Your First Sunday NFL Football Open Thread

To The Games!

Colts/Bills:

Rb Taylor is having his way with everyone, having hit 100 yards from scrimmage or scoring a TD in his last seven games. The Bills are dominant but that’s not expressed in their 6-3 record. (tends to happen when you drop a turd to the Jags) Their three losses are by a combined 13 points and their average margin of victory is 26 points.

Ravens/Bears:

At 3-6 Chicago isn’t in the same class as Baltimore but they may have the means to get a W here. With a running attack featuring Fields, Herbert and the newly not-injured Montgomery they might have a way to slow down the game, run the clock and keep a certain Ravens qb’s time on the field to a minimum.

Lions/Browns:

Tim Boyle is going to live the dream of being an NFL starting qb! I guess he said the right thing when asked, “Hey kid, can you bite kneecaps?”. Cleveland is stuck at 5-5 and can’t afford to coast here. I think a heavy dose of Chubb (with some support from D’Ernest) should get them above .500.

Texans/Titans:

After having gone thru the Murderer’s Row that was Bills, Chiefs, Colts, Rams and Saints and slain them all, Tennessee gets a letdown game vs the Jags. Second year cb Fulton, projected by some to go top 15 in the draft last year (he dropped to near bottom of the 2nd) has allowed only 11 catches on 29 throws.

Packers/Vikes:

Do… do the Packers actually have a defense? In their last seven they’ve allowed more than 21 points only once. For those that sat on A.J. Dillon now is your/his time to shine-he should match Cook yard for yard all game long.

Fins/Jets:

Flacco is back! Kinda in the way of a hobo with a half-empty bottle of Thunderbird, but still… Will he provide basic competency to a position in desperate need of it? Coach Saleh is looking for playmakers of any kind on D so he went and plucked cb Rachard Wildgoose from the Bills practice squad.

Saints/Eagles:

New Orleans’ D is solid as can be but cb Lattimore is struggling. No one has given up more yards than his 603-what’s more, he’s giving up 20.1 ypc and 5 TD’s to boot. You would hope that the ascending Devonta gets the iso treatment today. One thing holding Philly back this year is that they’ve yet to win at home.

TEAM/Panthers:

The duo of Cam and CMC should be enough to get the W here but they’ve got to stay away from turnovers as Washington has forced 9 in their last five games. Of course they have to do that because Heinicke and Co. have turned the ball over the same number of times.

Niners/Jags:

Yes, San Fran’s blowout of the Rams was impressive but they’re on a win, then loss rollercoaster and they can’t get off. The Jags are a surprising 2-2 in their last four but with little to no help from their rook qb Lawrence-his YPA the last three games has been under 5. That’s OC Darrell Bevel working his unique magic.

Now, work yours.

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hippofant

Boy, there’s something about seeing End Racism on the back of Cousins’ helmet as he gets smushed by a Packers lineman. (Unnecessary roughness, helmet-to-helmet brought back an interception.)

hippofant

update: Cousins threw to Thielen this time for the TD instead of Jefferson. Make of that as you will.

King Hippo

As a Jefferson owner, ah sure noticed.

King Hippo

(also the Southern Commentist might not ought to say he “owns” the Black guy)

Redshirt
King Hippo

Their only remaining opponent is shittier than Cincy’s. EZU for Cincy, Stanford for ND.

Gumbygirl

We will all be totally outraged on your behalf, Redshirt. Except Fronk, but he can’t help himself.

litre_cola

Wait, you mean to say there are people from San Fran who can’t afford it and moved to DUUUUUVVVAAALLLL?

hippofant

Earthquake or hurricane, WHO YA GOT?!

Redshirt

If a Hurricane hits San Francisco, we’re all screwed because that mean Global Warming has changed the weather patterns.

Doktor Zymm

I think that would be a typhoon, unless it travelled all the way across the country from the Atlantic and then we are triple screwed

rockingdog

Bahahaha
Flacco got laid TF out and the ball popped out
Flacco more like flaccid 😅

Horatio Cornblower

Guess his plan to tell everyone he wasn’t vaccinated so they’d stay away from him didn’t work out.

litre_cola

Is that all you have to do?

Spur

Bears fans really have their hopes on this Fields guy?

