Raiders! Non-Gendered Cowpersons! Thanksgiving “Lucky Pierre” Fixture Thread

Raiders of the Infinite Sadeness (+7.5) at Non-Gendered Cowpersons (4:30, CBS)

Hey, do you know a stripper, I mean entertainer who likes FITBAW?  9 times out of 10, her team is one of these two.  A nice tip of the cap from The Shield.  And they’ll be working tonight, so here’s to a reasonably fast-paced game.

Is There Action?  By gum, there is.  I put $50 on Raiders’ ML (+270), because that’s remarkable value in today’s NFL.  Especially since both these squadrons are middling/flawed in nature.  Also, these can be very high variance affairs (holiday games), so I don’t recommend wagering all chalk-y.

What of the Fantasy??  God help me, I am leaving in old processed ham-head and Gallup – over The Legend of White Mac (and his Black friend, NC State’s own Jakobi Meyers).  TRUE WOLVEN SORT TRIVIA – the NFL’s Jakobi and its Jacoby (Brissett)?  Both North Carolina State alumni.  As is Zach Galiafinakis!

I am also starting Obama Duck (read – Kenyan Drake) in DFO-ball, because I make poor life decisions.  I am also sure he will score two TDs the week I drop him for the similarly cromulent Latavius Murray.  Like I says – poor life decisions.

Close with a Random Rant?  Sure, since you insist, Other Hippo!  Today begins parade season.  I fucking HATE parades.  Why, you might ask?  Crowds, standing still (and fucking your already fucked-up lower back even more), traffic hassles?  Well, sure.  But mainly because Hippo is older than five.  And fuck that “inner child” bullshit.

Enjoy that mathematical violence, y’all.  When Uncle Joe Stalin becomes Commish, Depeche Mode (unless they are all ded from the needle) will perform the Superb Owl halftime show, and lead with the sport’s new anthem:

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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Horatio Cornblower

I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a Raiders game where they got out-stupided, but here we are.

scotchnaut

Possession wr Renfrow open 56 yards downfield. Huh.

Horatio Cornblower

Dallas’s best defensive play tonight seems to be the Raiders getting called for holding.

scotchnaut

To their credit, the Raiders are really good at it.

Horatio Cornblower

Schultz scored, Shultz in on my FF team, so this one was always coming back, but two penalties on the same play is really just outstanding dumbfuckery.

Last edited 2 years ago by Horatio Cornblower
Recovery Whiskey

Am I imagining things or did last year have 3 Thanksgiving day games

ballsofsteelandfury

Someone’s been into the Recovery Whiskey…

Yes, same as this year.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

THE BILLS DON’T COUNT

ballsofsteelandfury

Looking at that NFC Playoff Picture table, my only conclusion is that the NFC sucks balls.

Recovery Whiskey

Can confirm

rockingdog

LOL
The United States is really 5 military contractors in a trench coat

7C3C9CAB-956F-4D5F-B1C3-CC67912631D3.jpeg
Recovery Whiskey

But is that Rocking?

Senor Weaselo

“I went to the stock market. I did a war.”

Viva La Tabula Raza

If you have ever had to march in a parade, you hate parades. I’ve hated them since 9th grade.

NotShogunButShogun

The corner discipline! As a drummer, I agree.

scotchnaut

The ghost of Fritz Pollard is a happy dude right now.

ballsofsteelandfury

Boris is a genius.

ballsofsteelandfury

Don’t they all?

Gumbygirl

I need to sneak off and hit the vape. I’ve been pleasant for hours, it’s killing me.

Last edited 2 years ago by Gumbygirl
scotchnaut

I CALL THIS DALLAS OFFENSE ‘STELLA’ BECAUSE THEY’RE SLOWLY GETTING THEIR GROOVE BACK!

Mr. Ayo

The defense however is proving quite suscepitle to the visiting raiders.

Horatio Cornblower

Find a job you love to do as much as the Cowboys love missing tackles and you’ll never work a day in your life.

rockingdog

Now they just got throw it to WR Gallup
He’s rite there!!!

Horatio Cornblower

Romo: “Kellen Moore is very smart”

Moore: (Immediately calls play where no one blocks Solomon Thomas)

scotchnaut

As a Giants guy I would kill for an OC like Moore.

