I’ve told y’all before, but I’ve never been more certain – Very Disappointing Everton will be Very Championship Everton in 2023-24. Neal Goddamned Maupay. Jesus wept, and then took Mr. RazoUr Blade down the tracks. No, we don’t go for attention around these parts.
Anyway, this is a real banger of a tune:
In spite of my despair, they will still play matches, starting with Saints taking on Men Untied (7:30, USA). This is some crucial shit for the Red Devils – they need to get some momentum going, and not have last Monday night serve as a one-off. Hassenhutl is trying to see if he can win the sack race with Poor Doomed Frank Lampard and Brendan Rodgers (fuck that motherfucker). Could I see a Draw? Yes, Other Hippo, we sure could!
Nothing is more divine than inconclusive results.
Trashbirds host what will surely be an overconfident Ted Lasso’s Leeds (10:00), and NBC/USA is going all-in with cringey “Team America” treatment. This is NOT why we watch, though I guess it’s a change of pace from fluffing Christian Pulisic all season long. Brighton will kick their teeth in, and you love to see it.
City of Men v. Palace is the best of the Peacock streaming options, while I am stuck hoping for a nil-nil Draw away to Praise Beesus. No, I will not be making any #ShameBets this season. Everton fulfills each and every shame-based need I have. Leicester is also away to Angry Chelski – that’ll leave a (skid)mark.
Clubhouse Derby Spotlight Dance! The two overachievers of the young season, Mighty Whitey are off to inspect the King’s Afrikan Water Pistols (12:30, NBC). I do very much expect Litre’s sort to give these a difficult game. But at the end of the day, Arsenal will stay in first on 12 points. Fun shit!
Villa/Hammers (9:00) and Robins Hood/Spurs (11:30) are your Sunday USA action. I have nothing of interest to say.
To the JV-mobile!
Northwestern (+13.5) v. Nebraska (12:30, Fox, from the drankin’ capital of the world)
I’m sure Ireland is just lousy with Cornfucker supporters. Crowd watching/counting should be fun, even if the footy isn’t that great. Maybe Scott Frost gets left off the plane back to Murrika if they lose? Thus, the Mildcats get the banner treatment. And as a public service announcement? That line is INSANE. This is a pure tossup game.
Wyoming (+11.5) at Illinois (4:00, BTN)
Another ridiculous line. The JV Brokebacks cover AND win outright. Too bad I am on GAMBLOR timeout.
UConn (+25.5) at Team Secular Big Love State (4:00, FS1)
No “New Mora Bounce” for the Fightin’ Horatios, I take it? Anyway, not much else going on, might as well enjoy the car crash. I appreciate Team Secular Big Love State for staking me almost an entire 9 months in GAMBLOR. Y’all is good people, as far as we are concerned (says Other Hippo).
Everything else is dreck, but if Scotchy doesn’t do a night thread, maybe I can has thoughts on Vandy/Hawaii. FEEL THE EXCITE!!
Leaving the house to go get tacos at nil-nil seems to have been a bad idea.
On the plus side, tacos!
Obligatory
That’s the best fucking angle VAR had to review that?!?! VAR is a corrupt fucking joke. Let the Super League fucking happen if this is how it’s gonna be. Let these bloated blood-money organizations leave, because this shit is boring.
Brutal.
Gumby and his bud Tom are taking upskirt pics at the ginormous Marilyn Monroe statue in Palm Springs. I’m staying in the car, in air conditioned splendour, like a fucking lady!
Fulhamish.
There it is
2-1 Wrexham. Hayden with another goal.
3-1
LITRO!!!!! MITRO!!!!!
MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Wow Mitro
Listening to the Wrexham game and watching Nebraska-Northwestern game. This is how you sport from the couch.
This is setting up to be very Fulhamish.
On my way to Lil Duke WCS’ baby shower.
Lots of important people there. Supermarket donor Yinzer dad.
“Hi, I’m WCS. I’m the reason your bloodline is about the become that much less hemophilaicish!”
Inlaws: What do you mean our family tree can branch?
You never want to lose this jawline!
Wrexham is up 0-1. Should win this one. Woking player got a red around the 18th minute.
Do you stream it?
TheRevanchist is really Ryan Reynolds.
And as we know from episode 1, he has never pleased his wife sexually.
Tell him Green Lantern sucked, but Waiting was hilarious.
I think it’s on BT, but I don’t have that. And last season they started streaming games about $10 a game. So, no. Just listening to the game on Wrexham Player.
“Martinelli is scuttling up!”
/Mrs. Cornblower materializes on the pitch with a Dyson
She should have a steel cage vacuum match with Mrs. Rikki!
This could get ugly.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, Sir.
(announcer’s right about Fulham effectively bending but nae breaking)
It really says something about Man City that they looked at a player of Jesus’s caliber, said “nah, we’re good”, and they were apparently right.
And what it says is that Man City is gonna win the league again.
Sterling too
“Martinelli seeking out Jesus….”
Do that tomorrow, Martinelli; we’ve got a game to w…Oh. Oh right.
