Start of Offseason Monday Open Thread

I’m peeved. Despicable Stan assembled a team of mercenaries and their triumph leaves an indelible mark on history. But enough about the Marvel cinematic universe.

Although Aaron Donald would’ve been perfect for The Intelligent Hulk. God damn; what a player.

NFL NEWS

No games until

[sigh]

September.

Yeah, I’m bummed alright. Although, gotta say: this was the first season where I felt there was too much football. This was aggravated by:

-Prime Time game blowouts

The Bers MNF against MIN was an abomination. The NFC East weekly showcase(s) underwhelmed bigly. Ben Roethlisberger shouldn’t have been on television, period. Late- and post-season Qards OMIGOD THE STANK.

-Late season games orgy

Back in 2020, I was jazzed about the Covid rescheduling. [Fill in the blank] Night Football was great! Tellingly, there were no TNF games after those rescheduling.

This season,

A coupla months ago, there was a stretch of fitbaw every other day. RAMMIT @ C-Hox & Iggles @ Commies rescheduled for a Tuesday, then you had TNF and two Saturday Xmas games. It got bloaty—for me, at least.

But I did keep an eye on the updated fantasy scores that Week. I’m not a Neanderthal, c’mon.

-The extra regular season game failed to bring added enthusiasm. I mean, sure, the extra loss got the Clots eliminated, but let’s concentrate on what’s important: I left a lot of gloating on the table. Never again!

-Two 7-seeds in the playoffs. Ok, this is a mixed bag.

By record alone, 7 seeds have been ballast. BUT, enter the Vegas Raiders.

The Week 18 SNF vs. Justin Herbert and his offensive line made out of flan was the most riveting game of the season (by that point). The stakes and playoff tie-break scenarios got unnervingly interesting. Most of DFO rooted for a tie, and even the NFL media got all Gijón this, Anschluss that. This was new, truly unique.

Except for DFOers rootin’ foar ties. We do love chaos ’round these parts.

So the 7-seed does add a crap playoff game but, before that, it gives teams a reason not to quit on the season. Let’s say there’s a certain mediocre team going through unusual drama—like the Chucky emails and firing, DUI-a-rama, etc. Playoff hopes and a less risk-averse Derek Carr gave Raider bandannas a reason to fly, and reek of wing wang.

So yeah. After further review, the NFL has not become less interesting. If anything, it got more intense: all playoff games after the Wild Cards were great, even the 9ers anti-fitbaw win at Green Bay. And BUF @ KC was insane, and heartbreaking for Josh Allen.

In fact, how nuts is it to have the Bills’ post season and not come within a whiff of the Owl? Bill Belichick got owned by Sean McDermott! Furthermore, I ask humbly: how can you get nine fucking sacks on a QB and still lose in your own stadium?! Oh, Tanny Boy!

OK, it seems like it’s critical distance time. Ugh. I already hate this offseason. Stupid inevitable passage of time.

LESSER SPROTS

All times Atlantic. I’m too morose for Math.

NBA

Sacramento @ Brooklyn – 8:30

San Antonio @ Bulls – 9:00

Portland @ Milwaukee – 9:00

Orlando @ Denver – 10:00

Houston @ Utah – 10:00

Golden State @ Clippers – 11:30

 

PRE-MADNESS EXHIBITIONS

West Virginia @ Kansas State – 8:00

Virginia @ Virginia Tech – 8:00

Oklahoma State @ Kansas – 10:00

Washington State @ Oregon – 10:00

 

NCAA WOMENS BASKETBALL

Florida @ Auburn – 8:00

Indiana @ Nebraska – 8:00

Maryland @ Iowa – 10:00

Oklahoma St. @ Illinois – 10:00

 

NHL

Detroit @ Minnesota – 9:00

Chicago @ Winnipeg – 10:00

Tirana @ Seattle – 10:00

Edmonton @ San José – 11:30

 

Finally, it’s Valentine’s Day. Imma trust my room-reading skills and just go ahead and post this,

, and spin this timeless plea for greater understanding and bliss:

Have a good one, peeps.

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Don T
Poor choices, mixed results. ¡Viva Puerto Rico Libre! Titans4Eva
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Damnit, I wish I had thought of “dirtywordle.com” two months ago.

Redshirt

Census Department called my parents’ home to do a survey. Since its 2022 and their business card says they are from the Philadelphia office (which is slightly away from Cincinnati) I asked to do it, just in case its a scam.

If its legit, I’m going to say they have 10,000,000 people who live in their house, just to inflate our representatives and electoral votes.

Gumbygirl

Downhill is terrifying.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Angry Hill is even more terrifying.” – a 3 year-old boy in Kansas City

Sharkbait

I would wipe out and tear everything in both knees 10 seconds into my run

Last edited 2 years ago by Sharkbait
Gumbygirl

I would fall immediately out of the gate. I managed to chip a bone in my ankle going up a towrope when I was 9. Worlds worst skier!

