Hello and welcome back, those of you that enjoy the footballing. The Shield has provided some (not all) tasty treats for you to consume. (and please try to buy a car, a phone or some insurance today, to help out the wee corporations that spend their precious dollars advertising during these affairs)
To The Games!
Niners/Falcons:
So glad I didn’t reach for Pitts. I’m sure he’ll put it together soon-there’s too much talent there-but so far he has no TD’s and a mere 150 catching yards. San Franny might be in a bit of a pickle given that they could be without as many as 6 defensive starters today. Didn’t the same thing happen to them just last year?
Pats/Browns:
Two run-happy teams face off and the winner gets to .500! Due to the Harris injury it’ll be The Rhamondre Show Today, co-starring Bailey Zappe. (does anyone else wish that his name rhymed with frappe?)
Jets/Packers:
I doubt NY can win here but they’ve got a chance if they can get out of the first half only down a score. You see, they are the 3rd-highest scoring team in the AFC in the 2nd half behind only the Bills and Chiefs. The Packers have scored 7 points or less in 4 of 5 games after intermission so far.
Jags/Colts:
Say hello to Indy’s #1 ball carrier Deon Jackson, a lovely streamer during a bye week. Though the Colts just can’t seem to win in Jacktown, they are 8-2 vs them at home since 2012.
Vikings/Fins:
Tua is good to go but the starter this week is Skylar The Late Rounder. Have at him Minny. Actually, knowing McDaniels, he’s likely put in a nice package of manageable passing plays combined with a shit-ton of running stuff featuring everyone from Edmonds to the assistant ball boy.
Bengals/Saints:
Higgins is a game-timer and I hope for Chase’s sake he plays otherwise the latter will be quadruple-teamed or somesuch. Speaking of, the Saints will be very thin at wr today so you’ll likely see a heavy dollop of Kamara and Taysom again.
Ravens/Giants:
Well, the good news is that Giants DC knows Lamar’s tendencies about as well as anyone but the bad side is that the Giants give up a lot of yards after contact, being 4th-worst in the league. Did you know that Lamar hasn’t lost to an NFC team yet? Here’s hoping NY puts a dent in that 12-0 record.
Bucs/Steelers:
It looks as though Pitt’s safeties will be able to make it but the corner situation is quite dire. This is the kind of break that Brady enjoys, not like that other recent one.
Enjoy.
I know we say it over and over here, but god DAMN Mike Tomlin is a great head coach.
Brady is such a dick
So. Many. Angry. Cheese. Eating. Fat. Fucks. In. Green. Bay. Right. Now.
It’s going to be great when they suck for awhile when A-Aron disappears in to the Brazilian jungle.
He’ll be Health Minister if Bolsonaro gets re-elected
10.5-0 good guys!
Woohoo, all my players in Vodka leagu have over zero points now!
Bengals Play Breakdown:
25 Passes + 1 Scramble
4 Runs
Zac Taylor – Master Play Caller
2 Scrambles now.
TD scramble by Crazy Legs Burrow
I have Thielen, JJ, and Dal Cook. From the 1, THAT happens. FUCK OFF.
Lookit Mariota run!
am getting a drink, this Jets/Packers game is ugly but oh so fun to watch. It’s not look those Thursday games that are ugly and boring.
Game script really favors the Jetskis.
Wan’DaleDown!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
/Fuck Yes!
Lucky this isn’t the 19th century or we’d be burning you at the stake for your witchcraft.
Ha!
DOINKWELL
Leave up to a guy named Saleh to send Jets to smash into Rodgers.
Jet Fuel can melt cheese beams.
Balls has Aiyuk and is murdering my shitty team.
Did Hippo almost bench Aiyuk? YES. Did he actually do so? NO.
/but the lack of SKOL points is gonna kill me ded
Can’t BELIEVE that game is a defensive struggle. It’s murdering me parlay I tells ya!
Points in the Vikes/Fins game! It’s only 3 but still.
You are lucky
Can’t believe Sharkbait didn’t start Bridgewater, knowing what we now know. smh…
BTW, Crazy House update! Came back from lunch to find my fucking stinking hobo roommate left feces smeared all over my toilet seat. This place is fucking great!
Oh dear Jesus. People are brutal.
Not sure I’m gonna stick this this out. First week of classes is going to need to be EXTREMELY impressive, or I’m going to find an outpatient alternative coupled with a 90 meetings in 90 days intro to Alcoholics Anonymous with a sponsor and couples counseling. This feels more like prison than treatment, and this is voluntary and I ain’t broke no laws.
That sounds extremely sensible, this doesn’t sound like a great option. Can you get insurance to cover something nicer? Or maybe move to a different country?
You know, when Trump got elected, I did some VERY rudimentary research on New Zealand and it’s needs for teachers of autistic children (my wife’s occupation) and found there was absolutely a need. I floated the idea of an 8 year hiatus till the storm blew over, but got shot down pretty quickly. The VA might have some outpatient options that I can take advantage of. I’m going to go to class this week and make an honest go of this before I bail. I owe my wife that.
