Sanity Check – Monday Open Thread

A handsome but kinda off figure sits at the laptop, although less pudgy than before because he’s wearing a shirt that by last Xmas fit fine until you sat down and bent forward because the buttons tightened and OK that’s enough scene setting. He types:

 

Complacency is the enemy inside. Overall, the insight is that, whether in top athletics, the professional market, or any competitive field…

[deep inhale]

meeting objectives, achieving goals, and receiving honors, bonuses and recognition WILL make you a big headed sack of lazybones who will be devoured, digested and ultimately excreted as so much pestilent sludge by Those Who Want It More—unless you fight! Fight! Grind! Set higher goals and feed your own ambition like it were starving wolf that grows stronger and faster mentally, plus  more libidinous and willing than ever before but in the mental sense because gimme a break this is all about a mental connection and Latino ladies are clearly wrong crying out for pumps, pills or “whatever YOU gotta do to make me scream in ecst—”

[keys are jangled, dropped, “Fuck!” heard outside, door flies open eventually]

The Host: These fucking fingers, man. Tch, I’m just built wrong.

[walks too close to door frame, rips belt sleeve]

Right Wing Devil: I sent the stuff to the accountant.

The Host: Didja tell ‘em that because of the blackouts last week and today…

Right Wing Devil: Yes yes, thousands in business losses and grocery rot…

The Host: …the filing deadline for tax statements moved to April 25…

Right Wing Devil: …which includes the loss of the refrigerator, pinot noir humidor, and a paper shredder.

The Host: Um, esteQUÉ. Ok. [Gathering himself] Please don’t tell me Jackeline Marie died. [Unhinged hand gestures, switches instinctively to Spanish] No, no, nonono, no no

Right Wing Devil: Look at her!

Fright Wing Angel: If electricity come back and she finishes the job, great. Otherwise, we gotta fight some charges for blazers and velvet g-strings. But I’m claiming the Jackie Marie broke anyway because, hey, you lose nothing claimin’ and they gotta say no yo’ woooooo! [spins in office chair]

The Host: Git!

[Right Wing Angel gets up, The Host takes the laptop]

The Host: Oh, a propósito…

Right Wing Devil: Really. Do I deserve a swarthy ‘Oh, by the way”

The Host: Is there any food, or if it’s just tuna and green beans with soda crackers plus red peppers and asparagus and whatever other thing is in the pantry.

Right Wing Devil: Sigh.

The Host: ¿?

Right Wing Devil: I wanted to make paella. We have sardines, saffron, hotdogs and rice. But Left Wing Angel, cabrón, came back with some fresh tomatoes, basil and mozz.

The Host: Was it stolen?

Right Wiung Devil: [obviously lying] What do I care? [sobs]

The Host: Go pick up my laundry. [hands him ticket]. And [checks laptop], why am I a new contact to SugarMamCEOs on LinkedIn?

Right Wing Devil: [makes huge rack / arthritis hand gesture]

The Host: You know I’m taken. Don’t, ever. When is Left Wing Angel coming back?

Right Wing Devil: [points to meal in back porch]

The Host: Bof, I’ll take it.

Right Wing Devil: 🤬

The Host: If you see Angel, tell him good atonin’ but he can’t come home just yet.

Right Wing Devil: He called you a sellout. You want him home?

The Host: Good “pizza”. Get his bed ready after April.

[types]

NFL NEWS

Yeah, it’s dire.

SPROTS TONITE

All times Central. Summarized well before the blackout. As such, please excuse as the screen must act as lighting device for keyboard.

/sees if call for commiseration worked

//tumbleweed gif unavailable for cellphone

Whatever.

[puts on flip flops and takes 5 minute walk in the dark to the beach, hits POST

NHL

Winnipeg @ Montréal – 6:00

 

BEISBOL DE GRANDES LIGAS

Azulejos (Manoah) @ Y*nk*s (Taillon) – 6:05

Nacionales (Undecided) @ Bravos (Ynoa) – 6:20

Marineros (Flexen) @ Mellizos (Bundy) – 6:40

Marlins (Hernández) @ Angelinos (Lorenzen) – 8:38

Padres (Martínez) @ Gigantes (Wood) – 8:45

 

TOP FLIGHT FÚTBOL

Just the A List tonight. Completists and fans of animal pitch invasions can give espen a click:

Argentina (Copa Liga Profesional)

Lanús hosts Aldosivi – 7:30

Brasil (Serie A)

Juventude hosts Red Bull Bragantino – 6:00

Colombia

Deportivo Pasto hosts Deportivo Pereira – 7:40

Costa Rica

Sporting San José hosts Santos – 8:00

Ecuador

Aucas hosts Macará – 7:00

México

Pachuca hosts Tijuana – 9:00

Uruguay

Montevideo City Torque hosts Rentistas – 7:15

Women’s International Friendly

Canada hosts Nigeria – 9:30 (Starlight Stadium – Langford, BC)

~0~

I hate life. Lemme be the first to say “for now”. Have a good one.

