Your Early Slate of NFL Football (Week 2 Edition) Open Thread

I’m ready for more-let’s dig in.

Jets/Browns:

If Cleveland wins their home opener they’ll be 2-0 for the first time since Islamic fundamentalists tried to bomb the World Trade center for the first time. Symmetry! Those that invested a high draft pick in Breece Hall might not have been happy with his mere 12 touches. Might be a while before he dominates this timeshare, if he does.

Commies/Lions:

It was just the Jags but Wentz went for 4 TD’s last week. (accompanied by the usual 2 INTs, of course) Might Dotson be the real thing? If so, the one-two punch of he and McLaurin might provide a wee bit of hope for a certain kind of Sewage Water Sucker.

Bucs/Saints:

According to TMZ, Brady is being cock-blocked in New Orleans and at home these days, though in different ways. Tom must hate that Saints D almost as much as he despises tomatoes. (can’t help throwing a little nightshade at him)

Panthers/Giants:

CMC owners weren’t happy with the paltry number of touches their guy got last week. Don’t worry though, as the losses pile up and his job starts to slip away, Rhule will no doubt over-use him to the point of breakage. Ta Da! Speaking of, Injurious Toney (stolen) tweaked a hammy on the plane trip back from Tennessee last week. Saquon looked like his old 2018 self for the very first time last week. The Burst is back, baby!

Pats/Steelers:

Tomlin is somehow going to get the Steelers above .500 this year, isn’t he? Well, if it part of that journey includes a win over New England today, I’ll be booking a first class ticket. Keep those Bellini’s coming, good sir!

Colts/Jags:

A small part of me cheers for the Jags simply because I hate that festering wound of a human by the name of Urban Meyer. However, there’s no stopping JT today-his ypc average vs. Jack Town is a gaudy 6.8.

Fins/Raven:

I do like the way new coach MacDonald carries himself and I do like the play-calling that was done last week against the Pats. Seems like Waddle has been replaced as The Target Monster by Tyreek, targets being 12-5 and all. Though I would think that it somewhat evens out  as the season progresses. Say a prayer for Gesicki’s fantasy relevance-he just isn’t a good fit in this offense.

Apparently there’s an in-house Derby in soccerland going down this morning. Enjoy.

 

 

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Doktor Zymm

My phone is strugling with network availability out in the wilds of Virginny. My stream has frozen on a crotch shot of 53 on the Panthers

ballsofsteelandfury

They knew you were watching

King Hippo

I just KNEW I should start the Jaguras D/ST! – Nobody

Gatoraids

hey espn stats say they are rostered in .5% of leagues , true duval believeers

King Hippo

Why must the LioUns always do this??

Doktor Zymm

It is their metier

King Hippo

Matty Ice Ice Baby
too cold, too cold

Doktor Zymm

Jaguras are kicking the behind of Indy. They were beaten last week by WAS, which is currently being shellacked by the Liouns. Therefore, by the transitive property, I present the Liouns as your new Champeen

King Hippo

sew it is written!

Fronkenshteen

The Colts are being led in receiving today by a fellow named Ashton Dulin. Michael Pittman does not have a catch. Ashton Dulin went to college at Malone University. Malone University is a HIGHLY evangelical school in Canton, Ohio. That is recruiting gold.

Col. Duke LaCross

Pittman is out today.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I should make a recording of this Mac Jones / Mitch Trubisky duel to put on during those nights when I can’t sleep.

Gatoraids

prefix game with even longer disclaimer list including all the side effects of Ambien

Doktor Zymm

“may cause people to hate you on sight, a compulsion to buy small towels, and surprisingly boring nightmares about titties”

Fronkenshteen

Flo from Progressive’s entire head looks like it’s made of fondant at this point.

Fronkenshteen

Hospital ball TD pass to Curtis Samuel

Doktor Zymm

No Kittleing!

Doktor Zymm

I bet it would be fun to ask evangelicals what they think of the Ecce Homo depiction of Jesus

SonOfSpam

it’s spelled “icky”

clint greasewood

NFL Sunday ticket crashes for the 2nd week in a row. Only saving grace is I’m not paying for it and my Bills are on National television all year.

Gatoraids

Glad I signed Lamar to a contract with my fantasy team this year

Doktor Zymm

Fine by me

King Hippo

Why not a few MOAR??

Doktor Zymm

I knew the Browns were going to disappoint this year relative to expectations, but I didn’t realize it would happen this quickly and against the Jets!

Redshirt

I’m holding out hope they go 11-6 with Watson going 0-6.

Doktor Zymm

Scotchy turned into Hippo so slowly I hardly noticed

King Hippo

/wipes away tear of joy

Doktor Zymm

You are a good influence!

King Hippo

inorite??

