Welcome back to another middling tilt in primetime! Yeah, I’ll be watching as soon as my Ottawa Senators (well, the AHL version of them-stupid Covid) get blown out by the Kings.
Newsy Notes:
-I thought for sure that OBJ would drag out his signing for as long as possible because he loves that precious, precious attention. But then I thought, “Oh shit, the train’s gonna keep rolling because the acquiescent football media will do the obligatory “Redemption!”, “Reborn!”, “Is This A New OBJ?” and “What Does OBJ Do For The Rams?” angles.
-I do love how the Packers Mark Murphy and Brian Gutekunst pushed all their chips to the middle of the table by offering him the veteran minimum. Perhaps they sweetened the pot by throwing in a Taco Bell coupon! (With the purchase of one(1) meal you can get another meal of equal or lesser value. Offer valid only on weekdays between 2:30 and 4:30pm. Expires at the end of next week)
-There’s another signing today. Cam is back with the Panthers! Darnold is angry and confused, mostly because the fire gods haven’t burned the new ball thrower to a crisp yet. Shoulda danced harder, Sam.
To The Game!
Ravens/Fins:
-It looks unlikely that Tua is a go tonight so we’ll be treated to the league’s (imo) most boring qb. Back in September he threw the ball 49 times vs the Raiders. His yards per attempt average? 4.39. A riverboat gambler he is not.
-Which is unfortunate because the Ravens are in some very unique company with respect to giving up explosive pass plays (PFF’s terminology, not mine) They’re right there with the Lions, Jags and Jets. That’s bad company, till the day I die.
-Lamar is top ten in both rushing and passing. I’m not looking it up but he’s probably the first qb to do that since Mike Vick or Sammy Baugh or someone that played between those two.
-Playing favourites or schedule glitch? This is the Ravens first roadie in 39 days.
Bang those letters, brothers and sisters!
Miami reviewing their 2 min drill for a first down playbook
Gronk’s schtick has run way past its course.
CTE is no joke.
Tie game i can understand Miami just basically running victory formation right now
oh, what this match SCREAMS for is a lengthy spot challenge
These teams are saluting the wrong Vets today in their tribute to putting everyone to sleep.
There’s the Mike Vick tie-in! He’s in the “studio” as part of his community service.
I’m starving, and I’m sitting here like a dumbass waiting until halftime. Like I’m going to miss something great in this game. I’ve watched more exciting tee ball games.
https://youtu.be/WWvt3E5a-AA
Oh God me too
-J. Fogle
Windowless Van Flies Open
Tee ball games are fun because there’s always that kid that hits the ball then runs to third base.
We’re watching Love Island and all I can say is that if Jon Gruden has made his “lips like a set of Michelin tires” comment about any of the women on this show it would a) be accurate, if somewhat of an understatement and b) be perceived as a compliment.
This bawlmer performance is pretty consistent with how I expect the team to repay Fozz on his birthday
thank fuck he likely blacked out before kickoff
Hello all my football friends.
SOMEONE WASH THIS STRANGER’S FEET
Missed you all too.
A PRODIGAL SON RETURNETH!!
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ubZ3rwP5Czw
Welcome back, Sir!
BAHGAWD, KING! THAT’S montythisseemsstrangetome’s MUSIC!
3-3 sets us up nicely for a Draw!
/counts remaining pills
Jeebus, that was a Laserface-esque float.
Ten minutes before I’m about to start cutting up the tri-tip I’ve been cooking all day:
“Let’s do a plumbing project!” – Dr. Mrs. Deadly, Esq. (ret)
Because apparently handling drain muck right before I serve dinner is a good idea.
Jaylen Waddle is also a declaratory sentence ,, ppl forget that
I was led to believe Lamar would light things up this game.
Yes.
Andy Reid mis-heard “Brissett is starting,” and asked Alexa to set an alarm for 10 hours from now.
This is bannerable
Amazing.
Was just informed there is no power at home. At this point I almost HAVE to go to the bar to watch the game, right?
I think you should go to the bar to not watch the game
Read that as you heard that had no power at home and was thinking, yep that happens when you get married.
Which is why I have no need to re-marry – I am already secure in the knowledge that I am wrong and stupid 100% of the time.
You’re wrong about that, stupid.
