It’s better than drinking the wateriness of Senor Weaselo’s Scottish Breakfast tea that he got last December for Christmas. It’s decidedly meh. Which is unfortunate because I like my Assams.
Well, onto Senorita Weaselo’s Hong Kong Black Tea she bought me. I know that’s the good stuff.
I’d say “onto the news” here a la Top Gear but no real new news to speak of. So let’s spin the Wheel of Miscellaneous Crap and see what to talk about!
How about the first in a maybe ongoing open thread series when I chuck something up when necessary: Senor Weaselo Poorly Explains Anime. (Name in progress.) While I was driving to get a slice of my normal birthday cake for, well, my birthday (it’s a chocolate Joffre cake, which is a Romanian chocolate layer cake with chocolate ganache and chocolate buttercream… and there’s only really one Romanian bakery in Queens), I thought to myself: “Holy shit, is that hail?” And then after that subsided, I thought: “Y’know? To quote Strong Bad, ‘Japanese cartoons are weird, man.'”
So with that, here’s me trying to (poorly) explain an anime that I watched and enjoyed: Fate/stay night: Unlimited Blade Works. (And of course none of the Google Images want to embed.) Based off the video game/visual novel Fate/stay night. Some spoilers, but it’s a 20-year old game and a 7-year old anime, so indulge me. (And stream it on Netflix if you want.)
Every so often, the Holy Grail (yes, it’s real) is available to be summoned, and seven mages from around the world, but mostly Japan (but not Tokyo, so that’s something), are compelled to fight for it. This has happened several times before, but not as many as you’d think for an artifact which is approximately 2,000 years old, especially considering the last one was only ten years ago. The seven mages are from seven different mage families (mostly) who engage in a seven way battle royale, probably to the death. Sorry, it’s a battle royale by proxy which is different.
The proxies are historical, and mythological, warriors of legend, Servants summoned by the mage Masters, categorized into seven classes: Saber (swordsman), Archer, Lancer, Rider, Caster, Assassin, and Berserker. These seven Servants fight to the death, possibly because their sacrifice is what actually summons the Grail, though that’s a bit of speculation. The Servants try to hide their IDs from their opponents, so that way they can hide their potential super move, known as Noble Phantasms. You figure out a Servant, you can guess the Noble Phantasm, how to weather it, and how to beat them. We figure out the Lancer pretty early on, which gives you the kind of mythology bits we’re going here: Cú Chulainn, so the Noble Phantasm is (specifically throwing) Gáe Bulg. We also figure out the Saber pretty early because she’s the main character’s Servant (we’ll get to him later). She’s decked out in a cool armor dress with a sword of phantom length, and… this is several episodes later, but did she just call out Excalibur? Wait, she’s King Arthur?
The other main character Servant is just known as an Archer, who fires off… wait, was that arrow a lance? And why does he use short swords? And Rho Ajax? Who is this guy? (Upon rewatch once you know, it adds up.)
Anyway, back to the main character. Shiro Emiya always dreamed of being a hero like his (adoptive) dad, whose story we see in the prequel, Fate/Zero. Sad backstory, overall really dark. And he has mage powers, like… the ability to take an object and make it stronger, or better. Which he uses at school to fix the radiators and stuff. Or on a rolled-up poster to try and block the aforementioned Cú Chulainn from stabbing him. Again. Because he already got stabbed in the heart from Gáe Bulg, died, and the deuteragonist saved his ass in between being coy about him and simultaneously wanting to slap him for being a dumbass. Yes, the deuteragonist is a girl, you couldn’t tell from the blatant use of the tsundere trope?
Also, later on, we find out Gilgamesh is in this. As in, the epic of Gilgamesh. Why is Gilgamesh in this? We’ve already seen the other Servants and he’s not one of them. Well, it’s because he can (explained in Zero). Also because he’s a dick and everything that has or will ever exist is all for Gilgamesh, in the eyes of Gilgamesh. Justified though, because as King of Heroes he has access to pretty much every weapon that exists in legend.
Anyway, a lot of fighting ensues, thanks to, or rather, in spite of Emiya. Also the Archer doesn’t like him for some reason—one, because killing him gets Saber out of the way and Saber’s considered the strongest Servant, but two, just doesn’t like the guy. Definitely no ulterior motive there, where (okay, now serious spoilers) he… is Shirou Emiya, from the future, where he went and tried to be a hero, got no love for it, actually got executed as he took the fall for something, and wanted to go back, correct more of the world’s wrongs, get disillusioned with it, so fuck it, if I kill past me maybe it’ll break the cycle?
