Maxx Williams was an important piece so when he went down to injury there was no fooling around, hoping things would work out with a backup. No wait and see happening here. Surprisingly, their D only trails Buffalo in allowing scoring drives only 22% of the time.

Bears/Bucs:

Now that Patricia is out of the league as a head coach there’s no one better at diminishing skill position talent than Nagy. I mean, how else does one explain the fact that Fields has only the one rushing TD to date? You’d think with his running ability he’d have at least fallen over into the end zone one other time, right?

Go be yourself in the comments.

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Mr. Ayo

How long will it take to get that bear shit smell out of TB?

Last edited 2 years ago by Mr. Ayo
Doktor Zymm

It will soon be overwhelmed by the normal shit smell

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh, Lions.

Doktor Zymm

Chicago’s performance today shows that I leave the sports equivalent of superfund sites behind me wherever I live! The Raiders were right to move.

Petronel

So many INTs that the Bux defense is recycling celebrations. (Still can’t row for shit, but at this pace they may be better by the end of the game.)

Doktor Zymm

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Doktor Zymm

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If you go no huddle, you are team waffle house and I’m down with that

Mr. Ayo

Any house advertising veggies is a hard pass.

Doktor Zymm

I think they’re just potatoes

Mr. Ayo

Any house advertising potatoes as a veggie is my favorite.

Doktor Zymm

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Col. Duke LaCross

Fucking fire everybody.

Out of a cannon.

Into the sun.

#Bourble

Doktor Zymm

I deem this a highku

LemonJello

Why can’t CBS shift to a more competitive game? The World Wildlife Fund thinks this is becoming a bears snuff film.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Wait…why does CBS even have that game? They’re both NFC teams. Did something change?

LemonJello

TB12 prefers Nance’s ball gargling technique?

Spur

This Hurts guy is worse than Wentz. Philly thought this was good idea?

King Hippo

I think maybe Jalen Hurts really just wants to be somewhere/do something else, like the lacrosse kid in those “funny” Dr. Pepper ads.

Doktor Zymm

He dreams of being a veterinarian, and resents being called upon to hurt animals, even symbolically in the form of teams named after animals

Doktor Zymm

Also applies to the entire Eli Manning era on the Giants

Doktor Zymm

Why don’t we have those toilets they have in Europe where you can pick a small flush or a big flush?

Mr. Ayo

#TeamBidet

herodotus450

Big Water Reclamation strikes again smhdng

Petronel

There’s one in the bathroom by my office at work, so they are out there.

Petronel

Jesus. This commercial break has been wall-to-wall political ads. For a state I don’t live in.

Doktor Zymm

Science Guy: “An asteroid is approaching the Earth, but there is only a 0.0043% chance it enters Earth’s atmosphere. If it does, it will probably hit Ohio!”

Mr. Ayo

Evans hat trick!

Fronkenshteen

Bill Burr said it best: “When Tom Brady stands in the pocket, he looks like an astronaut. But once he has to run, he looks like a dead body being thrown from a moving car.”

Fronkenshteen

Lookit the Fuck Liouns showing out for Baby Buster’s honour.

Mr. Ayo

Good night Kyle.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’ve been watching the Bears game on a delay, the same approach the Bears’ O line appears to be taking to their gameplay.

Mr. Ayo

28-3, Brady involved. It all adds up!

King Hippo

TOO SOON, Abed!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I just looked at the final score of the Patriots/Jets game, and man…I don’t think anyone hates anything as much as Bill Belichick hates the Jets.

Mr. Ayo

Blame Mangini.

Fronkenshteen

Fuck him. He quit on us. NEVAR FORGET!!

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LemonJello

THIS GUY JUSTIN FIELDS, I CALL BARREN FIELDS BECAUSE HE’S NOT PRODUCING ANYTHING

Doktor Zymm

It’s a good thing the Buccs are not actually trying to compete in crew because they would nawt do well at it without quite a bit of practice

LemonJello

JPP manages to get his fingers on the ball and force the fumble.

Game Time Decision

Finger. Singular

LemonJello

He was using both hands!

Gumbygirl

.

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LemonJello

These bears are shitting all over the field today.

