Hello and welcome back, those of you that enjoy the footballing. The Shield has provided some (not all) tasty treats for you to consume. (and please try to buy a car, a phone or some insurance today, to help out the wee corporations that spend their precious dollars advertising during these affairs)
To The Games!
Niners/Falcons:
So glad I didn’t reach for Pitts. I’m sure he’ll put it together soon-there’s too much talent there-but so far he has no TD’s and a mere 150 catching yards. San Franny might be in a bit of a pickle given that they could be without as many as 6 defensive starters today. Didn’t the same thing happen to them just last year?
Pats/Browns:
Two run-happy teams face off and the winner gets to .500! Due to the Harris injury it’ll be The Rhamondre Show Today, co-starring Bailey Zappe. (does anyone else wish that his name rhymed with frappe?)
Jets/Packers:
I doubt NY can win here but they’ve got a chance if they can get out of the first half only down a score. You see, they are the 3rd-highest scoring team in the AFC in the 2nd half behind only the Bills and Chiefs. The Packers have scored 7 points or less in 4 of 5 games after intermission so far.
Jags/Colts:
Say hello to Indy’s #1 ball carrier Deon Jackson, a lovely streamer during a bye week. Though the Colts just can’t seem to win in Jacktown, they are 8-2 vs them at home since 2012.
Vikings/Fins:
Tua is good to go but the starter this week is Skylar The Late Rounder. Have at him Minny. Actually, knowing McDaniels, he’s likely put in a nice package of manageable passing plays combined with a shit-ton of running stuff featuring everyone from Edmonds to the assistant ball boy.
Bengals/Saints:
Higgins is a game-timer and I hope for Chase’s sake he plays otherwise the latter will be quadruple-teamed or somesuch. Speaking of, the Saints will be very thin at wr today so you’ll likely see a heavy dollop of Kamara and Taysom again.
Ravens/Giants:
Well, the good news is that Giants DC knows Lamar’s tendencies about as well as anyone but the bad side is that the Giants give up a lot of yards after contact, being 4th-worst in the league. Did you know that Lamar hasn’t lost to an NFC team yet? Here’s hoping NY puts a dent in that 12-0 record.
Bucs/Steelers:
It looks as though Pitt’s safeties will be able to make it but the corner situation is quite dire. This is the kind of break that Brady enjoys, not like that other recent one.
Enjoy.
Giants need two scores to tie/win. They’ll get one and then Dimes will get sacked at an important juncture of the game.
Prophecy good so far
Uncle Jack!
Tweaked his back!!
Best part of this bootykicking is that it’s happening in Green Bay!
Imagine if they booed Q-aaron. The bitch fit is already gonna be epic.
I hope he somehow ends up as one of Tua’s backups
Gesicki should undergo concussion protocol after witnessing his TD celebration
BREEEEEEEEEEEEECE
What if the nuthouse is good juju for Gangrene?
HallDown!!!
Jets win vs Qaron might just offset Giants loss.
Do Brady and Qaron have some sort of protective layer of assholishness that protects their brain and prevents concussions?
Can’t get a concussion if you don’t have a brain to begin with.
4d chess being played here.
Buxton Cheerios with a nice return
Tomsulas need points and fast. Might think they’d get the ball to Deebo, but nooooo
Brate: Out (back)
Rodgers is getting chopped, shoved, and stomped on. I LOVE IT
It’s almost as though people don’t care for him.
Yikes, Dimebag still uses a sundial for his pocket awareness
He’s been in the league for a few years now and he’s improved, maybe, 10%. Fuckballs!
and not like he was used to having all day to throw,,,at DUKE
All he had to do was ask Eli for his Mickey watch.
So now I’m in the middle of some horseshit between a police officer, a man with (apparently) money, food stamp, and deadbeat brother problems, and an EXTREMELY LOUD WOMAN advocating over the phone on his behalf. I have Tool cranked up to 11, and I’m just trying to watch the goddamn Jets game on my laptop when the whole Internet cafe section comes alive with, “WELL COME ON DOWN HERE DEN!!! YOU GON GET YO ASS BEAT, NIGGA!! COME ON DOWN HERE!!! I GOT SOMETHING FO YO ASS!!!” like someone dropped a cherry bomb down the back of my shirt. Ignore it. Ignore it. Ignore it. “Excuse me, will you act like you need to go to the bathroom and get his ass outta there?” Huh? Sure. *knock knock* (guy sitting in stall, talking on the phone with his pants pulled up) “WHAT?!?!” Uhhh…your friend is looking for you. “WELL TELL HER I’M IN THE GODDAMN BATHROOM!!” Ok. Female cop standing outside bathroom, “Thanks for trying.” Yeah, no problem. There is literally no one else within 500 yards of us in this hospital. I specifically came down here TO GET AWAY FROM EVERYONE, and this shit plopped down in the booth next to me. Jesus, I want to go home.