I removed two spiders from the kitchen this morning and Mrs. Cornblower is now vacuuming like Mrs. Dr. Deadly, Esq. (Ret) were coming over for tea.
I had a stepmother that was very much obsessed with cleaning and I guess mentioned this to the mother of her son’s wife. Later that day the mother said, “I checked the underside of the toilet bowl rim in the guest bathroom-it’s filthy!” This is how old white women flex on each other.
Saw the first two episodes of ‘Welcome to Wrexham’
How’d you like to be that poor bastard Rutherford watching that show with your kids?
“He works his shift, doesn’t he?”
“The postman works his shift; doesn’t mean I want him running the wing for Wrexham.”
Maybe Rob will make him the McPoyle’s Welsh cousin?
I already know this Mighty Whitey game will ruin my day and I will then go to the Cavalry FC game and they too will lose.
Can I interest you in a UConn JV football game at 4?
Oh my day will look up as after both of these crushing defeats I have a date night with the missus. One of my friends said she would take Decilitre for the evening and head to the pub. Seriously, she is taking him for dinner at my local.
She’s no dummy. She’s gonna wave that kid in the air, tell the staff who the father is and get free drink all night.
If my dad pissed his pants while on the golf course, I wouldn’t want people to see it, either.
There are people with Daddy issues, and then there’s Don Jr.
Did they contact you to get Great Maga King Status?
No, and boy am I disappointed.
I’m holding out for a personally signed classified document FOR MY EYES ONLY.
I want some of those sweet nuclear secrets too!
I’m hoping to find out who all the CIA agents in my neighborhood are. Or were, considering they all mysteriously died about the same time a certain orange goblin got his mitts on national secrets.
The events of this week have finally convinced me beyond a shadow of a doubt that he will never EVER suffer any consequences for anything. Donald Trump has succcessfully destroyed the United States of America. Let fascism ring, baby!!! Gonna be one bloody ride. Feel bad for the HUMINT whose identities and locations have been sold to Russia and the Saudis, though. They never deserved the end they’re gonna get. [makes bonesaw noises]
Haaland is not of this earth.
/this come from behind stuff? leave in porn please
Nice to have human cheat code when you need one
Man City is clearly betting the second half. The next big Premier League scandal.
Ciudad de los Hermanos!!!
Trashbird goal STANDS
*somewhere in Manchester, chanting about spam intensifies*
My toaster oven and microwave had simultaneous orgasms this morning.
.
Maybe the flare gave em an extra jolt of electrons…
https://cdn.jwplayer.com/previews/ItjXne8g
Hippo Jazz
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SfyYnKADhqE
SIR! SIR! I bring you news from the flatlands. You will no longer have a school in your name!!!!
https://winnipeg.ctvnews.ca/cecil-rhodes-school-in-winnipeg-has-a-new-name-1.5888305
Drat! These unconscionable virtue signallers of the Canadian flatlands will stop at nothing to tarnish my esteemed legacy of empire building! You must do something, fellow White supporter!
They can be the Fighting Prairie Winos!
“Fuck it, I’ll do it myself”
-B. Silva, Manchester
Here comes Citeh. 3-2 final…..
There it is!
I’m willing to venture the opinion that the City of Men’s team D is wanting.
In a role change for the ages, Bournemouth will be essaying the role of Long John Silver Impersonators today vs Liverpool.
Man, I really DID like their chicken planks. With extra pieces of crispy fat in the bottom of the box.
These cherries have been thoroughly pitted and crushed by a justifiably angry Liverpool side. They simply do not have the players to run with most Premier League sides — they will be back in the Championship before we know it. I hope that Scott Parker has a Brooks Brothers modelling gig lined up for when he gets sacked.
Today we are enemies sir, but I can get behind you on this for sure. Fuck smarmy Scott Parker the wiener.
It is most regrettable that our sides must do battle today. No matter who prevails, both clubs will always be winners, for they are civilized and are ardent supporters of British tradition!
I haven’t seen the King’s own turn their guns on the Whites like this since 1778.
I am riding a bus. In Los Angeles.
I know!
At 7:30 in the morning? Where the hell are you going?
Took my car to get service and it’s going to take all day. No one is up at this God-forsaken hour, so I’m taking the bus to within a mile of home and then hoofing it.
I could add in a rant about how this particular BMW dealership has really gone downhill as they’ve stopped washing your car after service and they don’t run the free shuttle on weekends, but I’m not that white.
Sorry. Complimentary.
Complimentary is the rich people’s word for free.
or like HippoSpawn’s track coach always liked saying – “Nothing is FREE. It’s just INCLUDED.”
My VW guys do a nice detail, but offer only bikes. They are right downtown though so there are a bunch of distractions close by.
Yes, yes, we know how much those Volks love their bicycles…
Agreed
This premise for this Escape from LA remake is the worst excuse for a remake I’ve heard yet!
The idea that anyone would *want* to escape LA is laughable. Where are they gonna go? Barstow? San Bernardino? Palmdale?
I once checked into a hotel in Barstow. Within 10 minutes we left and let them keep our money as it I believe doubled as a crack/hooker/meth spot as well. How the Clarion brand has fallen off.
