Wumbo Wednesday with Weaselo: I Guess It’s Not a 2022 Jets Preview?

Greetings, lizard people. I originally panicked last night and wrote a Jets preview post, but TSHU did his write-up this morning, so if you haven’t, read that. I’ll spare the “ramble about the Jets even though at this point I don’t actually get to watch” and go with the nickname highlights, because ever since Rex Ryan collectively slapped our asses and complimented our hustle, that’s all we really care about:

“The season was looking up for a brief moment at no-longer-Hofstra.”

“Well… until Mekhi Becton, now moved from LT to RT, so already a slight damnation that that ain’t Falco, I mean D’Brickashaw Ferguson, got hurt.”

“Everyone’s favorite ELITE backup, Ice Milk Joe at the helm until Zach “Dan Smith” “The BYU Cougar Hunter” Wilson gets back. Or Mike “Flight” White “From the Free Throw Line.””

It did also mean I had to rewrite this cold open on the E train on my way to work. Which is fine, considering I think I could have lightly jogged between Forest Hills and Roosevelt Ave in less time than the train took to make that trip. That’s one express stop, incidentally—I’m not even on the local, which would be somewhere between Hell and praying for the sweet release of death, for those keeping score at home. So sorry even for the shortness but hey, I hit the much sought after word count floor and besides, the good stuff has been puns and jokes for the games going on tonight. Speaking of… what’s for sportsin’?

Sandlot
4:00 games are probably finishing up, and also going on now:
Twinks vs. Their Personal Daddy Doms (MIN-NYY, Game 2)
Narco vs. Buccos (NYM-PIT)

Which NY team will lose their division lead and Wild Card bye first? Crazily enough, possibly not the one that’s been cratering for the last two months! (Yanks enter today +4.5 on TB; Mets are tied with ATL though I imagine they hold the H2H tiebreaker.)

This evening’s games:
Senor’s Hatred vs. Disrespect (BOS-TB) (Go… hatred?) (7:05)
Commies vs. Cubbies (CIN-CHC) (7:40)
Nat-e-nals (they were the first team eliminated from playoff contention last night) vs. Jordan: ”I took that personally.” (WSH-STL) (7:45)
Greg Abbott’s Abortion Bounty Bowl (TEX-HOU) (8:10)
Rivers of Fire vs. Fountains of not-Rome (CLE-KC) (8:10)
Snakes vs. Ringworms (ARI-SD) (8:45)

Kansas City Chiefs Memorial Cup (U.S. Open Cup FINAL, only notable for one thing)
Orlando City SC (MLS) vs. Sacramento Republic FC (USL) (7:00)

Hey, it’s Sacramento’s first chance at a championship in a long time, so knowing that they’ll be playing with about 8 men by the 50th minute. At the latest.

AEW, 8:00 (TBS)
BattleBots Champions, 10:00 (TBS) (Probably the Witch Doctor bracket we’ll discuss tomorrow morning and I will write at midnight local time.)

Guess what’s tomorrow? That’s right, the Golden Bolt Championship!

Also, you know, a big chunk of the reason why we’re here.

Sam Spence and Tom Hedden have done more for the NFL than any composers or songwriters have done for any other sport. John Tesh is a fairly distant second. Whoever wrote the MLB on Fox theme is third.

And hey, aren’t you glad I didn’t go to the Les Mis this time?