[Note: this post WAS under construction. Thank you for your patience.
/Turns to see if pandering worked
Fuck alla youse]
Last night, while aggressively ignoring the 2022 edition of the Annual Industry Self-Celebration, THAT happened and I got aware because DFO and Twitter exploded. I saw the videos, heard the audios, studied every meme.
This is my favorite:
My take: I don’t think it’s a hoax. I was married long enough to know the consequences of a “You just gonna stand there and do nothing?” look from a spouse with dignity. Folks, staying put gets you weeks of strife, followed by years of resentment. It’s what I think; call me wrong, cool.
But if you marry Puerto Rican, lemme say “I told you so” beforehand.
But even if it’s a hoax, it’s insane the Oscars hosted it. Anybody not plussed after seeing the slap develop is:
- full of shit,
- a sociopath, or
- crushing reddit.
It’s outrageous in the class of the freakin’ New York Times publishing “America Has a Free Speech Problem” as an editorial a week ago. No link, don’t worry; I copy-pasted the article while the Subscription Window came up. Here’s the morsel:
For all the tolerance and enlightenment that modern society claims, Americans are losing hold of a fundamental right as citizens of a free country: the right to speak their minds and voice their opinions in public without fear of being shamed or shunned. Via blech.🖕🏼.
So the folks who published The Pentagon Papers think that being free is being free of criticism. Either those postmodernist mofos were right, or nothing makes sense anymore. Regardless, fuck the NYT forever.
NFL NEWS
-Clots sign coach John Fox as “senior defensive assistant”. Guess not everything is damn cataclysmic.
-Depending where you read it, Teddy Bridgewater was either coy or defensive when declining to address his rung on the Dolphs QB room. So, today new HC Mike McDaniel clarified the depth chart to the media:
“Around the Combine, I was describing specifically what I thought Tua really needed in support with a backup quarterback,” McDaniel said. “Unbeknownst to you guys, I was quite literally describing Teddy Bridgewater at the time, just not using his name. So, both players have (been) explicitly explained their roles and expectations. For that room to be their best, they need to know that.”
I like McDaniel A LOT. I can’t believe he’s associated with Miami, in any way.
-Steelers HC Mike Tomlin comes out as an existentialist: “I don’t fear sudden death”, said Tomlin, then he took a loooong drag off an American Spirit while staring down the Paris Review reporter who asked him about the randomness of a coin flip determining the first possession of an NFL overtime.
-Actually, Tomlin said the first 60 minutes of a regulation NFL game ain’t banal. Unlike existence.
-Detroit is hot. I’m tellin’ ya, anything goes.
- Detroit will host the 2024 Draft.
- The Loins will be this year’s “Hard Knocks” team. We will get a chance to see firsthand the evolution of Meathead coach Dan Campbell. I never thought diversity and inclusion were a heavy burden, until I had to find a corner in my heart to a guy who turned toxic masculinity into 4th down denyin’.
WORLD CUP NEWS
-CANADA IS IN
My most sincere FELICIDADES CABRONEEEEEEEEE to BC Dick, Beerguyrob, Dunstan, Game Time Decision, The Colas, The Maestro, and Scotchnaut. Plus the good portion of Brick.
Canada is the only CONCACAF team to have clinched so far, ahead of Mundial perennials México and Costa Rica*. I’m telling you, ‘tis no bit; it’s truly anarchy out there in RL.
* hashtag SHADE
-Italia is oOt of the World Cup. Which was expected. I mean, it’s pretty freakin’; obvious. Italy won the European Cup last July and had been in an unprecedented 37-game unbeaten streak. Of course Italy would go on a home playoff game to the ancestral land of Fozz last Friday, and DIE to north Macedonia at 92’
-n. Macedonia will go on a playoff with Portugal. If Portugal loses, I propose we refer to the victors as “Macedonia”, land of antiquity’s Philip and father to a conqueror infamous for toxic masculinity and sodomy.
-I’m so entertained just thinking about how much that would annoy Greeks AND Turks. Who are both out of the World Cup–screw ’em!
SPROTS TONITE
All times Central.
NCAA WOMENS’ BASKETBALL
It’s the Flacco Eight for the women. First on the slate, a DFO Derby:
1 NC State v. 2 UConn – 6 PM
3 Michigan v. 1 Louisville – 8 PM
NBA
Oof. Everybody plays.
