This week, it’s worth doing:
Kentucky (+5.5) at Florida (7:00, ESPN)
This game is always fun, this line is an overreaction to Week 1. Wager accordingly.
SillyCuse (-23) at UConn (7:00, CBSSN)
Clubhouse Derby! And a resurrection of one of the 1980s greatest rivalries. Just in a sport that neither school much cares about.
Southern Cal (-9) at Stanford (7:30, ABC)
Can the Trees stand in the way of the mighty Troi Boiz hype machine? DUH, it is literally what trees do best.
Baylor (+3) at BYU (10:15, ESPN)
Baptists! Mormons! WHO YA GOT??
Oregon State (pick ’em) at Fresno State (10:30, CBSSN)
Man, the Tweaker Fixture window is awfully strong – and late off-kicking – this week. Fantastic matchup, love how Niiiiiiiice Beaver schedules.
Mississippi State (-10.5) at Arizona (11:00, FS1)
BEAR DOWN FOAR Midterms looked at least cromulent Week 1, and they look to keep things rolling against a surely circadian rhythm confused Cowbells side. I’d buy Mildcats moneyline here, there’s good value. And thank God it’s a dry 110 degrees, eh?
You’d think that 4 hour nap would get me to midnight at least, but NOPE. Sleep, a Hippo’s 2nd best friend!
Eyetie footy starts in a few hours.
Hail Gamblor!
My wonderful host went to sleep earlier, when asked why I wasn’t turning in, i replied:
I live an hour behind you, and I don’t typically have to waste energy chasing kids
BTU’s return man is named Talmage Gunther, oh he gunna have wives believe that!
Beavers have a player named Tongue. Not sure why, but that intrigues me.
.
Why do so many shitty states names start with “I”? Illinois is just okay, but, Idaho, Indiana, Iowa? What the hell? Secessionists and militia, The South’s Middle Finger, and Nothing but Corn.
I was thinking that any state with more vowels than consonants sucks. Iowa, Idaho, Ohio, Indiana…what else?
Maine is okay, I guess.
Aren’t like half of all words half vowles anyways? Thats what makes them so important
Some wordle gurus would agree with you, but not all
Alaska, Hawaii, Oregon, Georgia
Missouri, Arizona, and MAHHSAHHCHEWSETTES
My thing with Ohio. There are dwarves, or possibly gnomes, that walk around the borders of the state at all times chanting. o-HI-o, YO-ho. o-HI-o, YO-ho. You don’t see them when you drive across, because they are magic folk, but they are there, and they seal in the horrible
I thought Kyler Murray played in Arizona, not Ohio?
Don’t give Illinois a pass, it’s shitty and full of racists too. Chicago is mutilated to all hell by that shit.
Chicago has a decent stick of middle sized working class cities around
Yeah, and they’re racist as shit. No, not all of them, but when I first moved to Chicago it was immediately obvious that shit was awry, and it only got worse the longer I was there and the more I learned. I don’t care if your dad was a steel worker or whatever, it’s not okay to come into the city and give a black homeless guy $5 if he makes monkey noises. And it’s not okay for random people nearby to think that’s funny stuff. That’s not even getting into the historical shit. There are lots of great people in Chicago, but they are surrounded and infiltrated by horrible bigots, and I could have dealt with the winters if that wasn’t the case but I needed to leave because fuck those people
I still feel kind of guilty because I’m not really the one being hurt by that shit, and the people who are worst off can’t leave, and I can go back and have a nice time and can ignore all that if I don’t stay too long, but I figure making myself feel like shit doesn’t help either, so whatever.
Earlier this evening i was describing to my brother the one score I got accredited for during my football career, a safety where the center hiked the ball way over his teammates head, forcing them to dive on it in the end zone, I just happened to be the first person there to make the tackle.
Pretty much just what happened in the IU game
Don King was a psychopath.
The stomping of a guy to death supports your argument-stealing 10’s of millions of moneys from tons of boxers would indicate that he’s a sociopath though.
I think that’s a distinction without a difference
“I was told there would be no math.” – Ezekiel Elliott
“Two times two equals the letter “$Texas,” right?”
— Lea Michele, looking at the back of a Lucky Charms box
I think that “Distinction Without a Difference” is the title of Harvey Danger’s latest single.
Heh, BFC included a pack of Sponch! Huzzah!
Forget employed, not sure Scott Frost leaves the stadium ALIVE tonight
On 9/10, I’m pretty sure I snorted an 8 ball of coke, drank till 4 am, and sped home via the back way I’d sped thru since im 17. mom woke me up from my DEEP slumber in the basement bedroom: “CHRIS GET UP! WE’RE BEING ATTACKED!!’ The fuck? Tower 2, smacko. Shit shit shit. we are right everything is alright
/swam out to the middle of the lake and back
//the chili has been simmering for 6(!) hours now
///hung out with oldest son in front of a badass bonfire
////gonna swallow a pain pill because, why not?
