Your Thursday Night NFL Football (and maybe a bit of hockey?) Open Thread

Not gonna lie, I’m pumped to watch the Sens play tonight-the talent on the top six has increased immensely and the same as well for the top four defensemen. Jake Sanderson gets robbed for Rookie of the Year-you heard it here first.

Newsy Notes:

-Oh, Wee Danny Boy apparently has ‘dirt’ on all the NFL owners. Well, there’s different kinds of dirt and I think that the rest of the owners will use theirs to bury Snyder’s corpse if it comes to that.

-Skylar Thompson, that afterthought of a draft pick (I mean, you pick him and don’t give him much thought because you don’t expect to use him at all) gets the start for the Fins this week because the league wants to backwardly correct the shitty situations involving Tua and Teddy, the Concussion Twins.

-The Bills have weathered the injury storm that had them down several key guys. Starters that returned to practice this week included wr McKenzie, lb Edmunds, te Knox, dt Oliver, dt Phillips and safety Poyer. Also, there was a Tra’Davius White sighting as well.

To The Game!

Commies/Bears:

-Welp, the over/under of 37.5 gives you an idea of what Vegas thinks of this ‘game’ between two bad offenses and two bad defenses.

-Carson Wentz, the central reason why everything has gone wrong, according to his coach, runs hot and cold for sure. (I mean, damn, why would Rivera say that and then do the obligatory back-pedaling?) He’s posted three games of 21+ fantasy points and two games of less than 9. It might have to do with the success of the deep ball that he likes to throw.

-He’s second in the league in deep balls thrown and is 4th-best in effectiveness on those throws.

-Dyami Brown was the main beneficiary last week (can you hear the stampede of fantasy fellas running to the waiver wire?) He did that on only 16 routes run so I think he got lucky.

-Speaking of, Scary Terry is scoreless since week 1.

-Perhaps put the brakes on rb Brian Robinson, the kid is playing his second game in five days since being shot.

Go Sens!

 

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Dunstan

Insurmountable lead!

litre_cola

Samuel has forgotten how to catch a football.

Don T

Soon in Kindle: “On the spot of the foul: the Carson Wentz Story”

ballsofsteelandfury

My lady friend’s son is anxious about losing his virginity. He wants to just get it over with. He wants to find ANY girl (ugly or otherwise) and do it with her. He says it’s better than nothing.

I tell him that he needs to be choosy and that just because something is available, he shouldn’t just settle for anything just because it’s there.

The experience of watching this game reinforces my point perfectly.

Redshirt

Tell him you’ll always remember your first. Does he want it to be with a nice, sweet girl, a hot woman or someone that has been ridden more than bus seat and has that same texture and taste?

King Hippo

A professional who WON’T LAUGH OR JUDGE!

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m trying to get him to a brothel in Nevada, so that might not work. Or maybe it will…

Brick Meathook

Take the kid to a whorehouse already.

ballsofsteelandfury

Oh, we’re planning it. The thing that may not work is Redshirt’s advice.

Gatoraids

Should just put Fitz in as all time QB after the half

WCS

Rapey U QB just got brainkilled.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I was so disappointed to see the Bears were in the red zone and my hopes for a 0-0 tie would not come to fruition.

But I forgot something. These are the Bears!

fleshwound_NPG

a B1G punting game

WCS

Even Iowa thinks this is bad.

WCS

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King Hippo

IDEA! Hippo and Brick have a drinking contest, except with opiates. Y’all all bring your expired meds TO WICHITA and we duel until someone nods off.

WCS

Or dies.

King Hippo

That’s just being a show-off

Brick Meathook

I am unkillable

Mr. Ayo

Parts of you aren’t, obviously.

Brick Meathook

my cancerous heel bone was thrown in an incinerator. there has been no detectable spread. it’s gone. started walking again today for the first time, 2 months and 2 days after surgery.

Brick: 1 Cancer: 0

King Hippo

Well, 0.97 to 0.03

Mr. Ayo

Oh shit, you’re being upgraded to T-1000 levels.