Denver @ Charlotte – 6 PM
Orlando @ Cleveland – 6 PM
Atlanta @ Indiana – 6 PM
Sacramento @ Miami – 6:30 PM
Chicago @ New York – 6:30 PM
Boston @ Tirana – 6:30 PM
San Antonio @ Houston – 7 PM
Golden State @ Memphis – 7 PM
OK City @ Portland – 9 PM
NHL
[INTENTIONALLY LEFT BLANK] @ Capitals – 6 PM
Canucks @ Blues – 6:30 PM
Sabres @ Blackhawks – 7:30 PM
Coyotes @ Eulers – 8:30 PM
Karens @ Kings – 9:30 PM
FÚTBOL
Las Bajas Américas don’t care for international breaks. On deck for tonight:
Argentina (Second Tier)
Agropecuario hosts Independiente Rivadavia – 6 PM
Atlético Rafaela hosts Deportivo Madryn – 6 PM
Santamarina hosts Deportivo Morón – 6:30 PM
San Martín (Tucumán) hosts Deportivo Maipú – 7:10 PM
Colombia (Top Flight)
Atlético Nacional hosts Independiente Santa Fe – 7:35 PM
Finally, a theory: the “It’s a hoax / job” theory got traction because A LOT of folks said Will Smith threw a punch. It was clearly a slap, regardless of headline. I have a left nut volunteering for suicide if you find 1,000 Latin folks who saw the video and said “Wait, it’s a punch!”. No punch ends in an open hand. I don’t mean to be condescending; our kids TV was just better.
https://gfycat.com/caringamazingemperorpenguin
Speaking of women’s basketball, here’s a fancy truck with a shrink-wrapped Rolls Royce jet engine parked by LAX:
The cab lights in the back seem like overkill
Someone’s overcompensating for a small transmission.
edit-may also apply to Freedom Convoy “heroes”
Fun fact: “small transmission” is a colloquial term among T-Mobile technicians for one of Brett Favre’s text messages.
(I think he means penis)
What’s up, 22-1?
Just sittin here, waiting for my gently-used Fleshlight, thinkin bout what’s gonna happen to him HER I MEAN HER.
Geno looks very old after that game.
I almost didn’t recognize him!
I’d be surprised if he was around much longer. To coach, mind you; I have no reason to believe he’s close to death.
ah, well. Left it all on the court, good to see. Be nice to get placed in not-UConn’s region just fucking once!
This is obviously all Hippo’s fault for turning on his TV.
the resulting guilt-based insomnia will allow me to get some work done (or play Footy Manager all night)
Nah, if your team can’t win a classic that you’ve refused to watch through one OT that’s on them. You did your jerb.
but guilt is like the only way I can still feel anything like cutting but way less messy
Oh, well don’t let me take that from you. The loss is clearly on you.
Jesus, what a game. Wolven Gals have nothing to be ashamed of.
Why are these timeouts like 10 minutes long?
Fouled out on a clean block. What was Horatio saying about the reffing?
I didn’t want to say anything, since I’m biased, but that’s a brutal call to make that late, and of course if was fucking Benny Luma.
Does anyone track the performance of refs in any sport? Seems like it would be simple enough to build a metric around
I think all leagues do, but other than MLB, (and I’m not positive about that), I don’t think any of them make it public, and generally refs don’t have to answer questions about their performance, which is total BS.
I thought the NBA released referee grades.
Looks like just for the last 2 minutes of close games.
I’m gonna nap so hard once I get on this plane!
Judging by the large number of comments below, I’m guessing the game just went to OT?
Make it a double.
This is in Carson, CA
It’s a red ball.
Did Morpheus force you to swallow the blue ball?
are you still watching women’s basketball?
Hippo, turn your TV on.
am debating this possibility
You’ve done your share. This game is too stupid good to sit out.
was a bad idea damnit
It’s a one possession game with 2:00 left, you coward.
hey, I left it on!
THE POWER OF tWBS COMPELLS YOU WOLVEN LADIES
You shut your whore mouth
ALL THE HIPPO PILLZ
ARE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1??????????????????????????/
Bananacakes!
Holy shit.
I just want to say that coconut water is wonderful and has been tried thoroughly in the past as a–
/falls off couch editing pic
Paige Bucket’s mother’s overbite bothers me.
/yeah, I’m reaching
NCAAW’s officiating is so bad.
If Rebecca Lobo breaks out into “Will The Wolf Survive?” this game will be perfect.
This is going to be difficult for the Wolven Sort if Little Miss Buckets keeps making everything.
She’s ridiculous.
And also I think that second cheerleader from the left just started having some questions about herself.
I’d watch that We Live Together!
Whole lotta shoulders going on there.
This is insane.
and jinx rules mean I can’t turn my teevee box on
1-8 from the line? Who do they think they are, the UConn Men’s team?
I was thinking similarly re NC State’s signature play being “Missed 3-point jumper” on ESPN gametracker
However this ends, Hippo, hell of a game.
and at least I didn’t shame bet ya!
However this games ends that kid from UConn with the broken wrist is gonna think they won and that she had a double-double, because she is high as hell right now.
Hippo post on NC State forum, right as Q4 started:
KingHippo_fka_BJD95 Posts: 5,599PFN Referee
8:34PM
Q4 is our time (for the women anyway), right? The only way to win Q4 and lose the match would be a painful OT loss. Which now seems inevitable.
From your lips to Xenu’s antennae
What an amazing 3pt try to send it to OT!
Another to send it to 2OT!
