Welcome to the first of several important tilts over the next three days! Many call this the wildcard-iest of all the weekends on the calendar and I can’t disagree. Let’s pretend to break this one down, shall we?
To The Game!
Raiders/Bengals:
-Both squadoos are 10-7 but they’re of different qualities methinks. But imagine how much better Vegas’ record would be if they were still led by a bigoted shithead!
-Shall we count all the factors against the Raiders? Well, it’s a short week for them, they played an emotionally/physically draining overtime game, they’re traveling across three time zones and are playing a cold weather game.
-It’s not a large sample but Derek Carr is the complete opposite of undefeated in all five tilts he’s played where the weather was below 37 degrees.
-Give Coach Bisaccia (rhymes with focaccia) credit-he’s maximized what talent there is on the team, winning the last four games of the season by 4 points or less.
-Burrow (tosser of almost 1,000 yards with an 11.4(!) YPA in his last two games) thinks he’s all the way back from his knee injury, indicating that he’s finally able to evade defender’s pass rush in a way that he couldn’t earlier in the year. This might just come in handy given that Maxx Crosby is facing off against Riley Rief’s backup.
-Gotta Run: Jacobs has rounded into form at just the right time-running for 129 and 132 in two of the last three weeks. He should be the key because Cincy defends outside wr’s well if Carr has to throw if Vegas falls behind. A guy like Renfrow just won’t cut it.
Let’s do this!
Each drive more kicky than the last!
Gentlemen.
SNOW DAY!!!!!!!!
/u noe we ain’t make the playoffs, rite??
Oh god, do I know
where?
/zips up pants
//brushes Cheeto crumbs off belly
sup?
Pants? FOR SHAME
Sorry, been sprinkling here. The weather, not me.
Stop calling me Shirley.
Why do I have a FEELING OF IMPENDING DOOM?
That’s just called aging. Try taking a nap.
That is my default mode, you get used to it after awhile.
Would assume that’s just being an Ohioan.
Because you called yourself Redshirt?
I am going with “not drunk enough”
just ate some Skyline
Bengals will lose if:
❌ Burrow gets hit early and unable to get into rhythm
❌ Bengals overly rely on running game at determent of passing game
❌ Fall behind early causing them to go one-dimensional
❌ Defense can’t stop TE
✅ Carr has all day to throw
❓Bengals shoot themselves in the foot
✅ If they get ahead, they get passive and allow Raiders to stick around
Looks good so far.
A better question is why haven’t you had one up till now?
Cincy grabs an edge rusher and an O lineman and there’s going to be trouble in the AFC North next year.
/Browns are crap if Mayfield is still around and the Steelers are in qb limbo
If the Ravens can stay healthy, it will be Cincy/Baltimore fighting for first, Cleveland trying to figure itself out and Pittsburgh in rebuild.
Winter in Ohio looks as cheerful as a Cormac McCarthy written happy birthday card.
Cormac McCarthy Greeting Cards is an idea I can get behind
make it so
THIS!
Fieldgoalkakke!
Am still rooting for a tie game
after two OTs, the teams should play Sudden Death Scattergories
Catergory:
Words that rhyme with CHUH
“a second CHUH?”
53-man Relay using the Flying Pig Marathon Route. With the roads open.
flying-pig-marathon-course-2019-1024×702.jpg (1024×702) (runningriddles.com)
Or the circle-jerk-on-the-cracker game.
Having an Ivy league backup QBs will be a must.
Bears have Virginia Halas and would still find a way to loss.
Fight to the death, each owner armed with a rock, paper, and scissors?
I AM IN.
Bonus points if you kill the other guy with paper.
Cause of death: blood loss from millions of ouchy papercuts
I’ve heard of that-“Death of a Thousand Cuts’, right?
So, do you think that Texans fans are watching this and thinking “damnit, this is supposed to be OUR time slot to lose in the first round!”
Trick question. There are no Texans fans.
