Hey, don’t get mouthy, it could have been Giants and TEAM playing here.
To The Game!
Cowboys/Eagles:
-Dallas Gotta Get Them Turnovers-in three of four games where they didn’t generate a takeaway they did come away with an L. In those three losses they gave up an average of 30 points and 438 yards. The Cowboys overall success really does run through the defense.
-Covid has run rampant through the Eagles, what with 12 players being assigned to “The List” back on Monday. All are eligible to play tonight so good for them-they’re vaccinated.
-I won’t get into the details but both squads can jump up a spot (Philly) or two (Dallas) if certain teams do certain things in certain ways. Hope that clears things up for you.
-Corey Clement Revenge Tilt?- Zeke (banged up in perpetuity) and Pollard (ruled out with a foot owie) need rest. I’ve a feeling that at least the 2nd half belongs to old CC.
-Speaking of, it’s gotta be a Cooper/Minshew fight to the finish eventually, right? The winner gets all the batteries.
-Dallas is coming off a disappointing loss to the Cards so there is an argument to leaving Dak, Amari and Ceedee in there for a wee bit. Heading into the playoffs on a two game losing skid is most likely not a good thing.
-Devonta Smith needs a mere 37 yards to beat Desean Jackson’s rookie wr record. The Good? He’s gotten this far on a team that very clearly has embraced the run for the balance of the season. The Bad? Dallas ranks #1 in DVOA vs WR1. Still, all it could take is one long toss.
Enjoy the NFC East and what it has on offer.
I may have just made a very drunk cocktail. All free pour.
Navy Strength Rum.
Giffard’s Pamplemousse (GRAPEFRUIT Y’ALL)
Rhubarb Bitters
Lime Juice
Pelligrino soda water bitches
Navy Strength Rum? What is that, some kind of
(don’t make a seamen joke don’t make a seamen joke)
rum or something?
It’s higher alcohol, disinfects the seamen.
How fucking metal would it be if WFT’s new name was the GOATS and this was their logo?
I’d be a fan, but only for the baby-sacrificing.
Eggs are babies. I will sacrifice the shit outta some quiche
I made a delicious quiche the other day. Not out of babies, but bacon!
Oh man, just imagine how many Raiders coaches would have to have their bigotry exposed to bury *that* story.
“I approve.”
– Tom Araya
Washington Black Phillips
What the fuck was up with that graphic? Uhhhhh ESPN, that didn’t look like a sheriff’s star.
“Not inverted enough.”
– Chuck Schuldiner, guitarist, Death.
I’m not normally a jealous man, but I’m quite jealous of the man whose thigh is being stroked by Madison Chock right now.
Probably not her partner’s though.
May be more interesting than curling.
Well, let’s not get carried away.
Any injury incurred by a Cowboys starting skill player after the start of 3rd quarter will be met with a hearty guffaw and a smelly fart on my part.
But they’re playing for an imaginary 2 seed, which they could still get if several incredibly unlikely things happen tomorrow, one of which involves Neal DeGrasse Tyson admitting that he was wrong about Pluto and that it should still be a planet!
I’ve seen 4 of Jupiter’s moons, and Jupiter is a GAS PLANET
May I contribute some smelly to your farts? I want to.
You seem a little too eager. Just be yourself. Relax.
No no no, lemme tell you where the REAL fart money is.
Speaking of which…
https://theindependent.sg/woman-made-50000-selling-her-farts-in-a-jar-before-gassing-out-and-ending-up-in-hospital/
That was to what I was referring
There aren’t many tv ads that get to me but… Canadian Institute For The Blind puppy sponsorships? So goddamn manipulative. smh… [takes out wallet, makes small donation]
Blind puppies? How do they know we’re donating???
Braille. Duh.
I was thinking it was their keen sense of smell.
My wife would change the channel or turn off the TV the instant that Sarah McLachlan commercial came on. There’s another one on now that gets the same treatment
(Edit: serious posting fail)
https://twitter.com/ClueHeywood/status/1480009350366203908
Right now the Dr. Mrs. and I are basically in quarantine again but not making a big deal of it. Like, it’s just kind of understood between the two of us.
I remember when we just called that “being anti-social.”
Fiddling with a mai tai variation tonight. Two parts light rum, one part dark rum, two parts OJ, one part lemon juice, one part lime juice, splash of amaretto, splash of grenadine, some ginger. Needs to be sweeter but it’s a good start.
I usually give up after the first cocktail ingredient
In this case you’d be drinking Bacardi light rum so I’d really encourage you to at least drop some coke in there.
