I’m ready for more-let’s dig in.
Jets/Browns:
If Cleveland wins their home opener they’ll be 2-0 for the first time since Islamic fundamentalists tried to bomb the World Trade center for the first time. Symmetry! Those that invested a high draft pick in Breece Hall might not have been happy with his mere 12 touches. Might be a while before he dominates this timeshare, if he does.
Commies/Lions:
It was just the Jags but Wentz went for 4 TD’s last week. (accompanied by the usual 2 INTs, of course) Might Dotson be the real thing? If so, the one-two punch of he and McLaurin might provide a wee bit of hope for a certain kind of Sewage Water Sucker.
Bucs/Saints:
According to TMZ, Brady is being cock-blocked in New Orleans and at home these days, though in different ways. Tom must hate that Saints D almost as much as he despises tomatoes. (can’t help throwing a little nightshade at him)
Panthers/Giants:
CMC owners weren’t happy with the paltry number of touches their guy got last week. Don’t worry though, as the losses pile up and his job starts to slip away, Rhule will no doubt over-use him to the point of breakage. Ta Da! Speaking of, Injurious Toney (stolen) tweaked a hammy on the plane trip back from Tennessee last week. Saquon looked like his old 2018 self for the very first time last week. The Burst is back, baby!
Pats/Steelers:
Tomlin is somehow going to get the Steelers above .500 this year, isn’t he? Well, if it part of that journey includes a win over New England today, I’ll be booking a first class ticket. Keep those Bellini’s coming, good sir!
Colts/Jags:
A small part of me cheers for the Jags simply because I hate that festering wound of a human by the name of Urban Meyer. However, there’s no stopping JT today-his ypc average vs. Jack Town is a gaudy 6.8.
Fins/Raven:
I do like the way new coach MacDonald carries himself and I do like the play-calling that was done last week against the Pats. Seems like Waddle has been replaced as The Target Monster by Tyreek, targets being 12-5 and all. Though I would think that it somewhat evens out as the season progresses. Say a prayer for Gesicki’s fantasy relevance-he just isn’t a good fit in this offense.
Apparently there’s an in-house Derby in soccerland going down this morning. Enjoy.
My phone is strugling with network availability out in the wilds of Virginny. My stream has frozen on a crotch shot of 53 on the Panthers
They knew you were watching
I just KNEW I should start the Jaguras D/ST! – Nobody
hey espn stats say they are rostered in .5% of leagues , true duval believeers
Why must the LioUns always do this??
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36tggrpRoTI&ab_channel=ShawnMendesVEVO
It is their metier
Matty Ice Ice Baby
too cold, too cold
Jaguras are kicking the behind of Indy. They were beaten last week by WAS, which is currently being shellacked by the Liouns. Therefore, by the transitive property, I present the Liouns as your new Champeen
sew it is written!
Tua tried to overthrow Gesicki in the endzone but the latter wasn’t having it.
Gesicki played basketball in high school!
The Colts are being led in receiving today by a fellow named Ashton Dulin. Michael Pittman does not have a catch. Ashton Dulin went to college at Malone University. Malone University is a HIGHLY evangelical school in Canton, Ohio. That is recruiting gold.
Don’t tell me you started Pittman. Pretty sure he’s out.
Pittman is out today.
I should make a recording of this Mac Jones / Mitch Trubisky duel to put on during those nights when I can’t sleep.
prefix game with even longer disclaimer list including all the side effects of Ambien
“may cause people to hate you on sight, a compulsion to buy small towels, and surprisingly boring nightmares about titties”
CAN YOU PLEASE TURN DOWN THE VACUUM? I CAN BARELY HEAR YOUR COMMENT!
Bellingerdown!
/Giants have a tight end that can actually catch a ball
Flo from Progressive’s entire head looks like it’s made of fondant at this point.
Hospital ball TD pass to Curtis Samuel
No Kittleing!
I bet it would be fun to ask evangelicals what they think of the Ecce Homo depiction of Jesus
it’s spelled “icky”
NFL Sunday ticket crashes for the 2nd week in a row. Only saving grace is I’m not paying for it and my Bills are on National television all year.
Glad I signed Lamar to a contract with my fantasy team this year
Saints’ Jameis Winston playing Week 2 matchup vs. Buccaneers with four fractures in back, per report – CBSSports.com
Red Rifle Watch in N’awlins.
Fine by me
Why not a few MOAR??
I knew the Browns were going to disappoint this year relative to expectations, but I didn’t realize it would happen this quickly and against the Jets!
I’m holding out hope they go 11-6 with Watson going 0-6.
“Oh hello, halftime pain pill. Why yes, my knee has been ‘acting up’ recently. Two pills? Are you sure? You’re just looking out for me? Well then, yes, I’ll have two. Thanks for checking in on me, by the way.” [winks]
-Me, just now
Scotchy turned into Hippo so slowly I hardly noticed
/wipes away tear of joy
Ha!
