To The Games!
Browns/Falcons:
Seriously considering playing Brissett because Fatt Matt is a slow-starting bastage. When is the latter ever going to get going? Atlanta rb Patterson, the 3rd leading rusher, has a knee ouchie but has vowed he’s going to play.
Bills/Ravens:
Baltimore is giving up an unRavens-like 26 points per game and that’s not likely to change with Josh coming to town. There’s hope that Staley (he’s missed 31 of the last 32 games) will be able to play. Von Miller will be singing “Welcome Back”.
Commies/Cowboys:
“Crush with the D, Stay Cromulent with the O” is the buzzphrase in Dallas these days. Should work like a charm vs the Sewage Water Warriors.
Seahawks/Lions:
Somebody’s walking out of this game at .500 and the loser won’t be in that bad a spot. I’m betting Detroit gets the L because the Sun God has set. You’d better go off, Hockenson.
Chargers/Texans:
You’d think this would be a ‘get well’ game for LA even if they can’t run the ball with one of the league’s best rb’s sitting in the backfield. T’udder rb-Pierce-a fast-riser on fantasy boards in August, finally had himself a game last week.
Titans/Colts:
Former and current rushing champs get to share their wares to one another. Henry hasn’t sprung for a 100 yards yet but it’s on the way, just a matter of time. Hot-takers are embracing the ‘he’s done’ narrative. Silly people. Indy is about as uneven as you can get as their 1-1-1 record suggests. A tie vs Houston, a shutout loss to the Jags and a W against KC? They’re all over the map.
Bears/Giants:
They both share a 2-1 record but that’s not all they have in common. They’re each not as good as the record suggests and yet one of these stiffs will emerge from this tilt at 3-1. Sorry guys, you’re finishing at 8-9 if everything falls your way.
Jags/Eagles:
Will Philly fans be classy and give Pederson a hearty hello? We know the answer and that’s why I’m pulling for Jacktown. Thing is, the Eagles are playing better than anyone else right now.
Press a button or two.
Kilometers Sanders piling up the yards(?)
An overlooked example of LOLfins:
They traded Minkah Fitzpatrick for three draft picks, two of which aren’t on their roster, and the other is on IR.
MILFLOVERCEPTIONDOWN
I hate to be the one to point it out-Trevor’s gorgeous locks are not holding up well in this rainy weather.
Grizzled arm ount by the rookie
Pickett pickerception
PICKETTCEPTION (wasn’t really his fault; ball was tipped by the receiver)
I’d love to see them do well but apparently you can score at will when you’re playing the Lions.
Very mature handiff by the rookie
J! E! S! T! JEST! JEST! JEST!
Grey’s Anatomy is older than my youngest son (he’s 18) and my wife gave up on it seven(!) seasons ago.
Must have been rough for an 11-year-old kid.
Oh, you meant she gave up on the show. Never mind.
And the half ends in a most Jest fashion:
A Truthbizket pick is overturned by BLEERGH, and Boswell hits a 59-yard field goal instead.
Oh Jets, never stop Jetsing.
As I’ve said, we’ll always have the Jets.
I benched Fatt Matt in favor of Geno in Freezer Vodka league. I’m smart and brave just like my mom told me last week.
MILFLOVERCEPTIOM
That game is who we thought it was.
Another J-E-S-T offensive tackle needs the cart. Does the organization use straight East River water for hydration?
“From the Gowanus Canal to your faucet, with no stops in between!”
I could’ve gone to the beach instead of watching Red Zone by myself. I regret nothing!
/takes off shirt
Judge is coming up with the bases loaded and two out, just in case they’re not interrupting the NFL for this.
He struck out.
I know you’re all deeply invested in this.
Joe Judge striking out? Give me more of that please!
Trump’s judge got appeal-bitchslapped again? Nice.
Play Arráez Rocco!
Justin Fields and the Bears anemic passing game sure is being bailed out by leading rusher (checks notes) Justin Fields… Well, that’s a more common name than I thought.
After that possible game tying double doink of a field goal ended the London game, I immediately grabbed my walking shoes and went straight out the door for my 5 mile walk.
It was either that or grab a beer at 9:30 in the morning and that could end badly.
SKOL MOTHERFUCKERS!!!
the end of CHI/NYG is gonna have the biggest 3-1 fraud in the history of the nfl
2-1-1!
THIS FANTASY LINE UP OF MINE, I CALL IT BROCKY’S LINEUP BECAUSE LOOKING AT THE POINTS SO FAR HAS ME CONVINCED THAT GOD IS TRYING TO SCREW ME OVER THIS WEEK!
“we have got to find a way to stop this new concept called play-action. it is unstoppable.”
-bears defense
The Ravens are playing a completely different sport.