Pineapple juice?
The Dr. Mrs. made the same suggestion. You’re her favorite one. Don’t tell the others!
This is one of my favoUrite jokes, don’t tell the others.
I won’t tell anyone if you just let me out of these woods!
So I learned today that the Argentine version of Dancing with the Stars has Stripping as a dance? Why do other countries do all our dumb shit better?
I dunno, do you want to see Steve Wozniak stripping down to pasties and a g-string?
US version went to shit after Edyta left anyway.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B46km4V0CMY
Legit worth a try.
well sure, NOW Dak! throws three TDs in a single goddamned half NOT THAT I AM BITTER OR ANYTHING
You and me both, Hippo, you and me both.
When did the Pick Play become the Rub Route?
If I didn’t know better I’d think that had something to do with boogers.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=M2tWY1Beo6E
When a tv-friendly team first started using it?
aprapos of the note Dok mentioned downstream. It would be great if the concept had its own section in the Hallmark store, marked “Dishonorable Discharge”
And the picture on the front is the Arsenal logo?
Sure! It can be right in between “Grandmother Birthday” and “Botched Abortion”
They need to make more “Wish you’d been aborted” cards.
“LoL, He Died of Covid!”
Clock on the front – It’s been a while…
Inside a sad kitten – Apologies about my erectile
It’s a Key and Peele sketch where the driver is being super talkative! Anticipating Uber and Lyft! Gun up in that ass, that’s the way to do it!
How meaningless is this game? Spur didn’t even show up for the match thread.
Romonobyl, too.
Although that’s been all season, I believe.
yeah, we will have to keep an eye out for him when we go looking for Entropy
I miss Entropy
SO DO I.
So are we just going to flash to Kelce on the sideline after he Cal Ripken’d the streak for most starts?
“This is a great opportunity for a lot of people…” who are going to be looking for roster spots in the USFL in a couple of weeks.
Boss Todd is salivating.
‘Bitchin’ Camaro’ just blasting down the office halls.
First Wave Saturday Night Safety Dance is playing 867-5309 and all is good in the world.
That is a bouncy 80’s banger, fo sho!
Does Hulu play commercials from the time of the show you are watching? Or is this Angry Birds insurance commercial current? I kinda dig the former, the latter is confusing and strange to me.
Current, and as someone who never played the game when it was relevant, it confused me until like the 25th viewing.
Shit. I played the original game, and I remember exactly how I found out about it. This was the aforementioned dude who roomed with a guy who was friends with strippers that took beers and didn’t finish them. It was morning and in between bitching about the leftover stripper beers and giving me some chick’s giant boots we talked about mobile games and he introduced me to Angry Birds.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SbyAZQ45uww
You know we all live vicariously through you, right Zymm? SHERO!
But you have the long-lived, close, happy marriage! I vicariously live that through you 🙂
Do modern rappers still opine about the wrong-headedness and/or impossibility of being faded? Or has this been definitively settled as an issue?
You lost me at ‘modern rappers’.*
*tbh, I was lost long before your comment
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F7FppXJ-3YY
If this gets overturned that’ll tell you all you need to know about how far Dallas is going in the play-offs.
Turned on this game and immediately felt dirty. Going to shower.
Translation: BFC got one look at the Min-stache and needs to jerk it.
Please, like I haven’t learned to stop telling you when I’m jacking it
Think of cheesy synthesizer music, mirrors, and blue crushed velvet on every non-mirrored surface… that should do it!
I hope Ceedee Lamb has a son, and names him Ee-efgee
Ee-efgee: “Dad, I can’t fall asleep.”
Ceedee: “Just imagine me jumping over defenders over and over again.”
Ee-efgee: “Ok, I’ll try.” [snoring sounds]
We are crossing the Rubicon in our addled brains, ain’t we?
God, I hope so.
LMNO,pee: Mommmmyyyy!
“I love you grandpa!”
-Aich-I-Jay
“There’s no stopping Amari Lamb.”
-Trent Green
even though his fleece is white as snow – Trent Green, standing by the microwave in a puddle of his own urine
“Who mambo dogface in the banana patch?”
-Trent, in the same spot 20 minutes later
My teevee is muted, but that dude’s hair on the Philly sideline is legitimately giving me an aneurysm
Are you talking about Spectacular Mullet Guy? How dare you!
Last funny;
my favorite part of the 1/6 stuff is when all the brands had to put out statements that were like “Chevron believes in the peaceful transition of power”
And then a couple of months later, they resume their donations to Josh Hawley or whoever.
