Hello there fellow DFO’er. Hope you’re well today. And thanks for coming back to see last weeks comments of the week as decided by my brain. There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.
This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
Even if we don’t have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there [in bed].
Stephen Chbosky
as it’s getting cold here, I assume this means to move to the warm spots in bed.
So somehow this week I managed to go 3 for 3 in fantasy football. In my work league I started Aiyuk as a warm body and he went off for almost 25 points. Two of my coworks in the league rightfully made fun of me for it. How was you FF week?
As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.
Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.
Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.
Instant Hippo Thoughts- better than the games!
Gumbygirl
And Carolina finally took Rhule to a nice farm in the country.
SonOfSpam
Matt Rhule right now…
blaxabbath
Did Carr really think he was getting a PI call on the last play? The KC secondary could have gone full ‘Last Boy Scout’ on the Raiders receivers there and the refs would have swallowed the flags.
Horatio Cornblower
“Another CRUSHING loss for the Raiders…” — Joe Buck
That’s Rikki’s Raiders!
Dunstan
“That’s how you smash into a Carr”
-Britt Reid
clint greasewood
Just for my own knowledge, are these “two teams that just don’t like each other?”
LemonJello
Lamar Hunt never forgave Al Davis for mowing Hunt’s lawn.
Don T
Usually men appreciate a well-trimmed hunt.
(touches earpierce)
Hang on, being told I misunderstood….
Dunstan
Thursday is Commies-Bears?
Guh, what filth.
SonOfSpam
I might watch playoff baseball for the first time in 5 years.
clint greasewood
Let’s not say things we don’t mean…
LemonJello
Josh Jacobs Jingle Heimer Smith
Spur
“That’s my name?” — Tua, seconds before being cleared by the Independent Neurologist
Dunstan
His name is my name too!”
-T. Green, eating a piece of Scotch tape
SonOfSpam
Never forget
2Pack
Blew a significant lead, were absolutely screwjobbed by penalties, yet still managed to keep the game within reach only to blow it by failing to execute on the final drive?
That’s My Raiders!
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Good to know RTD will be attested for abortion promotion if he ever steps foot in North Carolina.
blaxabbath
Promotion, eh?
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
I’m tired, later taters!
Gumbygirl
I think Sharky remembers the Kings winning at least one Cup…
ballsofsteelandfury
Sharkbait
I am saying this, for once, without a shred of hyperbole here:
As soon as I find out where Eugene Melnyk is buried, I will piss and shit copiously on his grave.
The Maestro
this has DFO road trip written all over it
Game Time Decision
The Maestro on the way to Melnyk’s grave (artist concept)
Sharkbait
They have taken the goose off the field. I am far more invested in what happened to the goose than I am the game.
/the fact that three people were able to walk up to and catch the goose does not bode well for it.
Horatio Cornblower
You’re saying I should tune in and take a gander?
Dunstan
Am I officially An Old now that a song from high school is used by a professional sports team for their ironic unofficial anthem?
If so, when can I start yelling at clouds?
WCS
Did anyone here sign up for Defector?
litre_cola
Yes, I figured with how the country is, it wouldn’t hurt to have options in case… oh, sorry, I thought you mean signed up to be a defector. My apologies.
Redshirt
Scotchdog Update:
She’s still dumb as a pile of rocks but she has a fractured pelvis. Surgery day is Sunday. The vet gave her so much Tramadol that she tried to run off into the woods as she tends to do. Luckily we were able to lure her back with a piece of prime rib that I didn’t post in the #foodporn channel in Slack.
scotchnaut
Tramadol? By God that’s the Hippo signal!
litre_cola
Good night!
Gumbygirl
Lol, Commies fans with a “sell the team” chant.
Col. Duke LaCross
Rel
A
Gation
blaxabbath
I haven’t seen such a hard time scoring since that time Christopher reeve went to that second story swinger’s bash
Brocky
THIS GUY BROCKY I CALL HIM THE INDIANAPOLIS COLTS BECAUSE HE’S GONNA END UP WITH AN EARNED YET INAPPROPRIATE BANNER
BrettFavresColonoscopy
Don T
I would like to apologize to Denver and Indianapolis for denigrating their footballing.
SonOfSpam
Mr. Ayo
six straight touchdownless quarters [on TNF]
prime gonna force people to go back to mom n pop stores to find real football
fleshwound_NPG
Today, when I was working at home, I actually had Wakezillette at school and Toddlerzilla at daycare, making Mrs. Zilla and I home alone for once. Did I stop working so I could absolutely rail Mrs. Zilla? You’re damn right I did.