Hurts got blasted at the goal line. he didn’t celebrate after that run because he got knocked
I know a neurotrauma consultant who will tell you he’s just fine.
This #ThePauls offense I call Hugh Hefner inspecting his pool party because it needs more KHunt
Tucker is the only kicker in the league that is money and the home fans cheer when he takes the field.
How the fuck do the ravens just pump out kickers?!? I really want to know.
Undrafted free agent. What the fuck?!?!?!
McPherson approaches it but nothing beats Tucker. When he takes the field, the three points are added to the scoreboard just to save time.
Put 8 guys in the box, Twink. I mean, Wink. Fuck sakes, Fields is not going to beat you with his arm.
I just spent the last ten minutes looking for a gif of Madison Chock winking. I didn’t find it, but that’s okay.
I found stuff like this instead:
How did Parsons miss on a MDK on Wentz?
Stuck with “friends” away from “football”. Send “help” please”!”
Better friends have been sent.
Tell them you’re going out to get a pack of smokes. You know what to do after that.
I’m “on” my “way”.
“Let’s go to a ride next!”
“Let’s go to a show!”
“Let’s go to the pub with TVs showing the games.”
“But we’ve already eaten, Redshirt.”
“I know.”
play action is fucking the bears defense so much that i believe all of them cried the first time they played peekaboo
They still have nightmares about jack-in-the-boxes.
I’ve never been a Jerry O’Connell fan, but he really does seem to be living his best life.
When you end every day going to bed with Rebecca Romijn, odds are you’re doing something good with your life decisions.
I thought “Washington Football Team” was actually a pretty good name, and I liked just the number on the side of the helmet. It’s my hometown team but Dan Snyder has completely repulsed me away from them.
And many people have said, “Commanders” sounds like a fictional NFL team from a bad sports movie, which sort of suits the reality of this organization.
Just like the “Texans” from the Last Boy Scout. Great movie, but, not a great stand-in “team.”
At least no one has reused that name since.
Like someone on the site pointed out, connotations of a team the Globetrotters toy with weekly.
Interesting that the Comm[redacted]s uniforms have the D.C. flag on the sleeve. They are based in Virginia and play home games in Maryland. They have nothing to do with D.C.
Which recalls the trivia questions of How many teams does New York State have? How many teams does Maryland have? How about New Jersey and Virginia?
The Giants have crossed the 50 yard line. I repeat, the Giants have crossed the 50 yard line. This is not a drill. Place your small children under the bed immediately!
Eli: “MOMMY! MOVE MY TOY BOX!!!”
Oh baby, Jaguras got a stew going on!
Announcer just referenced the “five-yard chuck rule.” I can only assume that means “never let Andy Reid within five yards of a chuck roast.”
Or maybe not to let a Commies cheerleader within five yards of Jon Gruden.
Commie unis are nice
GO TEAM
Needs more medals.
It’s really hard to tell if Fields has overshot his wr or if he’s intentionally throwing it out of bounds.
I saw reports he already wants out of Chicago. Sabotage can speed up the request.
#ThePauls everybody
TOUCHDOWN GERALD EVERETT!
Where do I know that name…?
[checks fantasy bench]
Oh, right.
Don’t see the need for Josh Allen to spot the Ravens a 7 point lead, but let’s see how this strategy works out for the Bills.
…and two downs into this suckfest and we’ve already got our first time out.
…immediately followed by a pickerception.
Given Dimes’ lack of talent and what’s left of the Giants receiving corps, I can’t see how the Giants get to 180 yards passing.
Wonder how hard the Commie Staff worked to hide this clip from Wentz
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t8-OvF76vrM&ab
I have the Jags covering today +6.5
Hey, RTD – proposed #ShameBet!
Donks win, you have to post Donks WOO!!! daily for a week.
Raiders win, I use That’s My Raiders! as my banner pic for IHT tomorrow.
Sure, why not.
Should I start writing my cron script now?
laugh track intensifies
(I really expect McDaniels to beat us b/c FML)
“That’s weird, Mr. Snyder took out a 2nd Life insurance policy on me” – Carson Wentz, after finding letter taped to his locker
Oops! Missed the Jets/Steelers tilt-I’m guessing I’m no longer GG’s favorite.
Wouldn’t we all like to miss it?
IHT generally forgets 2-3 fixtures per season
I was just coming here to complain, nice save! You are still my favorite, don’tchu worry!
The intro was basically about Zach and Belichick having respect for each other as Mother Lovers so there wasn’t that much to miss.
The Vikings have been invading England for over 1000 years. You would think they would learn how to stop this by now.
Iggles support only has class for Big Dick Nick
“only has ass for Big Dick Nick”
Bah gawd, that’s BallsofSteelandFury’s signal!