Horatio Cornblower

Oh, I’d much rather him then McCarthy, it was just funny timing.

rockingdog

Fight Fight Fightttt!
Players be fighting!!!

Horatio Cornblower

But was there kung fu fighting?

scotchnaut

I’ve muted the halftime show but I’m guessing this guy loves his America SO HARD! it hurts.

hippofant

This is lowest-common denominator country music that South Park couldn’t even parody, it’s so cliche. A Chad Kroger wannabe mumbling about ice cold beer with a twang.

hippofant

He, of course, brings out a red solo cup, just in case anybody in the audience does not know what an ice cold beer looks like when served in a cheap, generic, plastic cup.

Viva La Tabula Raza

It won’t keep that ice cold beer ice cold for very long, that much is certain.

Horatio Cornblower

I did the dishes.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I made dinner.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Or throw up, if the spirit/GI track moves me.

hippofant

Fuck Jerry Jones and the Salvation Army.

hippofant

Also fuck terrible-ass country music.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Let us not forget the Man in Black, Mr. Cash.

Horatio Cornblower

They couldn’t have given that one to Pollard?

Mr. Ayo

That’s above his pay grade.

ballsofsteelandfury

Boris was right about Pollard.

Horatio Cornblower

Did he say that Pollard would do all the work and then MCCarthy and Zeke would screw him?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

So has Nagy been fired yet or what?

scotchnaut

He has-you just have to wait a few months.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Not gonna lie, we’re approaching half bottle of rye territory, so I’ve abandoned this game.

Horatio Cornblower

The officials are clearly drunk, but McCarthy is too lazy to throw a challenge flag, so we’re at a stalemate here.

scotchnaut

“The uprights are much thicker this year.”

-NFL kickers, trying to explain

SonOfSpam

SHANKLO’R is pleased with McCarthy’s offering.

SonOfSpam

may have put the apostrophe in the wrong place, will make a sacrifice at halftime

Mr. Ayo

DOINK!

ballsofsteelandfury

DOINK!!

Horatio Cornblower

DOINK!

scotchnaut

Waller ded?

Horatio Cornblower

His knee and/or hamstring look to be.

rockingdog

Found a funny;

If you say “so it’s basically beanie babies” to an NFT guy they burst into flames

Horatio Cornblower

It’s really surprising how fast Penn State’s Micha Parsons is at getting away from older guys trying to hold him down.

scotchnaut

Reporter: “How did you get to the NFL?”

Parsons: “Practice, practice, practice.”

Horatio Cornblower

This is a really awful game.

ballsofsteelandfury

Did you copy and paste that from the early game?

Horatio Cornblower

I was watching UConn lose to Michigan State, but since it was Detroit-Chicago I assume it would have fit.

scotchnaut

I mean, the Cowboys are playing…

Horatio Cornblower

Are they, though?

scotchnaut
Mr. Ayo

This game needs more BLEERGH

SonOfSpam

Yes, like my stomach needs more fat.

rockingdog

I picked up WR Gallup last week off waivers so I’m hoping he is rocking and gets me some points.
Goooo cow persons!!! 🏈

scotchnaut

[chopping up the money line with a credit card on a glass table, getting ready to snort it]

-Hippo

Horatio Cornblower

That’s not pass interference, but unless Dak! Dak! Dak! starts processing something other than water and hitting some passes its not going to matter.

SonOfSpam

It was totally PI and that opinion has nothing to do with Jacobs on my FFL team.

scotchnaut

I remember a time in the early ’90’s when it was illegal for refs to call penalties against the Cowboys when they were playing at home.

Last edited 2 years ago by scotchnaut
Horatio Cornblower

It’s almost like Jerry Jones pissing off Goodell and every owner other than Kroenke is bad for business.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I vote for pelvic thrust.

Recovery Whiskey

3 pumps is a penalty

Horatio Cornblower

Don’t ask an NFL referee.

scotchnaut

It astounds me that Desean still gets TD’s in a limited role. He runs one route.

scotchnaut

I picked up Zeurlion or whatever yesterday. Sorry about that Horatio.

Horatio Cornblower

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Horatio Cornblower

Shank’lor be praised!

Horatio Cornblower

Well that wasn’t an ideal start.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I don’t know, I’ve already had more than a quarter a bottle of High West, it’s not not ideal.

