Your “Red Velvet Lines The Black Box” Wednesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

NFL News:

  • Cam Newton is being sat down for the rest of the season, due to injury.
    • He’s not going on the IR, but given that they are out of the playoff race, it makes sense to avoid him getting wrecked during meaningless games.
    • Hopefully, he can use the time to design some new hats.

    

  • Also on IR? Frank Gore, who is being shut down by the Dolphins due to a sprained left foot.
    • This will end his streak of 126 consecutive games played & 12 straight seasons with at least 1,000 total yards.
    • If this ends his career, he will retire as the NFL’s fourth all-time leading rusher – behind only Emmitt Smith, Walter Payton, and Barry Sanders.
  • Not taking time off? Aaron Rodgers, who insists he’s playing Sunday versus the Jets.
    • “I think it’s a lot about leadership,” the Green Bay Packers quarterback said Wednesday. “If I want to be listened to and followed and looked up to, how could I stand here and say that these games that don’t matter for playoffs, I’m going to cash it in? That’s just not the way I lead.”
  • Guess who’s back in the league?
    • Nathan Peterman, who was signed to the Raiders practice squad today.
      • It makes sense, especially since Gruden called Peterman, “the draft’s most pro-ready QB” in a year that included Patrick Mahomes, Deshaun Watson and Mitchell Trubisky.
    • Derek Carr, upon hearing the news, spent the day in his room listening to his Bauhaus CDs totally fine with it!

  • That delighted Hippo grunt you heard in the wind earlier today was due to Congress introducing the Sports Wagering Market Integrity Act of 2018.
    • It was introduced by the two guys you most associate with sports gambling, Orrin Hatch (R) and Chuck Schumer (D).
    • PFT, where I cribbed this info, duly notes that,

The bill would require that “sports wagering operators use data provided or licensed by sports organizations to determine the outcome of sports wagers through 2024, and set requirements for data used thereafter.” And there’s the obvious revenue stream for the NFL and other sports leagues, since they would be providing that “data” not for free.

Finally, the Pro Bowl rosters were revealed today.

  • Among the observations:
    • the Dirt Clippers lead with seven players named.
    • The Chiefs & Steelers have six each on the AFC team.
    • The Bears, Cowboys & Saints have five each on the NFC team.
    • The Raiders, Bills and Buccaneers had no selections.

TOTAL SITE PIMPING! 

I just want to remind all you regulars & lurkers (and Chris Kluwe) that our new advice & assistance column, Mouth Flies Open, is live and taking your questions & requests.

Our own BrettFavresColonoscopy will guide you through life’s difficult terrain, and give you the honest answers and HAWT TAEKS those bitches Dear Abby & Ann Landers were too afraid to expound during their glory days.

If you have questions and need advice, email dfosubmissions@gmail.com. What have you got to lose, except for your own insecurities.


Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Penguins at Capitals – 8:00PM | NBCSN
    • Habs at Avalanche – 8:30PM | Sportsnet
  • 2019 IIHF World Junior Pre-Competition:
    • Canada vs. Switzerland – 8:00PM | TSN
  • NBA:
    • Pacers at Raptors – 7:30PM | TSN4
    • Warriors at Jazz – 9:00PM | Sportsnet1
    • OKC at Sacramento – 10:00PM | NBATV
  • NCAA:
    • Football:
      • Frisco Bowl: San Diego State vs. Ohio – 8:00PM | ESPN / TSN2
    • Basketball:
      • Men’s
        • Auburn at North Carolina State – 7:00PM | ESPN2
        • UCLA at Cincinnati – 9:00PM | ESPN2
      • Women’s
        • Connecticut at Oklahoma – 8:30PM | FS1

This is my last post of the year, as I’m off on vacation with WineWife, paying her back for the trip across Scotland for my 50th birthday. Where are we going? What are we doing? You’ll have to wait & find out. But on behalf of the Canadian West Coast [DFO] contingent,

MERRY F’ING CHRISTMAS!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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UnsurprisedblaxabbathBrettFavresColonoscopytheeWeeBabySeamusSenor Weaselo Recent comment authors
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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

One last thing. DraftKings is hiring a Government Affairs Manager if any of you east coast/mid-Atlantic lawyers or nerds is interested in a D.C. job lobbying for gambling deregulation. https://www.daybook.com/jobs/phguitWtnkr9MmK9M

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Well, shit. I’m not going to read or think anything funnier than that last tweet all day. I guess I’ll just go back to bed until the solstice.

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

FIVE SHOTS AND HE’S STILL ALIVE!
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BrettFavresColonoscopy

So tired. Two more things on tonight’s to do list.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Trim the tree with a smile and a dance.
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Senor Weaselo
theeWeeBabySeamus

Nice hair, though.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

It’s how 16 year old soccer players wore it.

In 1995.

blaxabbath

How is his ban 6!months? He’s too old for the U-16 league. He’ll never again be young enough for that league. Ban him for life.