BAH GAWD KING THAT’S THE OTHER KING’S MUSIC! THAT’S HIPPO’S MUSIC! HE’S HERE! HE’S HERE LIVE TONIGHT!
Are you all predicting Fresno State to win by 10+ or 20+?
you want me to bet against Niiiiiiiiiice Beaver??
the Gatorade bath really makes Mark Stoops tits POP, yo
Gators just need 60-yard TD, then onside kick, then 70-yard FG
Jesuits v Mormons? Don’t mind if I do.
Bay-Bay is Baptist, ye apostate!!
GOD DAMMIT! heh.
/they are the opposite of the soakers, as they rape you see.
It doesn’t take long for perspectives to shift does it? Robin Givens was considered the most hated woman in America when she divorced Tyson for abuse, and people laughed when he made jokes about punching her. That was 1989. I’m not going to say the Ray Rice thing was handled well, but even as fucked as it was it was a huge improvement, and only the shithead fringe blamed Janay. It’s easy to get discouraged about how things are today, but goddamn it wasn’t that long ago they were so much worse.
It’s at least somewhat heartening to step back and get some perspective on how far our society has progressed. Depressing to think about how far we still have to go, though.
I feel like my parents. I don’t have kids myself but I want so much more for the next generation. Too bad we’re all doomed. When I was in high school I had a very nerdy conversation with my friends about whether it was best to live on the rise or decline of an empire (we all took Latin together). I said beginning of the decline was probably the best because you got all the best stuff plus some fun decadence, and there are no real consequences to not living up to expectations. I think I was right, and I think I’ve hit an accident of fate where we’re actually at the start of the decline of both the US and the species as a whole. Generations to come will have some cool shit and some kickass times, but I think we’re peak humanity. PEAK HUMANITY.
Paul Rudd is in the US Open finals???
Thought it was this guy:
he best wear a hat tomorrow then, or he gon’ burn
You ever like, be flipping channels, stumble upon the office and then you remember how ridiculously attractive Jenna Fischer is?
She has the perfect ratio of innocent girl-next door looks and drop dead gorgeous.
Blue Moooooooons of Kenfucky, keep on shinin’
Wow I gotta say I don’t agree with that call at all, call me biased.
It’s in the iu v. Idaho game. Idaho tries a trick play throwing to an offensive lineman. It’s intercepted and intercepted 70 yards.
Gets called back because of defensive pass interference, on the offensive lineman.
Refereeing is not a valid excuse for trailing IDAHO 10-nil at the half.
Still, that ND shit was funny.
Who da ho?
I DA HO!
Should I play Iggles D over P*ts D??
I am on the Swift train this year so I dunno. I am playing the D and Swift in a lge tho
/Ducks vodka bottle thrown by Boris
MOOSE A TAKZHE SQUIRREL
Them Bois de play!
I made the same joke in 6th grade.
I was so fucking proud of myself
I am mid 40s and still proud.
CBS Sports has switched to the Florida game. Can’t believe they gave up on a UConn game where they were only separated by 34 points with a full quarter to go.
That ought to put Neal Brown’s tenure to bed in Morganhole.
but LUNCH PALE
Picking up on Fronk’s discussion below, today was the first gorgeous day since the students came back to UConn. I’m on my way up to get my haircut and the kids are moving between campus and off-campus frat parties in massive groups. it was like watching those old Mutual of Omaha shows about wildebeests migrating across the Serengeti, only if these wildebeests were drunk and staring at their cell phones while wandering into traffic.
On the way back I saw four State Trooper cars at one of the frat parties, and I don’t think they were directing traffic.
Anyway, long story short, all motorist should be allowed a certain number of college student pedestrians to bag in season.
They are young and springy. They should be able to get out of the way!
When I was at first grad school at UMCP, a few kids would get mowed down on Rt 1 every year. When you were on campus you could stagger into the streets and the cars would stop. Hell, I had a bicyclist turn left without looking out of a blind side alley directly onto the wrong side of the road and into the path of my car and managed not to hit the idiot. But Rt 1 is just a step outside and is a real road, plus you had to cross it to get to frat row and the 3ish bars. I assume it’s still happening.
Get ’em before they breed, I says
That’s a good call, I know the state and the university and the dorms do it already, but next time I’m in the area I’m gonna just leave some sealed condoms around.
