Huh, Taylor’s on a bye, Keenan Allen and Mike Williams are Covided, Elijah Moore and Burrow are questionable and James Robinson is getting jerked around by the Jags. Welp, it was fucking fun playing fantasy this year! Gerd Damn it!
Newsy Notes:
-What a ridiculous travesty going on in Jacksonville. Robinson is trying to say all the right words but it’s gotta be weird for the only playmaker on the team to be punished for fumbling the way that he was. And Hyde fumbled as well and wasn’t taken out because he played under Meyer at Ohio State so it doesn’t count. And then to be sent out in garbage time for a couple of carries… Meyer has pledged to reporters that he’ll ‘be more involved’ going forward. That was after throwing his rb coach under the bus. What did Khan say about ‘earning trust’ after The Fondling Debacle? The guy can’t be trusted to shepherd kids along a crosswalk.
-It’s The Nanobots Coursing Thru His Veins-Coach McCarthy, fresh off his Covid respite has guaranteed a win vs TEAM. Fresh perspective I guess. He doesn’t seem to realize that his team plays in the NFC East, the division where everyone plays down to the competition.
-Niners rook rb Mitchell is in concussion protocol and just had an MRI done on his knee. According to Baby Shanny, everything is just peachy and he should be ready to go. Robert Griffin tried to reach out to Mitchell but his knee buckled while doing so.
To The Game!
Steelers/Vikes:
-He’s A Monster (in a good way!) Frickin’ TJ Watt has 16(!) sacks in 10(!) games played. It’ll be a test for him and the Vikes o-line because the latter has given up the 2nd-least amount of sacks so far this year.
-Interesting that the Lions bind these teams together in that they’ve had their way with each of them.
-Cook is apparently trying to make a go of it having dislocated his shoulder a mere 11 days ago. He’s not long for this league at this rate.
-That Nasty Prevent Defense- Minny has given up a total of 305 points this year. A third (101) of that has been surrendered in the last two minutes of each half.
-Stat That Might Be Related to Above Stat-In games decided by 8 points or less the Steelers are 6-1-1 and the Vikes are 4-7.
Have at it.
The other good news is I’m playing the division champion in fantasy and at the last second plugged in Dalvin Cook at running back.
To be honest that shit really was not fun at all.
I’m too old for this shit.
I haven’t seen this many Norse jokes since *checks phone* the Fire Emblem mobile game dropped the beginning of its next story a couple days ago… wait that’s not a fun punchline!
Come for the game, stay for the blasphemy. Goodnite! You brilliant sickos.
The Vikings tried to shit the bed, but somehow they fell onto a cork that went in the anus in just the right way to stop the flow. What a bunch of bumble fucks.
stop can only get so erect
Welp, that was unfortunate. I’m gonna go play in the snow, toodles poodles!
The BEN going for the DPI Pass gain
Even BLEERGH wants this to happen!
97 yard screen pass TD toHarris, please.
You gotta love how the refs immediately defer to DPI on any play that’s kinda close.
Assholes. At least they picked it up.
For the record, Dallas will lose to WFT on Sunday, and it’s going to be McCarthy’s fault.
Marcus Allen was in coverage? No wonder they got the first down: Allen’s a running back! And he’s 61!
The Ben’s arm speed is down to Tebow levels.
If the Vikings win, then the Lions cannot make the playoffs. It was one of 35 things that needed to happen for it to come to fruition
THAT PLAY CALL, IT’S ALABAMA, BECAUSE COUSINS IS RUNNING AS FAST AS HE CAN!!
So, apparently Demaryius Thomas died.
Just seeing that. Nothing about cause, but he was only 33.
Shame, I remember liking his game a lot. And way too damn young
Dammit, the devil came to collect for the Tebow playoff win.
Tebow to Demaryius Thomas for 80-Yard OT TD | Steelers vs. Broncos | 2011 AFC Wild Card Highlights – YouTube
https://twitter.com/MilesGarrettTV/status/1469157148668092423
Wow, Dalvin got to 200!
“So?”
-Houston
People with Mattison on their FF teams have to be fucking furious right now.
Yep. And that I forgot to check if cook was playing
Game is at bananacakes crunk level.
Biggest Osborn redemptions since No More Tears
(closing my eyes forever, adding a +1)
I’m with Redshirt: Joseph is a TOP father. But I say he’s an even better husband. Every day of Mary’s pregnancy:
-But do you love Him?
-Don’t you?
-[tries not to cry, grabs hammer] I got work to do [slams door]
Was there anything to suggest he was a bottom father? I mean, Mary wasn’t giving it up.
Well, once you’ve had it Divine there’s really no going back to a carpenter, now is there?
Not passive at all. I imagine Joseph drunkenly shouting “Well maybe if He smote me, He’ll put food on the table FOR ONCE. Not even mannah from heaven for His son, no. It’s JOSEPH who’s gotta hustle AND help the damn kid with math ‘cause he can’t multiply for shit!”
“Ok…one more time. You have two fish and five loaves of bread…”
“Thousands of people will be fed and sated.”
“GOD DAMMIT WHAT THE FUCK”
“My Father’s will be done”
“MARY! YOUR KID IS A FUCKING RETARD GET IN HERE”
AND HE KEEPS TRYING TO GET SOMETHING CALLED ‘INSURANCE’ FROM SOMETHING CALLED ‘U-S-A-A’, WHATEVER THE FUCK THAT IS!!