We took a wrong turn out of Sacramento one time and ended up at an entire strip of hotels like that. It was pretty depressing.
Goddamnit, you should have called me. I probably wouldn’t have been able to help (I’m about to leave on a road trip) but you should have at least tried!
Thanks! But I didn’t want to take you out of your way. Plus, it’s too fucking early!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=80WyBxo0Hto
Adventures in public transportation are always a great weekend primer.
Already I’ve seen a white man with dreadlocks.
He looks to be 60.
Shirt on or off?
No sleeves. Tons of tats.
Dexter Holland up so early too?
So the Big Ten is cursing Ireland with Northwestern and long-time-Big-Ten-Member Nebraska in Week 0? I figure that makes sense. I mean its not like Ireland would be interested in seeing Ohio State and Notre Dame play. I mean would Ireland even show up to a Fighting Irish game?
For a one off they will show up for sure. Plus there are a lot of NFL fans over there, like futbol fans over here. When I lived there my living room was packed on Sunday nights as I paid for Sunday Ticket.
It is indeed the matchup equivalent of potato blight
We went to the Pitt/ Rutgers game in Dublin in 1990. It was packed, and everyone had a blast!
Hippo can haz happy?
I tell you who can’t. The cunt announcer in the #2 chair working this game. Never heard him before, but what a dissatisfied fuckhead. Tough listen.
I switched to the Citeh v Palace, there will be a comeback bulleeee dat.
After blowing a 2 goal lead late to draw last week at the City of Men, we (she) hopes to regain our winning ways tomorrow. See Hippo… I’m catching on.
Dear colleague — are you positive that she is a Geordie? Most of the Geordie women that I know resemble Susan Boyle! Nevertheless, I support the conquest of your Magpies against their Wolven opposition — Godspeed!
I am willing to believe much… But I hear ya.In “researching” these I have run across a number of real Geordie chicks… and that is not always pretty to say the least.
Partying in Newcastle though is next level fun.
Perhaps the Newcastle beer goggles assist with making Geordie women appear more palatable!
fewer teeth = better blowies
teh MOAR teh cushion, the better teh pushin!
You gets a gold star CHUH CHUH
We keeping it here for the 10:00 window or heading over Peacock way for Toffees?
I hate myself enough to fire up Peacock. But will leave TV on too.
I know Ronaldo wants to play Champions League, but which teams does he have interest in? Real Madrid doesn’t need him.
RumoUrs are Napoli or Sporting Lisbon
What do you know about this Paqueta chap Hammers just got from Lyon? Pricey!
I know nothing as my director of football is a Dollar Store Vince McMahon so we get fucking nothing in and always yoyo.
Napoli would be game. They could get something cookin
Isn’t that the Giada broad from them cookin shows?
It is. But sadly without the gratuitous cleavage.
Ha, I didn’t recognize her without her boobs!
I’d drink her Lete…
“clean sheet” makes me think of terlet paper
You’re not using it right!
This comment is probably worth the Blair Witch treatment at this point, but the Wrexham show is very good. Episode 2 was gut-wrenching.
I was all liek oh noes, we even met his chilluns
[sorry. spoilers. I am a dumb.]
Footy really is as cruel a sport as there is.
My opinion is, if they would get rid of the offsides rule, and allow contact… no make that encourage contact… It could offer some serious competition to the NFL in Merica…
Add in a stick and you’ve pretty much got lacrosse, don’t you?
pretty close, without getting out the rule book which is way more than this goofy thought is worth…
I’m here for all the lacrosse content
Have tickets to game 6 of the MSL finals tomorrow night. Should be a great game.
And the Mann is being played out here this year, so if not tickets to all the games may make the drive to see a few in SN
Box >>>>field but will watch whatever lacrosse I can
BOOTS ON TEH GROUND!!!
I will try. It’s more that I end up watching the game and not making notes or taking pics
I have never seen a match but will if I ever get the chance. It looks like a cool sport. And there is so much history behind it.
Fuck, it’s early! How do you fuckers do this?
Most of us had kids. Therefore, the brain overrules lie-ins FOREVER
My wife is visiting her best friend and new baby boy today at noon. I promised I’d make a ziti for the family to take with her.
Thats good husband hustle.
Deci was up at 5 am
You know how when you have someone over and you wake her up for morning sex? It’s like that, except without the sex (or even the companionship) part. Plenty of disappointment and apologizing, though!
(points and laughs at Ronaldo)
Che Adams is quality and being wasted on a team that shouldnt exist.
I was displeased when Very Disappointing Everton were linked to him, then we signed someone shittier.
Thats because you hate Scotland and its people.
well, DUH
Wakey Starts to Believe Reasonably
Wow. Maupay? Was Grayson Allen not available?
Hippo is NOT a happy mammal.
Yous outbid us for him. Moar like Neil Overpay amirite??
He’s a massive cunt, and a wasteful finisher. You lucked out.
(also MOARpay was rite there smh)
Sometimes you feel like a pill
Sometimes you
don’treally does