Getting paid to have sex is pretty rad. I wonder if others have thought about doing this for a living.
Wakezilla
Redshirt
Clerk: Are you shipping any líquids or flammables?
Me: [aghast look]
Clerk: Just press “No”
Me: If you say so…
Don T
“As autumn approaches, British pub operators are now introducing a new service called “work from pub” (WFP)… A WFP customer who is a director at a security consultancy told The Guardian that “For 10 quid you get a bacon sandwich, a table with a plug for the day and free unlimited tea and coffee.” He refuted the idea that it’s challenging to focus in a pub, asserting that it’s simpler to concentrate there because there aren’t any distractions like “gardening, the fridge, and the cats.”
https://www.ndtv.com/offbeat/move-over-work-from-home-uk-bars-offer-working-from-pub-deals-3425100
BeefReeferLives
It took 5 years, but I now miss snow and get excited about cold. Just looked at the weather for Chicago while I’ll be there, saw high of 43F on Monday and thought ‘nice’
That’s actually chillier than normal for mid-October, might be a year where I can bust out my polar gear later in the winter
Doktor Zymm
Nothing is as cold right now as the Dodgers bats.
TheRevanchist
Someone doesn’t have an ex-wife
Mr. Ayo
How is it that we are not writing piece after piece featuring Herschel Walker as a kharacter?
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
I mean, you can’t really parody someone who’s already a caricature.
You’d almost have to go the other way and have him be a secret genius like I’M MARK DAVIS
Dunstan
Because he’s literally beyond parody at this point?
Sharkbait
This. Nothing I could come up with would top what he’s actually doing.
“OK, OK, I got it! So, Herschel comes out like he’s this big family man, and then his estranged gay son, who’s a TikTok personality or something, rips into him for abandoning and/or threatening that family in favor of his many other families, and then right when that’s breaking it turns out that not only has Herschel been paying for abortions he’s actually sent the women extra mo…He what? OH COME ON!!!!!”
Horatio Cornblower
“Tua has cleared all protocols, is still out because reasons.”
-R. Goodell
scotchnaut
/wifey and her sister are doing The Multiple Option Roulette game regarding watching wifey’s nephew, who is playing hockey this evening. Shall we run them down?
1.) wife drives nephew to arena, sister cooks supper for the other kids
2.) sister drives son to arena
3.) sister’s husband drives son to arena
4.) wife cooks supper for other niece and nephew
5.) sister calls her mother to see if she’s free to drive her grandson to arena
6.) Sister: “Maybe we should get takeout for the kids so I don’t have to cook?”
7.) Wifey: “The only place open is that Indian restaurant-niece doesn’t like Indian.”
8.) Sister: “Right, right.”
9.) Sister: “Mom called back-she’s busy.”
10.) Wifey: “I’ll bring your kids to arena.”
11.) Sister: “Are you sure? But I’d really like to see my son play his first game of the year right from the start.”
12.) Wifey: [calls me] Can you, um, drive sister and nephew to arena, come back to sister’s house, help me with supper, and then drive me and the niece and nephew to the arena?
13.) Me: “As I’ve said many, many times before-leave me out of this bullshit.”
14.) Wifey: [will not talk to me until at least noon tomorrow]
scotchnaut
There are currently three State Police troopers arresting a fat guy with no shirt that they look to have tackled in the field across from my house. Dude appears to be drunk.
Which one of you assholes was trying to find my house and didn’t call ahead?
Horatio Cornblower
/So wife and I went to get our booster shots (official count is at 5 but I got another one on the sly)
Nurse: “Ok, you’ll feel a prick. OMG, I HIT THE BONE! IT WENT RIGHT THROUGH THE MUSCLE. IT HURT, DIDN’T IT?”
Me: “I’m fine, it didn’t hurt.”
Nurse: “NO, YOU’RE HURTING! OMG, THIS IS THE WORST THING I’VE EVER DONE TO SOMEONE. I’M SO SORRY. [turns to another nurse] OMG, THAT’S NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE. [turns back to me] I’M SO SORRY! YOUR MUSCLES ARE SO BUTTERY, IT WENT STRAIGHT THROUGH TO THE BONE! [walks quickly away]
Me: [to wife sitting across from me, laughing] “Well, at least she didn’t make a scene.”
Wife: “‘Buttery muscles?’”
Me: “Oh Christ, you’re not going to forget that one ever, are you?”
Wife: “Nope.”
scotchnaut
“TAKE HIM! HE HAS BUTTERY MUSCLES!” – me, gesturing at scotchnaut on the day that cannibal Andy Reid menaces the DFO clubhouse
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
“You’ve heard of those self-basting turkeys, right? Plus, he’s been marinating in scotch for 30 years!”