2Pack

Great write up Sir. Dat season in a 3 minute read out. With jokes. Well played.

Senor Weaselo

Well, the Mormons aren’t on the train ride home, so that’s good. Unless they know the words to “Hasa Diga Eebowai.” Then I’d be impressed.

SonOfSpam

You and your Ewok larping.

Gumbygirl

The bug guy came today, and my lips have swollen up. Took a benadryl, smoked a doob.

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Doktor Zymm

Looking increasingly unlikely that Japan will be open to tourists by May, plus there’s a good chance I’ll want to be in the US in May to make sure I’m able to get my Irani visa. Thinking I’m gonna bail and move my May trip to 2023. And somewhere not in Asia.

SonOfSpam

Ukraine is not in Asia.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Uranus is not in Asia.

SonOfSpam

Never has been!

Senor Weaselo

“Ukraine is in Russia.” -Vlad P., Moscow

Senor Weaselo

Well Ghibliland won’t be open until November so what does it matter?

Dunstan

THIS CURLING MATCH, I CALL IT VATICAN CITY BECAUSE THERE’S A LOT OF SWISS GUARDS

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

BATCH, LATCH, WATCH, CATCH, MATCH, PATCH, HATCH, NATCH.

I wonder if the people who choose wordle answers think about stuff like this.

Doktor Zymm

I guarantee you the bit of code that randomly picks from the word list does not

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’d expect that a human ultimately signs off on it. Can’t have words like “VULVA” and “SEMEN” go live.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Why not? I REALLY thought I had today’s with “YONIC”

SonOfSpam

My first guess every game is FELCH

Dunstan

Stop trying to make felch happen.

ballsofsteelandfury
Gumbygirl

Obviously!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Colleague signed us up for a mixed wine club as a wedding gift. Second shipment arrived today, and we’d only had one of the six bottles from last months shipment.

We do not drink enough wine.

Sharkbait

I’ll help!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Does it help that I’m drinking wine tonight?

Doktor Zymm

I’ll take a few bottles for the team

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Pick up only

Dunstan

Cecil Rhodes would not approve of this mixing of whites with others.

Redshirt

If you need one final taste of football to last you until the draft…

https://www.fox19.com/2022/02/14/live-fans-give-bengals-heros-welcome-return-cincinnati/

ballsofsteelandfury

That’s nice!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Honestly the city should be very proud of that team. They overachieved in so many ways.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Is that the over / under for the attendance at the Rams SB parade?

ballsofsteelandfury

Oh, we love a parade. Doesn’t matter what it’s for. LA people will turn out for a parade.

SonOfSpam

Which, good God do I not understand.

Wasn’t even remotely tempted to go to the Angels’ parade.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I thought that was because of the whole excommunication thing.

Doktor Zymm

Now that we don’t have to think about the NFL we can all turn our minds to more pressing problems.
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Sharkbait

I see a summer blockbuster!

Game Time Decision

Set in Boston, a Michael Bay film

Sharkbait

When Spotlight won best picture, I wondered why I had never seen any advertising for it until I watched the movie. As it turns out, the neighborhood in Boston I lived in at the time was mostly owned by the church and they had to sell off a lot of real estate holdings to cover some…unexpected legal bills…

Last edited 2 years ago by Sharkbait
King Hippo

It will be “too much football” when they try to force feed us Zombie USFL. I liked 17 fixtures, because it turned going .500 into an art form. MAD RESPEK, Coach Epps!

Also, weren’t the Raiders the 5 seed?

ballsofsteelandfury

Yes. Pittsburgh was the 7 seed.

Dunstan

7-layer dip counts as a balanced meal, right? You got your protein, your dairy, your vegetables…

Gumbygirl

I am going for covenience tonight. Frozen salt and pepper calimari, Asian salad kit (that I will doctor up,) hoisin, on tortillas. Easypeasysleazy. I was shredding this afternoon, I put it off way too long. Filled a ginormous garbage bag with shred. Looked like I was up to No Damn Good!

Last edited 2 years ago by Gumbygirl
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I just wish there was some other sport going on where the participants load themselves up to the gills with performance-enhancing drugs and commit violent acts upon each others’ knees.

Sharkbait

The NHL comes close. Not so much the knee shots, but its something!

Senor Weaselo

“Oh yeah?” -Marchand

ballsofsteelandfury

The best thing about this season is that it was Tom Brady’s and Big Ben’s last.

Sharkbait

No football?

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Game Time Decision

That song always reminds me of the SNL skit in the bar.

herodotus450

Although, gotta say: this was the first season where I felt there was too much football.

Roger Gooddelll hurriedly shoves week 18 under the couch.

Brick Meathook

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