Shempions Sixteen – A Mini-Primer

With the long, cold, hopeless winter/spring/summer ahead of us, one clings to every scintilla of decency that one can.  Which brings me to our intermittent, weekday afternoon treat – Shempions League knockout rounds.  This began yesterday, with MmmmmmmBOP! cold-bloodedly assisinating the Real Cuntfaces of Madrid at the very death.  A beautiful thing indeed, when combined with Messi making a dog’s breakfast of the penalty…that MmmmmmmBOP! had won like 20 minutes earlier.

(Yes, yes – I actively despise Messi)

Sadly, the most fun aspect (for a math nerd) has been eliminated – the delightfully odd “away goals” rule.  Now, an aggregate draw (don’t say “tie” as the Brits often call each “leg” of the round a “tie”) takes us to Extra Time and then penalties.  I’d say this is a little unfair to the team drawn to be home in leg one – which after this round, is not a seeded thing.  Just blind luck.  But for this round, the team at home in leg one fnished 2nd in their group – so, call it a bit of equitable hardship.

It’s fun that PSG and Real got drawn together, anyway – since failure to make so much as the Euro-Flacco Eight is cause for firings/mass chaos in the boardroom.  As bad as Real looked yesterday?  They will no doubt throw everything they’ve got at PSG in a few weeks’ time.

Man City, on the other hand?  Might as well run out the U18s/walk-ons for the return of Sporting Lisbon.  Pep’s machine won 5-nil in Portugal yesterday,  Uh, yeah.

BIg picture – the scheduling is weird as fuck.  Instead of staggering kickoff times, both Round of Sixteen matches kick off at 3p EST (or 8p GMT).   Do you not know how to maximize TV revenue, bruh?  And while the next few rounds get closer in time, there is often a 3-4 week gap between home and away ties for the Shempions Sixteen.  Fuck if I know why,

Today, that’s not too much of a big deal.  Everyone (except Bitter Blues like Hippo) wants to see Inter Milan against Liverpool a/k/a Filthy Redshite Cunts.  Assuming I am reading the schedule post right, this will be on broadcast CBS (not just CBSSN!), as well as Paramount+ streaming.  Whereas Red Bull Salzburg against Bayern Munich is Paramount+ only.  PRO TIP – always remember to check TUDN, which often makes a different “main broadcast” choice than CBS/CBSSN.  Not today, though.  So, Hippo shall fire up his second laptop to watch.  ALSO PRO TIP – my kids appreciate my Paramount+ account, so they can watch variations of garbage Big Brother-ish programming.

Want to read a long article on the new Red Bull manager?  He reminds me of Dieter from Sprockets.

Linky-poo

Next Tuesday brings us MOAR interesting stuff.  Villareal/Juve (the old squadron against the Old Lady), Chelski/Lille (both sides in horrid form, but Mister Candia leads the Froggie Line).  Next Wednesday?  Benfica/Ajax (football hipster Derby) or Atleti/Men Untied (worse form than Chelski and Lille by a factoUr of like 100).

In short, there are lots of stories to be told, and I am curious how it all shakes out.  Really is worth your time, plus…the fuck else are you gonna do?  Work?  TALK TO YOUR FAMILY??