-RTD, applying the coup de grace
scotchnaut
No way he makes this
Horatio Cornblower
-My friends, circa 1990, talking up the blonde that’s way out of my league
scotchnaut
Oh, yeah, go get her Butter Muscles, you got this!”
Horatio Cornblower
This sandwich is labeled as ‘spicy’, possibly because it has whole grain mustard. Oh Midwest, you are adorable when you aren’t being racist as shit
Doktor Zymm
Cris: “Haha, you ever know an NFL wife who didn’t win a battle with her husband?”
Tirico: (Don’t say Nicole Brown Simpson. Don’t say Nicole Brown Simpson)
Horatio Cornblower
Tirico: “Janay Rice?”
Redshirt
Caller on the Cardinals post game show refered to Kyler Murray as “Xbox Jr”
blaxabbath
So my trainer, who is also a friend, is both named Jalen and an Eagles fan. He has Jalen Hurts in a couple of leagues, and has the privilege of being able to name his teams “Losing to Jalen Hurts”
It’s so good
Doktor Zymm
Who is more excited:
Andy Reid watching a commercial for Arby’s, or
Rex Ryan watching the Uber Eats commercial where Sarah Silverman talks about selling pictures of her feet?
Dunstan
Unrelated, but holy shit I hate the company I work for
Doktor Zymm
You do work for a very hateable company though.
ballsofsteelandfury
Comcast, Exxon, Modesto?
Spur
Worse
Mr. Ayo
NRA, RNC, Disney?
Deeper…
Mr. Ayo
Blackstone, Walmart, Koch
Spur
Still not there…
Mr. Ayo
Fucking Facebook?
Spur
HAHAHA
Mr. Ayo
Shocked Dok, hasn’t stolen all our emails yet and setup Meta accounts on our behalf.
Spur
Regret to inform just because you don’t know, doesn’t mean it hasn’t happened.
Mr. Ayo
Fuck that, it might be HELPING
Doktor Zymm
Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
Stay busy and safe out there.
NOTE banner image from here
Thank you very much for including the Dok job discussion. I really enjoyed that.
Give the folks what they ask for
I streamed the game at my desk at work. Wrexham played sloppy. We need to get our team back healthy.
I have nothing against Wrexham, but they will never take the place of the Young Boys in my heart.
While those of you enjoy Playoff Baseball, I’d like to reiterate that MLB and owners can kiss the fattest, sweatiest part of my ass.
FUCKING CLEVELAND WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU HE WAS SAFE! CHALLENGE IT!
I used to bitch all the time about how the Yankees always seemed to be a beneficiary of blown calls. But the replay system should have put an end to that bullshit. Unless, you know, your replay guys are watching the FA Cup instead, apparently.
What you don’t realize is the Believeland guys never got the replays because Manfred needs the Yanks in the ALCS.
As much as I hate the Yankees, I’d MUCH rather see them in the World Series than the cheatin’ Asterisks.
No complaint there. Fuck those assholes.
I kinda wish Cleveland hadn’t changed their name so I could take more joy in seeing their franchise humiliated like this.
Making fun of traffic gargoyles isn’t as fun as making fun of racial stereotype.
🔛
When you’ve lost Jim Irsay what hope do you have?
“Yup.”
— both Jim I., IN and King H., NC as they open a medication bottle
and a PILLHEAD shall lead them
He then spent 25 minutes speaking to reporters about how contrary to public opinion, the Thin Lizzy album “Johnny the Fox” is actually superior to “Jailbreak”.
This Stanton-Judge combination just might make something of itself someday.
At least the denizens of Believeland won’t have to wait until the ninth or extras to have their souls torn out this time.
You get a yellow card! You get a yellow card! You get a yellow card!
Blythe would apparently have more fans at the game but their bus broke down and they’re stuck at a service station somewhere in Lanchastshire.
That’s it. There’s no joke here.
Horatio is in this picture
https://twitter.com/nhlleave/status/1582399180026580993
Nolo contendere on that one.
The Factory of Sadness is expanding and diversifying operations into other ventures.
Throw a fat one to Stanton, they said. What could go wrong, they said.
Chester FC have to be the Molesters, yeah?
Has anyone tried that “Wrexham Lager?”
Can’t get it in the US. I was looking it up this morning for possible Xmas gifts.
The sad part is that they are now available in Australia.
The German Cup is on tomorrow! Do we want to know what that Cup is full of? Absolutely not!
We just know there will only be 1
I distinctly heard the number “2”.
Though they may have been discussing the actual contents.
3-2 Blythe!
