Your Five(!) Game Afternoon Slate of NFL Football Open Thread

Heavens be! It’s nice to have a choice in America these days, isn’t it? (I’ve said too much)

To The Games!

Falcons/Rams:

If Stafford and Co. don’t bounce back in a big way vs Atlanta the football (as opposed to pearl) clutchers will be out in full force. But they’ve too much talent for that to happen, right? I really can’t see the Falcons doing anything more than rolling over and exposing their big, fat, white bellies though.

Seahawks/Niners:

Seattle is 1-0, that oughtta melt your steel beams for sure. We’ll actually get to see what sort of team San Fran actually is-that game in the slop last week was an indicator of nothing. They’ll not be at full strength yet because The Brittle One is still out.

Bengals/Cowboys:

Them durn Jones Boys (courtesy of their own incompetence) have sponsored a limited run of the Hanging With Mr. Cooper show! I’m actually curious to see how each of these teams deal with last week’s unfortunate events. The guess here is that Cincy gets the W because the Cowboys O will be out of sorts, having to adjust to Rush’s limitations.

Texans/Broncos:

Here’s hoping that Hackett hired an End Game Strategery Coach first thing last Monday morning. Coaching not to lose is what it felt and looked like to me. Houston isn’t expected to win much but last week they found that sweet spot in that they didn’t lose. It’s a start.

Cards/Raiders:

What to make of these two teams after last week? Not much. Both squadoos have tons of talent on both sides of the ball but couldn’t get it together. Try to figure this out-Arizona has lost 6 of their last seven games and yet is 12-5 on the road over the last two seasons. Davante was targeted 17 times last week, nice knowing ya, Cards cb’s.

Push some buttons.

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fleshwound_NPG

let kyler murray play more video games during the week and let kliff kingsbury call no more plays

Downfield Matriculator

What is a catch?

fleshwound_NPG

kylers madden playbook > kliff kingsburys playbook

Gatoraids

booo end of red zone rules

WCS

Koach Kliff vs. Useless Bond Henchman is definitely tie-worthy.

Redshirt

There’s the AJ Green I know and love!

Redshirt

…of course, he may have dropped it.

Spur

Wow. Free football in Vegas

Redshirt

Arizona is going Full Derp.

LemonJello

Here’s hoping for most glorious tie!

LemonJello

Is this gonna be the story of The Little Kyler That Could?

Spur

Kyler Murray is our new Tiny Darren?

fleshwound_NPG

lol some damn fool is gonna give cooper rush a dumb amount of cash

WCS

Dan Snyder or HI I’M MARK DAVIS?

fleshwound_NPG

bidding war!

Redshirt

.

466C545E-CA4E-4097-B481-6321E83C28E3.jpeg
Mr. Ayo

The Bungles are back!

Spur

Lucky SOBs. Surprised Dallas didnt get a flag at the end there

WCS

/Redshirt dons Joker makeup

Redshirt

When backed into a psychological corner, wear purple and come out swinging.

Downfield Matriculator

Solid clock work by the Qardinals — trying hard to let the Raiders escape

blaxabbath

One of Kingsbury’s eyes is glass. It’s the only explanation.

blaxabbath

As someone riding against Arizona, I’d daily fantasy bet the farm on ŔAIDERS right now.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I love how That’s My Raiders! are in the midst of blowing a 20 point lead and nobody here is even remotely surprised.

Mr. Ayo

They can’t lose on this possession at least.

blaxabbath

Arizona was never a threat.

Mr. Ayo

Donks left too much time for Mills.

Redshirt

Okay, I’m back from taking my mom to the weed shop and what the hell happened in Dallas?!

Spur

they went Dallas

LemonJello

Back and to the left?

fleshwound_NPG

bungles do not deserve one (1) joe burrow

Redshirt

Not. Even. Close.

blaxabbath

Would have been nice of Fox to show any view but the close up of Murray there.

blaxabbath

See? Here’s my problem with cancel culture — what word comes to mind when you see that shirt on NFL Head Coach Kliff Kingsbury?