Coincidentally, my mother has a friend who moved to NZ from California during the pandemic and absolutely loves it.
I would argue that could only make me EVEN CRAZIER
I think you automatically get an insanity plea approved if you murder him, bonus points if you use the very same toilet seat
Close second, we can smuggle in some duct tape and we can can tape wrap your roomie into an unremovable adult diaper
Hang in there Fronk.
Not literally, of course.
I’m good, man. I’m detoxed and healthy. Now I have to make up for what I done. Thanks for your kind thoughts. By the way, that A Few Good Men thing from a couple of days ago lifted my spirits more than you’ll ever know. Just brilliant and hilarious. Thanks, man.
Glad my drunk rambling shenanigans can help in anyway.
oh Lord, that episode of Mad Men
J-E-S-T JESTS! JESTS! JESTS!
I knew the defense would come out shit hot. Gotta get this offense on track.
Jags proving that all those people saying “don’t be Hasty” are full of crap!
Quick! What’s a good band/album to drown out an extremely loud and stupid conversation? Rush isn’t working.
“Faith” by Ghost
https://youtu.be/qvZKwvpQAUc
[IMMEDIATELY hits the fucking “play” button]
one million thanks
This dire situation calls for the Ramones!
I Wanna Be Sedated seems apropos.
HA!
[sobs]
Good bass lines have the penetrative power to out-loud most stuff. Maybe innagaddadavida?
The Reverend Lovejoy version?(smiley face with glasses emoji)
Tool – Aenima
ooh that’s a good one!
listening now. this is so goddamn good.
Of course Rush isn’t working, they’re getting paid by the Canadian government to stay home!
How soon until Miami Dolphins Quarterbacks are declared an Endangered Species?
The Bigger Question: How much will Sky High get fined by the league for getting injured?
Obama duck scores!
Obama DuckDOWN????
I call this NFL season, Bycatch, because its killing the Dolphins
The Bengals just gave up a TD run to an undrafted WR that would be good in two-hand football.
Horny Fourny an inch short. FML
I’m off to a wedding. Before anyone starts, the wedding was scheduled for today because the bride has Stage 4 cancer. Asked my wife to officiate after the first officiant couldn’t. As Hippo would say, this one is MANDATORY. Hug your people, and remember these are all just games.
#FuckCancer
oh man, that will require some heavy drinking. Y’all is good people.
You are excused, I’ll write you a note.
Frickin’ Sharkbait is starting Skylar in Freezer Vodka and is projected to beat me. I’ve never felt so Brocky than I do now.
Non-Brocky status confirmed.
If what happened to Brady last week was roughing the passer, then what just happened to Zach Wilson was attempted murder.
Umm. Atlanta?
You hear it calllllling?
Cuz I’m on my way back to Georgia!
Once the ball bounces, you don’t have to wait anymore, right? You can just hit the guy?
https://mobile.twitter.com/nfl_dovkleiman/status/1581697294457778177?s=46&t=y52hT-GQBIEv8IrsZjjNNg
I think so. At that point, he becomes a blocker. You just can’t blow them up if he’s still unprotected.
Like you can’t murder the guy, but you no longer have to give him “an opportunity to catch the ball”, right? So you could push him, or slap his hands as soon as he touches it, I assume.
Started Fatthew over Matty Ice, already can has regerts.
SHAN’KLOR answer my prayers…6.5 days too late.
Hey, Joe Mixon is still with the Bengals?
They even let him play on 3rd down!!
Oh, come on. If you’re gotta lie, at least let it be plausible!
Beatie Mixon is still alive
GET IN BEATIE!!!
DOINK!
Thinking about making some pancakes.
Always delicious, and sometimes nutritious they’re PANCAKES
I am going for peanut butter french toast, myself!
DOINK just expressed his displeasure with Justin Tucker’s lack of an adequate pre-game burnt offering.
DOINK!
TUCKER DOINK! That goat didn’t die in vain.
I am currently speechless.
Actual photo taken 15 minutes ago at Ralph’s in San Pedro.
Please enlarge. Please send a therapist.
That is impressive.
Just say the word.
I wondered what happened to Patrick Bateman
Janeane DOES tackle like a girl.
Please don’t Tua our QB, Saints.
.
Please stop being stupid, Yinzers
Look, sometimes I make questionable decisions, but I AM NOT STOOPID, JAGOFF!
I know neither you nor Mister Gumby would jump offside on an already-short FG attempt
Ravens playing Kenyan Drake, who is a curse to any team he plays on.
THANKS, Obama Duck!!!!!1111
Najeedown!
Wan’Dale Robinson, a rook wr for the Giants is going to be featured in a weird gadget play-I’d bet your last 5 bucks.
NAILED IT!
Mike Tomlin is just so quietly competent. I don’t think any of his immediate family members have killed themselves or anything!
Or put five year-old girls into the hospital with life-threatening injuries!
Why, Mike Tomlin might even leave some choice cuts of meat for the other patrons of the buffet restaurant!
Uncle Jack up 7 on MRSA