You are a good influence!
inorite??
THESE JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS I CALL THEM THE GLUE FACTORY BECAUSE THEY SLAUGHTER COLTS.
Family: “You weren’t going to close the pool now, are you?”
Me (literally unwrapping pool cover so I can get it done in time to watch the Bengals game): “Gee, what gave you that idea?”
Announcer: “Giants down their best pass rusher Kayvon Thibodeaux.”
He hasn’t played a single game for the Giants yet!
He’s undefeated! No NFL QB has escaped him!
I thought it was illegal in the United States and Canada for Nelson Agholor to catch any pass?
Biden’s in charge, so its a four year long purge until President Trump is reinstated as president.
Sorry, Fox News was on parents’ TV. May have relapsed a bit.
A 4 year long purge sounds really bad for the esophagus and teeth
I can think of some Trumpublicans that need a 4 year long enema.
He’s still in the league?! That resurrects my second best FF team name of all time, “Agholorics Anonymous”. Use it in good health.
He actually had quite a decent season the one year he was on the Raiders.
Letting Admiral Nelson score in honor of the queen
Matt Ryan is the roast pig on the Simpsons in mid-flight.
Shame Indi doesnt play the jets this year and we all miss out on one last great Flacco Ryan duel
Jimmy Smits has yet another job on TV. There’s just no quit in that guy!
As opposed to the lesser-known character actor Jimmy Smquits, who is far less tenacious.
Are the Dolphins a real team? Every time they seem like they could be turning it around, they implode.
the GTA6 leak exposed the dolphins code
I have a theory that the entire NFL is a carefully engineered behavioural experiment of which the Dolphins are an important part
They’re the bad version of the Chargers.
They are not a real team, no.
HOYERCOUNTRY invasion in Yinzburgh!
Boo. Legend of White Mac returns.
Jackson with a laser beam to Andrews for the TD*. Excellent throw.
*he’s down at the 1.
Goffing at WAS, lol
Commandos making Detroit look like the ’99 Rams.
Saints up 3-0 on Bucs.
“God, that game must be sooo boring!”
Giants up 6-3 on Carolina
[pulls chair closer to TV]
Coach Maginot did alot of work on the dolphins o line this drive
Clowney strip sack, bro
Jags up 14-0!
3rd and 26? NFL BLITZ!
God I miss that original game. I wasted weeks on that game.
Drunk guy stream.
“Shout out to ‘Hilter1488’ thanks for the dono…wait what? Did they just score?”
Watching drunk people do NFL play by play is hilarious.
Matt Ryan is washed up.
by a nurse after he keeps on shitting the bed
LioUns = 7 seed. BOOK IT.
Coach Campbell gonna gnaw on a bison femur to celebrate post-game today.
Waddle has the only TD dance that I find amusing
The current GREATRIOTS coaching staff is like looking at the de-evolution of man back to Ogre:
Patricia looks like Captain Huffenpuff from Beany and Cecil
there’s fungus on your shower shoes. once you win twenty in the show, the press will call you “colorful”. until then, they’ll call you a slob.
THIS GUY RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY I CALL HIM JIM TOMSULA CAUSE HE SPENT HIS MORNING CLIMBING AROUND INSIDE A DUMPSTER LOOKING FOR TREASURE.
Did you find any barely used donuts?
I was looking for a section of turf for my back yard (which I found, happily). There was all kinds of nice stone there too, kind of a gold mine, actually.
I can’t bring myself to find a stream of the Browns (I’m in a hotel not in the broadcast area plus I am still pissed at the whole employing an unrepentant rapist thing) so I am watching a Dolphins guy do play by play while doing shots based on super chats.
I suspect by the 2nd half, the announcing is gonna get spicy.
“I can’t bear to watch the browns either.” – Stephen Miller, upon finding that his cable has gone out and all he can pick up via antenna is Telemundo
Folks. Finally made it to a weekend of football. Hope everyone is doing well.
I really want some plantains after that page 1 pic.
How about some soup? Plenty of that in my house.
soup is always nice!
What kind? What kind?
Not hobo stew
Who says there’s no upside to service provider issues? Thanks to Eastlink being a completely shit company, my MIL has no phone service whatsoever. For days now. It’s goddamn glorious.
DET/WAS, with a good explanation of the math behind NOT kicking the FG inside the 5. Even if you turn it over on downs, expected points is still in your favoUr
Minky Boodle!
Cowardly Lions with a safety
Minkah Fitzpatrick > You
Wentz might not be very good.
SAFETY DANCE IN DETROIT
AND a great return on the kick! Lions set up shop at the 30. Pushish the DC Snyders!!