The fuck are “Texans” gaslighter?
..and the Bengals left eight points on the field and Burrow nearly left four halfs of his right knee _CLs as well.
Don’t worry, Bengals. I’m sure these failures to convert TD opportunities won’t come back to haunt you.
The slav squat doesn’t really stop tacklers I guess
I thought that was the move after too many doner kebabs.
Hey Folks! What I miss?
Vegas just hangin’ around, like a Closet Dungy
Jamarr Chase ain’t a rookie. He just happens to be in his first year in the league.
Think it’s Mike Salfino who says “there are no more rookies after Week 7.”
T’was a simpler time back then but he’s Moss in ’97/’98. A polished speedster that can run almost all the routes right from the get-go.
Chase is Moss but with a little less talent and lot less ego.
Never seen anyone use their body to get open (legally) like Redneck Randy.
Can you imagine the package of plays that can be devised for Chase next year? Seriously, can you do that for me? I’m a Giants fan that has gone thru McAdoo, Shurmur and Judge recently and I can’t.
Raiders Defense is playing way far away from the line of scrimmage.
The safety gods teased us.
Cincy players obviously not affected by the chili conditions.
WE DEMAND SAFTEY DUNCE
That is not ironic, not even in the incorrect alanis morrisette sense
MORON
hey, it’s only Week 19. One can’t expect the special teams guy to know the roolz
How long can Cincy afford to keep the core of this offense together? Because holy shit are these guys good.
Big stop there by the Raiders. Yuge.
Higgins, Burrow and Chase (obviously) are on rookie contracts-they’ll be together for a while.
Joe Burrow signed thru 2023
Tee Higgins signed thru 2023
Tyler Boyd signed thru 2023
Ja’Marr Chase thru 2024
Joe Mixon signed thru 2024
Mike Brown will be too cheap to re-sign Beatie, which will help in this instance.
Mixon is important but not as much as the other four. Also, you can replenish in the draft (they may have with Chris Evans in last year’s draft).
oh yeah, he can play, one just never wants to give a pro RB his “last big contract.” Works out maybe 1 time in 20.
That’s the one good thing about Barry Sanders quitting early, we were spared from seeing him breaking down on us.
What is “the duration of Burrow’s rookie contract, Alex?”
“We got a turnover and starting the drive in the redzone? Best take the ball out of this guy’s hands.”
FIIHisbXoAUT461 (900×900) (twimg.com)
The Raiders have a lotta trouble with automaCarrs
Cincy still is meh in pass pro, but their run blocking is right and day better this year.
Tackle on Safety, tight-end on DE, sure that’s a good protection.
Sudden change!
SUDDEN NOT-AGAINST WKRP CHANGE??
Part of me would find it hilarious if that was it for all the scoring in this game.
I’m okay with that.
These commercials make me hate every product they are pitching.
Is Cory Littleton hurt or something? Why are the Raiders playing a rookie out there? (Deablo, #5.) He totally fucking spaced on that zone too.
I thought Burrow was gonna be fucked looking to the right first, with the Raiders sneaking an extra safety over to that side. but then Deablo fucking stood there like a statue…
I literally don’t recognize any of the LBs on the Bengals. Wtf. 3rd round pick, 7th round pick, 7th round pick, undrafted….
I think a few of them are out for the year. LB used to be a strength. Now its back to liability.
Tirico and Breesus are a pretty solid duo, glad they got this game.
They are rocking!
Chase has amazing technique for a rook.
pretty rare for a guy that fast to also do “the little things” right. Opted out of the COVID season, too – so he should be like a year behind.
Don’t know whether to protect him or Herbert in your league.
YES
Or do I do the Burrow/Chase stack? Answer? There is no wrong answer.
oh shit, very much the latter
Apparently, when Joe Burrow gets pissed off, he gets real quiet and just stares. Did anyone else have a Dad who was like that? Fucking terrifying.
