Anyone else come to the title’s realization, and get pre-depressed? Just me, then. And Everton hasn’t even lost (again) yet.
We start early with Gooners and Barcodes (7:30, NBCSN). One hopes Handsome Mikel takes out some frustrations in this one, as the visitors cosplay as murderous shieks. FUN TIMES!
You’re going to want to run errands during the 10:00 window, but for the deranged – your options are Norwich/Wolves (NBCSN), Shite/Saints (USA, also please someone nuke this fixture from orbit), and Palace/Villa (Peacock). BLECH.
Spotlight Dance is Brighton (again, featured) hosting Leeds (12:30, NBC). They both need this one pretty desperately, as Trashbirds look to arrest their inevitable slump, whilst Leeds need to get out of relegation danger. Could be worth a channel flip, at least.
Everything on Sunday is streaming, including Ragnick’s debut with Men Untied, against the monster that is Tuchel’s Chelski (11:30). Bleeds over a bit into RedZone, which is a terrible thing.
Of course, lots of JV action:
Theeeee Ohio State (-7) at Michigan (Noon, Fox)
Ah yes, the mega hype game that will be 24-zip tOSU after one quarter. Harbs the Lesser will make lots of constipation faces, though.
Wake Forest (-4.5) at Boston College (Noon, ESPN2)
Wake Forest is in the title match with a win. I will care greatly about this if State doesn’t disappoint me Friday night (SPOILER ALERT – they always do). JV Massholes are already bowl-eligible, so I doubt they’ll care much. But you never know.
Florida State (+3) at Florida (Noon, ESPN)
One of these horrifyingly bad teams will still end up in a bowl game. I don’t recall the last time they ever played with .500 on the line. Strange days, indeed.
UT-San Antonio (-10) at North Texas (2:00, ESPN+)
Beep Beep! for our recovering imaginary pal VLTR (who is welcome to borrow my Plus login if he needs it), whose crew tries to finish 12-0. That’s damned hard to do at the D-1A level. We likes our Texan pal so much, he even gets the banner pic!
Alabama (-20.5) at Auburn (3:30, CBS)
Look, War Damn Eagle isn’t much this season. But a 3-score dog at home, to a very vulnerable Roll Damn Tide – with hatred-fueled pride on the line? Heck, I wouldn’t be shocked with an outright upset.
Oregon State (+7) at Oregon (3:30, ESPN)
I am quite annoyed this game isn’t at night (maybe a 9:00 EST kickoff?), and that it isn’t in Corvallis. Eugene is a dump, by the way. Expect Niiiiiiiiccccceeee Beaver to hang around, at least. Civil War is 100% my favoUrite Derby name.
Paedo State (-2) at Michigan State (3:30, ABC)
Fun game, but with fuckall on the line. We will see who shows up. Please be Sparty.
Wisconsin (-7) at Minnesota (4:00, Fox)
Paul Bunyan’s axe! Would be fun if the winners got to rampage/pillage with it. Some switch flipped for Bucky Badger after that horrid 2nd half against Notre Dame. They could win the right to be ass blasted by tOSU next week! WHAT MOTIVATION!!
Enjoy these, because the night slate underwhelms (to put it nicely).
Shall we move threads? Late-y poo is up.
So does Auburn lose in OT, or just fumble the kick return to save us some time?
Helluva catch, and now the committee has the justification to make Bama #1 even if they lose to UGA.
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Would Bama go for TWO?
They suck at kicking just as much as they suck at offense. So no.
Shouldn’t. They would definitely be a stronger OT team. Auburn shot their 10 point wad.
Found a cool;
Auburn is not playing to win. Big mistake.
I agreed with run x3 – but you MUST stay in-bounds. Once that happened, maybe RPO on 3rd down.
Snow-nside kick coming. This is NOT a drill!
Glad Sparty recovered, but wanted MOAR slapdickery first.
Slapdickery is kinda how those schools got in trouble in the first place.
Bama wants flags on all those long passing plays but they’re all Confederate. Careful what you wish for.
Metchie may be a good WR, but if I were Alabama I’d throw to Poochie.
Nice try, Bama. BLEERGH only works for chaos, disorder and the Pittsburgh Steelers.
Would be very pleased with a Minnesota win. Takes away a rationale for the not-Condi Committee to put fucking ND in the playoff.
Plus, who WOULDN’T pay big $$ to see Iowa-Michigan?
I’m tumescent just thinking about it!
Was this DERP shared with the Clubhouse?
libgator on Twitter: “I can’t recall ever seeing a kicker do this before, but leave it to the clown college to pull that one off. It’s great to be a Florida Gator! https://t.co/1oUHRHaEQA” / Twitter
The Bad Touch Derby
Terrotorial Bowl (lousy Derby name) is currently 29-15. Mathematically pleasing.
Bama gets a TD here for sure but after that things get super interesting.
at least they broke up the clean sheet?
/Saban kills and eats ten more puppies
Snowstorm at Mich State/Penn State. Heavy snow. 23-20. 6 minutes to go in 4th
How do you say “Holy shit!” in Eskaleut?
soooooooo purty, Paedos losing by 10 now!
Bama has put up a big zero so far. This is bananas.
Well that was obviously your fault.
Scotchnaut is why we can’t have nice things.
Now that Christmas is near, I’d like to point out that “Penn State Is Coming From Behind!” is an evergreen comment.
Here’s an interview with Robert Caro that might serve as an entry point to his books if you’ve not read them. You must read them.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rQHGZTFpTEw&ab_channel=IntelligenceSquared
My question to folks-are there any other historians out there that you would recommend reading other than Herodotus’ comments?
/BANG! POW! SIZZLEUP!
Robert Caro’s books are perfection. Is the new one CLOSE???
Not sure. Can’t wait for his new series on that gutless, amoral, sister-fucking sum bitch Jimmy Carter!*
*this comment was sponsored by the Internet
ggguuuuuhhhh, he’s still writing it, with no end in sight.
He’s trying to be the George R. R. Martin of Biographers. Christ, it’s been 9 years since the last one was published in 2012, and he’s 86 years old.
Try also Jan Morris and Simon Winchester. Nice combo of biography and travelogue.
I’m hoping it’s at least 2300 pages long.
Two volumes.
I’m noticing the director is avoiding shots of the Alabama sideline. Can I assume that Coach Saban is openly killing assistants and freshman walkons?
It’s not not happening…
All their uniforms and shirts along the bench look like they are covered in blood.