A handsome but kinda off figure sits at the laptop, although less pudgy than before because he’s wearing a shirt that by last Xmas fit fine until you sat down and bent forward because the buttons tightened and OK that’s enough scene setting. He types:
Complacency is the enemy inside. Overall, the insight is that, whether in top athletics, the professional market, or any competitive field…
[deep inhale]
meeting objectives, achieving goals, and receiving honors, bonuses and recognition WILL make you a big headed sack of lazybones who will be devoured, digested and ultimately excreted as so much pestilent sludge by Those Who Want It More—unless you fight! Fight! Grind! Set higher goals and feed your own ambition like it were starving wolf that grows stronger and faster mentally, plus more libidinous and willing than ever before but in the mental sense because gimme a break this is all about a mental connection and Latino ladies are clearly wrong crying out for pumps, pills or “whatever YOU gotta do to make me scream in ecst—”
[keys are jangled, dropped, “Fuck!” heard outside, door flies open eventually]
The Host: These fucking fingers, man. Tch, I’m just built wrong.
[walks too close to door frame, rips belt sleeve]
Right Wing Devil: I sent the stuff to the accountant.
The Host: Didja tell ‘em that because of the blackouts last week and today…
Right Wing Devil: Yes yes, thousands in business losses and grocery rot…
The Host: …the filing deadline for tax statements moved to April 25…
Right Wing Devil: …which includes the loss of the refrigerator, pinot noir humidor, and a paper shredder.
The Host: Um, este… QUÉ. Ok. [Gathering himself] Please don’t tell me Jackeline Marie died. [Unhinged hand gestures, switches instinctively to Spanish] No, no, nonono, no no
Right Wing Devil: Look at her!
Fright Wing Angel: If electricity come back and she finishes the job, great. Otherwise, we gotta fight some charges for blazers and velvet g-strings. But I’m claiming the Jackie Marie broke anyway because, hey, you lose nothing claimin’ and they gotta say no yo’ woooooo! [spins in office chair]
The Host: Git!
[Right Wing Angel gets up, The Host takes the laptop]
The Host: Oh, a propósito…
Right Wing Devil: Really. Do I deserve a swarthy ‘Oh, by the way”
The Host: Is there any food, or if it’s just tuna and green beans with soda crackers plus red peppers and asparagus and whatever other thing is in the pantry.
Right Wing Devil: Sigh.
The Host: ¿?
Right Wing Devil: I wanted to make paella. We have sardines, saffron, hotdogs and rice. But Left Wing Angel, cabrón, came back with some fresh tomatoes, basil and mozz.
The Host: Was it stolen?
Right Wiung Devil: [obviously lying] What do I care? [sobs]
The Host: Go pick up my laundry. [hands him ticket]. And [checks laptop], why am I a new contact to SugarMamCEOs on LinkedIn?
Right Wing Devil: [makes huge rack / arthritis hand gesture]
The Host: You know I’m taken. Don’t, ever. When is Left Wing Angel coming back?
Right Wing Devil: [points to meal in back porch]
The Host: Bof, I’ll take it.
Right Wing Devil: 🤬
The Host: If you see Angel, tell him good atonin’ but he can’t come home just yet.
Right Wing Devil: He called you a sellout. You want him home?
The Host: Good “pizza”. Get his bed ready after April.
[types]
NFL NEWS
Yeah, it’s dire.
SPROTS TONITE
All times Central. Summarized well before the blackout. As such, please excuse as the screen must act as lighting device for keyboard.
/sees if call for commiseration worked
//tumbleweed gif unavailable for cellphone
Whatever.
[puts on flip flops and takes 5 minute walk in the dark to the beach, hits POST
NHL
Winnipeg @ Montréal – 6:00
BEISBOL DE GRANDES LIGAS
Azulejos (Manoah) @ Y*nk*s (Taillon) – 6:05
Nacionales (Undecided) @ Bravos (Ynoa) – 6:20
Marineros (Flexen) @ Mellizos (Bundy) – 6:40
Marlins (Hernández) @ Angelinos (Lorenzen) – 8:38
Padres (Martínez) @ Gigantes (Wood) – 8:45
TOP FLIGHT FÚTBOL
Just the A List tonight. Completists and fans of animal pitch invasions can give espen a click:
Argentina (Copa Liga Profesional)
Lanús hosts Aldosivi – 7:30
Brasil (Serie A)
Juventude hosts Red Bull Bragantino – 6:00
Colombia
Deportivo Pasto hosts Deportivo Pereira – 7:40
Costa Rica
Sporting San José hosts Santos – 8:00
Ecuador
Aucas hosts Macará – 7:00
México
Pachuca hosts Tijuana – 9:00
Uruguay
Montevideo City Torque hosts Rentistas – 7:15
Women’s International Friendly
Canada hosts Nigeria – 9:30 (Starlight Stadium – Langford, BC)
~0~
I hate life. Lemme be the first to say “for now”. Have a good one.