I’m still furious that fuck isn’t expelled from the Senate (and that these companies are like who are we to disagree with one of the major parties about treason)
It’s how you know that the GOP truly has become a criminal organization. They will not turn on one another now, for anything.
“The Islamic Emirate of Afghanistan fully supports the Republican Party actions on and about January 6th.” – Taliban
Why DID the angels want to wear his red shoes?
(shrugs) works for David Fletcher
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well, now I want to be in Elvis Costello’s fantasy league
This one is gonna be a real defensive battle tonight.
-300 Spartans, Thermopylae
We would have also accepted “Colonel James Bowie, the Alamo”
Have we discussed the over/under on stadium arrests tonight? It kinda makes me wish this place had a jail cell like the Vet did.
28.5.
“I’ll take the under.”
-Mark Chamura
Related to thread picture.
Even as a straight guy, the Chicago Pride parade is a blast.
Yeah, SO EASY to get blown!
“I almost felt bad!”
-Spam, Son of
“It’s not gay if you do it several times on that one day. Look it up!”
-SOS
It’s the one time a year when bears bring happiness to Chicagoans.
It’s less of a blast when you live a block away and forget it’s happening until you wake up and try to go to the grocery store. That said, it’s still fun when you remember what weekend it is and party with your neighbors!
Finished Beerfest, but totally not willing to find an illegal stream for a meaningless NFC East game, so switching to Key and Peele reruns.
Oh you know
Great thing about these week 19 scoring plays is that there are no vulture TD’s.
That dude does not look like a Tyree.
So, the weirdest thing to me about the whole Philly fans throwing batteries thing…who the fuck carries around batteries? Did they take them out of their devices that weren’t lithium ion powered back in the day? What did they have? Were they carrying Maglites around? Did radios take D batts back in the day? Boom boxes? Walkmans took AAs!
Look, I don’t mean to shock you, but it’s possible that Philly fans are assholes who bring batteries to games specifically because they’re dense, easily throwable objects.
But the first time? There are other dense, easily throwable objects. I have to think the first time was serendipity.
Possibly transistor radio batteries? Back in the olden days, people used to bring radios to the game to listen to play by play while watching the game.
Probably a vibrator thing. Worn out by the 3rd quarter.
This wasn’t Buffalo, although I did have a Philly dude leave me a note once apologizing for premature ejaculation, so I guess maybe?
A polite quickshooter? Not the worst thing I guess.
I was reading a book about the Carnegies at Tattooed Mom’s, he was some sort of amateur filmmaker? It would be fascinating to find out what happened to various one night stands.
This must be it. BTW, if I haven’t mentioned it before, I have an Old Style bar mirror I got off ebay that I got soon after I moved to Chicago, so totally dig the avatar.
D-cell batteries and rolls of dimes (wrapped in a neckerchief) have long been dense street weapons. The Philly fans brought the batteries to throw them
This is sense. I stupidly had not considered the fact that they had them as street cudgels.
Gonna Gladwell you here-history would suggest that many objects were smuggled into the stadium and thrown onto the field back in the day. It was a thing that a Philly fan did. Fans started talking/sharing. Fans saw the effect that the battery throwers had. There was a tipping point. The tomato tossers realized that they had to get with the program if they were to be effective/relevant. Perhaps there was a progression from AAA’s-we’ll never know for sure. But that’s the most likely way that the present situation evolved into being.
I actually think we should revive throwing rotten veg at people. So much more environmentally conscious than the trash, and probably compliant with composting laws!
Had a neighbor about 15 years ago, retired Chicago homicide detective. Talked exactly like the stereotype of a Sout’sider. He told good stories, mostly about drunk Chicago athletes. Anyway, one day he was talking about some suspect from Philly. I mentioned that I had never been there.
Him: “Don’t bother. There’s something wrong with people from there.”
Me: (laughs)
Him: (deadly serious) “No, I mean it, like…there’s something WRONG with those people.”
Me: (laughs harder)
Him: “No, it’s like…they’re RETARDED or somethin!”
Anyway, no idea whether this helps explain batteries.