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Don T
Poor choices, mixed results. ¡Viva Puerto Rico Libre! Titans4Eva
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Gumbygirl

Phone is dying, good night!

Sharkbait
TheRevanchist

We need more dancing in baseball.

And strippers.

Brick Meathook

More big-titted ball girls in tight t-shirts

TheRevanchist

Pachuca vs Tijuana was boring as hell. Back to the Giants game.

TheRevanchist

And the Padres just took the lead.

Time to turn to Skyrim.

TheRevanchist

I thought I paid for the full Monty. You can leave your hat on, though.

rockingdog

LOL

Rogers bros exchange line up cards before the game. That’s Rocking!!!

Goooooo Padres! ⚾️

https://mobile.twitter.com/NBCSGiants/status/1513695235389362182?cxt=HHwWjMCsuf7y3IEqAAAA

TheRevanchist

The Giants always rockin’, Dog.

Gumbygirl

I enlarged that. Wish I had not.

Brick Meathook

Amazon offered me this bargain today:

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Doktor Zymm

Ewwwwww

Doktor Zymm

Not even reconditioned

King Hippo

I mean, got two sides don’t it? – Jim T., unknown railyard

Doktor Zymm

In Chicago, and I successfully got away with being on a plane without wifi the entire time I was supposed to be at work!

The LOT flight turned out to be perfectly acceptable. Decent food, nothing fancy but quite tasty, and the cherry vodka was a lovely post-dinner treat.

2Pack

They have gotten much better, or you lucked out. I’ve flown them a few times and they always lost my luggage.

Doktor Zymm

Didn’t check bags! With the Global Entry biometrics I was out of the plane and in a taxi within 5 minutes

2Pack

I had a ton of field gear so I didn’t have a choice.

Doktor Zymm

The ground services were atrocious though, will try to avoid them on connections in the future

2Pack

I spent a day in Warsaw needing to make use of the courtesy sack they issued me. Musta been a thing with them they had dozens behind the lost baggage counter. It had a LOT shirt in it. By the time my gig in Poland was done I had quite a collection of LOT foundation garments.

Last edited 2 years ago by 2Pack
BrettFavresColonoscopy
Doktor Zymm

If I had a whale dick I know I would wave it around. Actually…*Logs into Amazon*

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I think there’s a whole chapter about whale dicks in Moby Dick.

Doktor Zymm

I need to check out the penis museum now that the pandemic is abating

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Weird name for a male escort service

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I don’t think it’s that weird. You could probably file as a nonprofit and write a whole bunch of stuff off on your taxes.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Speaking of write-offs…

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=aCP27_vquxQ

Gumbygirl
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Sanity check: results negative

Sharkbait

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Doktor Zymm

Phew!

herodotus450

Good News Everyone! A Panguin finally got what’s coming to him! Evgeni Malkin suspended 4 games! None of them are game 5 in the 2009 SC Finals though!

Sharkbait

I’m shocked he got 4.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah, usually it only takes three to achieve that effect.

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Gumbygirl

For yinz

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scotchnaut

Cam Newton’s next featured gig is going to be first guest on “John Rocker’s Power Hour”.

ballsofsteelandfury

Love the bare feet reflection. Now that’s a TRUE DFO’ER!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

People you need to listen up Cam Newton has something he wants to say.

https://twitter.com/Mediaite/status/1513556750657589254

Game Time Decision

If its true, what a piece of shit

scotchnaut

“I say ‘bitches’ but not in a way to degrade a woman.”

Wow. Look who just became unemployable…

Doktor Zymm

I mean, it’s probably true, bitches is plural so it would be bad grammar to use it to degrade a singular woman

Doktor Zymm

What a leaky ballsack

Fronkenshteen

Wasted. Successfully completed a box of Zatarain’s red beans & rice, and I feel like a mountaineer with ice in his beard hoisting some sort of flag. But really I’m just a drunk fat ass. TO THE VODKA!!

King Hippo

A Real American Hero, y’all. BOW BEFORE TEH FRONK!!!

King Hippo

Pesto Sauce or Mike Periera in Colombia is tougher choice

King Hippo

I am absolutely live betting some Aldosivi. Maybe even Brasil of Balls!

King Hippo

I love to see the various names associated to Lesser Lesser Sprots participantes. Viva el DonT!!

Horatio Cornblower

/nervously cancels plans to vacation in Puerto Rico

herodotus450

NHL hocky WISELY not going up against the ratings juggernaut that is the WNBA draft tonight.

WCS

Gary Bettman is an international disgrace.

Horatio Cornblower

You spelled ‘intergalactic’ wrong

WCS

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ballsofsteelandfury

This was wonderful. Could have used more swarthy Spanish, but I understand we have to appease the masses…

Gumbygirl

Who are you, Neville Chamberlain? Appease nobody!

litre_cola

All the upside down question marks!