No. My dad just starts yelling incomprehensibly about respect and how nobody should raise their voice to him even when he’s screaming at the top of his lungs.
Play some defense! Chris Henry is rolling over in his grave at this “effort” smh.
Counterpoint, it’s fun to watch teams play shitty defense
fair do, this really is the only fixture of the round with “plausible shootout” potential. And pretty sure Burrow gon’ get his.
He’s STILL rolling?!
Oh, his grave.
Sorry
Did the Bengals forget to reset the Depth Chart from the Browns game?
On that 3rd down, the Bengals were in a low Cover-2 against mesh, and the fucking LB just forgot Darren Waller coming from the other side.
I’d be pretty fucking pissed as the DC.
Yeah, why cover that Waller guy on third down? SMRT!!
Weakside LB just fucking spaced. Ran his shallow cross coverage just right into the MLB like a doofus.
you is the smarter of the Clubhouse hippo set obviously!
Spent too much time listening to Robert Mays and Nate Tice every week.
Also Nate Tice streams on Twitch now. And Coach Vass on Youtube.
Afternoon, degenerates.
yeah, it’s degenerating like Ickey Woods’ knees BUHLEE DAT
LOL
WTF Tirico, what the fuck do you mean he has one shuffle left in him? Is he fucking DYING or some shit?
Ickey Woods knees are destroyed, that’s why he was out of the league by 1991. I went to get his autograph and he was moving so slowly, it was painful to watch.
So the Bengals wasted the man’s last Ickey Shuffle ever on a fucking wild-card playoff game?!
Yup. Esiason may be too busy to go and Anthony Munoz didn’t play in the CIN-LA game.
also, Ickey was likely willing to do it for food
“I can respect that.”
-A. Reid
Hard to beat the price for some cold cuts.
Shepard’s Prayer – YouTube
How crazy that one of these teams is going to win a playoff game!
We don’t know that for sure. There could be a meteor or the heat death of the universe!
There’s a Tsunami Advisory for the West Coast. Don’t forget Tsunami.
TIE TIE TIE TIE TIE TIE TIE TIE
“Ok, now you’re just fucking with me.” — Donovan McNabb
I like the Raiders to keep it close for 3.5 quarters.
Bengals will win if:
Bengals protect Burrow
Bengals get passing game going early
Bengals establish running game to help passing game
Defense is able to stop TE and short middle passes
Defense puts pressure on Carr
No self-destruction by penalties or turnovers
If they get ahead, they keep their foot on the Raiders’ throat
Bengals will lose if:
Burrow gets hit early and unable to get into rhythm
Bengals overly rely on running game at determent of passing game
Fall behind early causing them to go one-dimensional
Defense can’t stop TE
Carr has all day to throw
Bengals shoot themselves in the foot
If they get ahead, they get passive and allow Raiders to stick around
Bengals will lose if:
God hates Redshirt.
and/or wants to see Rikki’s bandana-wearing wing-wang (again)
Vontaze Burfict has left the chat
I have a fear he’s going to rush the field if the Raiders are on a desperate GW drive.
OOOOO AN U NOE HE DOOOOOOOOOOO BBUUULLLLLEEEEEE DAT
Bengals will lose if:
The Raiders score more points.
Just to put the Bengals Playoff Drought in Perspective
FItmPK9X0AYn6wi (1080×1218) (twimg.com)
Last Time on Bengals Playoff Football (Artist’s Interpretation)
Wayne’s World Sad Ending – YouTube
Will the Raiders avenge Bo Jackson or will the Bengals win their first playoff game since the first Bush administration?
Local Newspaper Sports Editorialist promotes another theory about OL Max Montoya (like Andrew Whitworth and the Rams, the Bengals didn’t bother to make an offer thinking he was over the hill, even though he said he would’ve stayed for less money the Raiders offered if they even bothered to call).
So we’ve been doubly cursed, by both disrespect and the ruining the career of a beloved superhuman athlete thing.