Phone is dying, good night!
Angel in mid season form already
https://twitter.com/umpjob/status/1513726950002597889
We need more dancing in baseball.
And strippers.
More big-titted ball girls in tight t-shirts
Pachuca vs Tijuana was boring as hell. Back to the Giants game.
And the Padres just took the lead.
Time to turn to Skyrim.
I thought I paid for the full Monty. You can leave your hat on, though.
LOL
Rogers bros exchange line up cards before the game. That’s Rocking!!!
Goooooo Padres! ⚾️
https://mobile.twitter.com/NBCSGiants/status/1513695235389362182?cxt=HHwWjMCsuf7y3IEqAAAA
The Giants always rockin’, Dog.
I enlarged that. Wish I had not.
Amazon offered me this bargain today:
Ewwwwww
Not even reconditioned
I mean, got two sides don’t it? – Jim T., unknown railyard
In Chicago, and I successfully got away with being on a plane without wifi the entire time I was supposed to be at work!
The LOT flight turned out to be perfectly acceptable. Decent food, nothing fancy but quite tasty, and the cherry vodka was a lovely post-dinner treat.
They have gotten much better, or you lucked out. I’ve flown them a few times and they always lost my luggage.
Didn’t check bags! With the Global Entry biometrics I was out of the plane and in a taxi within 5 minutes
I had a ton of field gear so I didn’t have a choice.
The ground services were atrocious though, will try to avoid them on connections in the future
I spent a day in Warsaw needing to make use of the courtesy sack they issued me. Musta been a thing with them they had dozens behind the lost baggage counter. It had a LOT shirt in it. By the time my gig in Poland was done I had quite a collection of LOT foundation garments.
Low bar, but best thing I read on Twitter today:
https://twitter.com/DiseaseMatters/status/1512491636747550720?t=APc6n6OyT0gojPm_5gI7Wg&s=19
If I had a whale dick I know I would wave it around. Actually…*Logs into Amazon*
I think there’s a whole chapter about whale dicks in Moby Dick.
I need to check out the penis museum now that the pandemic is abating
Weird name for a male escort service
I don’t think it’s that weird. You could probably file as a nonprofit and write a whole bunch of stuff off on your taxes.
Speaking of write-offs…
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=aCP27_vquxQ
Explains a lot
https://youtu.be/cMdReHP9cb0
Sanity check: results negative
Phew!
Good News Everyone! A Panguin finally got what’s coming to him! Evgeni Malkin suspended 4 games! None of them are game 5 in the 2009 SC Finals though!
I’m shocked he got 4.
Yeah, usually it only takes three to achieve that effect.
For yinz
Electricity returns. The shredder works fine.
Will do better next Monday.
Cam Newton’s next featured gig is going to be first guest on “John Rocker’s Power Hour”.
Love the bare feet reflection. Now that’s a TRUE DFO’ER!
People you need to listen up Cam Newton has something he wants to say.
https://twitter.com/Mediaite/status/1513556750657589254
If its true, what a piece of shit
“I say ‘bitches’ but not in a way to degrade a woman.”
Wow. Look who just became unemployable…
I mean, it’s probably true, bitches is plural so it would be bad grammar to use it to degrade a singular woman
What a leaky ballsack
This is the banner image I’ve wanted to put since 5:50 Central.
And that was THE SIMPLEST FUCKI G THING compared to work stuff still pending.
Wasted. Successfully completed a box of Zatarain’s red beans & rice, and I feel like a mountaineer with ice in his beard hoisting some sort of flag. But really I’m just a drunk fat ass. TO THE VODKA!!
A Real American Hero, y’all. BOW BEFORE TEH FRONK!!!
Pesto Sauce or Mike Periera in Colombia is tougher choice
I am absolutely live betting some Aldosivi. Maybe even Brasil of Balls!
I love to see the various names associated to Lesser Lesser Sprots participantes. Viva el DonT!!
/nervously cancels plans to vacation in Puerto Rico
NHL hocky WISELY not going up against the ratings juggernaut that is the WNBA draft tonight.
Gary Bettman is an international disgrace.
You spelled ‘intergalactic’ wrong
This was wonderful. Could have used more swarthy Spanish, but I understand we have to appease the masses…
Who are you, Neville Chamberlain? Appease nobody!
All the upside down question marks!