TGIF! So long, work week and so long to the Dangerwich. Cancel culture is coming for everything Charmslinger related. Careful out there Ciara! Let’s turn our attention to something more important, how to improve your working conditions.

Survival – Personal Edition

So you have an incompetent boss who constantly lashes out at everyone and never blames himself? Welcome to the party, pal! Instead of fighting, ingratiate yourself and avoid the just firing you so richly deserve for your shoddy work by following these steps:

• Arrive early to their meetings and sit as close as possible, ideally right next to them. Upon arrival, welcome them with a warm smile and shake their hand.
• Agree with any statement they make. From a simple “yes” to a “I couldn’t agree more” after their statement, but vary it up. Any assertion they make, answer with a declarative “obviously”. And not sarcastically!
• Whenever they are speaking, write down notes on what they’re saying. Obviously, this will be useless tripe that you’ll never reference on your own, but they don’t know that! Keep those notes around to reference when they’re around, to point out that they correctly said that very same thing this one time.
• When ordering lunch, get the same thing as your boss thereby reaffirming their fine dining choices.
• Laugh at their jokes. This doesn’t have to be over the top, and frankly shouldn’t be in a work environment. But it should be more than a sensible chuckle. Also, make absolutely sure it’s a joke and not their actual new hair-brained idea to fix the business.
• In any discussion or argument, take their side and take it upon yourself to silence the other side.
• During downtime, like around the water cooler, ask for advice on your current project. See if they have any suggestions on how to do your work better. Of course, this will end up being terrible advice that will only make your job more convoluted and difficult, but they’re not going to see how you made that sausage. Make sure to thank them later for their helpful guidance, but try not to be too specific lest it become policy for everyone.
• Throw around those compliments. End of a meeting? Great meeting! End of a project? Great job! End of the day? Productive day! Make sure to use their name to really drive the compliment home.

There! Now you’re basically a corporate lap dog. However, now your terrible boss isn’t going to bother you or make your life difficult. Quite the opposite! You’ll now have double the hours to spend here commenting. Good job!

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Survival – Species Edition

Time to put the sexy in Friday!

Enjoy the weekend, folks! Alright, now let’s get to what’s most important: Commenting and drinking!