Good day! Back alive from Vegas! Was a bit touch and go at 45 degrees there. Returned to a package from the illustrious BFC. I had no idea they made Boston Cream Pie Pop Tarts! Oh we gunna review them for sure!
Even with sympathy and all that, there should be some requirement that people have to watch “Raging Bull” every day for a week before dating a boxer, and then read all the press and trial proceedings of divorces before marrying one.
Something similar for NFL players and kids likely to become NFL players might not be a bad idea either.
Moon on one angle, the 9/11 lights on another. And I am very full of pu erh tea and mooncakes. So many mooncakes.
Mooncakes are good stuff
And the good shit. And all sorts! I had 6 different flavors!
Extra Time in Morganhole!!!
If anyone here has a burning desire to work in PR for a minor league baseball team I have a feeling the Portland Pickles would be receptive to a cold call right about now.
https://twitter.com/picklesbaseball/status/1568727355325317120
That’s brilliant. That person deserves a raise.
Does anyone from Indiana ever have as good of a week as anyone anywhere else though?
I’m doing pretty good this week so far
You aren’t IN Indiana!
Exactly! Prospects for anyone improve the second you leave
I realize this is probably a somewhat sympathetic treatment, but no matter what the spin, dude was a kid and even half of what happened to him would fuck anyone up. I had no idea Mike Tyson was so young when he started. I enjoy boxing, but if a lower quality of competition is the price we have to pay to live in a society where kids don’t think getting beat up and beating up others is normal and a way of life then sign me up.
Tyson was doomed once Cus D’Amato died and that thieving piece of shit Don King got his hooks into him.
It doesn’t seem like it was inevitable, but Cus was an old dude and passed responsibility after his death to other old dudes, so the result was instability and a bunch of funerals, which is not what a kid who has already had a ton of that needs.
Oh, yeah, and Don King can go to the worst of the hells.
Although I do agree with him that Trump is a tender-headed white boy that got all his money from his daddy
In a moral victory, UConn has captured the Syracuse cheerleaders by deploying a fuzzy dog.
https://twitter.com/BpenfieldJ/status/1568747624387284993
Excited for football tomorrow. Now I have more of an excuse to daydrink all day Sunday
UConn Twitter was optimistic about this game, for reasons I never understood. Syracuse is, was, and will be laying the wood to UConn.
7.6 earthquake in Papau New Guinea. Can you fucking imagine?
Cannibals gotta eat too.
Saturday Gravy!
As someone who dated a girl from New guinea….
I wish I had thought of this one
.https://youtu.be/d4O1A-mmBWw
SAFETY DERP IN GAINESVILLE
Fun fact: “Gainesville” is the nickname for the bathroom in Andy Reid’s house that has a scale in it.
What the sweet Jeebus Tittyfuck, fuckers du cousins??
Also, to answer King Hippos question from earlier: if my Ukrainian sister in law had any hot relatives, I wouldn’t be here talking to ya.
Also, I try to avoid bringing up soviet Era politics with them: her dad is a tough old slav who hated communism to the point that he gets in facebook fights with our trump loving relatives about what living with socialism was actually like.
I will allow for socialism (though not my bag), but I don’t consider anyone who is favoUrable towards communism to be a lefty at all. Just a “horseshoe theory” fascist.
I would like her dad. I had a classmate in high school who was fresh from Communist Romania, and I had no idea at the time. She’s super liberal now, but will totally internet decapitate anyone who has a whiff of tankie about them, and she only lived under the system for ~12 years. I had another classmate in college, she was probably the smartest person in the physics program, she grew up in the USSR and had all these stories about making dresses to trade on the black market or the teacher leaving the room to enable everyone to cheat because they all knew the system was corrupt.
My recommendation, totally bring up Soviet era politics, but don’t try to discuss, just listen. That shit is living memory and still totally unreal.
Me and hairless kitty ditched the family, who are watching the new Pinocchio in the living room, to watch football in the den.
GOOD KITTEH
Aw, hugs to the kitty I am nicknaming Curly
You should take that bald baby home as a lovely parting gift!
My sleep schedule has been through the wringer this week. Between jetlag coming back from Singapore, the heatwave making sleep difficult and kind of shitty, and my updated booster (plus flu shot) on Wednesday I have completely abandoned any notion of any consistent amount of sleep during a roughly similar period of time in any 24 hour cycle. As such, it’s probably not an awful idea to open another bottle of wine, as then I’ll maybe fall asleep at an early but still normal hour that is also early enough to not totally screw me up if I sleep 10 hours. Worst case scenario, I continue as I have been
I have been off cicadian rhythm ever since COVID. Luckily, I was already senile enough to disguise my descent further into madness.