Can’t expect to go the Final Four when your last two possessions are a shot clock violation and 2 missed free throws.
This has not been a pretty game, but it is exciting.
I figured Geno would out-coach his counterpart in the endgame but it didn’t happen.
Welp, he’s got another opportunity.
Bueckers pretty clearly had a brain fart and didn’t shoot it on a play designed for her.
Good D on the last possession though
Buncha heavyweights, er, lightweights slugging it out.
I just saw the UConn injury. Yeah. Yeah, hands aren’t supposed to do that.
That last sentence would also make for a good HR presentation title.
Here’s what half-Canadian Brick did yesterday:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mvoxF9PVh9U
Badass!
Uf. You could scout locations for my upcoming 4th quinceañera fo sho
NC State is insane if they just don’t pound it inside the rest of the way.
Buffalo taxpayers are on the hook for 850 million dollars for a new stadium but that’s about 25 million in Los Angeles dollars.
I have to believe you could buy all of Buffalo and a decent chunk of Rochester for that.
Holy Bananas!
Did something happen or was the Scriptures really transcribed poorly?
Nice for Disney to take a stand when it’s too little too late. Also relatedly, I would like to announce that I’m opposed to President Jackson saying that he’s ignoring the Supreme Court’s rulings. You’re a President, not a Autocrat!
https://gizmodo.com/disney-has-finally-had-it-with-floridas-dont-say-gay-bi-1848714726/amp
UConn player back on the bench with a broken wrist and enough painkillers to make Hippo swipe right on Tinder.
“Um, I don’t mean to be forward but…do you have shoulders?”
-Hippo’s opening foray
Given her injury it’s a fair question.
I was told that women’s BB had progressed beyond the number of airballs I’ve seen so far.
They could build a new arena with the bricks put up so far. Good defense on display; offense, eh, not so much.
Litre not making the list of congratulated Canadians proves how much dfo hates pants
I assume this is a “that’s the joke” joke, right?
“The Colas”. Right there! 🤣
Which is Litre, dietiTian Mrs., Deci and pug.
Horatio can’t do math, I can’t read, potato potato
The BitchSlappening plot thickens:
https://www.cnn.com/2022/03/28/entertainment/will-smith-apology/index.html
Narrator: Now Don T said “a left nut”, but he didn’t specify his own.
exact verbiage is very important
I’ll only say:
1. Conservatism is too easily dismissed; and,
2. ¡Shh kbrn!
I only know about the slap because the NYT felt it newsworthy enough to send multiple email alerts about it. They can make me know about it, but they can’t make me care!
I honestly had no idea until I saw like the 12th meme about it
Some dumb shit that will be forgotten about until an end-of-the-year wrap-up is done is getting shoved down our throats. “News Alerts” are a fucking joke.
Squadoos combining for a downright frostbitten 3 of 22 from three.
It’s like 30 degrees in Bridgeport tonight, and we here in CT are simply not prepared for that in…(checks calendar)…March!? Are you kidding me?
STUPID Smarch weather!!
Benny Luma might be the worst official I’ve ever seen, and I say that after he made a shitty call that sort of favored UConn.
Guy needs to be off the court.
Love the maid’s eyes when she hears the one on the left call the one on the right what I’m guessing is a “cabrona”!
Toluca 3 Querétaro 0 in Women’s Liga MX.
I’m not sure if they’re much improved or if Querétaro is that bad.
also, here is obligatory don’t know what I want but I know how to get it!
Oof! Broken arm for one of the UCONN ladies.
Yeah, that’s gonna need surgery.
I think GTD is one of our Northeren Bretheren too.
And the good part of Brick, lol!
GTD was the only one on my first Draft.
And he’s my favorite AND I DONT CARE IF EVERYONE KNOWS K?
To add to your theory:
He laughed at first, looked over and saw her rolling her eyes, and figured he needed to do something.
I completely disagree with what he did but your theory pans out if it wasn’t fake.
He’s a douche, she’s a douche, everyone’s a douche-douche!
I just love how people are calling it “toxic masculinity”. That’s like saying you shouldn’t get involved when someone is bullying someone weaker or more vulnerable than them.
Well, it kinda is. He could have handled it without a slap.
He’s such a bad actor that he needed the slap to sell being angry
Bingo
Chris Rock can take it. He’s a grown ass man and he behaved as professional as humanly possible.
I’ll give him credit. He didn’t took it and didn’t escalate it.
If he did, it would’ve been a lot worse.
The 32-3(!!!) Lady Wolven are up to bat. If they win this they win it all.
(it’s not going great b/c FML)
The Lady Huskies, (technically “Bitches”, but I can’t call them that or I’ll get canceled: thanks Obama!!), are peaking at the right time, although the reemergence of serious injuries during games does not bode well.
It wouldn’t be Classic NC State Shit (apparently #NCStateShit is a twitter thing, even) to not encounter one’s roughest stretch of form at exactly the worst time.