Doktor Zymm

Bears fans only put their hopes on RBs and LBs

King Hippo

If Ratbirds/Bearisticrats! end nil-nil, then I could die happy.

King Hippo

Urban doesn’t look like He’s With HER, does he?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

The robot or HRC?

King Hippo

Yes and yes. Also, Ms. Garofolo.

Gumbygirl

Doink!

King Hippo

How is the guy named Nico not on the Niners??

King Hippo

In the Draft, they could be Waiting on the Man?

Doktor Zymm

When they win, they’ll be invited to All Tomorrow’s Parties

Doktor Zymm

They could be the NY Combat Chess team. I really want combat chess to catch on as a league sport

litre_cola

Is it Shannon Hoon’s son?

King Hippo

I don’t see no rain?

King Hippo

Ah wish ah could quit yewwwwww – Brokeback QB to turnovers (see also Reid, Andy)

hippofant

Someone check in on Anthony? We don’t want another Redshirt incident in here.

Redshirt

For the last time Hippofant, I was told it was an art film!

Spur
Anthony In TX

I’m still here! I’m still here!

(checks to make sure there aren’t any other Anthonys trying to horn in on my territory)

ArmedandHammered

Did the Titans/Texans switch uniforms?

Doktor Zymm

Just like The Parent Trap! And if it works the coaches will get married or something? Not really sure how that is supposed to work

King Hippo

Lookit them 500s!

litre_cola

Who?

rockingdog

Gonna fire up Titans WR Marcus Johnson as my flex today
Cause corrdalle Patterson and deandre Hopkins are both out

Gooooo Titans! 🏈

Gumbygirl

Jefferson goes off!

litre_cola

Would you say he is movin on up?

Gumbygirl

He finally got a piece of the pie.

Horatio Cornblower

Greatest sitcom theme song, or greatest sitcom theme song ever?

litre_cola
Gumbygirl

Yes.

Horatio Cornblower

I drafted him with the 11th pick in the 1st round.

I somehow doubt that’ll be an option next season.

King Hippo

ELITE 4th down TD!

Horatio Cornblower

Tom Boyle was the QB at both my high school and college alma mater. I am, of course rooting for him, but being familiar with his body of work leading up to this point, I would also wager heavily against the Lions.

hippofant

What the fuck kinda psychopath would wager on the Lions?

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Gumbygirl

Tom? Tim? JEEM?

Horatio Cornblower

Keyboards, how do they work?

Gumbygirl

Everyone knows vowels don’t count!

Anthony In TX

The Texans are leading the Titans! The Texans are leading the Titans!

I know it’s only 3-0. Let me enjoy this.

hippofant

Redzone is like pickkake right now.

Doktor Zymm

Just landed, now to decide where I want to go to watch. Thinking the Bellagio since they still have their cardroom right by the sportsbook. Downtown at the Four Queens is also an option, but I suspect the Strip will have all the tourist rubes getting in a few hands before the Raiders game.

Horatio Cornblower

I am beginning to think that last year was an aberration, and that Josh really isn’t that good.

King Hippo

Like that one season we thought Baby Buster wasn’t liquid shit.

Anthony In TX

Oh good I’m sure this will be a terrific song

https://twitter.com/TMZ/status/1462187871427870723?s=20

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m working on a new song called “Please just die of COVID already, Kid Rock”

Anthony In TX

That will pair well with “I wish you had retired right after Joe Dirt, Kid Rock”

Doktor Zymm

Can I do a guest verse?

Anthony In TX

Yes! Please be sure to swear as much as possible and, if it’s convenient, invoke Satan just so the pearl-clutching is audible.

Gumbygirl

He rails against soap and deodorant too, from the looks of him.

Anthony In TX

He’s not super into “grooming” or “personal hygiene” or “not looking like a near-deth meth-head.”

Horatio Cornblower

Gotta hand it to him: the man knows how to appeal to his fans.

Brocky

Also my cardoor got dinged at breakfast this morning

Last edited 2 years ago by Brocky
Brocky

No dent but a chip in the paint

Doktor Zymm

Just stick it on the car and no one will notice the paint chip!

Horatio Cornblower

The perpetrator was caught on tape:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pmH34M6UPwc

ArmedandHammered

Like the end of Varsity Blues?