Brissett is a panicky fella.
no one to block for him, no one to hand off to no one to pass to he should just relax, the punter got this on lock
He played for indy. They made luck run out. You’d be skittish too.
THIS GUY JACOBY BRISSETT I CALL HIM WOODY ALLEN CAUSE…WELL, NO NOT THAT, AT LEAST I SURE HOPE IT’S NOT THAT.
Stop making NC State look bad, Jacoby Brissett!
oh, DEEP cut
“…and I was foggy, rather groggy…”
I love that the Fox music guy who plays Phish and The Dead and stuff has graduated from baseball to football.
That #8 on Fuck You Dolphin! is everywhere. Is this an NFL Jackie Robinson game where everybody has to wear the same number? I’d enjoy that.
When I’m Commish, everyone gonna wear 69 and officials will have to call penalties like so “Offsides, defense, number 69,.nice. First down.”
Beginning to think 3-0 is an insurmountable lead
think i might just crank a replay of last weeks redzone in the background when the fins are playing
Hey, though the magic of ESPN+, I could be watching Scotchy’s SenatoUrs, too! I mean, ain’t gonna but nice to know I could.
But, but, we’ve got this really good young Swedish goalie that only plays when Murray is hurt which is all the time!
So Murray is…NOT present?
So State Farm is sticking by Rodgers. I guarantee they don’t air another of his ads all season.
think was 4% air rate last weekend, sure hes pretty popular in some markets now
TRUE. maybe it’s just because I live in such a LIBTARD!!!1111 area. Which, the Raleigh-Durham MSA actually is. My small town even had progressives go 3-for-3 in Town Council elections, when Virginia decided to go re-Confederate.
Nice yeah NC will go blue again before Florida at this rate. I think ill eventually move to Asheville or something in 5 years or so
I mean, the weather’s not even shitty in Asheville. They have a great food and beer scene, too.
yeah visited my grandparents in the mountains where nc,sc and ga meet and its real nice there, asheville probably end up austined in 15 years or so but nice while it lasts
By “austined” do you mean that Bari Weiss will open a pyramid scheme “university” there?
It is already too crowded and no room for new infrastructure. Most of their police quit and crime has gone through the roof. My friends own a bar and they are a bit worried about being robbed and shot.
Gumby has been in a fantasy football league for years with a former Wake County commissioner, he’s a lib.
Was pretty much 50/50 when I moved back here (March 2000), almost 70/30 now.
Well, I’m sure there are some regional stations that can/will still air them.
They’ll say one thing and not show another. And no one will be the wiser. Or care.
I mean, I saw his dopey face every 10 FITBAW minutes, pre-Q-curiosity. Not a once since.
Uh oh. A Tucker miss generally foretells bad reaping season.
Sit down, Ben. I said REAPING season.
HAIL SHANK’LOR FROM WHOM ALL BLESSING FLOW
Patriots in Atlanta? Too soon NFL. Too. Soon.
Those BK “ghost pepper” nuggets are marketing genius. Make it hot enough, nobody can really tell that the base is just a rat/sawdust mix.
Well, now the cat is out of the bag*
*which chages the texture of those nuggets.
Hey! Those are grass-fed, free-run rats!
Still the question remains: Who actually goes to Burger King?
I do! I routinely use coupons that get me a pair of bacon cheeseburgers and fries and a soda for $4.
Today I went to Carl’s Jr, though.
That’s Hardee’s Suh!
I have the feeling this is going to be a Thursday night game. Oh well, it’s always fun to hang with you guys! Who cares about the game.
I’m not even watching the game anymore and I’m still commentin’!
Hola, fellow degenerates and commoners.
I made $127 betting on your new nation, Our Liege!
Look man, if I have to curtsey, I’m gonna need a hand getting back up. Have one of your lackeys on standby.
I saw someone on Twitter noted that David Tepper is now paying for Cam’s replacement, Cam’s replacement’s replacement, and Cam to replace his replacement’s replacement.
That’s some solid football team ownin’ right there.
Jerry Richardson’s rotting corpse is somewhere, smiling.
He’s still only paying 3/5ths, so…
I had forgotten there’s an NFL game today!