….

….

RIGHT?!

So why can’t I just say it?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I guess that’s why they don’t call him “Keeper” Cupp.

WCS

Loogit at Hotlanta, being all “competitive” and such.

WCS

Mariota’d

Mr. Ayo

Kliff Kingsbury Kan’t Klose

blaxabbath

Kingsbury gonna be doing pornos in three years.

It’ll be the origin story for the Screech movies

Last edited 1 year ago by blaxabbath
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Bananacakes half price in Inglewood.

Mr. Ayo

Dirty Birds!

Mr. Ayo

DONKS WTF. They may not be able to Hackett.

King Hippo

The 1-0-1 500s take charge of the Surly Duff Division

WCS

Will the tie cost them a spot in the Cotton Bowl, though?

SonOfSpam

Is Nate Hackett a Make-A-Wish kid who really really wanted to coach a sport he’s completely unfamiliar with?

clint greasewood

Hackett giving the Denver faithful doubts.

fleshwound_NPG

finally able to log on

another funny ass day of football about to be potentially ruined (again) by bears fandom

Spur

I’ve seen this loser 2nd half team before.

Downfield Matriculator

Like Mark Davis, I was watching the Aces instead of the Raiders. Unlike Mark Davis, I do not use a soup kitchen pot as a haircut guide.

King Hippo

HI I’M DOWNFIELD MATRICULATOR!

Downfield Matriculator

Spartacus, is that you?

Redshirt

Sack Number Six

Color Commentator Mickey Goldmill: “Down! Down! Stay down!”

Last edited 1 year ago by Redshirt
yeah right

It’s entirely possible that Mark Sanchez is an even worse announcer than a QB.

WCS

I bet he’s currently a better blocker than any of the Bungles’ current linemen.

Gatoraids

Even worse high school dance chaperone

King Hippo

Fatthew’s fat has leaked gravy into his brain.

Christ, what a fat fuck.

Gatoraids

Murray(5’10 to Dortch (5”7) must be the shortest touchdown pass in history

King Hippo

It’s like a Doug Martin League

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

comment image

Redshirt

Joe Burrow is busy photoshopping himself in the Senate Chambers on January 6.

Mr. Ayo

Klassic Kliff Kingsbury Klunker

WCS

Joe Burrow owes someone powerful money, is very late with payment, and that’s why the offensive line is actively trying to have him folded neatly in half.

comment image

LemonJello

THIS GUY MICAH PARSONS I CALL HIM THE PUBLIX BAGGER BECAUSE HE’S GETTING ALL THE SACKS.

Dunstan

The judges would also have accepted “Buddy Cole” as an answer there.

Last edited 1 year ago by Dunstan
Redshirt

Bengals: “Alright! First down!”
Joe Burrow: “Oh, God. First down.”

King Hippo

I decided to cover my arse in auction league (20-man rosters), bought 3 startable QBs. Who are they, you might ask?

Charmslinger, Fatthew, Matty Ice.

Just kill me now.

Gatoraids

quarterback superfund site

clint greasewood

Cooper Rush available?

King Hippo

That LondonDOWN should pull me within 80 or so of Balls!

The Maestro

THAT SEAHAWK DB I CALL HIM THE KING OF POP BECAUSE MICHAEL JACKSON JUST MOONWALKED ACROSS THE FIELD FOR THAT BLOCKED KICK PICK SIX

Mr. Ayo

BLOCK SIX!

King Hippo

Two MOAR of them, y’all’s right back in it!

Mr. Ayo

2nd half team.

King Hippo

think maybe you and I were both right as to who is going 6-11

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

– the Bengals offensive line aggregated performance over the entirety of a 3-and-out possession

King Hippo

Exhibit #1,768 as to why you don’t kick FGs inside the 5.

Gatoraids

Most disappointing injury involving a Lance since Longinus