“Jesus H. Christ! Get in here!”
“What, father?”
“Did you drink my wine?”
“I used it for blessings, but I replaced it.”
“Oh, “blessings”! Is that what kids are calling “drinking” in the 0s?! Next time, don’t replace my booze with water!”
I am laughing way too much at this comment. Well done!
From the Book of Matthew Chapter 1
20 But after he had pondered these things, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to embrace Mary as your wife, for the One conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit.
21 Then Joseph woke up, called Mary a harlot unto the Holy Spirt and stormed out.
22 A confused Mary rose to chase after Joseph, but another angel of the Lord said “Mary, daughter of Eli, fear not. For the Lord your God is going to meet Joseph. He’s going to explain the situation, they’re going to talk it out over some drinks, and then Joseph will understand.”
(I’m going to Hell for this comment)
When you get there I’ll buy you a drink, also for this comment.
Capt. Fear is afraid Erin is going to find out he reversed the eye-hole in her hotel room.
I don’t care that I hate the Steelers, I’m enjoying watching Ragnarök happen.
Fuck me, I’m over here make bad jokes about Edington and Ragnarok is sitting right there!
Waiting for Weird Al to make Ragnarok Lobster and getting impatient.
I’m not falling for this bullshit. Here’s another nativity pic. Cat says ” beat it Jesus, I’m taking a snooze!”
.
Seems legit
Man, I haven’t seen the Vikings collapse like this since, uh, since, uh…
(frantically rips through history books)
EDINGTON! Yeah, THIS GAME I CALL IT EDINGTON 878, BECAUSE THE VIKINGS ARE COLLAPSING AFTER GETTING A PRETTY BIG LEAD!!!
Harald Hadrada cocked it up pretty big at Stamford Bridge, too
So that would make the Steelers Harold Godwinson with his Saxon army, and next week the Titans get to be Duke William and the Normans!
Titans will probably be Godwinson, because they’re pretty banged up.
The Normans would be the Patriots, because they won everything and no one liked them.
NERDS! I love you guys, no shit!
Rothlisberger looks like his blood pressure is 120/Gravy
When I am elected Evil Overlord after deposing First Citizen Trump and his army of Human-Donkey hybrids in Americanadian Civil War IV, I will immediately make the defense running to the endzone to celebrate a turnover a Capital Offense. You want to celebrate in the endzone? Score a touchdown and earn it!
Doing it while down 22 points should get you drawn and quartered.
Is the Steelers center tonight a Make-A-Wish kid?
🚨 Vikings Vikinging the Game Away Alert🚨
I need a TD from Harris here, but I’ll guarantee you Big Ben insists on passing for the TD
There’s one, (which to be faiiiiiiiiiiiiir, the guy should have caught)
And there’s two.
Fortunately, he threw it to Harris.
I would rather have Eric the Red mad at me than Anthony Barr
Jeez, Minnesota. Act like you’ve done good before. Oh, really? Well, pretend like you’ve done good before at least.
Oy vey.
Curb had a Jews for Jesus subplot this season that was gold. Gold Jerry gold!
Don T. is absolutely right: those horns need to be yellow.
Also, Vikings did not wear horns on their helmets.
It may just be my peripheral vision playing tricks on me, but for a second, it looked like Pittsburgh’s offensive line disappeared on that play.
KJ Osborn has 2 catches for 21 yards. Follow me for more recipes.
Conklin has 2 for 20!
Did Rothlisberger say he was retiring after this season, or after last week?
Joseph has to be the best Stepfather in history. His stepson’s father is God, so he’s being compared to God. There is a reason why the Bible went from Jesus as a baby to Jesus as an adult.
Joseph: “Go clean up your room.”
Teenager Jesus: “You’re not my father!”
.
I just came back from watching Jeopardy. Clearly, I haven’t missed anything.
I’ll take “better things on TV for $1000” Ken.
Just saw an ad for a Taco bell wakeup call or text. Who the hell needs a wakeup call. Not to mention the infosec analyst in me is just imagining what they’re going to do with all that information they’re collecting with that campaign…
(stolen from Major League)
“Damn it! I’m hungover! My knees hurt! If you’re gonna pull this shit, the least you could’ve done is said you’re from Chipotle!”
(hangs up phone)
Down 26-0 and they hadn’t turned the football over yet?
This is getting ugly.
“T.J. Watt came out of the locker room after the half wearing a sweatshirt and sweatpants. He’s been downgraded to ‘Out’ and ‘Should Be Shopping At Walmart Right Now’.”
Ben’s gonna apply to be a greeter next year.
Ben Roethlisberger, Walmart greeter (Artistic Interpretation)
Idiocracy – Welcome to Costco, I love you! – YouTube
Idiocracy was a warning.
Oh, why? WHY?! WHY?! … couldn’t this game be in Pittsburgh.
“Why, why, why? I blame Delilah.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MIIU9xkGAMs&ab_channel=TheEdSullivanShow
When did the Steelers relocate to Lindisfarne?
(sigh) ok is this a place you are currently vacationing at
More of a beach/rape/plunder/pillage resort for the Norsefolk.
So…yes.
That guy with the wooden pitchfork is sure to save the day!
He could give someone a nasty splinter with that thing!
Looks like the traditional Republicans vs. the MAGAts.
Ben doesn’t even half the time it takes to plant a roofie back there.
Bold choice by Maestro to keep Dalvin on his bench in the DFO league…let’s see if it pays off.