Aren’t these sorts of places supposed to be restful?? Would it help if you were Napoleon? Or if you changed places?
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It’s quite restful trying to watch the game with the police hovering over my table. It’s just fucking spiffy.
Clean cup!
Imagine post-game, Bollo wins and kisses MRSA Dreamboat’s tittaaaayyyys. He’d retire from the shame.
/knows MRSA will win by double digits
Jets looking good and not crashing and burning at all!
Jets up 17-3 and my buttery muscles are vibrating.
Because of the socialistic structure of the NFL, I really don’t mind the NY/NJ teams being relevant.
Bad day for cheese
IN YOUR HEART U NOE HE’S RITE
AWESOME GAME IN Green Bay
New next door neighboUr is Bears fan, that’s all he’s looking forward to this season (Packers suckage). He said he’s very glad Bears can’t ruin his Sunday this week.
That is very sensible for a Bears fan!
Spur and I are agreeing on something. Write it down!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ouTXff7lvq4&ab
Well crudbuckets, bikkie’s back
RETURN OF EL BOLLO!!
We are blessed.
There is always something fun during Blessed RedZone Time
Did they kill Kenny? Noooooooooooooooooo!
You bastards!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qnfxcFOSHJk
Ja’Marr Chase is still alive? Good for him!
I bought my wife a really nice bright orange Bengals shirt, awaiting its arrival.
She will be safe during hunting season!
Red Rifle Revenge Game? How did we not see this coming?
It’s a shame that the Giants have a guy on the defense called Moreau, but he’s not good enough for us to talk about the Island of Dr Moreau
That book was wild when I read it way back in the day.
J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS
Wow. BerriosDown!
Mrs. Cola has the Bucs kicker, she is pleased thus far.
Yinzer ST does it AGAIN
Pack is handing the Jets this game on a plate.
London Bounce?
Think a combo of the Jest being legit and the Packers being kinda ass-flavoUred ass
Might be a thing.
The parsley garnish represents the net vegetable consumption of the Green Bay populace
Holy Shit! Sauce Gardner has surrendered 1 pass for 6 yards, year to date.
DBs should have QB Ratings Against so we can see who is really the best.
Too bad he’s going to waste his career with the Jets.
Roughing the Passer on 3rd and 25? That’s my Bengals!
The Dingliest Little Dingleberry
RED ROCKET IN VAIN
I’m still coming to grips with the fact that the Giants have a coach named Wink Martindale.
Do I have to go watch the Bengals’ 2nd half? Can I just watch an infomercial, or a calf being turned into veal?
Where is WCS? We need the Troy McClure beef meme.
Woo! Pittsdown! I think that just doubled the score of my vodka league team
PITTSDOWN!
MOAR LIEK on-my-benchDOWN
Tua Tagovailoa: Artistic Interpretation
Top Soccer Shootout Ever With Scott Sterling (Original) – YouTube
Who’s got a go-to chili recipe that uses sirloin? I’ve got some petit sirloin cuts I want to use.
It feels really odd to be looking forward to a prime time NFC East game
All that table smashing and parking lot sex probably provides good cardio workouts to help Bills fans survive the heartattacks their team would otherwise cause
Was it the Bills Mafia or the Lions where the ass eating took place? I am all for gorging at a tailgate but those are just empty calories.
ANOTHER banner
When it comes to eating ass has to be Lions
/unless German style
Every damn game at halftime??? That is brutal.
I was going to say the exact same thing. STAGGERED START TIMES!
Is Scott Hanson exploding from Potential Energy Overload?
Dimes is so dumb under pressure.
You can shorten that sentence by the last 2 words and I don’t think anyone can argue with you
Do you think he might be a cousin of cousins?
This is an adequate fuzzy robe, but it doesn’t have a hood. I want my ears to be cozy too!
Moose would have so many funny pictures to post right now.
This could be you!
I could see Dok as Louise Belcher!
/is compliment
Louise is awesome. Thought they did a good job with the Bob’s Burgers movie
Think I have access to this on HBO. I am sooooooo pop culture behind
I saw it on Hulu
That movie ruled.
Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: Eli Apple just got beaten on a pass play.
The Verizon Half-Time Report blurb reminded me not to watch The Verizon Half-Time Report. Funny how that works.