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

THESE JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS I CALL THEM THE GLUE FACTORY BECAUSE THEY SLAUGHTER COLTS.

Redshirt

Family: “You weren’t going to close the pool now, are you?”

Me (literally unwrapping pool cover so I can get it done in time to watch the Bengals game): “Gee, what gave you that idea?”

Doktor Zymm

He’s undefeated! No NFL QB has escaped him!

WCS

I thought it was illegal in the United States and Canada for Nelson Agholor to catch any pass?

Redshirt

Biden’s in charge, so its a four year long purge until President Trump is reinstated as president.

Sorry, Fox News was on parents’ TV. May have relapsed a bit.

Last edited 2 years ago by Redshirt
Doktor Zymm

A 4 year long purge sounds really bad for the esophagus and teeth

Redshirt

I can think of some Trumpublicans that need a 4 year long enema.

Fronkenshteen

He’s still in the league?! That resurrects my second best FF team name of all time, “Agholorics Anonymous”. Use it in good health.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

He actually had quite a decent season the one year he was on the Raiders.

Gatoraids

Letting Admiral Nelson score in honor of the queen

Fronkenshteen

Matt Ryan is the roast pig on the Simpsons in mid-flight.

Gatoraids

Shame Indi doesnt play the jets this year and we all miss out on one last great Flacco Ryan duel

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

As opposed to the lesser-known character actor Jimmy Smquits, who is far less tenacious.

Last edited 2 years ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
JustStopDude

Are the Dolphins a real team? Every time they seem like they could be turning it around, they implode.

Gatoraids

the GTA6 leak exposed the dolphins code

Doktor Zymm

I have a theory that the entire NFL is a carefully engineered behavioural experiment of which the Dolphins are an important part

Redshirt

They’re the bad version of the Chargers.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

They are not a real team, no.

WCS

HOYERCOUNTRY invasion in Yinzburgh!

WCS

Boo. Legend of White Mac returns.

Doktor Zymm

Goffing at WAS, lol

Fronkenshteen

Commandos making Detroit look like the ’99 Rams.

Gatoraids

Coach Maginot did alot of work on the dolphins o line this drive

King Hippo

Clowney strip sack, bro

WCS

3rd and 26? NFL BLITZ!

JustStopDude

God I miss that original game. I wasted weeks on that game.

JustStopDude

Drunk guy stream.

“Shout out to ‘Hilter1488’ thanks for the dono…wait what? Did they just score?”

Watching drunk people do NFL play by play is hilarious.

Spur

Matt Ryan is washed up.

Gatoraids

by a nurse after he keeps on shitting the bed

King Hippo

LioUns = 7 seed. BOOK IT.

King Hippo

Waddle has the only TD dance that I find amusing

WCS

The current GREATRIOTS coaching staff is like looking at the de-evolution of man back to Ogre:

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Gumbygirl

Patricia looks like Captain Huffenpuff from Beany and Cecil

Capt._Haratio_Huffenpuff_300-1-.gif
Fronkenshteen

there’s fungus on your shower shoes. once you win twenty in the show, the press will call you “colorful”. until then, they’ll call you a slob.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

THIS GUY RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY I CALL HIM JIM TOMSULA CAUSE HE SPENT HIS MORNING CLIMBING AROUND INSIDE A DUMPSTER LOOKING FOR TREASURE.

Doktor Zymm

Did you find any barely used donuts?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I was looking for a section of turf for my back yard (which I found, happily). There was all kinds of nice stone there too, kind of a gold mine, actually.

JustStopDude

I can’t bring myself to find a stream of the Browns (I’m in a hotel not in the broadcast area plus I am still pissed at the whole employing an unrepentant rapist thing) so I am watching a Dolphins guy do play by play while doing shots based on super chats.

I suspect by the 2nd half, the announcing is gonna get spicy.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“I can’t bear to watch the browns either.” – Stephen Miller, upon finding that his cable has gone out and all he can pick up via antenna is Telemundo

JustStopDude

Folks. Finally made it to a weekend of football. Hope everyone is doing well.

King Hippo

I really want some plantains after that page 1 pic.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

How about some soup? Plenty of that in my house.

King Hippo

soup is always nice!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Not hobo stew

King Hippo

DET/WAS, with a good explanation of the math behind NOT kicking the FG inside the 5. Even if you turn it over on downs, expected points is still in your favoUr

Gumbygirl

Minky Boodle!

clint greasewood

Cowardly Lions with a safety

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WCS

Minkah Fitzpatrick > You

Mr. Ayo

Wentz might not be very good.

Fronkenshteen

SAFETY DANCE IN DETROIT

Fronkenshteen

AND a great return on the kick! Lions set up shop at the 30. Pushish the DC Snyders!!