Welcome to the first of several important tilts over the next three days! Many call this the wildcard-iest of all the weekends on the calendar and I can’t disagree. Let’s pretend to break this one down, shall we?
To The Game!
Raiders/Bengals:
-Both squadoos are 10-7 but they’re of different qualities methinks. But imagine how much better Vegas’ record would be if they were still led by a bigoted shithead!
-Shall we count all the factors against the Raiders? Well, it’s a short week for them, they played an emotionally/physically draining overtime game, they’re traveling across three time zones and are playing a cold weather game.
-It’s not a large sample but Derek Carr is the complete opposite of undefeated in all five tilts he’s played where the weather was below 37 degrees.
-Give Coach Bisaccia (rhymes with focaccia) credit-he’s maximized what talent there is on the team, winning the last four games of the season by 4 points or less.
-Burrow (tosser of almost 1,000 yards with an 11.4(!) YPA in his last two games) thinks he’s all the way back from his knee injury, indicating that he’s finally able to evade defender’s pass rush in a way that he couldn’t earlier in the year. This might just come in handy given that Maxx Crosby is facing off against Riley Rief’s backup.
-Gotta Run: Jacobs has rounded into form at just the right time-running for 129 and 132 in two of the last three weeks. He should be the key because Cincy defends outside wr’s well if Carr has to throw if Vegas falls behind. A guy like Renfrow just won’t cut it.
Let’s do this!
Going WAY out on a limb, guessing you don’t see this crew next round.
You will see them picking up garbage on the side of the highway this spring though.
“Yo, pee break Boss?”
Hey, they can hang out with Todd Marinovich!
Renfrow did not perform a common football act, such as child abuse.
Wife bought $150 worth of Indian food. What do you do with 300 pounds of bannock, for Christ sake?
Call Vince Wilfork
Indict it.
Steve Bannon looks like Dollar Store James May
better call the plumber now
“The question is, what do you do for the main course?” — Andy Reid
I like both these teams. They should have split these teams and made them play the Steeler assholes and Pats
IN-COM-PLETE!
FEELS GOOD to channel your inner Donks WOO!!! don’t it??
CHRIST, that’s not even CLOSE to complete.
and this
Yep. She’s a catch, for sure. Unlike what I just saw.
Sucks about being injured, but very impressed at the one legged hopping skillz
nothing to add. I just wanted to post this
That woman is aging like she found Mrs. Todd’s shortcut.
I hate commercials with a doorbell ring. My dogs go apeshit like the real doorbell was rung.
Same. When you upset my dog, you upset me.
Announcers: “Not sure about that call. Looks like we’ll have to go to New York!”
New York: [guy with a manbun injecting heroin between his toes] “Fuck off, I’m about to host a gallery show! I don’t have time for this.”
HIGH KICK’N! LOW SCORE’N!
Go Bangles!
“They look like New York dolls to me.”
-B. Poindexter
another dead Raider? That’s not good.
Makes sense, they fucked the Raiders with the whistle thing, now fuck the Bengals with the time out thing. EQUAL FUCKING.
A Very Egalitarian Orgy
The double-ended dildos of the officiating world, that’s why they get the playoffs
BLEEERGH!!!
Semi-frozen Sassy Ref is like 25% MOAR undecipherable
Now we know what it’ll be like if he gets botox!
I mean, we all want prettier, more sumptuous lips, yeah?
Cool thing about having as many weapons as Cincy has-if you have an adequate tight end that can’t get any separation on his own but has good hands… He becomes a weapon.
TRUE HIPPO STORY! The summer before 1st grade, I broke my right index finger holding for a placement kick. I received a plastic set of uprights the previous Christmas.
That finger remains appreciably larger/slightly askew-er than the left.
Shoulda Lucyed it!
“That happened to me, too, the one time I let that blockhead Charlie Brown actually kick the ball.” — Lucy van Pelt
Laces out!
G’day kommentists! Missed the 1st half.
Erroneous Whistle-gate!
Uh oh. Looks like the TX synagogue hostage-taker is an actual Muslim terrorist.
PEOPLE, PREPARE FOR REASONABLE REACTIONS.
I’m sure Gov. Abbott will
riseroll to the challenge!Gov. Abbott will not stand for this aggression.
Oh awesome.
/pours another drink
can we do hostage swap for Ted Cruz? PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!
“Yes.”
-Ted Cruz’s teenage daughter
Goddamn it, I hate it when people live up to stereotypes. This is even worse than my thieving gypsy neighbors
Or those Tongans and their volcanic tempers.
If the Germans had a word for “dont get on an elevator if you have to pee, even a little bit” what do you think it would be?
neinunpissenschaft
Neinliftenpipi
Am fixing a drink. Anyone want anything?
One ice cold heroine, please
Since we are half, now would be the time to share that my wife does have Covid. She has been sick for 3 days. I tested at work but it came back negative. But, my throat didn’t burn yesterday like it does today.
Oh, well.
I assume you have a stockpile of mucinex, delsym and tylenol 100s?
Tussionex. Learn it, live it, LOVE it.
Yes, no, and do Marlboro 100s count?
Same situation at my house. Feel kinda shitty, but no one’s gonna die.
Raiders Playoffs
“The Heidi Game”
“The Sea of Hands”
“Ghost to the Post”
“Old Man Willie”
“The Holy Roller”
“The Mistake by the Lake”
“The Immaculate Reception”
“The Tuck Play”
“Erroneous Whistle”
Being in California, it’s all Raiders fans. If they lose, the whining will be consistent for the next 5 years.