Mr. Ayo

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King Hippo

HOLY SHIT, that is GOOD

litre_cola

I don’t know what Ron RIvera is on about. His qb seems fine.

WCS

Rapey U player deded

Don T

Hmmmm… I fi d this to be an interesting weed–game GAME

King Hippo

perhaps in the 2nd half? Or maybe we get WCS to post his Frank Beamer gif!

WCS

Patience, grasshopper.

King Hippo

(in best George Wallace voice)

Nil-nil today, nil-nil tomarrrah, nil-nil FOAREVER

King Hippo

If an audience showed up for the former and got the latter, they’s be mighty agitated. Or vice versa.

King Hippo

Oh, goddamn you!!!! – Evert fantasy GM who started Khalil Herbert last week

Mr. Ayo

Correct. Though tempered by the fact that I won, again, for the fifth time this year.

King Hippo

In money league, I have somehow managed 4-1, despite starting (i) Charmslinger; and (ii) Kyle Pitts.

Leaning strapping on the ol’ Fatthew Feedbag this weekend instead of Russ. But feel guilty,

Mr. Ayo

Just leaning? Charmslinger is hurt!

King Hippo

yeah, but NANOBUBBLES and he’ll gut it out (because such a STRONG XIAN LEEDER)

litre_cola

I didn’t know he was a Xionist? What is his stance on the settlements?

Redshirt

Still at work. How goes the game?

King Hippo

The Hitler Mice’s “Space U” kit is even worse than the Bearistocrats!

litre_cola

Dakota Jesus has a SB ring.

Mr. Ayo

He almost won an MVP award. Life comes at you fast!

litre_cola

One day you are a sommelier at a hotel then next thing you have a middle management job and Honda Civic.

Mr. Ayo

I drive a Dodge Stratus!

Gatoraids

Game is a plot by Snyder to tank Amazon Primes value so he can’t buy the Redacteds

Dunstan

With all the awfulness of Dan Snyder, let’s not forget that Jack Del Rio is a shithead too.

BugEyedBoo

“Cleansing” for a colonoscopy tomorrow. Party time!

King Hippo

At least it’s easier to watch in the terlet with Amazon Prime coverage!

BaldingSpiritually

Trust no farts due this exciting time

King Hippo

If he’s old enough for a colonoscopy (I am prepared to fight my doctor when she brings this up during me December physical), then he knows a fart can always be MOAR!

BugEyedBoo

I have a family history of colon cancer, so I don’t get to poop in a box, and I have to get it every five years instead of every ten.

fleshwound_NPG

six straight touchdownless quarters

prime gonna force people to go back to mom n pop stores to find real football

Mr. Ayo

Whenever I quickly peek at the TV, I think the DONKS WOO! are playing.

Also, their jersey colors are similar.

King Hippo

OUR LOVELY MANGO IS NOTHING LIKE THIS PUMPKIN/BABY DIARRHEA COLOUR

King Hippo

The nods seem like a viable alternative to this sportsball product.

Mr. Ayo

SUDDEN CHANGE!

King Hippo

Turns out I am fading the Commie RB that didn’t get speed holes this summer. So, let’s get a working margin here, Chi****!

fleshwound_NPG

holy shit the bears are gonna sail past 10 completions at this rate

commies offering a 1941-esque russian defense

fleshwound_NPG

and just like the germans the bears fuck it all up

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Are we ahead of last week’s pace on first downs with 1?

litre_cola

Your team will pass its whole year of completions in the 1st half.

Brocky

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Doktor Zymm

Not sure why I’m awake, but nawt going to take advantage of that fact to try and watch this horrorshow. Maybe will read French detective novel instead. I sure have spent a lot of time living in cities with shite football teams

litre_cola

WHich novel?

Doktor Zymm

The Dark Vineyard. It’s the secondin the Bruno chief of police series. So many excellent food and wine descriptions

Gumbygirl

I love those!

Spur

Is this game part of Dan Snyder’s war of terror against the human population?