Yeah, a lot goes on and it’s easy to go, “Wait, hold up, the fuck?” Which I did. Multiple times. But it’s gorgeous, and I liked playing “Guess the Servant” because I like mythology, as we’ve definitely figured out from Jets posts.
It then spun off a bunch of other series, and then there’s this joke, non-canon series that had this bit pop up on my YouTube and I’m angry at the punch line.
All right, I’m way over word count, have at things.
Gumby and I are going out for dinner tonight to celebrate our 39th anniversary. One day early, but we want to avoid the unwashed weekend tourist people. So I am going to miss most of tonight’s football festivities. And I don’t want to hear any “mandatory” bullshit from any of you (Hippo.) When you manage to live with someone for 39 years without killing them even once, then you can tell me what to do!
Nah, TNF ain’t mandatory. Y’all has funsies!!
“Hell, this is the NFL – *nothing* is mandatory!” – QAaron Rodgers
I’m not one of the Chosen People, but, congrats!
.
Heh heh – “Alabama without the football”
There are many fine MBC jokes to be found here: https://www.reddit.com/r/nfl/comments/qwzq72/tampa_bay_times_exclusive_bucs_receiver_antonio/
Mr. Bogus Card. Amazing.
I like how one person pointed out it had been a little while since an incident, and someone responded “Mr. Brief Calm”.
• Kicked out of Florida International University after fighting a security guard • ”Don’t touch me. I’m the franchise” • His second year in the league he took a personal stretch limo to a charity event, had them open every single expensive bottle of wine, rejected it. Refused to pay for it (charity, remember), then left. -credit Nduguu77 • Threw fits over not getting enough targets • Drove 100 down McKnight Road in Pittsburgh, which has a 45 MPH speed limit • Trashed a condo and threw furniture out a window 14th floor window, which almost hit some people, notably a child • Killed a home aquarium full of piranhas and refused to pay the man who installed the tank • Refused to play week 17 for the Steelers • Dyed his mustache blonde • Refused to pay a chef because he thought he threatened him by placing a fish head in the freezer (the fish head was saved to make a soup) • Farted on a doctor • Demanded a trade from the Steelers • Became “Mr. Big Chest” • Threw a fit over Juju winning team MVP and trashed him on social media • (Allegedly) nixed a trade that would’ve sent him to the Bills • Showed up to Raiders training camp in a hot air balloon • Held out and refused to show up to training camp because the NFL would not approve his helmet because it was too old for their safety standards • Froze his feet • Tried to paint over his old helmet, hoping no one would notice I guess • Acquired a newer version of the same model of helmet, which the NFL refused to let him use • Picked out a new helmet and finally showed up to the Raiders • Got fined by the Raiders for not attending camp • Tweeted the fines • Tried to fight Mike Mayock, called him a cracker, had to be held back by Vontaze Burfict, then punted a football down the practice field and said “fine me for that” • Got fined for that • Released a video where he used audio of Jon Gruden, who didn’t know he was being recorded, which is illegal in California (full disclosure, Gruden has said he gave permission, but the generally accepted theory is that he said that in the hope that it would help get him to show up to the facility and not alienate him) • Demanded a release from the Raiders • Was released • ”GRANDMA I’M FREEEEEE! FLY LIKE A FREEEEE!” • Made a lot of crazy tweets saying stuff like ‘Devil is a lie’, a proverb about burning down a village… he made a lot of crazy tweets around this time is the point here • Liked a tweet about Mayock getting raped in the ass • Signed with the Patriots • Moved in with Tom Brady • The sexual assault allegations came out (the one where he’s getting sued) • The sexual harassment allegations came out (the one where he’s not getting sued) • Threatened the woman not suing him in a group text that included his lawyer and had a picture of her kids in the text • Got released by the Patriots after one week • Went off on a tweet storm and said a lot of crazy shit about a lot of people, and was supportive of people sending threats to the writer of the article detailing the sexual harassment allegations • Said he was done with the NFL • Went back to college via online classes • Tried to outsource his homework to Twitter • Wants to come back to the NFL • Filed several grievances to try and get more than $40 million from the Raider’s and Patriots • Was ordered to show up for a deposition regarding trashing the condo • Was accused of “reprehensible behavior” during the deposition Note: I cut the specifics about the deposition so I could fit this as a single comment. You can read more about it here if you’re interested, because it, like everything else, is nuts • Said that the Patriots have to pay him anyway, so they might as well let him play • Tweeted a couple of bizarre tweets about the