Wumbo Wednesday With Weaselo: This October in F*** You (ALCS Edition!)

Ah yes, the matchup that most people care about but also absolutely despise, those fuckers vs. those cheating fuckers. “Hooray!” said almost nobody outside of New York and Texas.

Considering it’s their third ALCS meeting in the last six years (and fourth playoff meeting in the last eight), I guess you can call each other their nemesis, if the old sea captain’s told me anything.

Though it’s hard to do that when one’s side’s won each matchup. I guess the Astros can be the sea captain for the first 50 minutes of that episode until Perry somehow inevitably, almost miraculously comes up with the answers, much to Hamilton Berger’s chagrin and/or amazement. Also, Park Avenue Beat.

Anyways, you can make the argument that until Jose Altuve and Alex Bregman retire, that the Astros have overtaken the Yankees for most hated team in MLB. I may be wrong, but the argument can be made. (You can argue about it with Horatio, since I’ll be at a rehearsal when this goes up.) On one hand, it’s the team people ironically call America’s Team due to the stereotype of Yankees/Cowboys/Lakers fans (again, argue about it with Horatio), and on the other, a team whose fans I’ve seen on social media actually have called themselves “America’s Team.” Yeah, as if any sizable chunk of Americans would throw their support behind a group that actively cheated their way to a victory that went unpunished after being caught, and continue to say they’ve done nothing wrong, and unleash whataboutisms towards their biggest critics! (Wait, fuck, let me do that again.)

Not only that, but there are dynasty questions. Oh yeah, because we talk so much about the Buffalo Bills dynasty. Dynasties mean championships. Probably including a repeat, but not necessarily. Golden State? They won a back-to-back in those four titles. Even Year (Baseball) Giants? It’s a little more of a debate because they won 3 in 5 years, but no back-to-back. 3 pennants in 5 years, but only one title. Not a championship dynasty. It’s in that great run, but I’d go no cigar. Yes, that includes the Braves’ ’90s run of only one title, even with the eleventy bajillion division titles. Divisional dynasties are more like dukedoms. So congratulations on a Western dukedom. I like it better when it’s Oakland-Seattle-Houston-Angels-Texas (and then the caps spell out ASSHAT).

Maybe this is a bit tame for now, but I have very little time to write this, and really that’s the line I’ve had. I’m pretty sure we’ll break yet another seal of the apocalypse if Dusty Baker were to actually win a championship.

Meanwhile on the road side, would it kill ya to actually get a hit off this pitching staff? What’d you guys hit in the 7 games, like .100? And two of them were the Judge walk-offs? First things first, actually have a lead while on defense and not give up a run or three in the 1st inning. Baby steps, here.

Okay. Fuck it, Alexa, play Tessa Thompson. (Also, Creed III, it’s happening even though we all wanted a Creed/Drago buried the hatchet movie following Viktor growing into his career. Or at least some of us did. Though wearing Russian trunks in the previous movie might have hurt a bit.)

What’s new(s)?

Who had Jim Irsay as the one telling Snyder that extortion means nothing and the latter should kindly get the fuck out? Though in fairness, we already know a chunk of the dirt on him through the years.

Meanwhile, JERRAH was the lone dissenter in the 31-1 vote regarding negotiations on Goodell’s contract, even going so far to tell Robert Kraft “Don’t fuck with me.”

Tua was apparently “laser focused” in his return to practice. WHY ARE YOU SHINING LASERS INTO HIS EYES DURING THE CONCUSSION YOU SAY HE DIDN’T HAVE?

Russell Wilson is day-to-day over his “hamstring injury.” Broncos Country, sure he’s not fried?

Meanwhile, Bengals LB Logan Wilson should only be out 2-5 weeks with a shoulder injury. Chargers K Dustin Hopkins on the other hand? 2-4 with a hamstring strain. Protect your femur, Dustin.

Ravens sign WR DeSean Jackson to practice squad.

Updates on the 26th civil lawsuit on Watson, where the plaintiff has added her name.

What’s for sportin’?

Baseball Semifinal Action
Low Commanders vs. Always Sunny (in progress) (SD vs. PHI, Phillies lead 1-0) (FOX/FS1)
Teams You Hate ALCS III (NYY vs. HOU, Game 1) (7:37, TBS)

Roundball Rock
Spike’s Ire vs. Grindhouse Grizz (NYK-MEM, 7:45, ESPN)
Luca and the Lucettes vs. Cliff Paul from State Farm (DAL-PHX, 10:05, ESPN)
Check local listings, there’s a bunch of games

Okay, have fun throwing things at your TV and commenting about what you throw! At some point (before filming of the new season ends) I’ll have the Beaties on a Thursday… I hope.