Horatio Cornblower

Jon Voight gets fired for sticking his fingers up the ass of the teacher/stripper.

Tell me that’s not a better ending.

ArmedandHammered

Only after she rides that fat lineman into a cardiac arrest and bets fires.

King Hippo

and so the Beartistocrats! begins

Anthony In TX

Got the booster (Moderna) yesterday and, surprisingly, had very very mild side effects. Just felt run-down a bit–not even sick!–and the mildest of aches + little bit of soreness at the injection site. Not too shabby!

Spur

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Last edited 2 years ago by Spur
Anthony In TX

There has been a minimum of eye bleeding.

My 5G signal, however, is outstanding.

hippofant

Shoulda gotten Pfizer. 6G BABY

Anthony In TX

Damn!
I was actually gonna get the Pfizer (J&J originally), but the nurse at the check-in advised Moderna. I figure she knows better than I do, so I took her advice.

Gumbygirl

Gumby got the J&J with the Moderna chaser. He can fly now!

hippofant

Oh right, the antipolarities colliding in metaspace will do that to you.

Dunstan

Team JJ Mod for the win!

JJ Mod was my DJ name in college.

Well, it would have been. If I’d been a DJ. And an idiot. Well, a bigger idiot.

rockingdog

That’s Rocking!
I’m getting mine this afternoon!!!
Horrray Science!

Dunstan

Same here, had mine on Friday

Brocky

So my opponent didn’t know to switch Lamar Jackson out. If he was facing anyone else, I would of texted him. Also, he has the leagues top receiver Cooper kupp on bye week.

And I’m still slated to lose by 30 because this fucker is leading the league in points.

Did mention I was in first place 3 weeks ago? Cuz I was in first place 3 weeks ago and now I’m projected 7th.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
King Hippo

Is Lamar! just poopin’ again??

hippofant

It’s just cramps.

Anal cramps.

hippofant

Mornin’ fuckarooos

King Hippo

afternoon, Imaginary Hippo Pal!

Spur

Morning Folks

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Now that I see Lamar Jackson is out and Janay Rice may very well be starting for the Ratbirds, I take back what i said and the Bears do have a chance.

King Hippo

We’re Full Chubb ahead! – #ThePauls

rockingdog

That’s Rooocking!!

King Hippo

Turkey breasts in the oven. Let’s do sum FITBAW!

rockingdog

LoL

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

THE DR. MRS. DEADLY FORGETTING TO PUT AWAY THE CHEESE I CALL IT JOHNNY UNITAS’ HAIRCUT CAUSE YOU CAN SET YOUR WATCH TO IT.

Last edited 2 years ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Dunstan

“Making A sandwich? Like, just one? LOL” — A. Reid

Don T

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Game Time Decision

If anything like the amusement parks around here, there’s an extra charge for the flames

Don T

Woof. I would put all my dogecoin on HOU @ TEN (-8.5), but I don’t do treason bettin’
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Redshirt

I’m an Ohio State alumni, but even I would’ve bet yesterday on Michigan State getting 19 points with 7-to-1 odds. I would’ve lost the best, but I would’ve done it.

Don T

The Trap Game / Tyrod Taylor Heroball vibes are strong
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I love the use of animal nicknames. Jackrabbit Jenkins, Moose Johnston, Ratface Krzyzewski…they’re all good!

2Pack

Potbellied Pig Reid

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Oh, Andy’s into edibles too?” – Josh Gordon

Game Time Decision

Booger McFarland

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Jackrabbit Jenkins? Quit making up names.

Don T

This one’s for Balls
🎶One of us, one of us🎶
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Doktor Zymm

I don’t know… I am pretty sure I have seen him wearing pants

BrettFavresColonoscopy

In related news, he’s going to die at 52

ArmedandHammered

Will die like Kepler did.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

…”Horse Paste: Delicious, But Deadly” and “Karen Doesn’t Live Anymore”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

…”Dig Your Own Grave and Save” and “Here Comes the E.C.M.O. System!”

Last edited 2 years ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

…”The Intubation of Sally Spreadneck” and “Dial H for Hydrochloroquine”.

Redshirt

…”Republican Beauty” and “The Sixth Sense 2: Mr. Smith Goes to Washington”.