So next year he’ll be a 37 year old on a u-18 roster…

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Forget it, blax. It’s FIFAtown.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Awwwww

YOU JUST GOT OTTO-CORRECTED

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Why isn’t it “YOU’RE AN AL-COHOLIC?”

rockingdog
rockingdog

found a funny:
Are we supposed to just accept that gingerbread men live in houses built from the flesh of their fellow men?

blaxabbath

If I were an hbo executive, I’d produce a reality show where like Scott Walker helps a Hollywood outfit run a successful campaign to term limit mayors to 1 term of two years max of some small WI town. And they do this so they can have a reality show about the people in the town always going for mayor or like no one wanting to be mayor when times are bad. It’d become like a side trip when you visit the region.

I’d watch it.

Senor Weaselo

I don’t know when but I’ve started watching Forged in Fire, because nothing else is on, it was on after Padre Weaselo watched Vikings, and it’s about making swords.

blaxabbath

WineWife is such a beerguyrob nickname.

ballsofsteelandfury

Have I mentioned how much I LOVE Teddy?
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“Ooh, pickles!”

theeWeeBabySeamus

Sharkbait

Merry Christmas BGR! Enjoy the trip, wherever you may be heading.

Game Time Decision

Safe travels bgr. Enjoy the sunshine when out of the content mines

Game Time Decision

Just saw Mary Poppings, the Return

Spoiler
. Save your money, rent the original. The actors are fine, just not much story to work with and many of the songs seemed forced.

Sharkbait

Unnecessary sequel is unnecessary.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Can we have the what’s a sequel vs a reboot explanation? I legit don’t know the difference.

ballsofsteelandfury

Sequel has the same actors.
Reboot has different actors.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Yeah this doesn’t account for the Wesley Snipes/Omar Epps issue

ballsofsteelandfury

Wesley Snipes coached the Steelers?

ballsofsteelandfury

Actually, reboots ignore continuity while sequels must maintain it.

blaxabbath

I thought it had to do with the storyline. Robin Williams’ Peterpan was like a sequel, because the earlier version happened and is aknowdged. It’s a remake of Batman each time the Joker and Batman meet for the first time.

ballsofsteelandfury

And I thought the spoiler was Mary Poppins porn…

Game Time Decision

Haha. No. And not going to look. Figure y’all can look for it yourself and trying not to get banned

ballsofsteelandfury

Porn Parody DOES exist:

h

ttps://i2.wp.com/www.die-screaming.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/Mary-Pops-In-DVD-Cover.jpg?resize=500%2C716

Sharkbait

Rule 34 strikes again.

WCS

One cannot kill The Peter Man, one can only hope to intercept him.

Senor Weaselo

Fortunately that’s pretty easy.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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ballsofsteelandfury

Merry Xmas Rob and many thanks for your hard work through the whole year!

May you get that anal sex for Christmas that you asked for in your letter to Santa.

rockingdog
rockingdog

jammin

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Guess who’s back in the league?
Nathan Peterman, who was signed to the Raiders practice squad today.

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King Hippo

POINT OF ORDER – I would like to watch mah Shitty Wolves piss away lead after lead, without the announcers slobbering all over Zion’s knob.

herodotus450
herodotus450

“Yes, yes! I’ve heard just about enough of Zion!”
-Adolf H.

King Hippo

Inorite?? – Pete C., Undisclosed, WA

King Hippo

“Dinner Bell” app. Because it’s SO FUCKING HARD to text “pizza’s here” to your asshole kids.

herodotus450
herodotus450

“Damn that pizza place, this is the third time they’ve delivered us a half-eaten pizza. Oh well whattaya gonna do about it and anyway I’m not that hungry. But at least there’s lots of salad left, eh kids?”

Senor Weaselo

Their dinners are getting cold, and eaten.

herodotus450
herodotus450

They call it the Frisco Bowl but I have it on good authority that the locals call it the San Fran Bowl.

King Hippo

per below, the Prepare Your Anus Bowl would be more memorable.

Senor Weaselo

Why isn’t it the Frisco Bowl by Friskies?

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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Senor Weaselo

Aaaand this has turned into a Spider-Man thread.

Wakezilla

Random Person: ” You’re off for the Winter Holidays? That must be so nice!

/Me thinking about getting up at least an hour than normal, having to do a ton of house chores, while spending all the time with ToddlerZilla and starting to Christmas shop

Wakezilla: . . . Yes.

Wakezilla

.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

And a Merry F’ing Xmas to you too, Rob.
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rockingdog
rockingdog

I thought this was funny because raccoons are funny
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BrettFavresColonoscopy

And I’ll say it–Harold Baines is more of a Hall of Famer than Frank Gore

herodotus450
herodotus450

The year 3000 HoF ballot pitting Frank Gore vs. Reggie Bush is gonna be craaaaazy

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Thanks for the pimping!

King Hippo

Go Shitty Wolves!!

herodotus450
herodotus450

Maybe I missed it in the last meeting’s minutes, but I think the first target of the DFO SuperPAC should be reintroducing the world to Carlos Danger. I think we can run him as a republican now.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

No. He’s an idiot.

scotchnaut

I was going to do a live comment thingy on Miracle on 34th Street but remembered that there was no nudity.

/G’Night!

scotchnaut

Syracuse basketball sucks balls. That is all.

King Hippo

but they’ll be there with their 10-12 seed, as always

litre_cola

NO ONE CAN FIGURE OUT THEIR ZONE!