Gatoraids

Revenge on the planet for the scouring of the shire

WCS

He’s like a bad parody of a of a carbon copy of a recycled cliched Bond villain.

Sharkbait

He’s the knock off version of a Bond villain

Doktor Zymm

Bond villain from the writer’s strike

Gatoraids

They shoulda had the teams test the new super bowl games than play football

King Hippo

WOOF, this Pumpkin Bearistocrats! kit…

litre_cola

Tis fall!

King Hippo

A Fail FOAR Teh Fall

BrettFavresColonoscopy

There’s a good reason they never wore orange helmets before.

WCS

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Spur

Not sure what went wrong my life for me to end up watching this game

litre_cola

If not for DFO and I wouldn’t be watching it. Even hailing Gamblor isn’t that big of a deal.

Spur

Folks

litre_cola

Litre Prop bet parlay. Slurs to win, Robinson over 39.5 yds and a td, and Samuel over 44.5 yds.

10 to 1

Lets go Dakota Jesus!!!

Last edited 2 years ago by litre_cola
BrettFavresColonoscopy

No.

Sharkbait

I’ll stick with Ice Giants vs. Ice Vikings. Less of a chance of a dumpster fire there.

WCS

5-5 final and scoragami

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

As in “covered” so that you can’t touch them?

King Hippo

Hey, if prayer is good enough FOAR COVID, it should be good enough for his shoulder.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Funny, but they’re still joke-stealing bastards.

fleshwound_NPG

i thought commies vs bears was settled in 1991

Redshirt

“Nyet.” – V. Putin, Undisclosed Bunker, Russia

fleshwound_NPG

his plan is all about that bunker but it would be hilarious if he gets there, calls the nukes, and russia just ignores him and let him have his mini russia in exile and shut him off. everybody gets what they want

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That would be kind of funny; just lock him in and kill the power and plumbing.

Wakezilla

Today, when I was working at home, I actually had Wakezillette at school and Toddlerzilla at daycare, making Mrs. Zilla and I home alone for once. Did I stop working so I could absolutely rail Mrs. Zilla? You’re damn right I did.

Getting paid to have sex is pretty rad. I wonder if others have thought about doing this for a living.

King Hippo

pics or it didn’t happen obvs!

/but seriously, I am impressed that you didn’t both opt for a nap immediately

Redshirt

If one is asleep while having sex, it’s a crime. If both are asleep while having sex, it’s parenthood.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“I tried it one time. Didn’t really work out.” – Jeffrey Toobin

King Hippo

Commies and Bearistocrats! on teevee WHEN CHILDREN CAN SEE IT is wut u get with SLEEPY JOE BY-DUMB in office!!!1111

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I should get a little gardening done before the game starts.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

– neither of the groundskeeping crews that work for either of these teams, ever

Mr. Ayo

With a vacuum I presume?

King Hippo

My in-laws were from Ohio, and called a vaccum “the sweeper.” I considered this to be equivalent to a war crime.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Almost as bad as referring to soda as “pop”.

King Hippo

You mean a COKE. There are many different brands of Coke, but they’s a Coke.

Mr. Ayo

Yeah, like a Pepsi Coke.

Gumbygirl

That’s a southern thing. It’s either pop or soda above the Mason- Dixon.

Redshirt

I’m from Ohio, born and raised, and I dissent. A vacuum sucks and a sweeper, maybe a broom, pushes.

King Hippo

They were Boardman, outside Youngstown. Perhaps is a regional thingamabob?

Redshirt

Maybe. SW Ohio is practically a different state compared to the rest of Ohio. Kentucky but redneck instead of hillbilly.

Gumbygirl

Western Pennsyltucky here. We said sweeper and pop.

Redshirt

.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Given how well this franchise handled RGIII, I’m sure they’ll be prudent with Robinson

/hand falls off from intensity of dismissive wanking motion

WCS

Don’t forget Cousinfuckers-Rapey U on FS1!

King Hippo

Hey, yinz have an early lead! Make it hold, unlike them disappoint Fightin’ BugEyedBoos last nite.

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