Raiders! Non-Gendered Cowpersons! Thanksgiving “Lucky Pierre” Fixture Thread

Raiders of the Infinite Sadeness (+7.5) at Non-Gendered Cowpersons (4:30, CBS)

Hey, do you know a stripper, I mean entertainer who likes FITBAW?  9 times out of 10, her team is one of these two.  A nice tip of the cap from The Shield.  And they’ll be working tonight, so here’s to a reasonably fast-paced game.

Is There Action?  By gum, there is.  I put $50 on Raiders’ ML (+270), because that’s remarkable value in today’s NFL.  Especially since both these squadrons are middling/flawed in nature.  Also, these can be very high variance affairs (holiday games), so I don’t recommend wagering all chalk-y.

What of the Fantasy??  God help me, I am leaving in old processed ham-head and Gallup – over The Legend of White Mac (and his Black friend, NC State’s own Jakobi Meyers).  TRUE WOLVEN SORT TRIVIA – the NFL’s Jakobi and its Jacoby (Brissett)?  Both North Carolina State alumni.  As is Zach Galiafinakis!

I am also starting Obama Duck (read – Kenyan Drake) in DFO-ball, because I make poor life decisions.  I am also sure he will score two TDs the week I drop him for the similarly cromulent Latavius Murray.  Like I says – poor life decisions.

Close with a Random Rant?  Sure, since you insist, Other Hippo!  Today begins parade season.  I fucking HATE parades.  Why, you might ask?  Crowds, standing still (and fucking your already fucked-up lower back even more), traffic hassles?  Well, sure.  But mainly because Hippo is older than five.  And fuck that “inner child” bullshit.

Enjoy that mathematical violence, y’all.  When Uncle Joe Stalin becomes Commish, Depeche Mode (unless they are all ded from the needle) will perform the Superb Owl halftime show, and lead with the sport’s new anthem:

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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scotchnaut

Hippo snorting all the pills.

Redshirt

I see the Cowboys strategy is to tire out the kicker by having him attempt multiple kicks that don’t count.

Horatio Cornblower

Just the dumbest fucking team.

Redshirt

If I’m the Cowboys, I calling an Icing Timeout here.

ballsofsteelandfury

Raiders: False start in a GW FG seems like a good idea!

Cowboys: hold my beer

BrettFavresColonoscopy

This game is dumb

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I reiterate this sentiment

Redshirt

I just love dueling “I DON’T WANT TO WIN THIS GAME!”s.

Senor Weaselo

Brought out the Reaper powder for my potatoes, even if it was a small shake. Until Hermana Weaselo asked if that was it and I had another larger shake, to show dominance.

And how are things?

scotchnaut

Whoa. Raiders MVP of the game is the Cowboys Anthony Brown.

Recovery Whiskey

I see Young Guns inherited his dad’s need to over-explain.

Horatio Cornblower

You get a block in the back! You get a block in the back! Everybody gets a block in the back!

Senor Weaselo

Oh good, overtime.

Recovery Whiskey

Everyone got these rates, even Qaron Aaron

Horatio Cornblower

Tails never fails, ya fucking dummy.

clint greasewood

Too much time for Derek Carr?

rockingdog

Yes!!!
Gallup had a great 2nd half. Got me 13 FF points for the game which is Rocking!!! 👍

Last edited 2 years ago by rockingdog
Horatio Cornblower

Same for me with Dak! and Schultz.

Dallas’s D has 7 points thanks to that return TD. Don’t ask me why that is.

rockingdog

Sweet!!!
Yea Schultz has been Rocking too!!!

Horatio Cornblower

Dak! should have been picked! twice this drive.

Jesus.

Gatoraids

pls god no spread Mark Davis the ultimate offense

Horatio Cornblower

In hindsight I perhaps should have picked Carlsson off the waiver wire.

Recovery Whiskey

Time to give Dallas the game

Horatio Cornblower

They’d have to catch it if the refs threw if for them, and I’m not sure they can.

rockingdog

This game is Rocking now!!!
Gallup is catching big passes!!!
Goooooo cowboys! 💯

Last edited 2 years ago by rockingdog
Horatio Cornblower

Aren’t pick plays illegal? Or am I hallucinating again?

Horatio Cornblower

Goddammit!!! Every time I get some joy out of the Cowboys they flash to happy Jerry Jones and I need to take a bath with boiling oil.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Any of you in west palm beach? Because I’m drunk and going for a walk as soon as this shit is over.

Horatio Cornblower

Glad they showed what the CBS line-up was for tonight, so at least I’ll see something worse than Dallas’s performance tonight.

scotchnaut

Mrs Scotchy gave notice at her job today and brought back $120+ amounts of pizza and wings to celebrate. She has never not had a job from the age of 16 but the environment she was in was incredibly toxic. It only took me four months to convince her to quit.

Horatio Cornblower

Congrats. Leaving a shit job is always the right move.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Good for her. It’s a buyer’s marker right now anyway so the world is her (Canadian equivalent of an) oyster.

Horatio Cornblower

That’d be an oyster. Prince Edward Island has some best ones.

rockingdog

That’s Rocking!!!

Gumbygirl

The happiest day of my life was the day I quit the post office. No one is ever going to treat me like that again.

Horatio Cornblower

He’s earned it.

Horatio Cornblower

Ooh, unless the Cowboys lose by one, then you might have to give it to Shank’lor.

Horatio Cornblower

Dak has looked terrible 3 out of the last 4 games. His line’s banged up, his top 2 WRs are out, but at some point his missing wide-open receivers and/or throwing balls 15′ away from them has to be on him.

ballsofsteelandfury

I think today is just a sick joke to get Rikki to stick with the Raiders and then continually disappoint him.