&ct=g
/sees it’s a Dolphins game
Eh,
#TunaNets FTW
witness us shiny and chrome
Found a funny;
To catch chlamydia, you have to think like chlamydia
WAY ahead of you there! – Mark Sanchez’ penis
What is “Things Brett Farve’s penis would never say?” I’ll take “Anal Bum Cover for $600.”
You don’t “catch” his chlamydia, it just enters you and you hang on. -gb receiving corps
I miss Quotables.
I also miss Hunter March and Sugar Rush.
Who do we have locally to totally-not-creep-out Ms. Andrews on the pitch THIS week?
Sadly I’m off-duty. I DID say hello and thanked her for her hard work though, so that’s a win.
I really wish you all could see how shitty and annoying Canadian commercials are on TSN. They play 6 on repeat for 3 hours.
yeah, here we gets at least 8 or 9!
Firing up Dolphins TE Mike Gesicki in Fantasy football!
Come on Dolphins! 🐬
Mrs. Sharkbait is off having a girls weekend. Sharkette is alseep already. Pants are of the comfy variety, sushi is on the way and I’m about to mix this week’s COTW. This is OK
is it heroine this week????
If by heroin you mean gin?
Greg Olsen’s heartwarming reaction to the Cam Newton news:
His new walk on music is the theme from Welcome Back Kotter.
Sens down to 5 defensemen. Oh boy.
“That means we only have to pay 5 defencemen, right? ”
Eugene M.
What if a Make-a-Wish kid asked to go see a dog fight with Mike Vick? Why aren’t these cancer kids weirder with their demands. ENTERTAIN ME.
After their hair, the first thing these cancer kids lose is their imagination. smgdh…
What if a Make-a-Wish kid asked to get vaccinated with Rodgers?
Mister chmura? Can I go be on a night out with you? That’d cover Two wishes!
See, these three Commentists get it!
When you think of it, what kind of sociopathic weirdo gets saddled with a Christian name like “Odell” and then chooses to burden their own child with the same curse?
And without even adding an apostrophe O’Dell
I’ll not have you insult the good name of Odell LemonJello! Pistols at dawn good Sir!
Like naming your pollack kid Ski. Or sky, Skylar, or Hey! Asshole!
Does Mike Vick have a dog in this fight tonight?
I am thankful to have no Ratbirds nor Fuck You Dolphin! on either squadron, and I refuse to check opposing lineups. I hated Sunday way too much from that angle. Ignorance is the GREATRIOTS of the Bliss League.
You are playing against ME.
For MONEY.
Fear Mark Andrews. (He will have 2 catches for 7 yards.)
I think we’re playing each other in the free league too. WEIRD.
I mean, it has to be a conspiracy now.
I hope that guy seamlessly transitioned from newsletter to podcast.
The money train left when I lost last week, and I know it. I could feel that loss coming, too.
Lawyers (And I know there’s more than one here), may I ask? The Rittenhouse judge?: the WORST or WORSTEST‽
Sorry I must get this call. “Hallo Dear Leader!”
I am not what I call a “real lawyer” – the idea of even the most minor courtroom work terrifies me.
/also trying to avoid what I refer to as “rage porn” so I know only what I have seen on DFO about this trial thingamabob
I’m not a lawyer but the Dr. Mrs. is and she has been very unimpressed with his antics (such as demanding the entire courtroom applaud a defense witness [cause he was a vet] and that forced racist joke about Asian food and Long Beach loading docks).
G’devenin. This is the usual Thursday dreck that we come here for.
I swear ten years ago, every other Thursday Night game was Titans/Jaguars.
and that’s the way it was, and we LIKED IT!
WE LOVED IT! WE IGNORED IT! AS IT SHOULD BE!
Kings won in Toronto on Monday and Montreal on Tuesday; if they win in twOttawa tonight, they officially get the deed to Canadia from Queen Elizabeth The Old.
I look forward to the liposurgery street vendors, the cocaine fountains and the sham recall vote on the Zamboni driver.
Yep, we live in a specific kind of paradise!
I vote whichever way keeps Maestro in power.
Are the Kings actually good now? It’s like they put together a little streak like this and then go right back to sucking.
That’s exactly it; last two weeks have been great, the two weeks prior were awful.
I’m cautiously optimistic on the whole (heh “whole”)
There’s only one true roadie:
.