Mr. Ayo

NFL should re-air the game in Germany

Doktor Zymm

Tragic consequence of deforestation

Game Time Decision

They’re about to hibernate for the winter

Doktor Zymm

Look on Hopkins’s face is all “Look at the shit I have to work with, smh”

King Hippo

Koach Kliff KalKulated Gamble!

Doktor Zymm

And only one pairs figure skating team has ever gotten a perfect 6.0 in the Olympics!

Downfield Matriculator

Only after throwing out the score from the East German judge!

Petronel

If the Tompa/DABEARS game keeps going like it has, the commercial bumpers will all need to be Bears turnovers set to Yakety Sax.

Doktor Zymm

What are the qualifications to be a “legitimate” member of a receiving corps? Is it like being a “legitimate” businessman?

Doktor Zymm

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King Hippo

Strawberry Fields = Black Tebow. He stares down his first read, and he has no other ideas in his head whatsoever.

Redshirt

I leave my friends to go to the bathroom, and they switch from football to Godzilla on Univision just to see what they call Godzilla in Spanish.

I can’t leave them alone for five minutes!

Doktor Zymm

So….what do they call Godzilla in Spanish?

Redshirt

Stand by.

LemonJello

El Godzilla?

Doktor Zymm

It ends in ‘a’ so could be it is La Godzilla

Mr. Ayo

Nueva taco?

King Hippo

WHORE, humble bragging about your non-imaginary friends to make us jelly

Doktor Zymm

Also a great opportunity to mark the remote as your territory

hippofant

So Mahomes, Russ, Mayfield, and possibly Kyler are all down.

Also Fitzmagic, Tyrod, Jimmy G, Dalton, and possibly Sam Darnold.

Last edited 2 years ago by hippofant
King Hippo

Good thing my backup (who started in Byemageddon) is The Legend of White Mac!

TheRevanchist

You say that like Mayfield being hurt is a bad thing?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’ve seen this woman easily a dozen times before, and every single time I’m impressed.

Anthony In TX

There are certainly parts of me that are impressed

LemonJello

JPP missed a sack by a finger.

Fronkenshteen

Well I fucking liked it.

King Hippo

guys, I don’t think Strawberry Fields is very good

litre_cola

Is he from an island? He may be on animal steroids.

LemonJello

These bears in Tampa seem like they’d be more at home in San Francisco as soft as they’re playing.

Anthony In TX

I believe the stereotypical San Francisco preference is men who are hard, but what do I know?

King Hippo

One would imagine the bear likely being a top, which I think is what Pet Shop Boys meant by “hard option?”

Doktor Zymm

Chicago’s Boystown is both Bear and Twink friendly

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Was watching the Mahomes injury and realized that Andy Reid treats this Chiefs team like they’re family, in that he’s generally indifferent as to whether the young men who are members of it live or die.

hippofant

Me being a boomer:

I hate it when players don’t finish their fakes. Rams RB just stopped after the play-action, led his defender right to Stafford’s target

Last edited 2 years ago by hippofant
King Hippo

Kicking on 4th and 4? That’s pretty, Gay.

King Hippo

GET FOURNY EXTRA HORNY PLS

Anthony In TX

Fun thing about the Cardinals’ Ertz trade:

Zach Ertz and JJ Watt are now teammates. Their wives Julie Ertz and Kealia Watt are also teammates.

I sense a swap-eroo!

King Hippo

I mean, at least a Four on the Floor

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“In my household we refer to that as a <i>menage a cat</i>.” – Jay Cutler

hippofant

Kealia?

Anthony In TX

Yep. Originally Kealia Ohai, but she officially changed her name personally and professionally when they got married.

TheRevanchist

The Lions are making this more interesting than I could imagine. I haven’t been this excited to see Detroit since Barry Sanders was earning his turducken leg on Thanksgiving.

King Hippo

I mean, was tired of SurvivoUr Pool already, ya know?

hippofant
Last edited 2 years ago by hippofant
Doktor Zymm

And the onside kick, LOL

Mr. Ayo

Goff revenge game!

LemonJello

<strike>And an unusual sighting; Bengals with the “Fuck You” extra score.</strike>

This should have been in the early thread.

Last edited 2 years ago by LemonJello