Most erroneous whistle since Emmitt Till.
Got to love Eli Apple.
He had to make a pllllaaaayyyy
To let those Raiders sttaaaaayyyyy (in the game)
Can I love him posthumously?
A cornerback only a smothering helicopter mother could love.
Not as good at CB as his sister Fiona.
Crippling Bulimia?
Excellent, gonna throw up a +1 for you.
Shadowboxer was about press man coverage, ppl forget that
“…all I need is a good defense”
Or was it “what I need” dammit brain stop aging and/or getting ruined by alcohol
“The E R R O N E O U S game”
Bengalis benefitting from mistaken officiating? There really must be a tsunami about to hit ohio
The erroneous whistle reminds me of the time a friend of mine was reffing an intramural basketball and accidentally exhaled when the whistle was still in his mouth. Everyone stopped dead so he picked one kid and called him for pushing.
He could have gone pro!
Hahaha! That is funny as shit.
You’re friends with Tim Donaghy?
Found a funny;
joe rogan: the titanic movie was fake because ice could never damage a metal ship
guest, historian: no it was real, that happened
joe: not possible no. if i whack an ice cube with a hammer, which one is gonna break
guest: that’s not the same thi-
joe: jamie google hammers
That’s not funny, because it’s actually how that conversation went.
False flag operation against Iceland!
https://twitter.com/TimRossComedy/status/1482018758885617666
Bahahahaha!
https://twitter.com/TimRossComedy/status/1482018760542330884
Joe Rogan Fans: This is why we like Joe, he thinks for himself and doesn’t accept what Big Ice tells him to.
“Big Ice” made me chuckle.
“We really need to get rid of Eli Apple.” – multiple instances
Virginia just banned Critical Race Theory via executive order. Thank God they’re getting rid of the thing that doesn’t exist.
I hope he bans evil unicorns next
But we can keep the good ones, the ones that don’t believe in critical race theory, right?
Right, the white ones.
We can keep the ones that shit vanilla ice cream, but not the ones that shit chocolate
Oh, he’s got quite a list.
As of tomorrow, children at my son’s elementary school no longer have to wear masks if their parents don’t feel it’s necessary. Our district went @ 70-30 Republican last election, including electing (in a landslide) a 19 year old Trumper who lives in his parents house as our School Board representative.
Fuck these people with horrible, sharp, pointy things forever.
He’s nicer than Trump but still will protect us from teh blacks
-VA white voters
Performative politics is the best politics.
I cant wait for the late game. Belichick got to play these guys weeks 15 and 17 which means tons of recent film for him to use to come up with a scheme. Pats won’t give a fuck about cold weather or noise. God DAMN it’s gonna be a seriously nasty game that might ignite a long-term rivalry up there.
If we weren’t setting new high scores in cases with this damn Omni-cron Covid variant, I’d be getting ready to go to a bar here in New England
to drink and cheer on White Mac
“who are they!”
-imaginary articulate bengals fan
Redshirt isn’t that bad. Maybe.
“Who are they?”
— Modern, articulate Bengals fan looking at the roster from the last playoff victory
They blew the whistle before the catch, how does that stand?
I also wondered about that
Yeah, thought that too. Maybe it was a whistlebird.
Do not question BLEEERGH.
Same here. I’ll take it, but that shouldn’t have counted.
See?! We have good food, too!
Steak Collinsworth. Yuck!
Recommended pairing is a Chateau Al Michaels, which is 80% alcohol by volume.
Cocktail weenies would have been more appropriate
Steak Esiason, Well Done covered in Skyline Chili.
seems like he would be too stringy, you’d have to stew him to get anything edible
And Cincy gets the ball in the second half. Oof.
Never throw late back across the middle, unless you’re like really a good throwing guy.
Joe Cool?
No. Joe Cool is Joe Montana. I have to respect that.
He can be Joey Cool, though.
Zebra Convention!
Can anyone see my avatar, by the way? I’ve tried everything* to fix it but it’s not appearing for me.
*like two things
Of course not.
Gravatar can’t handle alot.
No
Mixon has to be the #2 RB off the board after Henry, right?
Taylor?
Ah. You’re right. Forgot about him. Was thinking maybe Ekeler too.
No worry so did the Colts the last game too
He’s not the best part of this offense but he’s reliable enough to force the defense to be honest and opens up Burrow and the Bengals 3-way.
So open!
A plate of that and the receivers won’t be the only thing that’s open.
I haven’t had constipation in forever, I think its time for some Appleby’s
Just counter it with some Taco Bell after.
Now I want to watch No Country for Old Men and read Blood Meridian again
“May I interest you in some previously-loved Louis Lamour? Only 50 cents each or three for a Big Mac wrapper with some sauce still on it.”
-Jim Tomsula, sitting on a milk case, gesturing to the broken-spined paperbacks on the three-legged poker table in front of him
Applebee’s trying to ruin a good memory of Cheers. Fuck that shitty restaurant chain.
I saw that for the first time. It offended me greatly, and I don’t even remember Cheers.
Can you imagine how much better this guy would be if his jersey said DON’T CHASE?
This Bengals team look like they having fun
That’s Rocking!
genius goddamned 4th and 1 play
I hate seeing guys run behind the line of scrimmage on 4th down for that long but it worked.
only works with a designed read (extra man to cut off the sneak) and a WR that fucking fast. Helps to be able to rely on your personnel to create mismatches like that
Also, they snapped the ball before the defense realized the WR in motion just became the RB.
Mixon blocked well on that play.