We’ve got a game on our hands, people
oh noes, we might can has shootout?
Wrexham need to get their shit together with a quickness.
Bunch of ffucking fanny fookin’ footballers, again?
3-0 Wrexham.
I have a feeling I won’t be watching the rest of this one.
I moved to the brilliant Trashbirds/Robins Hood nil-nil
Blythe has pulled one back, 3-1 now.
As much as everyone loves the Wrexham story when you’re used to Premier League skills this is not good Lesser Footy.
It’s like watching MLS, but without the fun Always Sunny back story.
Yeah, we are like 2 levels above “pub side” level (also referred to by the Brits as “Sunday league”)
Ollie Palmer is down.
That is not good.
He’s up.
That’s good.
No word on whether there was frogurt or sodium benzoate involved.
One of you Premier League nerds help me out here: There have to be 2 FA Cups, right? These teams can’t possibly compete with Premier or even Championship level teams for the FA Cup they compete for.
No, that’s the beauty of the FA cup. It’s EVERYONE!
But in ‘Welcome to Wrexham’ (now streaming on Hulu, in case you somehow miss those ads), they go to Wembley to play some lower level team for what I swear was the FA Cup Championship. Before that I had the same understanding that it was everyone after one cup.
Does it work like the lower levels have to play against each other to weed to lower seeds out, then when that’s done the bigger clubs get involved? Did Rob and Ryan lie to me?
Yeah, basically the upper level teams get byes:
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/FA_Cup
I was just reading that. Still not sure what Wrexham were doing at Wembley for that game, but maybe I’m mixing episodes up.
Wrexham were in the FA TROPHY, not the FA Cup. The trophy is for those in National league and below.
How gosh darn silly of me not to make that distinction.
Blythe Spartans are a part time in what looks to be relation position in the league below Wrexham.
This might get real ugly, real fast
2-0 Wrexham.
I get the sense Blythe Spartans may be overmatched here.
1-0 Wrexham.
Up the Turf!
The referee for today’s game is married to a woman who referees in the Premier League and top European competition.
So the guy isn’t even the best referee in his own house.
Wrexham in the FA Cup tournament at 3 PM EST on ESPN2.
Sharkbait, when he just absolutely gives up:
https://twitter.com/sonyashea3/status/1581845419797061632
I am this guy. 100%
I found an article on the girl. At the time she was a struggling actress and an actual bartender who got paid $2,000 to make 100 cocktails over a 2-day shoot for some now-defunct web-site. The whole thing was a shitshow and she knew it, but she was not in a position to say ‘no’ to $2,000.
I respect that.
WHEEZING with laughter at this guy. Holy shit!
I don’t see a problem with the ratios
You don’t think that’s too much ice?
and a dirty hand all over the ice
Pretty sure no germs survived the massive infusion of alcohol.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HX52ily9K-8
no reason, just in a good mood
That’s a great song! When I was a youngin’ , we totally butchered it in Catholic school district honors band. Terry Kath is probably still rolling in his grave! But it was waaaaaaay better than our shocking rendition of Thus Spake Zarathustra!
I had a couple of their albums… on 8 track…
OBTW… Plaid skirts and the whole Catholic school girl bit?
/asking for friends
I went to one of the only Catholic schools that didn’t have uniforms. But we did have nuns measuring our skirts, lol!
Me, 720 pages into reviewing 1,800 pages of medical records, being told the case will likely settle:
the settlement has a 3 in it, right? Right?
I’m sure it ends in .30
Just like Andy Samberg insisted his deal for Palm Springs ended with 69 cents
https://variety.com/2020/film/news/palm-springs-breaks-sundance-record-for-biggest-sale-ever-by-69-cents-1203483410/
It actually will.
brace
I won my fantasy matchup by almost sixty points, the stock market is up, and the Raiders didn’t lose! I wish every week could be like this!
That ‘Butter Muscles’ shot at Scotchy might be the meanest comment I’ve ever left and I have no regrets.
Mostly because he’s in Canada and I figure I can get a good running start.
scotchy is also on the IR with a bad knee, so you have a chnace at out running him now
I shared it with you good folks knowing it had to come back at me. That’s The DFO Guarantee.
that is taking one for the team. Well done buddy.
Don’t feel bad, Scotchy. I’m about 70% butter myself!
“You’re my favorite Gumbygirl; don’t tell the others”
-Jeffrey Dahmer
Went 3-0 this week in fantasy. However in the money league I’m in, I have to deal with Allen, Diggs, and Kupp on bye this week.
The gift that keeps on giving. Thank you GTD… That’s great hustle!
I know! I look forward to these every week,
Our own greatest hits