Both Philly and Chi are racist as fuck. But in really different ways. I prefer the Philly way, although racists in both places can go fuck themselves with broken glass, it’s worse in Chi. Not to say your neighbor wasn’t a decent person, but I wouldn’t take an old school Chicago cop’s word for fuckall. I’ve spent a fair amount of time in Philadelphia and I like it as a city, there are boneheads aplenty, and I have no problem imagining them chucking shit, but it’s just the “why batteries?” thing. Sorry to get like this, but it was really jarring moving to the midwest from the midatlantic, and while there are still a lot of things I like about Chicago, to the extent that I’m keeping my condo there, it’s still a really fucked up place that can’t talk shit about pretty much anywhere else. The cops ran a literal torture facility for fuck’s sake. Ok. Back to normal, gonna make a pun soon.
a) lol sorry to get you worked up
b) got along fine with my old neighbor (and his wife, an active DEA agent), but he definitely was a cop from a racial standpoint.
c) no idea which cities’ denizens are worse, but yes, racists can all just fuck right off forever
Yeah, not the forum to talk, but it was SUPER disconcerting moving from DC to Chi. I’ll tell you about it some time, but the midwest is weird as all fuck. I have all sorts of odd stories.
Because climate change means their urine doesn’t as reliably freeze like it used to, making it an inefficient projectile?
THANKS Obama!!!
*urinates into a bullet ice cube tray and a gun ice cube tray, sneaks through the TSA, assassinates Viktor Orban, flies home, is later convicted on DNA evidence but passes a drug test*
As far as Philly qb’s are concerned, ‘Everybody Minshew’s’ as a song riff just doesn’t sit well with me.
Elvis Costello: “Angels Wanna Wear My Minshews”
Found a funny;
*slurping spaghetti through the slots in my medieval knight helmet* I told you this thing would pay for itself
That completion was Peak Minshew
There is so much wrong with this movie, but it is still awesome. BEERFEST!!
It’s a great film. I wasn’t expecting much when a friend insisted we watch it, but he was totally right.
It’s perfect for its time, but also timeless
Point of Order:
Anyone on YT cooking videos that makes horizontal cuts to individual garlic cloves before finely dicing them is a poser of the worst kind.
I make vertical cuts so I can remove any sproutage, but horizontal is just wrong.
Which is which on garlic?
Stem to stern is vertical. Around the equator is horizontal.
Seriously, why was one of the Brokeback cowboys named Ennis?
Rhymes with ‘pennis’, which is the proper cowboy pronunciation. Some people…
Because SparQle didn’t test well with focus groups?
Zeke gonna need a full serving of lead paint chips or just a half serving for tonight’s tilt?
Lead paint: delicious but deadly
Pour some mercury on those lead paint chips and you’ve got a cereal going, baby!
But…is it a soup?
My La Premiere PJs shrunk, but they still fit. It’s just that the pants are now highwaters, and the top is a 3/4 sleeve cutoff with a tiny pocket perching over my left boob, almost in my armpit. None of my other airline PJs have done this, so not sure if I should be impressed because they used raw cotton or whatever and expect me to have servants to handwash even my complementary clothing, or to harrumph because seriously, every goddamn thing is pre-shrunk nowadays, where do you even find cotton that shrinks?
Anyway, hanging out, with the bottom 4 inches of my calves exposed in a way that some dude in 1895 would no doubt find alluring.
I, too, have trouble getting clothes to fit over my boobs.
whatever happen to CC’s music factory??
Downsized and sent overseas.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7vFGKHzY_38
Have tWWL’s NFL Countdown verbal diarrhea on and Rexy needs to ease up on the teeth whitening.
His teeth are whiter than a 1960s Georgia jury.
“My favorite kind!”
— Marjorie T. G., Milledgeville, GA
Ah okay, so ALL BOTH of today’s games are on channels I don’t have. Good thing they both are meaningless and likely shitty games. I will continue to drink and watch Beerfest.
Reality TV Pitch Bot:
Four bartenders create drinks based on concepts like “alarm clock”, “Peloton”, “ennui” or “near-sightedness”. Drinkers have to decide on which beverages most closely mirror the phrase. Winner gets drunker than the rest of his buddies.
I think you just encapsulated my 20s in this pitch.
BTW. If you ever want the worst hangover ever, drink a 12 pack in 2 hours while walking 3.5 mph on a treadmill set to 5% grade. It’s actually a fun as shit high while you’re doing it, but goddamn you will never feel worse next day.
Losers have to clean the bar’s restrooms.
Ogden City Mall!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w6Q3mHyzn78
A friend visited me in the dorm during first year of law school, and we ended up singing Tiffany songs late one drunken night.
This may be why nobody who lived near me that year has kept in touch.
It was just this one, over and over again.
Oh, not true. I’m a big fan of “Could’ve Been.”
I think the change in my couch cushions aomunts to more than the production budget of this “music video.” And I don’t even have a couch anymore.
No longer exists, but was not far from here!
I can’t wait to watch some of the Cowboys slapfight some of the Eagles.