ArmedandHammered

I will eat Jersey Mike’s over Subway any day.

Viva La Tabula Raza

“You want me to put that in my mouth? I wouldn’t even touch it with my hands…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

What other state-name pairs work so perfectly? New York Tony? Texas Jack?

yeah right

Know the greatest missed endorsement opportunity ever? Mike Trout from fucking New Jersey has a sponsorship with… Subway.

The name is right there!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Jersey Trout’s?

Viva La Tabula Raza

Kilgore Trout?

Horatio Cornblower
ballsofsteelandfury

There’s also the Doo Dah parade…

https://pasadenadoodahparade.info/

Last edited 2 years ago by ballsofsteelandfury
BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Senor Weaselo

Yeah, I’m here for the Military Tattoo.

yeah right

Bread is baking and smells incredible, mac and cheese is assembled and ready to bake whenever and all that’s left is making gravy and boiling potatoes.

Why, I think I’ll have a beverage!

Viva La Tabula Raza

Well, I got out of the rehab hospital last Wednesday. Appt last Friday with my primary care physician, appt with my endocrinologist yesterday, home health will be here on Tuesday to do a safety recon to see if my house is safe to live in by myself in my reduced state. After that, 4 weeks of additional therapy in home, three sessions a week in both physical and occupational therapy. Plus more visits to my podiatrist and gastric surgeon. It’s going to be a hell of a holiday season.
Still weak as a kitten, extended standing (like 10 or 15 minutes) leaves me exhausted). I lost 100 lbs after my bypass, regained 40 of it during Covid, and lost 30 of the 40 during the month in the hospital. I reckon that rapid of a weight loss might be partially responsible for my weakness.
Currently have around 10 prescription bottles sitting on the end table of which I take up to 6 pills per day. Nothing to interest Hippo unless he’s into super loose bowels. Fortunately, only a 15 day cycle on this and most of those won’t be renewed.
Only my parents are in my area (75 miles each way); everyone else is up in Mass or Rhode Island. I ain’t recovered any near enough even to make the relatively short drive to see my folks, who are in their 80s. My old man is currently awaiting cataract surgery and is practically blind until that happens next month. So, my Thanksgiving meal will consist of a bowl of tomato basil soup, half a real grilled cheese sandwich, and maybe a 4 oz cup of vanilla Blue Bell for dessert.
I wonder if the quitting booze has anything to do with my weakness/dizziness and loss of balance. After 40+ years of drinking regularly (and often heavily). Also, my diabeteez has almost disappeared. I’ve stopped taking insulin.
All this typing has me wore out. More to come. I’ll be following along with the bouncing ball here as much as possible today.
Happy Thanksgiving, y’all, and thanks for letting me hang out here.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Jesus, well hang in there and have a bourbon, if that’s allowed. We’ll be here watching the next abortion in Texas.

ArmedandHammered

If we report it do we get the bounty money?

Viva La Tabula Raza

in crypto-currency.

yeah right

Good to see you back. Best to you and the family.

scotchnaut

Wishing you the best.

Horatio Cornblower

best of luck Viva!

If you move back to the corner of MA/RI I will bring you ice cream.

Viva La Tabula Raza

My cousin in Mansfield (next town east of Foxboro) wants me to move up there and stay with her and her husband.. It could happen.

Last edited 2 years ago by Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Speaking of UConn, this page shows my cousin’s son’s work at that university. He’s the Thomas Bregnard at the top of the ‘current students’ section of the page. He’s got high-spectrum autism, but is wicked smaht as a glance at his CV indicates, but is very much a weirdo too. Hard dude to get to know.
https://health.uconn.edu/bezsonova-lab/lab-members/

Last edited 2 years ago by Viva La Tabula Raza
ballsofsteelandfury

Congratulations! Hang in there and keep up the good work!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Happy Thanksgiving!

ArmedandHammered

Hang in there man, glad you are back home.

Don T

It’s a pleasure having you. Thank you for telling how you’ve been. Rooting for happier and healthier. Take your tine recoverin’

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I thought you said Obama Duck earlier, which is more clever

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’d like a Q-Anon adherent (say Aaron Rodgers but with more experience) to interpret that Kenyan Drake -> Obama Dragon -> Book of Revelations and conclude that it’s a clear sign to continue trusting the plan.