Don’t worry about Hippo’s Lesser burnout, Litre_Cola has questions for the class.  TAKE IT AWAY, eh?

Howdy! I have a few Q’s for the Prem thus far.

Shocked that the King’s Water Pistols are in 1st?

Litre : Thanks other Litre for the invite! Hell yes I am surprised they are in 1st. Swarthy Arteta has the young lads playing amazingly. Their schedule includes the team I don’t think is real this week, Robin Hoods, the derby against Chelski, then the Wolfys. They could be in 1st by the World Cup break. Didja see that happenin? No, no you did not.

Hippo: More “mildly surprised” as I had them in the Shempions places.  I enjoy watching a full project coming together, rather than “half-assed attempt for like 20 fixtures, then blowing it up to hire the most famous available manager and spend ALL TEH MONEYS.”

Balls: Not shocked. More pleasantly surprised. However, I do not think they will stay there long as Horatio touches himself WAY too much to have nice things. I’m sorry, Cecil! It’s not your fault!

Who do you think will be battling to stay up based on performance thus far?

Hippo: Forest and Leicester are legitimately dreadful and massively likely to go down.  Cherries, Wolves, Villans likely to scrap over the last relegation ticket – but don’t be surprised if Everton and/or Saints flirt with danger, too.  [UPDATE – I foolishly answered prior to Thursday’s fixtures – Leeds are in deep doo-doo, as well.]

Litre: Well I have to think the Robin Hoods are going down so that leaves 2 spots up. The Hippo and I have discussed this since before the season due to his fear of his beloved Bitter Blues going down. Normally this is where I would say that Mighty Whitey is in the mix, but at this point I think we will finally survive. I 100 percent think Wolfy is in deep trouble their search for a new manager is laughable. The last two who I think will be battling to stay up are Villa, and Leeds. Didja see that after Stevie G went to the Cottage on Thursday he got fired before he got back to Birmingham???? Pure deliciousness. The Whites play the Whites this weekend and if the Londoners win then the Yank manager at Leeds could see the same fate as Stevie. (I am still surprised that tight pants Frank still has his job at Goodison)

Balls: I stick with my original choices. I think Everton stays up no matter how fatalistic Hippo gets.

Changed your mind about the top 6? I include 6 because Euro trips are fun.

Hippo: I mean, West Ham probably ain’t gonna make it.  That was probably just wishful thinking, getting some non-traditional blood in the cut.

Litre: Let’s see, City, Water Pistols, Liverpool, Tottenham, Chelsea, and I think the Saudis will pip 6th. I wish my betting house had that for a bet. That leaves Men Untied out!

Balls: Nope! I don’t see anyone displacing them. Sun. East. That kind of thing.

Where will your beloved finish?

Hippo: 16th.  We just can’t fookin’ score any soccer points.

Litre: Why thank you for asking other Litre. This season has been amazing. So far beyond my expectations that I can’t believe it.

They said mItRo CaNt ScOrE iN tHe PrEm!?! Suck it, 8 goals.

Tim Ream is an old man and far past it. REEEEEEAAAAAAMMMMMM.

The Water Pistols sold us Leno the keeper for pennies and he has been unreal.

The Portuguese dudes that came onboard due to our suave Manager have been sublime.

Signing of Willian has been the biggest, and  happiest surprise for me. Guy still has it, he is like a Berbatov 2.0!

Mighty Whitey finishes 13th and it will be amazing to have 1 year of stability.

As always, suck it Tony Khan.

Balls: Barça will finish second in La Liga to Real Madrid who, and it pains me to say this, are the best team in the world. Toluca is in the Liga MX semifinals with a 2-1 lead on América after the home first leg. We’ll see how far they go. The Steelers will struggle to finish above 500, but they will.

Finally, Geelong WON THE PREMIERSHIP BABY!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!  I’m ordering my PREMIERSHIP bandanna for my wing wang this week.

Haaland is the real deal, that is all. Howevah! I see rumblings that he will not sign a long term deal and those crazy krauts Bayern want him. How long will he stay? 

Hippo: He will stay for as long as Pep stays.  Then fuck off to Madrid.  I’d guess that means through 2025 or 2026.

Litre: I think he will stay 2 years and then crave that sweet Munich money.

Balls: Dude, he just got there! However, I understand the question and he’ll stay as long as Pep is the coach. That’s why he chose City.

Will Ronaldo stay past January?

Hippo: Yes, only because there’s nowhere for him to go (and Men Untied won’t just straight fuck him off).  He’s basically Lesser Q-aaron/MRSA Dreamboat hybrid, at this point.

Litre: Oh he fucking gone. Suspended for the match this weekend due to his strop this week. The only logical place for him to go is Sporting Lisbon. This sucks as personally I am a fan of that club. First ever big match that I attended was in Lisboa. If it happens I will have to switch my Portuguese allegiances which is a shame after 22 years.

Balls: No fucking way. He got the classic bait and switch pulled on him. He’ll go to the Mexican league Dani Alves style if that means he gets the fuck out of Manchester.

Will Mbappe stay at PSG past January?

Hippo: I hadn’t heard the rumoUr that he was even considering a move.  Absolutely no way does Qatar let him go before they get bounced from Shempions League play.

Balls: Yes. Next summer is when PSG will get dismantled. I wouldn’t be surprised if all three are gone by August next year.

Litre: Oh there is a lot of slimy backdoor shit going on there. I reckon he will end up at Real as Benzema the Golden Booter is getting a wee bit long in the tooth. (Once seen repping a proper hockey club)

What do we have today?

Early game is The Robin Hoods v Liverpool. Hippo, have we ever discussed how great a manager Klopp is?

The next two are Everton hosting Palace, and City hosting Brighton. Most will be watching City take on the upstart Trashbirds but our Hippo will be enraged watching his bitter Blues.

Oooh the late game is Chels-USA v Men Untied sans Ronaldo! I will be watching this in between pumpkin carving with wee man. I hope Untied run them out of the stadium in Fulham without Ronnie.

On Sunday Villa plays the Bees, Mighty Whitey travels to Leeds, The Water Pistols take on an imaginary team, Wolfy plays Foxy Footy in a very important relegation battle and the afternoon is Spurs v the Saudis. The game at White Hart Lane is a perfect measuring stick for the Khashoggi murderers.

Back to your regular Hippo programming.

Now, for the JV fun….

Iowa (+29) at THEEEEE Ohio State (Noon, Fox)

Originally, I thought Team Cornpone was at home.  This will be a murder now, but Redshirt can enjoy the awkward boner.

SillyCuse (+13.5) at Clemson (Noon, ABC)

Hey, looky-loo, another potentially interesting tilt, if only the location were reversed.

Cincinnati (-3) at SMU (Noon, ESPN)

Don’t look now, but JV WKRP looks like they will be right back in the G5 “New Year’s Six” slot.  Provided they survive the trip to Dallas (with the most dignified of apologies to the Kennedys).

West By God Virginia (+7) at Texas Tech (3:00, FS1)

3-3 against 3-3 is a GREAT way to get ready for tomorrow’s NFL action.  Plus, you know.  Incest jokes!

Ole Miss (+1.5) at LSU (3:30, CBS)

I don’t remember the last time Hippo made it this deep into a preview before the SEC showed up.  But this is a mighty interesting tilt, if not the Game of the Century like last week’s.

UCLA (+6) at Oregon (3:30, Fox)

I hate Chip Kelly and hope he dies.  So much, that I will affirmatively root for Quack Attack.

Balls: Hippo, can you please show me on the doll where Chip Kelly touched you?