Erm….ok.
oh shit know I can has complex EVERYONE IS POINTING AT HIPPO JUST CAUSE I’M NEKKID IN THE GROCERY STORE
Naked or not, it’s still rude to point. They are the barbarians, not thou!
Said this before, but ah likes how yew thinks
Texas Tech rushing the field after defeating a #25 team from a non-power 5 conference.
Have you been to Lubbock??
Ain’t nothing much going on over there…
I fell asleep in an empty grey room once, so…
says some highfalutin feller who ain’t NEVER fucked him some livestock smh
“Cannae be greet if’n there be nae cliffs so’s the ships be pushin’ back”
-Some Scotsman no one asked
Some 25 or 6 to 4 action down in Norman, Okiehoma.
This is your daily reminder that Houston has a guy named Joseph Manjack IV
Drawbacks of vacationing with your family in your 30s: we just had dinner at this kickass Italian place, head back to bros place…..
And everyone wants to call it a night. Mother is in her sixties, bro has kids under age 7 so we’re only able to watch kids movies, We’re in a cozy high class neighborhood with seemingly no bar scene….
At least there’s football tomorrow?
Not universal drawbacks, ya just gotta plan so there’s something for everyone including yourself. This is basically the business model of the larger cruise lines.
When you said “larger cruise” I though you were talking about Tom’s long-lost brother Matthew Cruise, who stands at a towering 5’8″ tall.
4th an Goal from the 30? JV NFL BLITZ!
/holy poop on a stick, that was stoopid, Pitt
Now 4th and 20 Guns Up!! time!!!
JV 500s be all liek WOOPSIE DOODLE
4th and goal from the 28? JV NFL BLITZ!!
More like Pittiful
This Saturday is like a Decapitation Attack; all the high level targets are either in danger of or has already been taken out.
Been a rough couple days Ubering. Saw a family of four nearly mowed down in a clearly marked pedestrian crosswalk last night by some fucker in an SUV who never even tapped his brakes. Then this morning, WAY out in the country, I came across a dude in the middle of a complete psychotic break walking down the middle of the highway and talking to himself. When I doubled back, elements of THREE police forces had arrived. I hope he’s ok. Anyway, I hope you guys are all ok and snuggly warm, man.
Don’t remember when exactly, probably 2005ish, I was driving in not yet rush hour traffic (~45 mph) on I-495 in Maryland when things slammed to a halt because a guy who seemed very obviously on something, but almost certainly had mental stuff going on as well was what I can only describe as stalking across the highway. Not quite the same as walking down the middle, and if there was any police response he was probably long gone, but he probably could have used some help and who knows how his life turned out.
No sympathy for assholes who ignore pedestrians. I’ve almost been run over a couple times in Chicago, but it was always inattention and they felt really bad when they realized, so I can forgive that. Callous assholes who don’t even consider pedestrians though, that’s how medieval torture devices find relevancy in the modern age.
This guy was 30ish, had a backpack, and was swinging a large plastic water bottle around, as it was a hot morning. I pulled over and told the responding officer I was worried about him, and would take him wherever he needed to go. I asked the guy if he was a veteran, but he was in crisis and the officer declined my offer. I just hope the guy is ok.
You’re a good guy. Hopefully they had some decent resources to offer, or at least were able to connect him with family. It’s a travesty that mental healthcare infrastructure and research are as poor as they are
On a lighter note, we have both AJ Brown and AJ Green doing well in the NFL. What color name do you think the next successful AJ will have? I’m hoping we go into Clue character colors and get AJ Plum or AJ Mustard
AJ White, obviously
https://youtu.be/4dFuYWIw5A4
AJ Peacock!
AJ Teal.
Am definitely enjoying the upsets.
I credit my nap for Marshall holding on. Fly safe, fellas!
Just watched the first episode of Mike. I don’t know if all kids are like this, but I was really fucking oblivious to a lot of stuff. I was (and still am) very sensitive to injustice and unfairness, but I didn’t really understand the less overt ways that could come into play. Marv Albert’s allegations were around the same time as the ear biting, and I always kind of assumed that he faced real consequences, but he didn’t, and it took me an embarrassingly long time to figure out that he didn’t and why that likely was.
Football talkin’ guys should only be able to use any given word once over the course of each broadcast, and if they say it twice the implanted bomb in their next explodes.
Football
Pigskin
Uh…. hand egg?
They might have to learn crazy words like oblate, ovoid, elliptical, or tapered!
The real issue would be with words like ‘the’ or ‘is’ though
PAWWWWWWLLLLLL gonna have an aneurysm.
Nailed It!
— B. Walsh