Dunstan

… “The League of Extraordinary Dumbfucks” and “V for Ventilator”

Brocky

I just want to say tremendous effort on all these posts

Gumbygirl

…The Purge

ArmedandHammered

Tried to do something with the death of Mr. Ed due to worms, but got nuttin

Redshirt

With a running attack featuring Fields, Herbert and the newly not-injured Montgomery they might have a way to slow down the game, run the clock and keep a certain Ravens qb’s time on the field to a minimum.”

Mission Accomplished: Lamar Jackson is inactive due to illness.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Lamar Jackson (artist’s conception):
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ballsofsteelandfury

My dad wanted to add the Pac 12 Network to watch UCLA basketball, so I added a package to FuboTV that has it and has NFL Redzone.

I’M BACK BABY!!

Doktor Zymm

One day someone will start a channel called NFL Greyzone, where it’s nothing but 3 yard runs on second down and waiting for decisions on spot challenges

Redshirt

NFL Grayzone: Nothing but offensive plays inside their own five. If there is none, nonstop safety plays!

Dunstan

NFL YellowZone: nothing but punts on 4th-and-short from the 40-50 yard line. Gimme those touchbacks!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I doubt they’ll have any more luck than Paul Bremer did with his NFL GreenZone.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Also, never a bad time for this:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Dsut7j8Kjy8

2Pack

NFL Bluezone, Vikings boat party highlights

Don T

Fubo’s great.
Not cheap, but pretty great.

ArmedandHammered

A lot cheaper than directv.

Don T

I would be surprised if the TEN offense gets more than 17 points. Good eye on Kristian Fulton. He’s played about half of the games, bu he’s been great.
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Doktor Zymm

Looks like quite a few people on this flight are going to watch the exploits of Rikki’s Raiders today! I guess that isn’t surprising considering a lot of fans stuck with the team through the move. Not as much fun as the Buffalo pre-game flight, but still enjoying the phenomena of NFL fan flights 🏈

Game Time Decision

Safe travels

Don T

I was washing my car and got objectified by a neighbor!

-When you’re done there, bring that hose over here [stare, loooong drag off a Newport]

Per cultural imperative, I was shirtless. Guess I asked for it.

Doktor Zymm

Work it, DonT!

ballsofsteelandfury

And with that, Don T gets right back on the horse!

Although I think it’s actually the other way around…

Game Time Decision

Save a horse, ride a ngbp

Gumbygirl

So….did you “give her the hose?”

Doktor Zymm

PSA: If you are flying anywhere this Thanksgiving, get there super early unless you have pre-check and Clear. SFO is bust by pre-pandemic standards and Sunday morning is nawt a super popular travel time. By Wednesday things are gonna be ultra-bonkers (which sounds like a yummy candy but is not)

TheRevanchist

I take it the Vegas day is off to a slow start in the pre-flight check?

Doktor Zymm

I have clear and precheck, so it was still quick, but I also had to stand in line to get into the United Club and it is just overall super busy. I’m also flying on Wednesday, and my international connection is in Chicago, so even with clear and pre I am gonna show up early

TheRevanchist

I don’t understand mountain climbing. It’s hard work. It’s dangerous. You can’t drink when you finally get to the top, as you need to get back down. The food sucks. You get cuts, bumps, and bruises. If you break a leg or arm or something, you are basically fucked. Are there really any positives?

2Pack

The air up there gets you light headed. Other than that… not really. There are far too many less dangerous full body workouts to be had.

Doktor Zymm

Nice view at the top? If you die your corpse might be really well preserved and rat archeaologists will be amazed to find you in a few thousand years?

Don T

It’s one of those annoying “goal oriented, the road will suck” tasks. If I want my character built, I’ll hire a ghostwriter.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

For some stupid reason the only game we get in LA this morning is Minnesota vs. Green Bay.

TheRevanchist

I get Niners Jags. I probably won’t watch.

King Hippo

Everybody Loves Q-aaron! JUST LIKE MRSA Dreamboat!!! – 100% of network execs

Doktor Zymm

Just laugh at how cold everyone looks

yeah right

That’s the football gods giving me tribute for canceling the Sunday Ticket.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I love your optimism, but the Bears ain’t winning this one unless Janay Rice is starting for Baltimore

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