Raiders using him for HBO ratings and the Patriots trying to steal his stuff and kept using this weird chicken based metaphor • Tried out for the Saints and brought an entourage and film crew to shoot a music video with him when specifically told not to do that • Called out Robert Kraft for his rub and tug massage session in Florida • Starting training for a boxing match with Logan Paul • Tweeted “No more white woman 2020” • The attorney representing him in the suit involving the condo quit • Used a bunch of slurs and profane language towards cops in an Instagram video he posted • A police youth football league cut ties with him and returned a donation after the release of the video saying there was a “irreparable rift” between the department and AB • Threw a bag of gummy candy dicks at the cops in a video he posted • Got dropped by his agent • Was involved in a disputed with movers at his home where he allegedly threw rocks at the movers and moving vans. He is currently being investigated for battery by the police. • His trainer was arrested and he is still a suspect in the battery case. • Warrant issued for the arrest of AB. • AB turns himself in to Broward Country Jail wearing this suit • Rumors spread about AB signing with Tampa or Seattle • AB announces his retirement (for what I believe is the third time, it’s hard to find a good record of the rest of them) • Two days later AB wants to play again and is asking for the league to wrap up it’s investigation • The NFL announces an eight game suspension for AB • AB signs with the Buccaneers on a one-year deal • Before he signed with the Buccaneers AB was accused of destroying a surveillance camera at a Florida gated community, throwing bike at a security-guard shack, and is not charged because HOA president “feared” retaliation, per police report • AB is under investigation by the NFL for the bike throwing incident
Shit, by back in the hills (white trash) standards, he is a pretty stable and upstanding citizen.
I remember when he left Pittsburgh and someone made a big deal about how the lawn at his old place wasn’t getting mowed. Maybe my HOA president was *right* about how it’s a slippery slope.
i remember when PIT cut him over what seemed like nothing at the time, but can only image what else they saw that’s nawt here. Now it seems like a no brainer. Which it sounds like AB is. I’m sure repeated hits to the head are not helping whatever else is troubling him.
I do hope he gets help.
“Dyed his mustache blonde” is where I would have drawn the line. You’re cut, buddy.
The injury report is making all my decisions for me this week. My twin rays of hope are 1) Baby Buster and his strained oblique seeming likely to make way for something called “Tim Boyle” @ CLE Sunday , and I just grabbed their D/ST this morning, and 2) E. Mitchell practiced on a side field with a non-contact jersey, possibly paving the way for a massive Jeff Wilson Jr. workload in Duval. With Kamara likely out and Swift likely useless, I need all the help I can get.
Maybe your Scottish breakfast tea wouldn’t have been so watery if you hadn’t added water to it. Betcha didn’t think of THAT, did you Senor?
https://archive.fo/lbNrq
Too on the nose?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rY0WxgSXdEE
oh fucksticks, I noticed that Northern Illinois clinched their MAC division (and thus, a berth in their title game) last night. I remembered I made a random prop bet on them, and was more bananacakes than remembered:
$20 at +25000. So, I’d profit $5K if they win said MAC title game, which they will be at least slightly favoUred to do.
My other props? Less optimistic. Ron Rivera as NFL COY ($20 to make $400); Pat Surtain for DROY ($15 to make $180).
Hit that bet and the pills will flow like wine in Nort Cakalacky!
I caught that hail last Saturday! That was intense; wind was so strong I saw it blow upsides several umbrellas. We took refuge in the Chelsea Market, which was full to the brim like any pre-Covid bar on a Friday at 11 PM. And outside was just frigid.
That weather nearly broke me. In my defense, I have never banged my shoe on a table and shouted “I am NAWT a pussay!”
Speaking of animated stuff, stop what you’re doing and go watch Arcane right now. No, I don’t care what your boss says, YOU DO IT. DO IT NOW.
Then come back and let’s discuss.
The show based on League of Legends? Naw, I think I will go and start my binge watching of Fruit of Evolution.
It’s really quite good, I’m 100% serious.
I’m impressed by its take on how each generation fails to learn any lessons from the previous ones when it comes to war. Even though Zaun got the shit kicked out of them the last time they stepped to Piltover, it’s still really easy for the youth to believe that they’re invincible and of *course* they would triumph in a conflict.
Is that a single malt Scottish breakfast tea or a blend?
I assumed Scottish breakfast tea was just lukewarm bog water run through the top layer of peat from the same bog.
Still better than Timmies
/ opening shots of the coffee war